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PH ! L I P K. DICK, 



In Pursuit of Valis: Selections from the Exegesis 
Clothbound: ISBN 0-88733-091-6 
Softcover: ISBN 0-88733-093-2 

Copyright © 1991 by The Estate of Philip K. Dick 
Cover art © 1991 by Ilene Meyer 
Preface copyright © 1991 by Lawrence Sutin. 

Afterword copyright © 1991 by Terence McKenna 
Introduction copyright © 1991 by Jay Kinney. 

“A PKD Chronology” is by Paul Williams 
A shorter version of the Introduction appeared as “The 
Mysterious Revelations of Philip K. Dick” in G?iosis Magazine, 
issue #1, Fall, 1985. (Gnosis Magazine, P.O. Box 14217, San 
Francisco, CA 94114.) 

An Underwood Miller book by arrangement with the 
authors and The Estate of Philip K. Dick. No part of this book 
may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or 
mechanical means including information storage and 
retrieval systems without explicit permission from the 
author or the author’s agent, except by a reviewer who may 
quote brief passages. For information address the publisher: 
Underwood-Miller, 708 Westover Drive, Lancaster, PA 17601. 

For information about the Philip K. Dick Society, write to: 

PKDS, Box 611, Glen Ellen, CA 95442. 

Book design by Underwood-Miller 
Softcover type designed by Daniel Will-Harris 
Printed in the United States of America 
All Rights Reserved 

Library of Congress Catalog Number 89-20532 


Preface by Lawrence Sutin.vii 

Introduction by Jay Kinney.xvii 

A PKD Chronology.xxxiii 

One: Direct Accounts of Personal Experience . 1 

Two: Iheoretical Explanations . 63 

Three: On His Writing Techniques 

and the Creative Quest for Truth .131 

Four: Interpretations of His Own Works .165 

Five: Plot Outlines and Explorations 

for Works-in-Progress .205 

Six: Political and Ecological Concerns .233 

Seven: Tivo Self-Examinations .241 

Eight: Three Closing Parables .249 

Afterword by Terence McKenna.253 

Titles .263 


Index .273 



of Philip k. Dick 

The Exegesis of Philip K. Dick has too long remained a terra 
incognita. As a practical matter, that is hardly surprising: 
The unpublished form of the Exegesis consists of over eight 
thousand pages without a unifying numbered sequence, 
most of which are handwritten in a scrawling script, and 
all of which were arbitrarily sorted into ninety-one manila 
folders following Dick’s death in 1982. Thus, while the 
1980s saw the posthumous first publication of numerous 
Dick mainstream novels of the 1950s, the Exegesis 
remained out of view as an archival nightmare. But one 
with a curiously legendary status. 

For readers of Dick’s work had already encountered 
mention of an “exegesis” in VALIS (1981)—a brilliant novel 
on the impossible quest for mystical truth in the pop-trash 
wonderland of modern-day America. In VALIS, we are told 
of a journal kept by fictional character Horselover Fat, the 
alter ego of fictional character Phil Dick. Horselover Fat 
has gone through an intense mystical experience a/k/a 
direct encounter with higher wisdom, one that has trans¬ 
formed his life and caused many to question his sanity. 




Horselover Fat can barely make sense of it himself, and at 
times he is tormented by the thought that it was a delu¬ 
sion—or even an outright breakdown. Hence his pressing 
need to keep a journal, to make a record of his theories, 
his doubts, his joys, and his fears. As fictional character 
Phil Dick explains: 

The term “journal” is mine, not Fat’s. His 
term was “exegesis,” a theological term mean¬ 
ing a piece of writing that explains or interprets 
a portion of scripture. Fat believed that the 
information fired at him and progressively 
crammed into his head in successive waves had 
a holy origin and hence should be regarded as a 
form of scripture [....] 

VALIS is an indispensable introduction to the world of 
the Exegesis; readers of the present volume would benefit 
greatly—and most likely derive considerable pleasure— 
from a prior study of it. The first eight chapters of VALIS, 
which are largely autobiographical, portray the central 
events of February-March 1974—“2-3-74” in Dick’s stan¬ 
dard shorthand form—and the year that followed. These 
events cannot be easily summarized, consisting as they do 
of a tumultuous stream of visions, hypnagogic voices, 
dreams, and altered states of consciousness. Readers may 
consult chapter ten of my biography, DIVINE INVASIONS: 
A LIFE OF PHILIP K. DICK (1989), in which these events are 
placed in an orderly chronological sequence by way of 
letters, interviews, and quotations from VALIS and from 
the Exegesis. 

On March 21, 1975, Dick wrote a vivid and concise 
account of the visions that had enthralled him one year 
earlier. Its fervent tone indicates just why Horselover 
Fat—and the real-life Philip K. Dick—felt that the term 
“exegesis” was justified as a title for his journal specu¬ 



I speak of The Restorer of What Was Lost 
The Mender of What Was Broken 

March 16, 1974: It appeared—in vivid fire, 
with shining colors and balanced patterns— 
and released me from every thrall, inner and 

March 18, 1974: It, from inside me, looked 
out and saw the world did not compute, that I— 
and it—had been lied to. It denied the reality, 
and power, and authenticity of the world, say¬ 
ing, “This cannot exist; it cannot exist.” 

March 20, 1974: It seized me entirely, lift¬ 
ing me from the limitations of the space-time 
matrix; it mastered me as, at the same instant, 

I knew that the world around me was card¬ 
board, a fake. Through its power I saw sud¬ 
denly the universe as it was; through its power 
of perception I saw what really existed, and 
through its power of no-thought decision, I 
acted to free myself. It took on in battle, as a 
champion of all human spirits in thrall, every 
evil, every Iron Imprisoning thing. 

March 20 until late July, 1974: It received 
signals and knew how to give ceaseless battle, 
to defeat the tyranny which had entered by 
slow degrees our free world, our pure world; it 
fought and destroyed tirelessly each and every 
one of them, and saw them all clearly, with dis¬ 
like; its love was for justice and truth beyond 
everything else. 

August 1974 on: It waned, but only as the 
adversary in all its forms waned and perished. 
When it left me, it left me as a free person, a 
physically and mentally healed person who 
had seen reality suddenly, in a flash, at the 
moment of greatest peril and pain and despair; 
it had loaned me its power and it had set right 
what had by degrees become wrong over God 
knows how long. It came just prior to the ver¬ 
nal equinox or at it. The Jews call it Elijah; the 
Christians call it the Holy Spirit. The Greeks 



called it Dionysus-Zagreus. It thought, in my 
dreams, mostly in Greek, referring to Elijah in 
the Greek form: Elias. Gradually its fierceness 
turned to a gentle quality and it seemed like 
Jesus, but it was still Zagreus, still the god of 
springtime. Finally it became the god of mirth 
and joy and music, perhaps a mere man, 

Orpheus, and after that, a punning, funning 
mortal, Erasmus. But underneath, whenever it 
might be necessary again, Zeus himself, Ela or 
Eloim, the Creator and Advocate, is there; he 
never dies: he only slumbers and listens. The 
lamb of Jesus is also the tyger which Blake 
described; it, which came to me and to our 
republic, contains both, is both. It—he—has no 
name, neither god nor force, man nor entity; 

He is everywhere and everything; He is outside 
us and inside us. He is, above all, the friend of 
the weak and the foe of the Lie. He is the Aton, 

He is The Friend. —PKD March 21, 1975 

As both VALIS and the Exegesis indicate, Dick was very 
much aware that these events would inspire skepticism, 
and even scorn, in many persons. Whether or not one is 
prepared to grant them the authentic status of a genuine 
mystical vision, or prefers instead to diagnose them as the 
byproducts of psychosis or other mental abnormality 
(Dick himself took both positions in the Exegesis, though 
the former view clearly predominated), this much is cer¬ 
tain: they transformed Dick’s life, spurred him to eight 
years of devoted labor on the Exegesis, and became the 
central subject matter of his final novels: VALIS (1981), THE 
TIMOTHY ARCHER (1982), termed collectively by Dick as 
the “VALIS trilogy”. 

The very nature of this subject matter—which probes 
so incessantly at the essence of reality and the prospects 
for divine intervention in the world—is singularly offputt- 
ing to a good number of modern day readers. After all, 
“metaphysical” has become, in common parlance, synon¬ 
ymous with “futile” and “imponderable”. For such read¬ 
ers, who are likely to recoil instinctively from the more 



abstract portions of the Exegesis, it may be salutary to 
recall that a skilled metaphysician (which Dick certainly 
was) can provide quite exact and useful delineations of 
experience. As Ezra Pound observed of the scholastics of 
the middle ages: “a medieval theologian took care not to 
define adogin terms that would have applied just as well 
to a dog’s tooth or its hide, or the noise it makes lapping 
water.” Dick was passionately concerned with metaphys¬ 
ical issues; he handled the theories and terminologies of 
the great philosophical systems with the same loving care 
as a craftsman might give to his favorite tools. As a result, 
Dick’s analyses frequently cast light on the dilemmas of 
absolute knowledge and ultimate being: the light cast is 
the presentation of multifold possibilities where once 
stood only “official” reality. It would be a pity if a reader 
were to conclude that Dick was “crazy” because he ques¬ 
tioned so much and so frequently. After all, Dick never 
pretended that he had found The Truth (or not for very 
long, at any rate). Readers who refuse to worry over 
whether or not the Exegesis persuades them on any par¬ 
ticular points may find that it illuminates any number of 
prospective paths for further exploration. 

It is my hope that the selections included in this 
volume will establish that the Exegesis deserves recogni¬ 
tion as a major work in the Dick canon. But it must also 
be conceded that the Exegesis is a sprawling, disconnected 
journal—part philosophical analysis, part personal diary, 
part work-in-progress notebook for the final novels—that 
was produced in the course of lengthy nighttime writing 
sessions over a period of eight years. There is no evidence 
that Dick ever intended it for publication either in his 
lifetime or on a posthumous basis. The very fact that the 
bulk of the entries were handwritten rather than typed 
indicates the “workshop” nature of the Exegesis, for Dick 
was a gifted high-speed typist who composed his novels 
and stories directly on the typewriter. The Tractates 
Cryptica Scriptura that forms the closing “Appendix” of 
VALIS, and is described therein as excerpts from the “exe¬ 
gesis” of Horselover Fat, was written by Dick especially for 



VALIS. While the Tractates does recapitulate a number of 
prominent theories posed in the real-life Exegesis, it is a 
separate work—polished distillations intended to fit 
within the framework of the novel—and not a genuine 
selection of quotations from the Exegesis itself. 

It is instructive to note certain key distinctions 
between the Exegesis and Dick’s published fictional 
works. Dick himself stated that his fiction addressed two 
major questions—What is real? and, What is human? The 
former question is clearly the guiding enigma of the Exe¬ 
gesis. That is not to say that the latter question was not 
equally important to Dick, but rather that it did not puzzle 
him nearly so greatly. As Dick wrote of his story “Human 
Is” (1955), in his “Afterthoughts by the Author” to THE 
BEST OF PHILIP K. DICK (1977) story collection, “I have not 
really changed my view since I wrote this story, back in 
the fifties. It’s not what you look like, or what planet you 
were born on. It’s how kind you are.” As to what was real, 
Dick changed his mind far more frequently, as the Exege¬ 
sis amply testifies. 

Further, the Exegesis shows little of the wild, dark 
humor that is a hallmark of Dick’s novels and stories. In 
VALIS, the spiritual peregrinations and frustrations of 
Horselover Fat are presented in the artful pratfall tradition 
of the picaresque; but the Exegesis seeks not laughable 
ironies but rather ultimate truth. The selections in this 
volume confirm that Dick genuinely believed that, by 
sufficient pondering and analysis, the truth of 2-3-74, and 
of reality itself, might just be revealed to him. Despite the 
vivid experiential nature of 2-3-74, Dick kept faith in intel¬ 
lectual analysis—and not in further experience a la medi¬ 
tation or an attempted recreation of the factors that led to 
2-3-74—as the key to truth. This analytical mode of writing 
seldom cracked a smile, although its sheer frankness and 
sense of wonder often makes for fascinating reading. 

Happily, the Exegesis is well served by judicious selec¬ 
tion and excerpting. The reader is enabled to follow of 
Dick’s speculative flights on 2-3-74, the ongoing events of 
his life, and the nature and meaning of his own fictional 



works, while being spared the repetitions and digressions 
that naturally accompanied a journal labor of such dura¬ 
tion. It should be reemphasized that Dick worked on the 
Exegesis primarily in the dead of the night. This was his 
preferred time for all of his writing activity, but in the case 
of the Exegesis he was not writing for editors and readers, 
and hence he drove himself to the end limits of all of his 
speculations without even a wayward Phildickian science- 
fiction plot to confine him. Certain of the Exegesis entries 
were written under the influence of marijuana, but for the 
most part Dick was “straight” during the 1974-82 period 
in which the Exegesis was written. 

The basic principle that guided me in making the 
selections for this volume was to seek out the most intri¬ 
guing and stimulating portions of the Exegesis. I did not 
seek to provide a representative sampling of all topics 
discussed therein, for the simple reason that certain top¬ 
ics—for example, the meaning of the March 20, 1974 
“Xerox missive”—inspired, in my view, much heat but 
rather little light. Speculations on the “Xerox missive”—a 
xeroxed letter addressed to Dick that he felt might be a 
test of his political sympathies posed by U.S. or Soviet 
authorities—take up quite a number of pages in the Exe¬ 
gesis. The subject is discussed at some length in my 
biography of Dick, for the simple reason that it has 
biographical significance. But the aim of the present 
volume is to present writings of literary, philosophical, 
and spiritual significance. Nonetheless, it may be safely 
said that the principle theories and ideas of the Exegesis 
are well represented herein. 

Another factor that entered into the selection process 
was the ongoing commitment by the publisher, Under¬ 
wood-Miller, to produce a multi-volume set of Dick’s col¬ 
lected letters. Dick included, within his Exegesis papers, 
copies of a number of his letters that discussed in some 
detail the events of 2-3-74 and after. As these letters will be 
published separately, they are not included in the present 

Let me conclude with some brief remarks on the 



individual chapters. I recognize that the eight chapters 
constitute something of a rough and ready division of 
subject matter, and that a given excerpt might arguably 
fit in more than one chapter. What I regarded as the 
central topic of the excerpt governed my choice of chap¬ 
ter placement. 

Chapter One is devoted to experiential accounts. Read¬ 
ers will note that, for Dick, the line between recollection 
of experience and analysis of its ultimate meaning is, most 
often, very thin. 

Chapter Two contains theoretical explanations largely 
of a philosophical or theological nature. Readers may be 
interested to learn that the philosophical and theological 
aspects of Dick’s writing—as evidenced particularly in 
VALIS—have already begun to earn serious attention in 
both scholarly and esoteric circles. See, for example, the 
discussion of VALIS and THE DIVINE INVASION in 
“Afterword: The Modern Relevance of Gnosticism,” in 
Robinson (Harper & Row, San Francisco) (1988) (ironi¬ 
cally, Dick quoted from the 1977 edition of this work in 
VALIS), and the entries for “Homoplasmate,” “Plasmate,” 
and “VALIS” in E. E. Rehmus, THE MAGICIAN’S DICTIO¬ 
NARY (Feral House, San Francisco) (1990). 

Chapter Three will be of especial interest to readers of 
Dick’s fiction, as it contains quite luminous accounts of 
his writing methods and preoccupations. 

Chapter Four focuses on Dick’s interpretations of his 
own fictional works. Note that the mainstream novels of 
the 1950s and early 1960s (with the exception of CONFES¬ 
SIONS OF ACRAPARTIST, written in 1959) receive virtually 
no attention in the Exegesis. As for his science-fiction 
works, Dick turned to them in the hopes of seeing some 
relation between their content and that of the events of 
2-3-74 and after. It is striking that Dick was capable of 
reading his works—and being surprised by them—quite as 
if they had been written by someone else. 

Chapter Five consists of plot notes and outlines for 
novelistic works-in-progress during the period 1974-81. It 



will be obvious to readers of the ultimate published works 
that the notes and outlines were highly provisional view¬ 
points on the plots and characters to come. 

Chapter Six casts light on Dick’s political and ecologi¬ 
cal concerns, as influenced by the events of 2-3-74 and 

Chapter Seven consists of two self-examinations, one 
rather intensive, one rather brief. The former demon¬ 
strates (as does the novel VALIS) that Dick could be as 
critical of his own beliefs and preoccupations as the most 
skeptical reader. The latter is intended to underscore what 
should be evident from the whole of this volume: there is 
no fixed dogma or belief system set forth in the Exegesis. 

Chapter Eight closes with three rather lovely parables. 

Datings of the excerpts are by myself, based on inter¬ 
nal textual evidence. All editorial emendations and inter¬ 
polations of the text are bracketed and in italics. While 
obvious spelling errors have been corrected without indi¬ 
cation, Dick’s occasional stylistic inconsistencies as to cap¬ 
italization and the like have been preserved. 

May the reader enjoy these writings of Philip K. Dick- 
brought to light at long last! 

Lawrence Sutin 
June 1991 



iHe Mystical Dilemma 
of Philip K. Dick 

In February 1974, Philip K. Dick, author of over forty 
published books of science fiction marked by the recurring 
themes of paranoia and shifting reality, had an encounter 
with God. Things hadn’t been going well for Dick. He had 
been struggling with writer’s block for the last few years, 
he was worried that the IRS was going to come down on 
him for withholding taxes in protest against the Vietnam 
War, and the hand-to-mouth existence of a pulp writer he’d 
been living for over 20 years was hanging heavily on his 
mind. To make matters worse, Dick had just had two 
impacted wisdom teeth pulled and was in intense pain. 
Consequently, cosmic revelations were the last thing on 
Dick’s mind when the door bell rang at his modest apart¬ 
ment in Fullerton, California. His oral surgeon had phoned 
in a prescription for pain medication to a nearby phar¬ 
macy, and Dick was counting the minutes until the deliv¬ 
ery person arrived. 1 When he opened his front door he 




found himself face to face with a young woman wearing a 
gleaming gold fish necklace. 

As Dick recounted it: 

For some reason I was hypnotized by the 
gleaming golden fish; I forgot my pain, forgot 
the medication, forgot why the girl was there. I 
just kept staring at the fish sign. 

“What does that mean?” I asked her. 

The girl touched the glimmering golden 
fish with her hand and said, “This is a sign 
worn by the early Christians.” She then gave 
me the package of medication. 

In that instant, as I stared at the gleaming 
fish sign and heard her words, I suddenly expe¬ 
rienced what I later learned is called anamne¬ 
sis—& Greek word meaning, literally, “loss of 
forgetfulness.” I remembered who I was and 
where I was. In an instant, in the twinkling of 
an eye, it all came back to me. And not only 
could I remember it but I could see it. The girl 
was a secret Christian and so was I. We lived in 
fear of detection by the Romans. We had to 
communicate in cryptic signs. She had just 
told me all this, and it was true. 2 

This surprising revelation, fired directly at his head, 
temporarily blinded him. He experienced an “invasion of 
my mind by a transcendentally rational mind, as if I had 
been insane all my life and suddenly had become sane.” 3 

Like St. Paul on the road to Damascus, Dick’s experi¬ 
ence radically reshaped the rest of his life. The last three 
novels he wrote before his untimely death in early 1982 
OF TIMOTHY ARCHER) were all attempts to process this 
confounding experience—and predictably they leave the 
reader with more questions than answers. 

In March 1974, following the Golden Fish episode, 
Dick experienced numerous other phenomena, which he 
interpreted as contacts with a higher wisdom. These 
included hypnagogic visions, auditions, tutelary dreams, 



and—perhaps best known—a beam of pink light that 
imparted striking effects: 

It invaded my mind and assumed control 
of my motor centers and did my acting and 
thinking for me. I was a spectator to it. It set 
about healing me physically and my four-year 
old boy, who had an undiagnosed life-threaten¬ 
ing birth defect that no one had been aware of. 

This mind, whose identity was totally obscure 
to me, was equipped with tremendous techni¬ 
cal knowledge. It had memories dating back 
over two thousand years, it spoke Greek, 

Hebrew, Sanskrit, there wasn’t anything that it 
didn’t seem to know. 

It immediately set about putting my affairs 
in order. It fired my agent and my publisher. It 
remargined my typewriter.... My wife was 
impressed by the fact that, because of the tre¬ 
mendous pressure this mind put on people in 
my business, I made quite a lot of money very 
rapidly. We began to get checks for thousands 
of dollars—money that was owed me, which 
the mind was conscious existed in New York 
but had never been coughed up ... 

(And perhaps most important of all,) 

... it also said it would stay on as my tute¬ 
lary spirit. 4 

This mind, which Dick came to nickname VALIS (for 
Vast Active Living Intelligence System), resided in Dick’s 
consciousness for approximately a year before shifting to 
more sporadic contact. In March, 1974, less than a month 
after the initial psychic invasion, Dick was listening to his 
FM radio one night when hostile messages urging him to 
die began to pour from the speaker. 5 Shortly thereafter he 
was treated to an eight-hour all-night vision of thousands 
of colored graphics resembling “the nonobjective paint¬ 
ings of Kandinsky and Klee”—one image after another in 
rapid succession. 6 On other nights, Dick’s tutelary spirit— 
who sometimes seemed to be a second-century Christian 
named Thomas, and at other times an ancient Greek sibyl 
or the Holy Spirit itself, as well as the more impersonal 



VALIS—would utter short cryptic phrases to Dick as he lay 
in hypnogogic revery prior to falling asleep. Once he was 
asleep Dick would often have vivid symbolic dreams 
which he would later use, along with the cryptic phrases, 
in developing the philosophical and theological theories 
that began to preoccupy his time. 

Readers of Dick’s fiction first became aware of these 
preoccupations when his novel VALIS was published in 
1981. This semi-fictional novel was built around these 
experiences and featured a 13-page appendix titled “Trac¬ 
tates Cryptica Scriptura,” which contained polished ver¬ 
sions of many of Dick’s epiphanies, as well as a condensed 
version of Dick’s VALIS-inspired cosmology, presented in 
a numbered, scriptural vein. 7 

Dick’s main compendium of his theories, epipha¬ 
nies, and cosmologies was a seemingly endless private 
journal that he referred to as his Exegesis. After the 
fish-sign experience, he spent the next seven years writ¬ 
ing nightly in this journal, which grew to over two 
million hand- and typewritten words. In VALIS, Dick 
ironically said of the journal, “I suppose that all the 
secrets of the universe lay in it somewhere amid the 
rubble.” 8 Since Dick’s death in 1982, the Exegesis has 
been understandably the object of much curiosity 
among his fans. The present volume, culled from the 
over 8000 pages that make up the Exegesis, should go a 
long way towards satisfying that curiosity. 

The Exegesis is in many ways a marvelous work, an 
extended expedition through the marshy wetlands of mys¬ 
tical theology and philosophy guided only by the overac¬ 
tive imagination of one of science fiction’s most gifted 
authors. Yet, because it was not written with publication 
in mind, the Exegesis dives right into the thick of things 
with little or no explanation or context. The following is 
offered in the hope of providing that context. 

Dick’s Mysticism 

Perhaps the most baffling question facing both Dick 



and his readers is that of the nature of his Febru¬ 
ary/March 1974 experiences. Revelations from God, or 
tutelary spirits for that matter, are nothing new under 
the sun. The Old Testament abounds with them and the 
New Testament closes with the apocalyptic “Revelation 
of St. John,” a richly symbolic vision of the end of the 
world. In Elizabethan times, John Dee, assisted by 
Edward Kelley, was certain he had conjured up and 
received messages from angels in a strange language 
called Enochian. In 1904, Aleister Crowley was contacted 
by an invisible entity named Aiwass, who dictated to him 
The Book of the Law, a dramatic announcement of the 
arrival of a new era—the Aeon of Horus. More recently, 
the advent of LSD has generated further claims of contact 
with Higher Intelligence, including Timothy Leary’s 
“Starseed” messages about the cosmic significance of the 
fizzled Comet Kohoutek, and John Lilly’s acid and Ketam¬ 
ine-induced contacts with aliens and his stolen glimpses 
of a nefarious “solid-state conspiracy” operating on a 
trans-galactic plane. 9 

While these cases of revelation are fascinating, they 
fall outside the focus of this introduction. Rather, I’d like 
to draw attention to another twentieth-century religious 
vision with remarkable parallels to Dick’s, the little- 
known Septem Sermones ad Mortuos (Seven Sermons to the 
Dead), written down in a three-day period in 1916 by the 
Swiss psychologist C. G. Jung. This pamphlet-length work 
of scripture-like prose forced itself upon Jung during an 
extended period of ennui and inner searching. In Jung’s 
case there were no sci-fi trappings such as pink laser 
beams, but instead a weekend of restlessness and an omi¬ 
nous atmosphere in his home marked by his children 
having anxious dreams and sighting a ghost. 

As Jung recounts it in MEMORIES, DREAMS AND 

Around five o’clock in the afternoon on 
Sunday the front door bell began ringing franti¬ 
cally. It was a bright summer day; the two 



maids were in the kitchen, from which the 
open square outside the front door could be 
seen. Everyone immediately looked to see who 
was there, but there was no one in sight. I was 
sitting near the doorbell, and not only heard it 
but saw it moving. We all simply stared at one 
another. The atmosphere was thick, believe 
me! Then I knew that something had to hap¬ 
pen. The whole house was filled as if there 
were a crowd present, crammed full of spirits. 

They were packed deep right up to the door, 
and the air was so thick it was scarcely possible 
to breathe. As for myself, I was all a-quiver 
with the question: “For God’s sake, what in the 
world is this?” Then they cried out in chorus, 

“We have come back from Jerusalem where we 
found not what we sought.” That is the begin¬ 
ning of the Septem Sermones ... 

Then it began to flow out of me, and in the 
course of three evenings the thing was written. 

As soon as I took up the pen, the whole ghostly 
assemblage evaporated. The room quieted and 
the atmosphere cleared. The haunting was 
over. 10 

When privately published by Jung, the Seven Ser¬ 
mons were pseudonymously credited as “written by 
Basilides in Alexandria, the City where the East toucheth 
the West.” 11 Basilides was a Christian Gnostic of the sec¬ 
ond century, and in crediting Basilides with the booklet’s 
authorship Jung was underscoring the gnostic nature of 
the Seven Sermons. As the reader will soon discover, Dick 
also looked to the early Gnostics for guidance and inspira¬ 
tion in explicating his mystical experiences. 

“Gnosis” is a Greek word for “knowledge,” and usu¬ 
ally refers to a spiritual knowledge or intuitive inner 
knowing, in contrast to the prevalent rational, intellec¬ 
tual knowledge. Prior to their denunciation as heretics, 
and virtual elimination by the orthodox Christians in the 
third and fourth centuries, the early Christian Gnostics 
represented a vital pluralistic strain in the burgeoning 
young religion. In the multiplicity of influences which 
various Gnostics incorporated into their own systems 



(including influences from the ancient mystery schools, 
Hermeticism, Persian religions, and the Far East), there 
lay valuable spiritual and psychological insights which 
have been largely lost to the West. However the discovery 
of the cache of ancient Coptic scrolls known as the Nag 
Hammadi Library, in Upper Egypt in 1945, has recently 
changed all that with a treasure trove of direct sources of 
Gnostic scriptures. 

Gnosticism emphasized the preeminence of an indi¬ 
vidual experience of the divine over mere belief in dogmas 
about the divine passed down from theologians or church 
authorities. The struggle for this experience (or gnosis), 
which ultimately involves a kind of “letting go,” is often 
characterized by Gnostics as a struggle to penetrate 
behind the world of appearances to a greater spiritual 
reality underneath. Dick believed that the pink beam 
granted him this “loss of forgetfulness” and he spent the 
following eight years trying to develop a coherent exposi¬ 
tion of the new reality in which he lived. Jung’s Seven 
Sermons similarly formed the emotional and philosophi¬ 
cal anchor for all of Jung’s subsequent psychological work. 
Dick and Jung both came to see in the Gnostic scriptures 
evidence of world views similar to those brought forth in 
their own respective trance-visions. 


However, there is another less flattering inter¬ 
pretation of their experiences which deserves examina¬ 
tion, which Phil Dick himself considered, and that is the 
glaring fact that—especially in Dick’s case—the episodes 
bear more than a strong resemblance to the onset of acute 
schizophrenia. In his book on schizophrenia and religious 
psychologist Anton Boisen describes the case history of a 
patient, Albert W., whose psychosis was marked by phe¬ 
nomena strikingly similar to Dick’s. 

Albert W.’s disturbance began with the 



idea that something strange was going on. He 
felt himself in possession of a power that he 
did not have before and he began to have a 
‘flood of mental pictures as though an album 
within were unfolding itself.’ Then came the 
dark woman in a vision, whom he took to be 
supernatural ... 

The second step which we observed in the 
development of Albert’s psychosis was an 
acute sense of peril. He thought he was going 
to die. Then he saw things in a new light and 
he thought the ‘dawn of creation’ had come. 

He was living in a different world. Then it 
came to him that he had lived before this pres¬ 
ent life and that he was a much more import¬ 
ant person than he had ever dreamed. In a 
previous existence he had been Jonah. He had 
also been Christ. Most of the time he had been 
St. Augustine. It came to him that there was a 
great ‘I and You contest’ going on, a struggle 
for supremacy on the part of certain groups, 
though in relation to this struggle it was not 
clear where he stood. 1 

Like Albert W., Dick sensed that he was in the middle 
of a titanic battle, in this case one that could be character¬ 
ized as between the Lord of Light and the Master of the 
Lie. Dick researched the historical precedents for this 
dualistic world view in Zoroastrian and Gnostic cosmolo¬ 
gies, hypothesizing at one point that possibly Ahura 

■i -r 

Mazda was dictating his revelations to him. Dick was 
well aware of the ironic fact that in the final stages of his 
syphilitic madness, Nietzsche similarly came to believe 
that Zarathustra (Zoroaster) was speaking through him, 
and Dick even joked: “I had planned to call my next book, 
THUS SPOKE ZOROASTER, but I guess I had better not.” 14 

In his discussion of Albert W., Boisen notes the paral¬ 
lels between his patient and George Fox, the visionary 
founder of the Quakers, and ultimately concludes that 
“there is no line of demarcation between valid religious 
experiences and the abnormal conditions and phenom¬ 
ena which to the alienist are evidences of insanity.” For 
Boisen, what ultimately distinguishes madness from mys- 



ticism is the direction the affected individual’s life takes. 
For the insane, the experience leads to further disintegra¬ 
tion; for the mystic, it leads to unification and healing. 15 

Julian Silverman of the National Institute of Mental 
Health makes a similar observation in his discussion of 
the parallels between shamans and acute schizophrenics. 
Personal crises of damaged self-image mark the onset of 
both the Shaman’s initiation and the schizophrenic’s 

What follows then is the eruption into the 
field of attention of a flood of archaic imagery 
... Ideas surge through with peculiar vividness 
as though from an outside source. The fact that 
they are entirely different from anything pre¬ 
viously experienced lends support to the 
assumption that they have come from the 
realm of the supernatural. One feels oneself to 
be dwelling among the mysterious and the 
uncanny. Ideas of world catastrophe, of cosmic 
importance and of mission abound. Words, 
thoughts and dreams [author’s emphasis] can 
easily be seen to reside in external objects. 16 

Significantly, the mental and emotional changes that 
the shaman undergoes in answering “the call” to his 
profession and survivinghis journey into chaos are valued 
by his community; nearly identical changes experienced 
by those deemed mad in modern civilization are consid¬ 
ered invalid and become sources of shame. 

From this perspective, Jung—part mystic, part sha¬ 
man—succeeded in integrating his unusual experience 
into his life’s work. Dick attempted the same, and ulti¬ 
mately succeeded but at the cost of spending several years 
almost entirely focused on the task. This is not unusual. 
The famous German mystic, Jakob Boehme, experienced 
a mystical revelation in 1600 through seeing sunlight 
reflected in a pewter dish and reportedly spent the next 
ten years in a concerted effort to delineate his realizations. 

Duringhis post pink beam period (from 1974 until his 
death eight years later) Dick—ever the science fiction 
author—entertained any number of explanations for his 



transformation at the hands of VALIS. “This rational mind 
was not human. It was more like an artificial intelligence. 
On Thursdays and Saturdays I would think it was God, on 
Tuesdays and Wednesdays I would think it was extrater¬ 
restrial, sometimes I would think it was the Soviet Union 
Academy of Sciences trying out their psychotronic micro- 

1 7 

wave telepathic transmitter. ” 

In his Exegesis, Dick methodically explored each expla¬ 
nation, finding flaws in his own logic, toying with and 
then abandoning pet theories only to revive them later on. 
However, over time certain assumptions came to the fore 
and tended to hang on for long stretches. One such 
hypothesis was the theory put forth in the “Tractates 
Cryptica Scriptura” in his novel VALIS: 

The universe is information and we are sta¬ 
tionary in it, not three dimensional and not in 
space and time. The information fed to us we 
hypostatize into the phenomenal world.... 

Real time ceased in 70 C.E. with the fall of the 
temple at Jerusalem. It began again in 1974 
C.E. The intervening period was a perfect spuri¬ 
ous interpolation aping the creation of the 

The “Tractates” posit “The Immortal One” (i.e. Christ, 
Sophia, Buddha, et al.) returning now to dismantle “The 
Black Iron Prison” (the evil and spurious reign of the 
[Roman] Empire that has held history in its grip since 70 
C.E.). The Immortal One is a plasmate, a form of energy, 
of living information. 

The plasmate can crossbond with a human, 
creating what I call a homoplasmate. This 
annexes the mortal human permanently to the 
plasmate. We know this as the “birth from 
above” or “birth from the Spirit.” It was initi¬ 
ated by Christ, but the Empire destroyed all 
the homoplasmates before they could replicate. 

... In dormant seed form, the plasmate slum¬ 
bered in the buried library of codices at 
Chenoboskion (Nag Hammadi) until 1945 
C.E. 19 



With the gnostic codices unearthed and read, the plas- 
mate is now seeking out new human hosts to crossbond 
with. This is what Dick speculated might have happened 
to him—he was one of an increasing number of hosts for 
the return of the Holy Spirit. 

This explanation is so utterly fantastic that one can 
hardly take it seriously. If one reads further, one discovers 
that Dick associates the end of the “Empire” with Nixon’s 
resignation from office, surely an instance of the banal 
being inflated into cosmic significance. And ultimately, of 
course, Dick wasn’t fully convinced of even this scenario’s 
validity. He presented itto the world couched in an ambig¬ 
uous science-fiction novel. 

It is precisely this mix of grand metaphysical specula¬ 
tion and over the top SF wackiness that makes Dick’s 
Exegesis so unique. Leave it to Dick, in the midst of 
straight-faced theorizing about God, Maya, and a fallen 
universe, to characterize existence as a triune “ham sand¬ 
wich,” or to posit that his science fiction novels preceding 
the onset of psychic invasions were crafted by God, with 
Dick’s unconscious cooperation, to be profound revela¬ 
tions of the true nature of existence! 

Obviously, Dick’s integration of the VALIS phenom¬ 
ena was a dynamic, ongoing process, marked by a sense 
of humor regarding his theories of the moment. Yet 
underneath his jokes and wild speculations, Dick 
remained firm in his conviction that something had hap¬ 
pened to him, something with a significance reaching 
beyond his own psyche. It was fortuitous for Dick that his 
career as a science fiction author placed him in one of the 
few niches in Western society where wild visions of alter¬ 
nate realities are accepted and honored. 


Myths need not be literally true to be both meaningful 
and useful. The legend of the Holy Grail has a symbolic 
value quite apart from the historical question of whether 



there was ever an actual Grail. Similarly, in Dick’s case, 
despite the palpable flakeyness of many of the specific 
details of his scenarios, the overall thrust of his mytholo¬ 
gizing indicates an effort on the part of his embattled 
psyche to balance itself. 

Dick’s tutelary spirit identified herself at one point as 
St. Sophia, a “saint” who is not an actual person, but rather 
the feminine personification of divine Wisdom, the sub¬ 
ject of the Old Testament’s “Song of Songs” and the 
Apocrypha’s “Book of Wisdom,” and also the primary link 
between the Earth and the Unknown God in various 
Gnostic scriptures. As predominantly patriarchal mythoi, 
the Jewish and Christian religions have utilized mostly 
masculine symbols in their characterizations of the Abso¬ 
lute, although feminine components such as the Shekinah 
(the Presence of God), Sophia, and the Blessed Virgin Mary 
have survived, albeit in semi-autonomous and often 
underground form. 

It can be argued that the monotheistic religions that 
have shaped Western civilization have been over¬ 
balanced towards the Logos (i.e. God as Word and this 
Word as the structural glue of existence). Dick as a 
writer—and an extremely prolific writer at that—shared 
this Logocentrism. Small surprise then that the eruptions 
in his inner world triggered by the pink beam should be 
clothed in the garments of Sophia or Aphrodite pointing 
him towards wholeness. Dick’s own 1978 Exegesis 
account of the process is instructive: 

At the center of psychosis I encountered 
her: beautiful & kind &, most of all, wise, & 
through that wisdom, accompanying & leading 
me through the underworld, through the 
bardo thodol journey to rebirth—she, the embod¬ 
iment of intelligence: Pallas Athena herself. 

Needless to say, Dick was not willing to let well enough 
alone and his subsequently endless theorizing about this 
psychospiritual abreaction threatened to bury “that which 
cannot be described” beneath a mountain of words. Thus 



the Exegesis simultaneously veils as it unveils, marching 
resolutely towards an ever receding horizon. 

Next to Kafka, Dick is arguably this century’s best 
novelist of alienation. Long before 1974 his books were 
filled with the notion—mirrored in Gnosticism—that there 
is a fundamental error present in Creation and that this 
earth is a godforsaken place. This gut-level sense of 
estrangement, exacerbated by heavy drug use and a series 
of personal upheavals, made Dickthe quintessential coun¬ 
tercultural novelist in the ’60s, but it also produced a 
tremendous inner tension within Dick which cried out for 

Dick’s experience of Sophia/ Pallas Athena/ Thomas/ 
Elijah reaching down through the darkness to offer him 
saving glimpses of Light parallels the Gnostic myth of 
Sophia’s descent into the world to gather the sparks of 
divine light within Creation back up to their rightful 
place in the Pleroma (Fullness). Or, to cite another myth, 
Dick, as Osiris, had been dismembered; his Anima (Soul), 
as Isis, was gathering together his limbs to make him 
whole once again. 

A myth has been called “a lie that tells the truth,” and 
this may be the best way to appreciate the significance of 
Dick’s subjective experiences rather than quibble about 
their objective relation to so-called reality. Besides, as Dick 
would be the first to ask, what is reality? 

Whether the events or epiphanies of Dick’s final eight 
years were ultimately indicative of “genuine” mystical 
encounters or of “merely” psychological origins, I’ll leave 
for each reader to ponder. Since Dick’s death, theories 
have multiplied over what occurred, with critics noting 
parallels between the February/ March 1974 inner events 
and the characteristics of temporal lobe epilepsy, drug 
side effects, and even multiple personality disorder. 

Ultimately, what matters isn’t the cause of his shama- 
nic journey so much as its effect. To his credit Dick was 
able to turn his experiences into compelling literature. 
Dick viewed his final three novels as a trilogy of sorts and 



ARCHER are proof that despite his fascinating maze-like 
wanderings in the Exegesis, Dick was able to rise above 
his musings and speak to his readers from the heart. The 
book that you hold in your hands is an invitation for a 
short excursion into Dick’s maze. Be forewarned, how¬ 
ever, that exit signs are few and the Sphinx at the middle 
of the maze may ask you to answer a very tough riddle 
before you can leave. 

—Jay Kinney 
May, 1991 

Jay Kinney is publisher of gnosis Magazine, and a longtime 
reader of Philip K. Dick’s work. 




1. An alternate chronology of these events has been 
expressed by PKD’s wife, Tessa B. Dick, in an interview by J. B. 
Reynolds published in The Philip K. Dick Society Newsletter, 
#13, February, 1987, p. 6. According to Tessa Dick, Dick had 
oral surgery the day before the incident in question, was “full 
of codeine, for the pain” and was awaiting the delivery of medi¬ 
cation for his high blood pressure. 

2. From “How to Build a Universe that Doesn’t Fall Apart 
Two Days Later”, published as an introduction to I HOPE I 
SHALL ARRIVE SOON, Doubleday, 1985 

3. From interview in DREAM MAKERS: THE UNCOMMON 
ley, 1980, page 155. 

4. Ibid, p. 155-156. 

5. PKD letter to Ira Einhorn, February 1978. 

6. PKD letter to Peter Fitting, June 1974. 

7. VALIS, Philip K. Dick, Bantam, 1981. 

8. VALIS, pg. 17. 

9. STARSEED, Timothy Leary, Level Press, 1973; THE SCIEN¬ 
TIST, John C. Lilly, Bantam, 1981. 

tage, 1961, pp. 190-191. 

11. Jung, op. cit., p. 190. The Seven Sermons are reprinted 
as an appendix in the book. For an insightful discussion of the 
Seven Sermons, Gnosticism, and depth psychology, see THE 
GNOSTIC JUNG, Stephan A. Hoeller, Quest Books, 1982. 

Boisen, Harper, 1936, pp. 30-33. 

13. PKD letter to Claudia Bush, July 16,1974. 

14. Ibid. 

15. Boisen, op. cit., p. 119. 

16. “Shamans and Acute Schizophrenia,” Julian Silverman, 
American Anthropologist, Vol. 69 (1967): p. 28. 

17. Platt, op. cit., p. 155. 

18. VALIS, pp. 216-217. 

19. VALIS, pp. 217-228. 


1928 Dec. 16th. Philip K. Dick and Jane C. Dick born 
at home, Chicago, Illinois. 

1929 Jan. 26th. Jane Dick dies of malnutrition. 

1929 Dick family to Colorado, then northern Cali¬ 

1933 Parents divorced. Phil stays with mother. 

1935 January. Phil and Dorothy (mother) to Washing 
ton, D.C. 

1938 June. Phil and Dorothy return to California, set 
tie in Berkeley. 

1941 Starts reading science fiction. 

1942 First short story published, in Berkeley Daily 
Gazette . Writes first novel. 

1944 Summer. Starts working for Herb Hollis at Uni¬ 
versity Radio. 

1946-47 Phil’s last year at Berkeley High School. 
Claustrophobia/agoraphobia. Weekly psychotherapy. 
Studies at home, with tutor. 

1947 Autumn. Enters, drops out of University of Cali 
fornia, Berkeley. 

1947 December. Moves out of mother’s house. 




1948 Marries Jeanette Marlin. Divorced after six 

1949 (approx) Called for the draft; rejected because of 
high blood pressure. 

1949 Working at Art Music, Berkeley. 1950. June 14th. 
Marries Kleo Apostolides. 

1951 November. Sells first short story, “Roog,” to 
Anthony Boucher at The Magazine of Fantasy & Science 

1952 May. Becomes client of the Scott Meredith Liter 
ary Agency. First story appears in print. 

1952 Quits or is fired from Art Music. 

Early 1950s Phil and Kleo approached by FBI to 
attend Univ. of Mexico and collect information on stu¬ 
dent activities; they decline. Phil forms friendship with 
one FBI agent, George Scruggs. 

Early 1950s Phil taking Serpasil for tachycardia, 
Semoxydrine (an amphetamine) for agoraphobia. 

1953 Phil’s mother remarries. 

1953 Thirty short stories published, including seven 
in one month. 

1954 Sells first novel, SOLAR LOTTERY. 

1955 First novel published, by Ace Books; sells two 
more, also to Ace. 

1956-57 Writing mainstream only—no science fiction. 

1958 Autumn. Phil & Kleo buy house in Point Reyes 
Station, Marin County; leave Berkeley. Phil meets Anne 
Rubenstein. Phil asks Kleo for divorce. 

1959 April 1. Marries Anne Williams Rubenstein, in 

1960 February 25. Laura Archer Dick born. Phil’s first 
child, Anne’s fourth. 



1963 July. Scott Meredith Agency returns Phil’s main 
stream novels (ten or more) as unsaleable. 

1963 September. Phil wins Hugo Award for Best Sci¬ 
ence Fiction Novel of the Year (THE MAN IN THE HIGH 

1963-64 Writes ten science fiction novels in less than 
two years. 

1963 Phil and A start attending Episcopal Church. 
Phil baptized. 

1964 March. Phil files for divorce, moves to Berke¬ 

1964 June. Dislocates shoulder and totals his VW in 
auto accident. 

1966 July 6. Marries Nancy Hackett; moves to San 

1966 or early ’67 Visits Bishop James Pike in Santa Bar 
bara, participates in seance to contact Pike’s dead son. 

1967 March 15. Isolde Freya Dick born. 

1968 Sells option on film rights to DO ANDROIDS 

1969 August. Hospitalized for pancreatitis. 

1970 August. Nancy leaves Phil, takes Isa. 

1971 November 17. Break-in and burglary at PKD’s 

1972 February. Leaves San Rafael, flies to Vancouver, 
B.C., to be guest of honor at SF convention; decides to 
stay in Canada. 

1972 March. Suicide attempt; enters X-Kalay, heroin 
rehabilitation center, Vancouver. 

1972 April. Leaves Canada, flies to Fullerton, south 
em California. 

1972 July. Meets Leslie Busby (Tessa). 



1973 January. Starts writing fiction again, after two 
and-a half-year hiatus. 

1973 April. Marries Tessa. 

1973 July 25. Christopher Kenneth Dick bom. 

1974 February/March. Series of mystical experiences, 
as described inVALIS, RADIO FREE ALBEMUTH, the Exege 
sis, etc. Begins writing the Exegesis. 

1974 April. Hospitalized for extremely high blood 

1975 May. Phil’s first non SF novel is publisheD, CON 

John W. Campbell Jr. Award for Best SF Novel of 1974. 

1975 October. Rolling Stone profile of PKD appears. 

1976 February. Tessa leaves with Christopher; Phil 
attempts suicide. 

1976 Moves to Santa Ana. 

1977 July. Sells option on film rights to short story 
“We Can Remember It for You Wholesale,” later (1990) 
filmed as Total Recall. 

1977 September. Flies to France to be Guest of Honor 
at the Second International Festival of Science Fiction 
at Metz. 

1978 August. Dorothy Hudner (Phil’s mother) dies. 

THY ARCHER, his last novel. 

1981 June 29. Sees first clip from Blade Runner, movie 
television. (Movie is released in May 1982.) 

1982 February 18. Suffers a paralyzing stroke and is 

1982 March 2. Dies in Santa Ana. 


Chapter One 

Direct Accounts 
of Personal Experience 

The best psychiatrist I ever saw, Dr. Harry Bryan, 
attached to the Hoover Pavilion Hospital, once told 
me that I could not be diagnosed, due to the unusual 
life I had led. Since I saw him I have led an even more 
unusual life and therefore I suppose diagnosis is even 
more difficult now. Something strange, however, 
exists in my life and seems to have for a long time; 
whether it comes from my odd lifestyle or causes the 
lifestyle I don’t know. But there it is. 

For years I’ve felt I didn’t know what I was doing; 

I had to watch my activities and deduce, like an out¬ 
sider, what I was up to. My novels, for example. They 
are said by readers to depict the same world again 
and again, a recognizable world. Where is that world? 

* PKD was voluntarily admitted to Hoover Pavilion, in Palo Alto, 
California, on 3 May 1971 and checked himself out on 6 May 1971 with 
ihe approval of Dr. Bryan, the examining psychiatrist. 



In my head? Is it what I see in my own life and inad¬ 
vertently transfer into my novels and to the reader? At 
least I’m consistent, since it is all one novel. I have my 
own special world. I guess they are in my head, in 
which case they are a good clue to my identity and to 
what is happening inside me: they are brainprints. 
This brings me to my frightening premise. I seem to 
be living in my own novels more and more. I can’t fig¬ 
ure out why. Am I losing touch with reality? Or is real¬ 
ity actually sliding toward a Phil Dickian type of 
atmosphere? And if the latter, then for god’s sake 
why? Am I responsible? How could I be responsible? 
Isn’t that solipsism? 

It’s too much for me. Like an astro physicist who 
by studying a Black Hole causes it to change, I seem to 
alter my environment by thinking about it. Maybe by 
writing about it and getting other people to read my 
writing I change reality by their reading it and expect¬ 
ing it to be like my books. Someone suggested that. 

I feel I have been a lot of different people. Many 
people have sat at this typewriter, using my fingers. 
Writing my books. 

My books are forgeries. Nobody wrote them. The 
goddam typewriter wrote them; it’s a magic type 
writer. Or like John Denver gets his songs: I get them 
from the air. Like his songs, they—my books—are 
already there. Whatever that means. 

The most ominous element from my books 
which I am encountering in my actual life is this. In 
one of my novels, UBIK, certain anomalies occur 
which prove to the characters that their environ 
ment is not real. Those same anomalies are now hap 
pening to me. By my own logic in the novel I must 
conclude that my (own) perhaps even our collective 
environment is only a pseudo-environment. In my 
novel what broke through was the presence of a man 



who had died.* ** *** He speaks to them through several 
intermediary systems and hence must still be alive; 
it is they, evidently, who are dead. What has been 
happening to me for over three months is that a man 
I knew who died has been breaking through in 
ways so similar to that of Runciter in UBIK that I am 
beginning to conclude that I and everyone else is 
either dead and he is alive, or—well, as in the novel I 
can’t figure it out. It makes no sense. 

Even scarier is that this man, before his death, 
believed that those who are dead can “come across” to 
those who are alive. He was sure his own son who had 
recently died was doing this with him. Now this man 
is dead and it would seem he is “coming across” to 
me. I guess there is a certain logic in this. Even more 
logical is that I and my then wife Nancy participated 
as a sort of disinterested team observing whether Jim 
Jr. was actually coming through. It was our conclusion 
that he was. 

On the other hand, I wrote UBIK before Jim Pike 
died out there on the desert, but Jim Jr. had already 
died, so I guess my novel could be said to be based on 
Jim Jr. coming through to his father. So my novel UBIK 
was based on life and now my life is based on it but 
only because it, the novel, goes back to life. I really did 

* The character Glen Runciter in UBIK. 

** Bishop James A. Pike, who died in the Judean desert in September 
1969, while in quest of the truth as to the historical Jesus. PKD and Pike 
had formed a friendship in the mid-1960s. Pike was the inspiration for the 
title character in PKD's final novel, THE TRANSMIGRATION OF TIMOTHY 
ARCHER (1982) 

*** Bishop Pike's son, Jim Jr., committed suicide in February 1 966. In 
Pike's book THE OTHER SIDE (1968), Pike asserted that he had made 
postmortem contact with his son through seances and other psychic 
means. PKD and his fourth wife Nancy Hackett, who participated in some 
of these seances, were thanked by Pike f or their assistance in his 
"Foreword" to the book. 


not make it up. I just observed it and put it into a fic¬ 
tional framework. After I wrote it I forgot where I got 
the idea. Now it has come back to, ahem, haunt me, if 
you’ll pardon me for putting it that way. 

The implication in UBIK that they were all dead is 
because their world devolved in strange ways, projec¬ 
tions onto their environment of their dwindling psy¬ 
ches. This does not carry across to my own life, nor 
did it to Jim’s when his son “came across.” There is no 
reason for me to project the inference then of the 
novel to my own world. Jim Pike is alive and well on 
the Other Side, but that doesn’t mean we are all dead 
or that our world is unreal. However, he does seem to 
be alive and as mentally enthusiastic and busy as 
ever. I should know; it’s all going on inside me, and 
comes streaming out of me each morning as I—he—or 
maybe us both—as I get up and begin my day. I read 
all the books that he would be reading if he were here 
and not me. This is only one example. It’ll have to do 
for now. 

They write books about this sort of thing. Fiction 
books, like THE EXORCIST.* Which are later revealed to 
be “based on an actual incident.” Maybe I should 
write a book about it and later on reveal that it was 
“based on an actual incident.” I guess that’s what you 
do. It’s convenient, then, that I’m a novelist. I’ve got it 

There have been more changes in me and more 
changes in my life due to that than in all the years 
before. I refer to the period starting in mid-March (it’s 
now mid-July) [1974] when the process began. Now I am 
not the same person. People say I look different. I have 
lost weight. Also, I have made a lot more money doing 


THE EXORCIST (1971), novel by William Peter Blatty. 



the things Jim tells me to do, more money than ever 
before in a short period, doing things I’ve never done, 
nor would imagine doing. More strange yet, I now 
drink beer every day and never any wine. I used to 
drink wine, never beer. I chugalugthe beer. The reason 
I drink it is that Jim knows that wine is bad for me—the 
acidity, the sediment. He had me trim my beard, too. 

For that I had to go up and buy special barber’s scissors. 

I didn’t know there even was such a thing. 

Mostly, though, what I get is a lot of information, 
floods of it night after night, on and on, about the reli¬ 
gions of the Antique World—from Egypt, India, Persia, 
Greece and Rome. Jim never loses interest in that 
stuff, especially the Zoroastrian religion and the Pytha¬ 
gorean mystery cult and the Orphic cults and the 
Gnostics—on and on. I’m even being given special 
terms in Greek, such as syntonic. I’m told to be that. In 
harmony with, it means. And the Logos doctrine. All 
this comes to me in dreams, many dreams, hundreds 
of dreams, on and on, forever. As soon as I close my 
eyes information in the form of printed matter, visual 
matter such as photographs, audio stuff in the form of 
phonograph records—it all floods over me at a high 
rate of print-out. 

These dreams have pretty well come to determine 
what I do the next day; they program me or prepare 
me. Last night I dreamed that I was telling people that 
J.S. Bach was laughing at me. I imitated J.S. Bach’s 
laugh for them. They were not amused. Today I find 
myself putting on a Bach record, rather than Rock. It’s 
been months, even years since I automatically 
reached for Bach. Also last night I dreamed that I took 
the microphone away from Ed McMahon, the 
announcer on Johnny Carson’s show, because he was 
drunk. Tonight when Ed McMahon came on I auto¬ 
matically got to my feet and switched the TV off, my 


desire to watch it gone. This fitted in fine because my 
Bach record was playing anyhow. 

I should mention that I have become completely 
sophisticated now, having withdrawn all my projec¬ 
tions from the world. I am mature and am no longer 
lachrymose nor sentimental. My spelling is as lousy as 

There is no known psychological process which 
could account for such fundamental changes in my 
character, in my habits, view of the world (I perceive 
it totally differently, now), my daily tastes, even the 
way I margin my typed pages. I have been trans¬ 
formed, but not in any way I ever heard of. At first I 
thought it to be a typical religious conversion, mostly 
because I thought about God all the time, wore a con¬ 
secrated cross and read the Bible. But that evidently is 
due to Jim’s lifestyle. I also drive differently, much 
faster, reaching for an airvent on the dashboard that 
is not there. Evidently I’m used to another car 
entirely. And when I gave my phone number the last 
two times I gave it wrong—another number. And to 
me the weirdest thing of all: at night phone numbers 
swim up into my mind that I never heard of before. 
I’m afraid to call them; I don’t know why. Perhaps in 
some other part of Orange County someone else is giv¬ 
ing my phone number as his, drinking wine for the 
first time in his life and listening to Rock; I don’t 
know. I can’t figure it out. If so, I have his money. A 
lot of it. But I got it from my agent, or rather ex-agent, 
since after 23 years I fired him. To explain the totally 
different tone and attitude of my letters I told my 

* In May 1974, PKD briefly dismissed the Scott Meredith Literary 
Agency due primarily to his dissatisfaction with the royalty statements 
supplied him by publishers. The rift was formally patched within a month, 
and the Meredith Agency continued to represent PKD. 



agent I had my father-in-law, a CPA, working with me. 
At the time this was to my mind a lie, but looking 
back I can see a thread of truth in it. Someone was 
and is working with me on all business matters, mak¬ 
ing my attitude tough and shrewd and suspicious. I 
am hard-boiled and I never regret my decisive actions. 
I can say No whenever I want to. Jim was that way—no 
sentimentality. He was the shrewdest Bishop I ever 

Perhaps he is collaborating in the writing of this 
right now. 


Maybe I, Phil Dick, have just abreacted to a past 
personality, formed up to the mid-fifties. Lost skills 
and heartaches that came after that. 

Well then we have here a sort of time travel, 
rather than someone who is dead “coming across” 
from the Other Side. It is still me, with my old, prior 
tastes and skills and habits. Mercifully, the sad recent 
years are gone. Another form of my odd and chronic 
psychological ailment: amnesia, which my head 
learned after my dreadful auto accident in 1964. 

Come to think of it, it is the memories laid down 
since 1964 which have dimmed. I recall saying to 
Tessa that it seemed to me that precisely ten years of 
memory was gone. That would take it right back to 
that day in—my god, almost ten years to the day— 
when I rolled my VW in Oakland on a warm Spring 
Saturday. Perhaps what happened that day was that 
from the physical and mental shock an alternative per 
sonality was struck off; I did have extraordinary amne¬ 
sia during the months afterward. So that might make 
an excellent hypothesis: the trauma of that auto acci- 

* See next paragraph. As a result of this accident, PKD suffered a 
broken arm and wore a body cast for two months. 


dent started a secondary personality into being, and it 
remained until mid-March of this year, at which time 
for reasons unknown it faded out and my original 
“real” personality returned. That makes sense. More 
so than any other theory. Also, it was in 1964 that I 
first encountered Jim Pike[... ] No wonder I have Jim 
interwoven with this restored personality; he was on 
my mind at the time it was abolished. I’ve just picked 
up where I left off in 1964. 

I’ve explained everything but the preference for 
beer over wine. I never drank beer. And the business 
shrewdness; I never was shrewd. And the general 
health kick, the religious kick, the lack of sentimental¬ 
ity, the resolution, the ability to discern a lie, the inten¬ 
tion and determination never to lie, the vastly higher 
level of effectiveness in all fields, the trimming my 
beard so expertly—everything is explained but those; 
also I still have to explain the constant written mate¬ 
rial which I see in dreams every night, including 
Greek and Latin and Sanskrit and god knows what 
else words I never knew but have to look up. This 
abreaction to before the auto accident explains some 
things, but it doesn’t explain others. Could it be that I 
now am what I would have been had the accident not 
occurred? As if I’ve shif ted over to a sort of alternate 
world where I grew naturally and normally to this 
mature and responsible character-formation, not 
derailed tragically by first the accident, then the 
involvement with Nancy et al, which of necessity fol¬ 
lowed? This, then, would be a sort of personal alter¬ 
nate universe. Ananke ... another Greek word flashed 
up to me in sleep; the compulsion which determines 
the outcome of even the gods’ lives. There is an 
ananke for me which decreed that I would become 
what I am now, and that weird, unfortunate sidetrack¬ 
ing cannot abolish it as my destiny. 



In which case I am more truly myself now than at 
any other time since the accident. Which may well be. 
I am myself—in this, the best of all possible worlds. 

It’s heredity, so to speak, over environment. The stars 
and my innate character triumphed. 

Which explains why I still can’t spell. It is not in 
my nature. 

Whatever all this is, I brought it on. I had been 
doing months of research on recent discoveries about 
brain function, especially the exciting news that we 
have two hemispheres and use only one, the left one. 
They say that’s where procedural thoughts such as 
doing math and thinking inductive and deductive logi¬ 
cal processes take place; the other hemisphere, which 
people in Asia use instead, does simultaneous work, 
such as gestalting of a picture, intuitive and even ESP 
functioning. What it comprehends it comprehends in 
a single pattern and then passes on to the next, with¬ 
out there being a sequential or causal relationship 
between the apprehended and evaluated matrices, 
which I guess fly by like the frame freeze pictures on 
TV in the Heinz 57 Variety ad. I had read that massive 
doses of certain water soluble vitamins improve neu¬ 
ral firing in schizophrenics: better synchronization 
and so forth. It occurred to me that maybe in a nor¬ 
mal purpose [sic; person?] with normal, which is to say 
average, synchronization, it might cause firing to take 
place so efficiently that both hemispheres of the brain 
might come on together. So I found a recipe in a Psy¬ 
chology Today article* and I did it. I took what they 
prescribe schizophrenics. 

In terms of my own personal life what happened 
made histoiy, and I’m sure—off and on, anyhow—that 

* The likely reference here is to Harvey Ross, "Orthomolecular 
Psychiatry: Vitamin Pills for Schizophrenics," Psychology Today April 1974. 


whatever happened then and from then on has to do 
with my getting what I set out to get: such improved 
neural firing that both hemispheres came on 
together, for the first time in my life. It is the contents 
that puzzle me, not what happened in the biochemi¬ 
cal or physiological or even psychological sense. Even 
allowing for the obvious fact that since my personality 
must have formed in the left hemisphere alone then 
whatever happens in the right would be subjectively 
experienced as the Not-I, our [sic; or?] lying outside of 
my self system and therefore not me and not my 
thoughts, I still can’t for instance understand why 
when I begin to fall asleep my thoughts switch from 
English to Greek, a language I don’t know. 

All my thoughts and experiences, focussing 
mainly in dreams, seem to constellate around the 
Hellenistic Period, with accretions one would expect 
from previous cultures. The best way to describe it is 
to say at night my mind is full of the thoughts, ideas, 
words and concepts that you’d expect to find in a 
highly educated Greek-speaking scholar of the 3rd 
Century A.D., at the latest, living somewhere in the 
Mediterranean Area of the Roman Empire. His day 
time thoughts, I mean. Not what he’d dream while 

Perhaps this is another BRIDEY MURPHY.* I’ve 
brought back to being active a personality “from a for¬ 
mer life.” Undoubtedly, from internal evidence it 
appears to be the past, the archaic past, breaking 
through. But it’s not chaotic. It’s highly systemized, 
sort of like the left hemisphere of the Greek-speaking 

* Reference to Morey Bernstein, THE CASE OF BRIDEY MURPHY (1956), 
in whichi a contemporary woman was apparently able, while under 
hypnosis, to recall a previous life under the name Bridey Murphy in 
nineteenth century Ireland. 



Roman citizen. It seemed to me that the preoccupa¬ 
tions of this individual were indeed those of Jim Pike, 
and thus if you allow all prior steps in this chain of 
inferential thought to stand, you arrive logically at the 
final step that Jim Pike broke through to me “from the 
other side.” But, if you apply Ockham’s Razor, the 
Principle of Parsimony (the smallest theory to cover 
the facts) you can deal Jim out and run with the 
ancient material alone. Except that obviously it’s 
organized as if by a living, idiosyncratic personality, 
which I often sense behind it. This personality, 
glimpsed by me as being a woman, holds up the book 
to me or mails it to me, etc. She likes me. She wants to 
guide, educate and help me. Evidently she’s exposing 
me to all this enlightening and ennobling written 
material deliberately, to make me into a higher life 
form, or anyhow a better person. Up until now my 
higher education has been sadly neglected; she is mak¬ 
ing up for that, using very effective show-and-tell 
audio-video teaching techniques. I have the feeling 
that for every word or photo I consciously catch and 
remember there are thousands of yards of it poured 
onto me that I do not consciously remember. They 
take hold anyhow, as witness my busy intellectual 
research—homework, if you wish—the next day. 

After one dream, in which I saw a sibyl who was a 
cyclops, I decided after doing research that it was the 
Cumaean sibyl who had seized hold of me, and not 
anyone from present times or the “other side.” I got a 
lot of mileage out of that theory, but then I get a lot 
out of each theory I hold. 


My conscious memory—my conscious vocabulary—is 
only the tip of the iceberg. And yet it seems highly 
strictured [sic; structured?]; obsessed, in fact, by the 
theological disputations and dogmas and highly 


abstract and abstruse concepts and theories of Rome. 
As Robert Graves once said, “Theological dispute was 
the disease of that age,” meaning that every one in the 
streets was obsessed by it and had to talk about it end¬ 
lessly—as my unconscious does. My unconscious is fix¬ 
ated in the Roman period, and that strikes me as 
strange. How did it get there in the first place? And 
being there, why does it remain? 

Once I myself was consciously], deliberately inter¬ 
ested in that period; I was in my early twenties, and 
read about it a lot, at the expense of being a rounded 
person. But my unconscious for all its obsessions with 
the theoretical material of that period is hard-headed 
and shrewd, and wants everything it comes up with 
applied in the most practical way. If it shows me the 
Golden Rectangle* it does so in order to calm me with 
that ultimate esthetically balanced sight; it has a firm 
therapeutic purpose. There is a utilization of all its 
abstract material for genuine purposes, for me, by 
and large. It is a tutor to me as Aristotle was to Alexan 
der, which makes me wonder why it is grooming and 
shaping me this way, tutoring me in the exact fashion 
employed by the Greeks. Philosophy for real ends, for 
final causes, as Aristotle would have put it: for some¬ 
thing lying ahead and not as an idle pastime, an end 
in itself. The ennobling and elevating education is 
altering me and I would presume that when it is fin¬ 
ished I, having become changed (to resort to the Abla¬ 
tive Absolute), will act upon the improved character 
which I’ve acquired—not on the knowledge direct, as 
if on enlarged memory banks, but upon the basis of 
my matured and elevated character. I know this 

* The Golden Rectangle, which formed a part of the hypnagogic visions 
experienced by PKD during this period, embodies the Pythagorean ideal 
of harmonious proportion that points to ultimate unity. 



whole process sees ahead because I have caught sight 
of its clear perception down the web of time, seen 
with it for a while; it knows what is ahead and acts 
accordingly. I’m sure it has a final purpose in mind, 
for which this is careful preparation. This recalls to 
me my notion that the Cumaean sibyl is behind it all; 
certainly she had or has a clear view of the future, of 
time; that is what a sibyl is. 

Following basic Greek thought it is improving my 
mind and body together, as a unity. Health is 
equated—correctly so—with vigor and the capacity to 
act. All its concepts, its viewpoint, are Greek. Symme¬ 
try, balance, harmony. I sense Apollo in this, which is 
consistent, since the Cumaean sibyl was his oracle. 
Moderation, reasonability and balance are Apollo’s vir¬ 
tues, the clear-headed, the rational. Syntosis, or what¬ 
ever. Pythagorian harmoniousness. A reconciling of 
all impulses and tendencies within, then turning to 
the outer world once that is achieved and becoming 
syntonic with it as well. I’m getting a classical educa¬ 
tion. Greek, a little Latin, knowledge of Sanskrit, theol¬ 
ogy and philosophy and the Ionian Greeks various 
views of the cosmos. Very unusual to get this here in 
Southern California. All very sane and steady. The 
most worthy, the highest virtues and values in the his¬ 
tory of our civilization. 

How did they happen to arise within me? For 
instance, it pointed out that my ananke —the compul¬ 
sion or fate lying ahead of me—is a darkening, a gath¬ 
ering gloom, which is a good description of my 
underlying melancholia. Against which I pit my 
learned syntonos. Cultivation against innate predispo¬ 
sitions: a basis struggle in life, and well elucidated by 
my unconscious. How did it know these two terms 
and [how] was [it] able to define them for me? I didn’t 
know. I never knew. This is material emanating from 


a wise viewpoint which I never possessed. This was 
not me, although it is becoming me; or rather, to be 
more accurate, it is shaping me so that I am becoming 
it. Meeting its standards, its ideals. Which are Apollon¬ 
ian Greece’s, from over 2 thousand years ago: from its 
Golden Age. Our Golden Age. 

Now, this really does not rule out Jim Pike as my 
Athenian or Hellenistic tutor. Jim had, I’m certain, 
that kind of classical education. Greek, Latin, Roman 
theology and so forth. The disputations of St. Paul, St. 
John, the Logos Doctrine, what Augustine knew. Also, 
Jim was—is—shrewd; he’d apply, did apply in his life, 
all this classical education. He is the only person I 
ever knew, in fact, with such a background. If Jim 
were to become my tutor this I really think, all this 
that I’m being taught, that my attention is being 
drawn to, would be precisely what he would get me 
involved with. The reading list I’m getting is the one 
he would give. This is Jim’s mind I’m getting, not so 
much his personality. Its directed—expertly directed— 
contents. It has me drink beer instead of wine because 
beer is more healthy for me and I should drink a little 
something to relax me; there’s an example. That’s 
directed tutoring. This is not an inert computer, whose 
keyboard I myself punch according to my own whim 
and volition. 

The one odd dream that I had, in which I picked 
up the most distant, the smallest, weakest signal— 
from a star, star-information, sidereal.. .what I heard 
seemed to resemble, as an analog, an AI System, not a 
computer, and female in tone. Reasonable and 
female. This was a small system, though; it knew 
almost nothing, not even where it was (the “Portu¬ 
guese States of America,” it decided, when I suggested 
it look around for something written to read from, 
like the address on an envelope). This was a subsys- 



tem and not my tutor, but its response told me that 
nowhere in our world would I find the sending entity 
which had begun impinging on me in the form of 
highly abstract and highly balanced (liked the Golden 
Rectangle) graphics back in March. Not so much what 
it told me in a positive sense—where it was—but by rul¬ 
ing out where it is not: that helped. It isn’t here, 
which means here in time, space, dimension, any of 
the coordinates. 

The past, then. Or the future. Another star. An 
alternate world. “The other side.” They’re all “the 
other side” in some way. For instance, it made me 
aware of God from the very start, but never of Christ; 
I deduce from this that it is non-Christian and proba¬ 
bly pre-Christian. Actually I can’t catch in it any influ¬ 
ences since the Greek Logos Doctrine. Which could 
be Iranian. India to Iran to Greece and then possibly 
(but not necessarily) to Rome. One night I had a 
short bitter dream in which I cried out in despair, 

“Ich hab’ kein’ Retter,” I have no Savior. Then in fear 
at having said that I added “Ja, ja, es gibt ein Retter,” 
[Fes, yes, a Savior is given ] but it was too late; the 
whole Ground of Being, everything around me, dwin¬ 
dled away and was gone; I floundered in the void, 
suffering. I think this was an awareness that for all 
its value, this new worldview being dominant in me 
and taking over from the old one would deprive me, 
perhaps forever, of Jesus Christ. I guess this is true. 

It’s a dreadful loss, but I can’t stop it; what can the 
pupil do in the hands of such a tutor? Unfortunately, 
though, a tutor who—well, lived before Christ and 
hence could not have known of Him? But Jim knew 
of Christ. Perhaps then I have worked the logical 
steps, deducing and deducing, to prove that my tutor 
existed before the time of Christ, or if a bit later did 
not know of, or if knowing did not accept. Time and 


knowledge have been rolled back, for better or 
worse. Mostly it is better ... except in this one conspic¬ 
uous regard. I miss my Savior. 

So my “unconscious,” which I’ve claimed this 
tutor to be, has available to it “my entire memory,” 
except everything pertaining to events and concepts 
that arose after 100 A.D. That is an extraordinarily 
great restriction. Obviously, that is not in any sense 
that we know the term “my unconscious,” laid down 
in my lifetime; it knows words, concepts, that I never 
knew—and doesn’t know the commonplace elements 
of the last 2,000 years. Its location is far back in time. 
And another climate; I keep sensing—and craving—a 
moist, cool, high-altitude environment, where I can 
watch the stars. 

I remember that when this first hit me, in the first 
couple of weeks, I was absolutely convinced that I was 
living in Rome, some time after Christ appeared but 
before Christianity became legal. Back in the furtive 
Fish Sign days. Secret baptism and that stuff. I was 
sure of it. Rome, evil Rome and Caesar’s minions, 
were everywhere around me. So were the fast-moving 
hidden agents of God, always on the Go, like the 
Logos as it creates things. I was a Christian but I had 
to hide it. Or they’d get me. It made me very uncom¬ 
fortable to belong to a persecuted sect like that, a 
small minority of fanatics. I was afraid I’d blurt out 
my beliefs and be thrown to the lions. That is one rea¬ 
son my blood pressure got so high. I was waiting to be 
hit by Caesar’s spies, and also I anticipated the Second 
Coming or something good like that. Maybe the Day 
of Judgment. I was more excited than afraid, sure in 
my father, certain of my Savior. The Last Supper was 
real, actual and close by me. Maybe this is a clue. I’m 
still in that time period, but I’ve fallen under the wise 
and prudent guidance of an educated Greek—high 



class in other words—tutor. Brought in from the prov¬ 
inces where the ignorant scurry about, to be educated 
in cultivated urban life. I think I read all this in the 
novel THE ROBE* x years ago. Jeez, I’ve fallen into 
someone else’s novel! 

You know, I could if I wanted to make the most 
dramatic but speculative case, for fictional purposes I 
guess, reason that I was pulled back through time, 
back and back, to where it All Went Wrong, which 
would be where around 100 A.D. I, typifying everyone 
who went wrong perhaps, became a Christian. “That 
was a wrong turn,” the Vast Active Living Intelligence 
System that creates decided. “When those people 
decided on Christianity. I’ll throw away 2,000 years, 
go back, have this one—he’ll get it going right; he’s typ¬ 
ical-turn to some other religion instead, and have 
that become dominant. Let’s see ...” A New Start. Sec¬ 
ond Time Around. Why not? Thus, my sense that my 
help was coming from an alternate universe. 

I don’t know why I’m speculating along like this, 
though, because in point of fact I’ve decided, by a 
process of deduction, who my tutor is. Asklepios, or 
one of his sons. A Greek physician, whose step 
mother was the Cumaean sibyl, his father Apollo, at 
whose shrines “ ... the sick were given wholesome 
advice in their dreams,” this cult yielding only reluc¬ 
tantly to Christianity. Also Asklepios was according 
to legend, slain by the Kyklopes, a cyclops. Which 
would explain my extraordinary dreams: I saw a 
fusion of his step-mother and him who Asklepios 
feared most in all the world. 

This also explains why the highest wisdom shown 

* THE ROBE (1942), novel by Lloyd Douglas. 


me is that associated with Apollo. His—my tutor’s— 

Interestingly, although Apollo is considered to 
have been a myth, the Cumaean sibyl is thought to 
have really existed, and Asklepios likewise. The sibyl 
lived at least a thousand years, migrating to Rome and 
writing her Sibylline Books. Asklepios, as I say, was 
slain by a Kyklopes, by order of Zeus. That wasn’t any¬ 
thing Apollo could do about it; Asklepios was bringing 
a dead person back to life with his healing powers, 
which Zeus couldn’t tolerate because it interrupted 
the natural order. Which I guess is ananke again ... 
which would explain why in his instructing and shap¬ 
ing me Asklepios would emphasize that element in 
life. He learned all about it. I’m gettingthe benefit of 
his unfortunate experience. 

I can see me telling my therapist this. “What’s on 
your mind, Phil?” she’ll say when I go in, and I’ll say, 
“Asklepios is my tutor, from out of Pericleian Athens. 
I’m learning to talk in Attic Greek.” She’ll say, “Oh 
really?” and I’ll be on my way to the Blissful Groves, 
but that won’t be after death; that’ll be in the coun¬ 
try where it’s quiet and costs $100 a day. And you get 
all the apple juice you want to drink, along with 

Apollo’s motto at Delphi was “Know thyself,” 
which forms the basis for all modern psychotherapy 
and mental health and certainly underlies my getting 
in touch with myself, as depicted here. The other 
night when I found myself thinking, during the hyp¬ 
nagogic state, in Greek, I managed to snatch a couple 
of words out of what I believe to be a syntactic sen¬ 
tence. (At that time I wasn’t positive it was Greek; it 
remained a problem to check on, today. It was.) I 
snatched out: 



crypte (—) morphosis 

Those mean something like: 
latent shape (or hidden or concealed shape) 
Although I don’t have anything more to go on, it 
would seem to me that I—or my tutor—was musing on 
this whole situation, and in pithy Greek formalizing 
it. A latent form is emerging in me, buried perhaps by 
Apollo himself, when his son Asklepios was killed by 
the Kyklopes, so that his son’s wisdom and skills, 
derived from Apollo, would continue on despite 
Asklepios’ sudden death—remaining latent within the 
morphology of the Indo-European descendants of 
Asklepios, perhaps genetically handed down through 
his sons. (He had two.) Now, when needed, this crypte 
morphosis is emerging, again active; its external stimu¬ 
lating-triggering source being some aspect of the 
dreadful civic decline of our society, its falling into 
ruins. “Within the degenerate molecules, the trash of 
today, he (PKD) resurrects a power buried for eons.” 

(S. Lem, about UBIK.)* Other gods of the past have at 
other times returned to life: Wotan in Germany, dur¬ 
ing the Nazis. Surely Apollo with his balanced wis¬ 
dom, his clear healing harmony of opposites, his 
clear-headed self-knowledge and integrity—what bet¬ 
ter archetype or god, long slumbering, should be 
roused at this sad time? Of all the ancient buried dei¬ 
ties Apollo is needed by us the most; we have seen 
enough of the politics of unreason, “Thinking with 
the Blood,” etc. 


* From Stanislaw Lem, "Science Fiction: A Hopeless Case—With 
Exceptions" (1972), an essay included in PHILIP K. DICK: ELECTRIC 
SEIEPEIERD (1975), edited by Bruce Gillespie. 


Footnote. The original display of dazzling graphics 
which I saw, which inaugurated all this, were charac¬ 
terized by their balance, not what shapes they con¬ 
tained. They were, like much of Kandinsky’s abstract 
art, modern aesthetic elaborations, in color, of the 
ancient a priori, geometric forms conceived by the 
Greeks, which even in their time passed over into 
esthetics byway of Pythagoria,* e.g., the Golden Sec¬ 
tion becoming the Golden Rectangle. Certainly this 
would indicate that even the start of this contained 
the hallmark of Apollo: the balance, the harmony—I 
remember noting that in all the tens of thousands of 
pictures what was continuous in them was this per¬ 
fect balance, illustrating a fundamental principle of 
art. It was that aspect which caught my attention and 
eye and told me they had great worth. In a sense, 
since all were rectangles, they were permutations of 
the Golden Rectangle, which I saw today in its origi¬ 
nal abstracted, empty form, so calm, so enduring, so 
restful, reminding me of Apollo’s basic virtue: synto- 
sis. I didn’t even know the word, then; it came to me 
in sleep. Healing me, as was done 2,600 years ago and 
never quite ceasing. 

By the way—the town where Asklepios’ sanitarium 
existed, I read now, is up in the mountains. Probably 
the climate was and is cool and moist; I read it’s heav¬ 
ily wooded. I’m [771] bet the stars are quite visible, 
there. It’s the place I yearn for. Out of memory. 

(Mid-July 1974) 

I awoke abruptly to find myself with my Savior, 
and then entered Fellowship with God (the dreams of 
the delighting void). Can it be said that this is the 


The ongoing thought and works of the Pythagorean wisdom school. 



rebirth, accomplished by penetration of the Child by 
the solar spermatikos ? Yes, Firebright, brought to life 
and sustained Greater intelligence for me, better 
health, longer life, even prosperity. A certain facility 
with life. But most of all I recall what I saw when I 
awakened: I saw my God, smiling in the sunlight of 
day. Once, during the years of the Terrible Separa¬ 
tion,* ** I saw Palmer Eldritch in the Sun—I saw God 
backward, but sure enough, in the daytime sun: at 
high noon, and knew him to be a god. THE THREE STIG 
MATA, if read properly (i.e., reversed) contains many 
clues as to the nature of God and to our relationship 
with him. I was motivated to flee, then, fearing what I 
saw, so vast was the breach then. It was definitely a 
true vision of God, but grown (to my blind sight) terri¬ 
ble; still, it was the beginning of my seeing: that I 
could see God at all, in the sun, showed that I was not 
entirely blind, but rather deranged. My 3-74 experi¬ 
ences are an outgrowth of my Palmer Eldritch experi¬ 
ence of over ten years earlier. “Faith of Our Fathers” 
shows this, too; I knew Him to be real... but only in 
UBIK does he begin to appear as benign, especially 
then in MAZE OF DEATH. We were coming back 
together, as friends in the light-struck meadow or for¬ 
est ... the summertime to greet. (1975) 

One could assume, I guess, that the divine seed is 
in every one of us, but remains dormant (crypte mor- 
phosis ); it is never fed, and this feeding comes to the 
pineal body via sunlight. So there is no implantation. 

* "Terrible Separation" is a reference to PKD's own sense of the gulf 
that existed in the 1960s between his own limited human existence and a 
genuine encounter with the divine as a positive, redeeming force in the 

** This final sentence is a paraphrase of the lyrics of one of PKD's 
favorite lieder by Franz Schubert. 


I myself, I felt something (Firebright) was implanted. 
I had visions of Firebright’s heavenly parents. That 
sounds like more than celestial food. Which do we 
have, a quickening, an awakening, or an implanta¬ 
tion? The parables about the seeds sown ... they 
don’t make it certain (some sown on barren soil, 
some on rock, some on good soil, etc.) If one had had 
a dormant seed all one’s life, and it had never 
stirred, come to life at all, and then a shaft of fire¬ 
light from the Sun of Righteousness caused it to 
come to life for the first tbne, one might sense an 
implantation from outside; something which was 
not oneself. Sasha must feel that way, with her little 
new unborn kittens inside her. “They came from out¬ 
side.” But in fact they were fertilized from outside. 
Okay, fertilization is what takes place: it isn’t a seed 
such as a plant has, but an egg such as a human 
woman ovulates, and a cosmic spermatiha fertilizes 
it; a zygote is produced. Firebright is a combining. 
Here would be the crucial distinction between 
Neoplatonism and Gnosticism, which I feel so 
strongly about: the former is sort of self-fertilizing, 
parthenogenesis, so to speak, but in Gnosticism you 
have the idea that the Savior is absolutely necessary, 
so we have here the idea that something entirely out¬ 
side one is necessary, it comes along (God’s grace) 
and if it doesn’t come, then there is no zygote, no 
Firebright, no seed, no immortality. I always felt 
Gnosticism was correct over Neoplatonism; viewed 
this way, it is evident why. The Neoplatonist knows 
what happened, in a basic way, but he feels he did it 
by himself: up by his own bootstraps. A personal 
achievement. I guess this is a failure to know about 


PKD's cat. 



the “birds and the bees,” as the “Decoded N T”* 
points out. How are babies born? By thinking about 
it, or by copulating? Let’s be realistic; it takes a 
union, always true in higher forms, of which we are 
one. This is why the “Dec N T” can so plainly declare 
that no meditation, no prayer, no affirmation of 
belief, is going to do it. It is done to us, not by us. All 
each of us can do is accept—i.e., receive. 

You are to be “meek,” i.e., Yinnish, humble, recep¬ 
tive, but what overpowers you (the father!) is fierce, 
like Elijah, seeking justice and truth, powerful, defi¬ 
nitely Yangish, and the not-you. Just the opposite. Pos¬ 
session by the God (vide Virgil describing Apollo 
taking over the Sibyl). You may be masculine to other 
humans, but to Him you are feminine, passive. Now, 
the Mynaeds of Dionysus did not seem to believe 
(read know) that a permanent fertilization, acquisition 
took place, but the Orphics certainly did; here lies a 
vast distinction! The being-overpowered leaves some¬ 
thing forever: a vision of truth, of reality, a rising up 
to ultratemporal regions, but after the beatific vision, 
the Firebright Second Birth, what is born, lives on, 
eternally. What a jump from the mere Dionysian 
frenzy to Orphism and beyond, to Christianity! What a 
realization of the value of being possessed! 

This borders on the Sufi: becoming God. One does 
“become” God while he possesses you, but then he 
leaves. But—well, it’s like poor Leda. Vide Yeats’ poem. 
But look at the progeny: Helen of Troy. ( 1975) 

Every time in my life that I’ve heard the spirit 

* THE DECODED NEW TESTAMENT (1974). Published by Gene Savoy's 
International Community of Christ in Reno, Nevada. An alternate reading 
of the New Testament from an esoteric organization that briefly 
influenced PKD. 


it’s been when my normal (linear) thinking had exas¬ 
perated & exhausted itself—reached its end without 
results, but each time, results were still absolutely 
necessary. This alone makes a circumstantial case for 
locating the spirit, the Inward Light, in the right 
hemisphere (I suppose). Normal habitual cognitive 
processes must be tried fully and fail. This would be 
why under routine & ordinary conditions I don’t 
hear it and am cut off from it. But this only tells me 
where it can be localized in terms of brain morphol¬ 
ogy. As an oppositional other brain, not my own, it 
still—well, how does it come to think in Attic Greek, 
and make use of technical terms such as syntonic? 

My original diagram showed a piece of the 
macrocosmos within the microcosmos, but that was 
more a metaphor and poetry. Also, if my right hemi¬ 
sphere can do this, why does it do it only when I am 
under duress? Why isn’t there bilateral parity? What 
an improvement that would be. Is it a new organ just 
starting to come on, as Dr. Bucke believed (i.e., the 
next step upward in human evolution?) Maybe so. 


Last night (June 2nd* ** *** ) I had a blissful truly mysti¬ 
cal experience, which is probably the first one I’ve 
had in the strict sense, inasmuch as it was a state, an 
ASC, ** with vast understanding and comprehension 
as to how everything fitted together, but lacking any 
and all adventitious percept-system experiences, as I 
had in 3-74 and 2-75. However, had I never had any- 

* Dr. Richard Maurice Bucke (1837-1902), friend of Walt Whitman and 

** 1975 

*** Altered state of consciousness. 



thing else, it alone (last night) would have dignified 
my life immeasurably. How to record it verbally, 
though, I don’t know. It linked it all up. That’s a lot. 

As basic realization: my 3-74 experience—the inter¬ 
vention by God in the world—was not an anomaly, 
except in terms of my experience of it. That is to say, it 
was a natural, regular event, which I had just never 
seen before; however, it always goes on, went on, will 
go on forever. It is the perpetual re-establishment of 
equilibrium and harmony, relating to the Tao and to 
ma’at .* 

Primarily, I began by realizing that along the lines 
of Parmenides when he denied the testimony of his 
senses as regards to what is (in actuality, what exists), 

I realized that: 

(1) There is no visual (sense-organ) evidence of 
God at work anywhere in the world. 

(2) I must either deny that God, then, is at work in 
the world, or I must deny the evidence of my senses. 


I must have made myself, or anyhow been, very 
receptive (Yinnish) to the forces active in the universe 
at that moment. When hex 36** changed to some other 
good one, I was carried along, I just have, as the Tao- 
ists or Zen people, somebody anyhow, says, made 
myself empty (wu). 

For hours last night I had in a blissful trance, sens¬ 
ing the capacity of the universe to rebound, its elastic¬ 
ity. You can’t break it; it will regain its “shape” after 
any deformity sets in. 

* The ancient Egyptian goddess Ma'at (or Maat) symbolizes equilibrium, 
poise, and harmony. "Ma'at" also serves as an abstract term indicative of 
such qualities; it is in that abstract sense that PKD uses it here. 

** Hexagram 36 of the I CHING. 


Having experienced this blissful mystical under¬ 
standing of it all, everything I’ve been into from 3-74 
to now, I am thinking, Perhaps I can infer that the 
Parousia are [sic] not here in any universal or objec¬ 
tive sense; but surely for me, as an individual, the 
entire sequence of depicted events came—and in the 
order described. Which causes me to ask, If as Meister 
Eckhart says, the Kingdom of God is within the Soul 
of each person (i.e., an entirely individual, inner 
event) then is not the entire realm of Parousia, all of 
it, within the inner individual soul of one person-at-a- 
tiine? But if so, then why do not other people report 
my experience as theirs? Over 2000 years there is no 
individual report like mine, except perhaps Eckhart? 
Well, no matter how I cut it I will have trouble explain¬ 
ing some parts. 

It is possible that in some way, or for some reason, 

I somehow (this is heavy) died but did not die. Vide 
the photo of me.* ** I passed by degrees across to the 
other side, and then returned, reborn. 

Let me assert as a possibility this: that as Teilhard 
de Chardin says—mankind following Christ as a spe¬ 
cies along through the stations of the cross—I went 
through the vicarious experience of the Passion ... or 
was it vicarious? It was real. That all took place, had to 
take place, to usher in 3-74, the rebirth. As Hoyt 
Axton * says, “Most people want to fly to heaven; 
they’re not willing to climb.” 


There is a great mystery about the Kingdom of 
God, as to where it is, and the Parousia in general; it is 
in you, but also among you, and it is invisible but 

* The photo referred to here is unknown. 

** Country music singer. 



actual. He must mean it is transpersonal. When you 
participate (yes, that is it); you enter it—did He not use 
this key word? You enter it; therefore it already exists 
before you and outside you, which indicates objective 
existence (contrast, “I entered sadness,” a state of 
mind). It is real and it is there; one by one we enter it, 
or we don’t. We cross over and enter, led by our shep¬ 
herd. In response to the sound (sic) of his voice (sic). A 
place of safety and peace, where we remain with Him. 
We find our way to it (recall my vivid experience in 3 
or 4-74 in seeing a pylon or archway with a silvery 
moonlit world beyond, and Greek letters—silence. I 
could pass through the gate and enter that world 
beyond; I could see it clearly, first here, then there, 
now over there, glowing and waiting, open to me. Not 
in any one spot but glimpsed again and again![)] 

That was no subjective state; that was a perception 
of something real which others couldn’t see; a set- 
ground gestalting. I discerned the doorway repeatedly; 
it was multilocated and authentic. Not omnipresent but 
multipresent. The Secret Kingdom, hidden. 

A moment of fear touches me; did I then fail to 
pass through that gate and enter it? I think I passed on 
through, because after seeing it (that was quite early 
along) I then had the holy waste & void dreams, or 
visions, visionary trance experiences, where I was 
with God; that came later, I’m sure; yes, that was later, 
after the Carmel dream which ushered it in. So I did 


When I was little I used to haul out big wooden 
cartons and boxes to play inside of... it is as if, 
through the pylon gate, I found my way back to the 
peace and safety of those cartons of my childhood ... 
God has brought me at last to safety and a realization, 
at last, of safety, the safety I yearned for and did not 


have even then (5 years old). Viewed another way per¬ 
haps it can be said that I have been brought safety 
into the fold, after straying all over the landscape. 
Either way we are talking about the same place. I feel 
a great peace now, at last, for the first time in my life. 
This whole period, including 3-74, has been arduous; I 
had to work hard and hustle after my illumination (3- 
74), right on down through the months, these 14 
months, writing on this as I am doing, reading and 
researching and writing and meditating in order to 
understand. I believe I’ve worn myself out more with 
this than with any previous writing, any novel or 
group of novels. I have educated myself regarding my 
experience. Gone to school over it. What does it add 
up to (at this point in my knowledge)? I passed 
through the narrow gate in mid-74, and now I am told 
that He will come back for the world itself, fairly soon. 
Thus an individual experience will be made/is being 
made into a common or group or collective or objec¬ 
tive experience by our people in general. As with 
other questions, the answer to the question, Is it sub¬ 
jective & individual or objective & general is, Both. 


This is the way to put it: “What do you have to do 
to enter the Kingdom of Heaven?” and then the list 
which follows conforms to the list one would draw, in 
sequence, of what I experienced, back before that, too, 
to the distress—lost—period which ran on months if 
not years. What I went through both bad (before 3-74) 
and good (3-74 on) had to be gone through, like an 
enormous spiritual transcendental car wash—a 
human being refurbishing system, so complex as to 
beggar description, beginning with the drama of the 
flying monsters with horses’ necks (dragons) and then 
picking up in distinctness with the chromatic flash- 
cut graphics, the latter night being, if any section can 



be so said to be, the moment when the Spirit began to 
pour out onto and into me. The beginning, in other 
words, of the New. Up to then it had been nothing but 
various aspects of me perishing—dying. The rebirth 
began with the graphics; the turning-point in the para¬ 
bolic orbit has begun. I was re-entering life, as new 
life re-entered me: “from above.” The thing about all 
this is that if it is said to me, severely, “You have to do 
(experience, go through) a lot to enter the Kingdom of 
Heaven; you can’t do it like you are; you’ve got to be 
very much changed, and receive the Spirit,” etc. I can 
say, “I know.” (Or I think I know. I hope I know. I 
hope I don’t just have hubris about this. I hope I’m not 
boasting. If I am I’m sorry.) I think, though, really, 
what is convincing about it when I view it objectively 
is that, remembering back, I was genuinely broken 
down, stripped down, torn down to my skeletal plat¬ 
ing, like an insect who has woven a cocoon, rebuild¬ 
ing processes, all adventitious to me, improving and 
teaching me, altering me—well, the “possession” part 
alone remade me in the most fundamental way 
indeed—and clearly as completely remaking me as can 
be conceived. 

(1) I believed I was someone else. 

(2) From another time period. 

(3) Dead centuries ago and reborn. 

(4) A holy Christian person. 

(5) I spoke Attic Greek somewhat and remem¬ 
bered Rome. 

(6) I wanted a new name and trimmed my 

(7) All my interests and habits changed— 

(8) My linguistic idiosyncracies altered perma¬ 


(9) Even the way I margined my pages changed. 

(10) I wrote people I’d never written before. 

(11) I joined religious organizations I’d never 
heard of. 

(12) All my political alliances of a lifetime 
changed totally. 

(13) I called cats “she” and dogs “he.” 

Ergo: He who was alive died, and someone else 
lives now in me, replacing me. 

(14) I talk to and am talked to by God. 

Well, what more can you ask out of a transformed 
person? I know the future and things beyond my 
senses, but I’ll skip that because I am not sure if that 

(15) I stopped drinking wine and drank beer. 

(16) I knew that aerosol sprays were lethal; like¬ 
wise cigarettes. 

(17) I could discern evil and could tell what was 

(18) My spelling is unchanged. (To give some 

(19) I recovered from most of my quasi-physical 

(20) Most of my time since I spend studying theol¬ 

(21) The level of my intelligence is increased— 
this includes reading retention, speed, and abstract 

(22) My depth perception is improved. 

(23) Mental operations which baffled me are now 
easy (i.e., mental blocks now seem gone). 

(24) My psychological projections are withdrawn. 

The only problem is, I am in no customary sense— 



maybe in no sense whatsoever—spiritualized or 
exalted. In fact I seem even more mean and irascible 
than before. True, I do not hit anybody, but my lan¬ 
guage remains gunjy and I am crabby and domineer¬ 
ing; my personality defects are unaltered. In the 
accepted sense I am not a better person. I may be 
healthier (maybe not that; vide the blood pressure). 

But I am not a good person, even though my emo¬ 
tions and moods are better under control. Maybe I 
just have a long way to go, yet. ( 1975) 

Mark 4:11 says that the parables were intended to 
confuse and not inform everyone except the disciples, 
the latter understanding the esoteric meaning, the out¬ 
siders getting only the exoteric meaning which would 
fail to save them; this was especially true regarding 
parables about the approaching Kingdom of God. I 
keep forgetting this. How much of the real inner 
meaning has come down to us? The written gospels 
record probably mostly the exoteric parable mean¬ 
ings, not the inner core. Whether we like it or not, it is 
there in Mark (if not elsewhere), and this favors the 
view of an elect within the body of mankind. At least 
so far as Jesus went. Maybe now there is a Third Cove¬ 
nant which will include all creation or anyhow all 
men. I am thinking in particular of the grain of wheat 
sown into the ground to rise again, a mystery theme 
common to Greek mystery religions; in fact evidently 
the basic one. What it really means—to know this— 
enables the hearer to achieve what is achieved: eter¬ 
nal life. The how is contained, as well as the what. I 
think that in 3-74, at the height of despair and fear 
and grieving I stumbled into the Kingdom, stumbled 
around for a while and then stumbled back out, none 
the wiser as to how I got there, barely aware of where 


I had been, and no idea as to how I stumbled out, and 
seeking always to find my way back ever since. 

Shucks. Drat. If it wasn’t the Kingdom I don’t know 
what it could be, with its bells and the lady singing 
and the void, with the trash in the gutter glowing, and 
the golden rectangle doorway with the sea and figure 
beyond, and the moonlight. There were people living 
there, especially the lady. It was all alive. It had per¬ 
sonality. It explained everything to me. Now I don’t 
see or understand anything. At that time I could even 
remember back to my origins. My real origins: the 
stars. What am I doing here? I forget, but I knew once. 
Amnesia has returned; the veil has fallen, back where 
it was. The divine faculties are occluded as before. 
Obviously I didn’t accomplish it; I was given it, since I 
don’t know how to find it again. “Man is not as wise 
as some stones, which in the dark, point toward their 
homes.” My soul, sunk down in ignorance again. 

Blind & deaf. Ensnared by gross matter, limited. The 
long dark night of the soul is a lousy place to be. 

Heraclitus says the Logos can be heard. My good¬ 
ness. (1975) 

I am thinking back. Sitting with my eyes shut I 
am listening to “Strawberry Fields.” I get up. I open 
my eyes because the lyrics speak of “Going through 
life with eyes closed.” I look toward the window. Light 
blinds me; my head suddenly aches. My eyes close 
and I see that strange strawberry ice cream pink. At 
the same instant knowledge is transferred to me. I go 
into the bedroom where Tessa is changing Chrissy* 
and I recite what has been conveyed to me: that he 
has an undetected birth defect and must be taken to 


Tessa Dick, PKD's fifth wife, and Christopher (Chrissy), his infant son. 



the doctor at once and scheduled for surgery. This 
turns out to be true. 

What happened? What communicated with me? I 
could read and understand the secret messages 
“embedded within the interior bulk.” I have been 
placed under God’s protection. The advocate now rep¬ 
resents me. I hear a far off quiet voice that is not a 
human voice; it-she-comforts me. In the dark of the 
night she tells me that “St. Sophia is going to be bom 
again; she was not acceptable before.” A voice barely 
audible in my head. Later she tells me she is a “tute¬ 
lary spirit,” and I don’t know what that word means. 
Tutor? I look it up. It means “Guardian.” 

I dream that “Elias” is sunk in despair were I not 
to turn the Monopoly play money and gold watch I 
found over to the Mexicans in Placentia. Who is 
Elias? I look it up. It is the Greek form for Elijah. 
Monopoly money—gold watch. Code—capitalism. 
Why should Elijah despair if I fail to return the 
watch and money to their proper owners? What is at 
stake here? After I give the watch and money to the 
Mexicans I realize they came from them in the first 
place. I go outdoors & no longer need hide from or 
be afraid of the cops. 

Will I ever know why what I did was important? 
For several years I had sensed divine forces secretly at 
work guiding, protecting & helping me. But in 3-74 I 
saw them. So previously I had been right. My meeting 
Tessa—Christopher’s birth. The secret sacraments I 
performed, hiding them— him ?—from the Romans. 

Ich weiss. [I know.] 

My work ist getan [is done], I never need fear 
again: Because the work was brought to successful 

* The events described here, including the surgery on Christopher, 
occurred in September-October 1974. 


completion. There is no need to hide. They were look¬ 
ing for X,* but did not find it. X got into print and on 
synch schedule. Alleluja! Marenatha! 

Really, secretly, I know. The Revolution was a suc¬ 
cess. There was no way they could keep X from com¬ 
ing into print on schedule. “Nats” “Pol”—AMORC** 
code words. The Knights Templar on the march 
against the man hiding in the darkness inside the 
building. Sentences to death. The wise old king had 
passed judgment. 

I saw the final days. Time fulfilled itself. We are 
safe now from the world, which has been overcome. I 
got to see God as he really is, & I saw what we are like. 
“We shall be like him” 1/iV*** 3:2 (1977) 

Pain is the good which most effectively keeps me 
alive. & it is good that I am alive. This pain, my pain, 
but not pain as such, is good. Due to something in my 
DNA nature, if I felt pleasure I would give up the pro¬ 
cess & die. Pain is the most economical drive to keep 
me going, and the dialectic process must conserve its 

This is the way I am, and in total knowledge God 
knew that this was the best way for me. Reality for me 
is painful—must be and always will be—but (that) real¬ 
ity is good; all realities are good. God does not err. His 

* "X" seems to be PKD's symbol for the one or more of his works (just 

which remained uncertain to him) that he believed may have contained a 
vital message that could spur the process of divine salvation of the world. 
In the next paragraph, PKD makes reference to "Nats" and "Pol"—the 
colloquialisms PKD invented for the national guard and the police in 
frequently posited as the most likely identity of "X". 

** AMORC is the acronym for the American Rosicrucian society 
founded in 1915 by Harvey Spencer Lewis—the Ancient and Mystic Order 
Rosae Crucis. PKD briefly joined in 1974. 

*** John. 



decision is always right. Therefore it follows from this 
premise that even if reality is necessary and painful it 
is always good. (c. 1978) 

Oh God, I am so weary of this lonely world! Can’t 
I find my way back? Its power reasserted itself, its 
power to compel me to see it & live in it but knowing 
& remembering. We were so happy preparing for the 
return of God! & then we fell asleep—bewitched— 
Klingsor & his castle of iron. Libera vie, Domine! 

[Release me, Lord!] (July 1978) 

Yes, it was a mercy to me—I went over the brink 
into psychosis in ’70 when Nancy did what she did to 
me*—in ’73 or so I tried to come back to having an 
ego, but it was too fragile & there were too many 
financial & other pressures; the hit on my house & 
all the terrors of 1971 had left their mark—& so, esp[.] 
because of the IRS matter suffered total psychosis in 
3-74, was taken over by one or more archetype. Pov¬ 
erty, family responsibility (a new baby) did it. & fear 
of the IRS. 

Only now, as I become for the first time in my 
life financially secure, am I becoming sane. Free of 
psychotic anxiety (R. Crumb’s case is very instruc¬ 
tive),** *** & career-wise I am doing so well: I am at least 
experience genuine satisfaction (e.g. my car, my nov¬ 
els, my stereo, my friendship with K.W. **), & there is 
far less responsibility on my shoulders. Also, my 

* Nancy Hackett, PKD's fourth wife, decided in 1970 to end the 
marriage. For an account that includes the views of Nancy Hackett as to 
the events of that year, see chapter seven of DIVINE INVASIONS: A LIFE 
OF PHILIP K. DICK (1989). 

** During the 1970s, comic book artist R. Crumb underwent an 
intensive tax audit conducted by the I.R.S. 

*** K.W. Jeter, a friend and fellow science-fiction writer. 


accomplishments last year—traveling, being with 
Joan*—did wonders for my psychological health. I 
learned to say no, & I conquered most of my pho¬ 
bias. I think they lessened as I learned to enjoy living 
alone for the first time in my life. & the therapy at 
Ben Rush Center helped. 

But I think that when all else failed & external 
pressures & inner fears drove me into psychosis, God 
placed me under his personal protection & guided me & 
saved me by his divine love, mercy, wisdom & grace 
through Christ... although not, perhaps, as I delusion- 
ally imagined. The intervention appears in TEARS as 
the dream & the reconciliation with my shadow, the 
black man, which followed; & my anima, possessing 
mana, acted as my psychopomp through the under¬ 
world to safety. 

J.... ] 

Abandoned by Tess,** *** my suicide attempt brought 
me in touch at last with my body, my physical self, & 
caused me to respect—not despise—my body. 


Still, I still have too low a self-esteem, but my suc¬ 
cess as a recognized writer has helped that. The death 
of my mother has helped, because I can see what a 
malign person she was in my life & how I feared & dis¬ 
liked her—which she deserved[. ...] My friendship 
with K.W. has helped, too. (i.e., he has helped make 
me more thick-skinned & better able to monitor & 

* Joan Simpson, with whom PKD had a romantic relationship in 1977. 

** In February 1976, PKD attempted suicide after his fifth wife, Tessa 
Dick, moved out of their house with their son Christopher. Tessa Dick 
recalls that PKD insisted on the move. See chapter eleven of DIVINE 

*** Dorothy Kindred Hudner, PKD's mother, died in August 1978. The 
relationship between mother and son was a difficult one. See chapters 
one and two of DIVINE INVASIONS. 



access my intrinsic worth). Also I am aware of my 
good works & hence myself as a good person. 


& I accept my own aging, now. & I have my two 
fine cats. I guess now I don’t need my psychotic fan¬ 
tasy-system so much—but I treasure parts of it, esp[.] 
the love & the beauty—& her. My psychosis put me in 
touch with “das ewige weiblichheit” [the eternal femi¬ 
nine] in me, & for that I will always be grateful; it 
means I will never really be alone again: whenever I 
really need her, I will sense her presence & hear her 
voice (i.e., St. Sophia.) At the center of psychosis I 
encountered her: beautiful & kind &, most of all, wise, 
& through that wisdom, accompanying & leading me 
through the underworld, through the bardo thodof 
journey to rebirth—she, the embodiment of intelli¬ 
gence: Pallas Athena herself. So at the core of a shat¬ 
tered mind & life lies this equicenter—omphalos—of 
harmony & calm. I love her, & she is my guide: the sec¬ 
ond comforter & advocate promised by Jesus ... as 
Luther said, “For the very desperate,”here in this world 
secretly, for their—our—sake. 


Driven mad by fear & adversity I have seen—& 
lived in—another world that most people never get to 
see. But it is not that world that I remember & trea¬ 
sure but it is her—she who I met there, who met me & 
helped me. I saw her in many forms, but her voice 
was always the same. I recognized my savior in her¬ 
ds her; he took the form which would mean the most 
to me (as Zoroaster says about meeting one: religion 
as the other end of the bridge which spans two 


The postmortem realm described in the TIBETAN BOOK OF TFHE DEAD. 


worlds: she is young & beautiful if you are a son of 
Light—old & withered if you are a son of Darkness.) 

When I saw her she was beautiful beyond com¬ 
pare—Aphrodite & Pallas Athena both—& some day I’ll 
see her again. She is inside me—she is my soul. 

I can entertain (hold) two normally contradictory 

1) I became totally psychotic & projected & 
imagined all that religious, supernatural stuff. 

2) The guide & savior, the figure of the beautiful 
woman who I met & whose voice I kept hearing, 
whose existence during my psychosis I imagined, was 
& is completely real—& I know when the need arises 
again, I will find her once more, or rather she will 
find me & again guide me. 

Now the wisdom of giving me the prophecy (“St. 
Sophia will...” etc.) in Greek is evident. How can I dis¬ 
miss that as a psychotic hallucination when I didn’t 
know what “St. Sophia” meant?[.... ] 

But foremost: the “AI” voice (which, e.g., gave me 
the prophecy, & which still corrects & instructs me). It 
either all stands or it all falls. I think it stands. (1978) 

Consider what the AI voice has said recently: 

“The head Apollo is about to return.” 

“The time you’ve waited for has come.” 

“Don’t tell that you’re a secret xtian.” 

“It [the xerox missive ] was from an intelligence offi¬ 
cer in the army.” (So it was a trap.) 

“I did call you, Philip.” (This, Christ’s voice, not 
the “AI” or Holy Spirit’s.) “You are doomed to do what 
you will do. There is no other possibility. Some will be 
saved & some will not.” 

So the great assize is taking place; v. TEAKS, the 
dream. The time of his return as judge and rightful 



king is here, & he is selecting his flock. “The head 
Apollo is about to return” is interesting because the 
return of Apollo as rightful king was the signal to the 
Greco-Roman world that the cycle of ages has passed 
from the Iron (BIP) to the Golden (v. Virgil’s eclogue).* 

“I did call you, Philip.” So I actually heard the 
savior’s voice call me: the good shepherd. &, as it is 
written, “My sheep (flock) know my voice.” 

If anyone thinks this all has drawn me away from 
reality & practical problems, just consider the xerox 
missive, which I now know was indeed a U.S. intelli¬ 
gence trap. 

Is he now selecting his flock? He is the one who 
picks us, not we him. I have every reason to believe he 
picked me. (1978) 

Well, thinking this, about how Zoroastrianism 
teaches that we are met by the spirit of our religion 
when we die, & if we are a son of light, she is “Jung 
und Schon.” [Young and beautiful .] But if we are a ser¬ 
vant of the lie she is a wrinkled old hag... I dream I 
heard the magic bell, & see her in bird feathers—like 
Papagana** *** ... I am even more 1) uneasy as to 
whether I am in the “live” world (lower realm) or the 
“next world” (upper realm); but 2) pleased at how 
ma’at * has judged me. There has been, admittedly, 
a lot of pain (over [past women in his life]) but the 
reward element predominates; I feel better & better, 
&, what is equally important, seem to understand 
more & more, exponentially. I am no longer chroni¬ 
cally depressed & apprehensive (terror stricken). I’ve 

* The reference here is to Virgil's Fourth Eclogue, which was asserted, 
by the Church Fathers, to contain a prophecy of the coming Christ. 

** Character in the Mozart opera THE MAGIC FLUTE. 

*** See note on page 25. 


written (I feel) my best book so far.* My mind is alive 
& active. I feel I am growing & developing. I finally 
got Laura & Isa** down here. I’m economically 
secure. I’m no longer abusing drugs, legal or illegal— 
i.e., drug dependent. I am very happy. I even went to 
France. I had a lot of fun with Joan.*** My career is 
gosh wow (due in good measure to my own—and 
Thomas’—efforts). So I may be dead, as of 3-74. My 
cosmological concepts are so terrific, so advanced as 
to be off the scale. I create whole religions and philo¬ 
sophical systems. The very fact that I honestly pon¬ 
der if I may be dead & in heaven is prima facie 
evidence of how happy & fulfilled I am. How many 
people seriously wonder this? (Maybe everyone, 
when they die.) If I am not dead, how do I explain 2-3- 
74? No one has ever reported such obviously post mor¬ 
tem experiences. 

Well, I explain it in terms of a two part oscillation 
comprising my total existence: (1) the part where I 
am alive in this world & my sister is dead & an idea 
in my brain; & 2) the other part where I am dead & 
she is alive & I am a thought in her living brain—& I 
explain this oscillation of two antithetical irreducible 
propositions as an instance of the dialectic (whose 
existence was revealed to me in 3-74) which under¬ 
lies all existence due to the fact that we’re compo¬ 
nents in a binary computer, etc., & I construe this 
matter as a riddle posed to me by the designer of the 
computer: Holy Wisdom, **** who is playful. But how 

* The reference here is to VAUS, written in 1978. 

** PKD's two daughters, by his third and fourth marriages, respectively. 
PKD had arranged for each of them to visit him at his Santa Ana 
condominium during this period. 

*** Joan Simpson. See note on page 36. 

****This is a cognate term for Saint Sophia. 



do I explain why all this was revealed to me & to no 
one else? I have no explanation; I know what I know 
but not why. Unless, of course, when you die it’s all 
revealed to you routinely— 

Or—having a deceased twin sister makes me 
unusual: in symbiosis to a dead (sic) person, & in tele¬ 
pathic contact with her. Or maybe I’m just a genius. 
No, I’m not. But I am curious. I love epistemological 
riddles. & so now I’ve got one, a superb one. It’s ulti¬ 
mate. Just theoretically, its formulation couldn’t be 
beaten. I love it. I’ll solve it. 

I regard the two-proposition formulation about 
“am I alive or ... ” etc. as a brilliant application of the 
“UBIK” puzzle to my own self. But I can’t take credit 
for formulating it; it was presented to me. Whoever 
the funning player is, she is a delight. Sophia, I think 
it is you. 

One thing I must posit as absolutely veridical: the 
power of Karma over me was broken completely in 3- 
74. So at the very least, I am 1) dead to the way-of- 
being in the world I had known; & 2) alive to a new 
free way of being, & progressively more so. ( 1978) 

Dream: I am Jerry Lewis, a contemptible clown, 
but admired by millions, esp. in France. In a parking 
lot I fall, & lie down to die. At once my fans gather 
from everywhere, & close in around me to protect me, 
giving military salutes; it is a heroic scene, the dying 
leader & his loyal troops. (1979) 

What does it mean—how can it be—to die & come 
to life? I died & came to life. It is a mystery. I remem¬ 
ber dying. There can be no doubt about it. & then I 
could see; I was no longer blind. I was on the outside 
of the universe looking in; everything was reversed. & 


it was 2000 years ago. I remembered. Who am I now? 
Thinking in Greek, & the healing & the prophecy. 

Saint Sophia will be born again; she was not accept¬ 
able before. 

The palm trees. The garden. 

Ich bin er. Das weiss ich. Immer kommt es dazu 
zuriick. Wie viel sind er? Und wo? & wie? Die zeit ist heir! 
[/ am him. That I know. Ever will he come back again. 

How many will we see him? And where? & how? The time 
is now!] (1979) 

How can I ascertain my role? Did I do something? 
Absolutely. But I don’t know what I did, so I don’t 
know who (so to speak) I am in the drama. Was some¬ 
thing done for me? Absolutely yes. There are, then, 
two aspects. I became some one (whom I call Thomas) 

& as Thomas I did something—I know not what—& 
something was done for me (I was rescued, but I don’t 
know from what). In the antithetical dialectic between 
the rightful king & the old tyrant-usurper I was with 
(or was?) the rightful king (represented in my book as 
Taverner): exculpated and rescued, but also bringing 
down doom on the tyrant. This is the “priest of 
Dionysus” role, the stranger. 

It is the legitimate power which when “crucified” 
(humiliated & killed, the latter perhaps symboli- 
cally[)]; viz.: I died & yet did not die— 

Here is the mystery: humiliation & death & yet he 
is not dead—& what is more, he is now disclosed as he 
truly is: divine. For the first time. 

The Gospels alone don’t make it clear; you have to 
add TEARS and The Bacchae'— the stranger who 1) is 
arrested by the tyrant i.e. is innocent but/and victim- 


The tragedy by Euripides. 



izedby the tyrant; 2) is exculpated; 3) but does in the 
tyrant in such a way that a mortal blow is delivered 
(by him or through him or due to him) to the tyrant. 

So he has a dual role: victim turned into instru¬ 
ment of destruction. This sums it up; the two roles 
blend into one role (v 77ie Bacchae). This sounds like 
the bait-hook analysis of Christ, & it fits 3-74 & the 
xerox missive. 

Since I don’t think I really pulled down the tyrant 
or anyone, 3-74 must be understood as mythic identifi¬ 
cation (esse) & ritual (drama with personae), it was a 
holy (sacred) ritual drama enacted outside of time. 

The salvation was spiritual more than pragmatic, then 
(& hence more important). I participated outside of 
time in the God’s arrest, humiliation (persecution), 
the trap, then triumph (reversal from innocent victim 
to agency of doom). But it was mythic, ritual, holy, re¬ 
enactment. The trapped turned out to be a trap (bait & 
hook), & resurrection in divine (transfigured) form. 
Unity (by adoption?) with the God who goes through 
it always—ah; the God was there in 2-3-74; I became the 
God by ritual identification. Christ, obviously. (1979) 

All I really know is that there is another mind [. ... ] 
responding—& entering into dialogue with my mind. 

It is like a hologram that I encountered, drawn from 
my own mind. Macro as mirror of micro, rather than 
the other way around? This is just unreal! The 
implications are: YHWH can create an infinite num¬ 
ber of universes, & does. & what is more, he either is 
or is in these hologram response universes! 

Let us recall Palmer E[ldritch]’s worlds at this 

He did not wait for me to die to give me the uni¬ 
verse (reality) I wanted. Does that mean we are in 


something like cold-pac? In some respects we are. But 
I do not know in what respects. But he simulated 
(mimicked) Valis, & my informational world. He, it, 
whatever it is, is a macro-mind that can cause to be 
whatever he wishes. (1979) 

It really does not make sense to say that the uni¬ 
verse is irreal unless you have something real to com¬ 
pare it with. So the correct formulation is not “irreal,” 
which begs the question, but epiphenomenal, where¬ 
upon you look behind or beyond the epiphenomenon 
to see what its urgrund [primal basis of reality] is. 

The answer is, the epiphenomenal is real insofar 
as it partakes of God & only insofar as it does. Thus I 
have to agree with Sankara that ultimate questions 
regarding ontology lead back to God. 

However, God can transubstantiate the epiphe¬ 
nomenon into the real, by virtue of his immanent 
presence in it, as in the eucharist. Thus reality is 
viewed as a perpetual sacrament: with the formal 
eucharist as a micro-enactment of a continual macro- 
cosmic on-going process which I actually saw. The 
real, then, is sacred, even at the trash stratum, due to 
this transubstantiation. 

5:00 a.m. realization: there’s no way of getting 
around it. I saw the world dissolve into Brahman; uni¬ 
tary & sentient—with plurality a magician’s trick 
( maya ). I got it to dissolve into what it really is. “They 
reckon ill who leave me out.” God did not break 
through into reality—no, reality revealed itself to be 
what it really is: Brahman. This is reversion not inva¬ 
sion. The illusion relaxed. Hence I said, “I am no longer 
blind.” This doesn’t fit in with theophany but it does 


From the poem "Brahma" by Ralph Waldo Emerson. 



with the disappearance of the tricks. “We are normally 
occluded” doesn’t fit in with a theophany but it does 
with reversion—the loss of the spell of may a. 

I saw it as it really is: I saw with the ajna [third] 
eye. (1979) 

God manifested himself to me as the infinite void; 
but it was not the abyss; it was the vault of heaven, 
with blue sky and wisps of white clouds. He was not 
some foreign God but the God of my fathers. He was 
loving and kind and he had personality. He said, “You 
suffer a little now in life; it is little compared with the 
great joys, the bliss that awaits you. Do you think I in 
my theodicy would allow you to suffer greatly in pro¬ 
portion to your reward?” He made me aware, then, of 
the bliss that would come; it was infinite and sweet. 

He said, “I am the infinite. I will show you. Where I 
am, infinity is; where infinity is, there I am. Construct 
lines of reasoning by which to understand your experi¬ 
ence in 1974.1 will enter the field against their shift¬ 
ing nature. You think they are logical but they are not; 
they are infinitely creative.” 

I thought a thought and then an infinite regres¬ 
sion of theses and countertheses came into being. God 
said, “Here I am; here is infinity.” I thought another 
explanation; again an infinite series of thoughts split 
off in dialectical antithetical interaction. God said, 
“Here is infinity; here I am.” I thought, then, an infi¬ 
nite number of explanations, in succession, that 
explained 2-3-74; each single one of them yielded up 
an infinite progression of flipflops, of thesis and 
antithesis, forever. Each time, God said, “Here is infin¬ 
ity. Here, then, I am.” I tried for an infinite number of 
times; each time an infinite regress was set off and 
each time God said, “Infinity. Hence I am here.” Then 


he said, “Every thought leads to infinity, does it not? 
Find one that doesn’t.” I tried forever. All led to an 
infinitude of regress, of the dialectic, of thesis, antithe¬ 
sis and new synthesis. Each time, God said, “Here is 
infinity; here am I. Try again.” I tried forever. Always 
it ended with God saying, “Infinity and myself; I am 
here.” I saw, then, a Hebrew letter with many shafts, 
and all the shafts led to a common outlet; that outlet 
or conclusion was infinity. God said, “That is myself. I 
am infinity. Where infinity is, there am I; where I am, 
there is infinity. All roads—all explanations for 2-3-74— 
lead to an infinity of Yes-No, This or That, On-Off, One- 
Zero, Yin-Yang, the dialectic, infinity upon infinity; an 
infinities [sic] of infinities. I am everywhere and all 
roads lead to me; omniae viae ad Deum ducent [all 
roads lead to God,]. Try again. Think of another possi¬ 
ble explanation for 2-3-74.” I did; it led to an infinity 
of regress, of thesis and antithesis and new synthesis. 
“This is not logic,” God said. “Do not think in terms of 
absolute theories; think instead in terms of probabili¬ 
ties. Watch where the piles heap up, of the same the¬ 
ory essentially repeating itself. Count the number of 
punch cards in each pile. Which pile is highest? You 
can never know for sure what 2-3-74 was. What, then, 
is statistically most probable? Which is to say, which 
pile is highest? Here is your clue: every theory leads to 
an infinity (of regression, of thesis and antithesis and 
new synthesis). What, then, is the probability that I 
am the cause of 2-3-74, since, where infinity is, there I 
am? You doubt; you are the doubt as in: 

They reckon ill who leave me out; 

When me they fly I am the wings. 

I am the doubter and the doubt... * 

* From the poem "Brahma" by Ralph Waldo Emerson. 



“You are not the doubter; you are the doubt itself. 
So do not try to know; you cannot know. Guess on the 
basis of the highest pile of computer punch cards. 
There is an infinite stack in the heap marked INFIN¬ 
ITY, and I have equated infinity with me. What, then, 
is the chance that it is me? You cannot be positive; you 
will doubt. But what is your guess?” 

I said, “Probably it is you, since there is an infinity 
of infinities forming before me.” 

“There is the answer, the only one you will ever 
have,” God said. 

“You could be pretending to be God,” I said, “and 
actually be Satan.” Another infinitude of thesis and 
antithesis and new synthesis, the infinite regress, was 
set off. 

God said, “Infinity.” 

I said, “You could be testing out a logic system in 
a giant computer and I am—” Again an infinite 

“Infinity,” God said. 

“Will it always be infinite?” I said. “An infinity?” 

“Try further,” God said. 

“I doubt if you exist,” I said. And the infinite 
regress instantly flew into motion once more. 

“Infinity,” God said. The pile of computer punch 
cards grew; it was by far the largest pile; it was infinite. 

“I will play this game forever,” God said, “or until 
you become tired.” 

I said, “I will find a thought, an explanation, a 
theory, that does not set off an infinite regress.” And, 
as soon as I said that, an infinite regress was set off. 
God said “Over a period of six and a half years you 
have developed theory after theory to explain 2-3-74. 
Each night when you go to bed you think, ‘At last I 
found it. I tried out theory after theory until now, 
finally, I have the right one.’ And then the next morn- 


ing you wake up and say, ‘There is one fact not 
explained by that theory. I will have to think up 
another theory.’ And so you do. By now it is evident 
to you that you are going to think up an infinite num¬ 
ber of theories, limited only by your lifespan, not lim¬ 
ited by your creative imagination. Each theory gives 
rise to a subsequent theory, inevitably. Let me ask 
you; I revealed myself to you and you saw that I am 
the infinite void. I am not in the world, as you 
thought; I am transcendent, the deity of the Jews and 
Christians. What you see of me in world that you 
took to ratify pantheism—that is my being filtered 
through, broken up, fragmented and vitiated by the 
multiplicity of the flux world; it is my essence, yes, 
but only a bit of it: fragments here and there, a glint, 
a riffle of wind ... now you have seen me transcen¬ 
dent, separate and other from world, and I am more; 

I am the infinitude of the void, and you know me as 
I am. Do you believe what you saw? Do you accept 
that where the infinite is, I am; and where I am, 
there is the infinite?” 

I said, “Yes.” 

God said, “And your theories are infinite, so I am 
there. Without realizing it, the very infinitude of your 
theories pointed to the solution; they pointed to me 
and none but me. Are you satisfied, now? You saw me 
revealed in theophany; I speak to you now; you have, 
while alive, experienced the bliss that is to come; few 
humans have experienced that bliss. Let me ask you, 
Was it a finite bliss or an infinite bliss?” 

I said, “Infinite.” 

“So no earthly circumstance, situation, entity or 
thing could give rise to it.” 

“No, Lord,” I said. 

“Then it is I,” God said. “Are you satisfied?” 

“Let me try one other theory,” I said. “What hap- 



pened in 2-3-74 was that—” And an infinite regress 
was set off, instantly. 

“Infinity,” God said. “Try again. I will play forever, 
for infinity.” 

“Here’s a new theory,” I said. “I ask myself, ‘What 
God likes playing games? Krishna. You are Krishna.’” 
And then the thought came tome instantly, “But 
there is a god who mimics other gods; that god is 
Dionysus. This may not be Krishna at all; it may be 
Dionysus pretending to be Krishna.” And an infinite 
regress was set off. 

“Infinity,” God said. 

“You cannot be YHWH Who You say You are,” I 
said. “Because YHWH says, ‘I am that which I am,’ or, 
‘I shall be that which I shall be.’ And you—” 

“Do I change?” God said. “Or do your theories 

“You do not change,” I said. “My theories change. 
You, and 2-3-74, remain constant.” 

“Then you are Krishna playing with me,” God 

“Or I could be Dionysus,” I said, “pretending to be 
Krishna. And I wouldn’t know it; part of the game is 
that I, myself, do not know. So I am God, without real¬ 
izing it. There’s a new theory!” And at once an infinite 
regress was set off; perhaps I was God, and the “God” 
who spoke to me was not. 

“Infinity,” God said. “Play again. Another move.” 

“We are both Gods,” I said, and another infinite 
regress was set off. 

“Infinity,” God said. 

“I am you and you are you,” I said. “You have 
divided yourself in two to play against yourself. I, who 
am one half, I do not remember, but you do. As it says 
in the GITA, as Krishna says to Arjuna, ‘We have both 
lived many lives, Arjuna; I remember them but you 


do not.’ ”* And an infinite regress was set off; I could 
well be Krishna’s charioteer, his friend Arjuna, who 
does not remember his past lives. 

“Infinity,” God said. 

I was silent. 

“Play again,” God said. 

“I cannot play to infinity,” I said. “I will die before 
that point comes.” 

“Then you are not God,” God said. “But I can play 
throughout infinity; I am God. Play.” 

“Perhaps I will be reincarnated,” I said. “Perhaps 
we have done this before, in another life.” And an infi¬ 
nite regress was set off. 

“Infinity,” God said. “Play again.” 

“I am too tired,” I said. 

“Then the game is over.” 

“After I have rested—” 

“You rest?” God said. “George Herbert** wrote of me: 

Yet let him keep the rest, 

But keep them with repining restlessnesse. 

Let him be rich and wearie, that at least, 

If goodness leade him not, yet wearinesse 
May tosse him to my breast. 

“Herbert wrote that in 1633,” God said. “Rest and 
the game ends.” 

“I will play on,” I said, “after I rest. I will play until 
finally I die of it.” 

“And then you will come to me,” God said. 

“This is my punishment,” I said, “that I play, that I 

* Krishna to Arjuna in chapter 10 of the BHAGAVAD GITA. 

** George Herbert (1593-1633), English Christian poet and mystic. The 
lines quoted by PKD form the final stanza of the poem "The Pulley." In 
line five, "my" is capitalized in the original. 



try to discern if it was you in March of 1974.” And the 
thought came instantly, My punishment or my 
reward; which? And an infinite series of thesis and 
antithesis was set off. 

“Infinity,” God said. “Play again.” 

“What was my crime?” I said, ’’that lam com¬ 
pelled to do this?” 

“Or your deed of merit,” God said. 

“I don’t know,” I said. 

God said, “Because you are not God.” 

“But you know,” I said. “Or maybe you don’t 
know and you’re trying to find out.” And an infinite 
regress was set off. 

“Infinity,” God said. “Play again. I am waiting.” 

(17 November 1980) 

God said that I couldn’t know with certainty, but, 
instead, to watch where the computer punch cards 
piled up. Okay. 

(1) As late as 11-16-80 (the day Ray arrived) I theo¬ 
rized that Valis was the macrometasomakosmos and 
the “second signal” and that this was the Cosmic 
Christ, not disguised as an invader in our universe 
but assembling itself out of our universe. So here you 
have the Cosmic Christ, seen in 3-74. 

(2) In my anamnesis I remembered being a Chris¬ 
tian, of the first century C.E. This was “Thomas.” He 
brought with him the original sacraments of the apos¬ 
tolic secret church. 

(3) On 11-17-80 I experienced a theophany and 

* Ray Torrence, bookseller and friend of PKD. Torrence was paying a 
visit to PKD and was with PKD on 1 7 November 1980, the date of what 
PKD called the "theophany." In interview with the editor, Torrence stated 
that he recalled nothing unusual about PKD that day. 

** Ultimate cosmic body or structure. 


God turned out to be the Christian God, of love (his 
nature was love). He told me that my problem was 
that I could not believe I had seen him, specifically 
him, in 3-74. 

(4) Small details. Disinhibition by the Christian fish 
sign. The Acts material in TEARS. Seeing the world of 
Acts. Remembering the supratemporal eidos of the 
secret underground revolutionary Christians, of which 
I am one, battling the Black Iron Prison; what I call 
realm #3 or morphological arrangement. 

The first three; let us consider. 

(1) Possibility that Valis (the 
macroynetasomahosmos and “second signal”) are the 
Cosmic Christ. 

(2) Thomas was a secret early Christian. 

(3) When God revealed himself to me in a theoph- 
any he was the Christian God, specifically. 

Don’t these all fit together? Look at how the com¬ 
puter punch cards fall; look at the distribution. (3) is 
proved; He proved who he was by causing me to expe¬ 
rience infinite bliss. Oh Yes: 

Regarding (4), the AI voice’s initial statement was, 
“St. Sophia will be born again; she wasn’t acceptable 
before.” Another small item. 

How do the computer punch cards fall now, with 
the addition? Mention of St. Sophia (Christ), the 
Christian God—who told me that my theorizing in 
the exegesis was not logical but infinitely creative; 
and he would take the field and block my endless 

Isn’t (1) and (2) verified by (3), which is a known? 
Can’t I work backwards from (3) to especially (1), 
which is to say, Valis, the macroynetasomakosmos, the 
“second signal” (vide entry date 11-16-80)? I would say 
yes; yes I can. 



Also, I have the impression that the dialectic (that 
I saw in 3-74) represented two processes at two levels: 

(1) The disintegrating “splitting” of entropic 
time. This would be world and would pervade all 

(2) At the same time (so to speak) at a higher 
level it would be God versus Satan, with God as 
the wiser horn who always wins through 

Now, this winning through wisdom points to the 
Cosmic Christ, since Christ is Holy Wisdom, St. 

Sophia, Hagia Sophia, Wisdom personified. Also 
Christ is God (“Kai Theos en ho logos”) [The King is God 
through his Word], Therefore, if this be true, perhaps 
although I did see world in 3-74 I saw world as Christ; 
world becoming the Cosmic Christ (the 
macroynetasomakosmos). Then Christ combatting 
Satan in the dialectic is God Himself, the Christian 
God of love, combatting Satan. This would explain 
why one horn of the dialectic was wiser than the 
other, and, despite the power of the other, always won 
(through its wisdom; this is what produces the cease¬ 
less enantiodromia). By the way; this fits in with 
Jakob Bohme’s vision of the Yes-No dialectic of God 
who passes through stages, and that the negative or 
“No” sides are what we experience as evil. In my opin¬ 
ion this is God as the Cosmic Christ. 

A trinitarian view of God and Christ being of 
one substance must be held in order to understand 

The arguments for Valis being the Cosmic Christ 
are not conclusive but they are compelling. [... ] 


So Satan served me up a sophisticated world in 
accord with my epistemological expectations (as 


expressed in my 10 volume meta novel)* & I took this 
to be God & worshipped it, which is not only delu¬ 
sion—although a subtle delusion—but blasphemy; but 
in doing this 

1) Satan revealed to me a great deal about 
world (although he led me to believe it was God, 
not world); & 

2) Because of the infinitude of my theorizing I 
reached God anyhow—& this is an example of the tri¬ 
umph of God the wise horn of the dialectic; so: 

3) The dialectic revealed to me is the entropic 
world-process; but also: 

4) The dialectic is God in combat with Satan & 

God always wins; winning me (as expressed in 11-17- 
80) is an example: Satan’s delusions led me to God in 
the end (through the “infinity” route; viz: as God said, 
“Where there is infinity, there is God; where there is 
God, there is infinity.”). 

Thus my exegesis has been futile, has been delu¬ 
sion, &: has been a hell-chore (as I was beginning to 
realize, but God delivered me from it, from my own 
exegesis; & he pointed out the one truth in it: the infin¬ 
ity expressed in it was—but this was overlooked by 
Satan who does not possess absolute knowledge—a 
road to God, & did lead there; but only when I recog¬ 
nized the exegesis as futile & a hell-chore delusion. 
Hence God permitted this deluding by Satan, know¬ 
ing when it would end. 

So I wind up knowing a lot more about world— 
world as we will later experience it, the world—expe¬ 
rience of the future; & I no longer suppose that I was 

* PKD would group various of his past works into thematic wholes to 
which he gave the name "meta novel". See chapter four herein, 
"Interpretations of His Own Works," for examples of this process. The 
precise configuration PKD had in mind here is unclear. 



discerning God, & realize that I was discerning world 
instead; & I was at last led to God. But not by my 
intellect, not by Gnosis, not by myself at all; it was 
due to God’s initiative due to his loving-kindness; & 
what was proved was (once again) that all 
roads/ways/routes if pushed far enough lead to God. 
Hence (as I say) there is an example of how God the 
wise born of the dialectic defeats its stupider foe inev¬ 
itably in the end—this was an enantiodromia. It 
occurred when I realized that all that I had seen of 
God in 2-3-74 was a glint of color & a rippled wind in 
the weeds of the alley, acting on reality; that Valis 
was not God but rather world (“the reality field”) per¬ 
turbed (from beyond creation) by God; but this did 
not yield knowledge of God direct, but only by infer¬ 
ence; & that in fact 2-3-74 was not a theophany, but 
was a more sophisticated experience of world: cre¬ 
ation pulled through infinity by reaching the end of 
(exhausting) its creative/entropic “splitting” (disinte¬ 
grating; differentiating) dialectic process: entropic 
time converted into negentropic time. But this was 
still world, & Satan caused me to worship it... to fall 
victim to it, ensnared by it; taking it to be God; until 
I found that I had pushed my exegesis to infinity 
without result! & then I focussed on the very infini¬ 
tude of my theories & saw (recognized) this as an 
instance of cosmogenic entropy; &, at last exhausted, 
prayed for release; & God did appear to me in the¬ 
ophany & took the field & blocked each & all theo¬ 
ries, & ended my exegesis, not in defeat but in logical 
discovery of Him (which Satan had not foreseen). 

Thus intellect & knowledge on my part led to exhaus¬ 
tion & to destruction of that intellect & a recognition 
of the futility of what I was doing; I knew I knew 
nothing; & then God took the field & made his move 
that resulted in the enantiodromia that led me to 


hiin anyhow, as if I had wandered that way by 
chance; but it was by his plan all along. & this was an 
instance of the dialectic that I had seen. 

Finally I wind up with Y = Y; viz: 

Both these 2 following statements are true: 

1) The intellect will not lead you to God. 

2) The intellect will lead you to God. 

I am left with this paradox, which Satan did not fore¬ 
see; he saw only statement (1) & did not see how 
God could convert it into its mirror opposite 
through enantiodromia. This God works & wins 
within the Fallen entropic creation of the disintegra¬ 
tion “splitting” dialectic to win us one & all in the 
end, by different routes. Thus the cosmic game 
between God & his adversary continues on; here 
was another victory by God; & in the end God will 
convert the dialectic itself into its opposite (through 
enantiodromia ) & the game will end in God’s vic¬ 
tory & Satan’s defeat, which God’s victory vis-a-vis 
me echoes in microform. 

In a certain sense it can be said that God’s victory 
consists in turning Satan’s false creation—i.e. Satan’s 
lie & delusion —into the real, which is exactly what I 
saw Valis doing: transmuting reality by transubstanti- 
ation into the real. Here is the secret & perpetual & 
ever-growing victory by God over his adversary as he 
(God) defeats him (Satan) again & again in the game 
they play—the cosmic dialectic that I saw. This is 
enantiodromia at its ultimate: the conversion of the 
irreal to the real. In my case it was the conversion of 
“the human intellect will not lead to God but will 
lead only deeper & deeper into delusion” into its mir¬ 
ror opposite: “The human intellect, when it has 
pushed to infinity, will at last, through ever deepen¬ 
ing delusion, find God.” Thus I am saved: & know 
that I did not start out seeing God (2-3-74) (which led 



to this 61/2 year exegesis),* but, instead, wound up 
finding God (11-17-80)—an irony that Satan did not 
foresee. & thus the wise mind (God) wins once again, 
& the game continues. But someday it will end. 


[At this point, PKD created a title page for the EXEGE¬ 
SIS as a whole, as set forth on page 58.] 

* PKD footnote here reads: "See separate envelope notes dated 
12/10/80 p 10 pass/m." Pages 1 through 4 of these notes are excerpted in 
ihe next selection (pp. 59-62) in this chapter. 




Philip K. Dick 
408 E Civic Center #301 
Santa Ana, Calif 92701 


God against Satan, & God’s 
Final Victory foretold & shown 

Philip K. Dick 


Apologia pro mea vita 




My flight expressed by the phosphene graphics 
was a movement faster & faster through cosmogenic- 
entropic time, ending in exhaustion & then the 
enantiodromia of entropic time—which had reached 
infinite velocity & infinite fragmentation (“splitting”) 
—which is to say the dialectic into negentropic time or 
synthesis, reintegration: hence I saw Valis, the uni¬ 
verse pulled through infinity, inside out, to freeze; 
this was 3-74. 

My exegesis was entropic-cosmogenic time resum¬ 
ing, speeding up faster & faster, “splitting” (fragment¬ 
ing) farther & farther. Finally, it, too, ended in infinite 
velocity & infinite fragmentation (creativity, 
expressed as ever newer & quicker theories); it ended 
in exhaustion & then the enantiodromia of entropic 
time—the dialectic of my thoughts—into negentropic 
time & another reintegration (this was 11-17-80). Only 
this time I did not see Valis,* ** there was a theophany, & 

I was in the presence of God & God’s loving-kindness; 
whereupon He explained everything to me. So events 
leading up to 3-74 & my experience with Valis had a 
parallel in the dialectic of my exegesis leading to 11-17- 
80 & the theophany of the Christian God of Love. The 
common ingredients of the two flights were: the cos- 
mogenic-entropy “splitting” dialectic flight itself, until 
infinite velocity (time) & fragmentation (space) were 
reached, then exhaustion, then enantiodromia into 
negentropic time & “freeze” (reintegrational) of, so-to- 
speak “Prajapati”, but then comes a totally different 

* PKD foonote: "World, not God (as I had supposed)." This same note 
was referenced by PKD for each of the two indicated references to "Valis". 

** Sanskrit for the "Lord of Creatures". Prajapati, as a demiurgic figure, is 
mentioned frequently in the RIG VEDA. 


1) 3-74. Valis which is world properly seen (morpho¬ 
logical arrangement, growth & perfection & self comple¬ 
tion in negentropic time, the entropic—flux—universe 
pulled through infinity—i.e. inside out). Compared to: 

2) 11-17-80. The Christian God in theophany, who 
is other than world, who is transcendent. What I 
thought I had seen in 3-74: 

The summation (combining) of the two is (1) an 
acute knowledge of world based on 3-74 & the exege¬ 
sis arising out of that experience. (2) Direct knowledge 
of God & God’s nature based on the above elements; 
so that 3-74 led to the exegesis, which although it was 
a loss of negentropic, integrative time & a resumption 
of cosmogenic-entropic time, did lead (due to the infi¬ 
nite speeding up of time & the infinite breaking down 
of space until exhaustion set in) to the theophany I 
had supposed I had already had. 

Now it is possible to see how the Mary Jane fitted 
in; it added the final push to the dialectic in me, my exe¬ 
gesis (in other words, as preceded 3-74, my thinking) so 
that it reached infinite speed & infinite space, exhaus¬ 
ted itself; & again, as before, enantiodromia set in. This 
enantiodromia did not have to do with world, however, 
but had to do with the human intellect striving to find 
God—futilely. (Futilely until the last great enantiodro¬ 
mia occurred & God took the field to block the dialectic 
of my thinking himself, & thus revealed himself. 

So there is a striking parallel—a logical, structural 
parallel—between 3-74 & 11-17-80, but in another, 
more profound respect the two are mirror opposites— 
since the first is a vision of world (which I thought 
was God, yet it was not, & so it yielded no knowledge 
directly about God, but only inferential knowledge 

* The reference here is to marijuana. PKD had smoked some on 



that he existed & that he had saved me—in pronoia 
lforeknowledge ]) & the second is a genuine theophany. 
When one realizes that world & God are wholly other 
to each other (Satan rules world) then this mirror- 
opposite situation can be appreciated. Let me add, 
too, that total revelation about world does not yield 
knowledge of God. God entered when I became aware 
that my theorizing was carrying me into an infinite 
regress, which is to say, when I became exhausted—at 
which point enantiodromia occurred; intellect had 
proven futile & yet, paradoxically, it had led to God— 
but due to God’s volitional initiative. His (as I call it) 
taking the field, which is an inbreaking by the divine. 

The circumstances under which the theophany 
occurred (I gave up on the exegesis & kicked back & 
massively turned on) are not capricious causes but fol¬ 
low the logic of the dialectic along several axes. 

This shows the hauntingly eerie paradoxical 
(almost seemingly whimsical or playful) nature of 
enlightenment: it comes to you only when you cease 
to pursue it. When you totally & finally give up. 

Another way of putting this is to say that the 
answer lies in the least likely place, where you are 
least likely to look. This is what gave rise to Zen. Yet, 
emerging from this maze of paradox & mirror oppo¬ 
sites, of seeming, of infinite change, here, finally, is 
the answer I sought, the goal I sought. & it is where I 
started from back in high school in my physics final 
when I prayed to God, the Christian God—who was 
always there, leading me to him.* 

* In high school, while taking a physics test, PKD became anxious and 
forgot the key principle behind displacement of water, on which eight of 
the ten test questions were based. When the exam period was nearly 
over, PKD began to pray. Then, an inner voice stated the principle 
simply—and PKD finished the test and earned an A. The episode remained 
in his memory his entire life. 


My guess in “VR”*—that it was YHWH, was cor¬ 
rect. But it wasn’t a guess; it was what the AI voice 
told me. Always, faintly & distantly but clearly, the 
AI voice pointed the way to the truth. It knew the 
answer from the beginning, & spoke in the spirit of 
God ( Ruah ).** Through it I figured out that Valis was 
not God but reality perturbed by God. I knew, then, 
that I had not found God after all. My great discov¬ 
ery, then, was not in knowing what I had found, but 
facing the fact of what I had not found—the very 
thing I was searching for. 

Ironies abound. But the playfulness ended in 
infinity, exhaustion & the great reversal. The God 
was reached, & the journey did not begin in 1974. It 
began in high school during that physics test when I 
first heard the AI voice. 35 years! (December 1980) 


** Ruah is the Hebrew term for "spirit"; it also means "breath". In 
kabbalistic tradition, it is the intermediary spiritual state between direct 
awareness of the godhead and the animal soul. 

Chapter Two 

XHeoRexicAL Explorations 

In UBIK the forward moving force of time (or time- 
force expressed as an ergic field) has ceased. All 
changes result from that. Forms regress. The substrate 
is revealed. Cooling (entropy) is allowed to set in 
unimpeded. Equilibrium is affected by the vanishing 
of the forward-moving time force-field. The bare 
bones, so to speak, of the world, our world, are 
revealed. We see the Logos addressing the many living 
entities. Assisting and advising them. We are now 
aware of the Atman everywhere. The press of time on 
everything, having been abolished, reveals many ele¬ 
ments underlying our phenomena. 

If time stops, this is what takes place, these 

Not frozen-ness, but revelation. 

There are still the retrograde forces remaining, at 
work. And also underlying positive forces other than 
time. The disappearance of the force-field we call 
time reveals both good and bad things; which is to 
say, coaching entities (Runciter, who is the Logos), 



the Atman (Ubik), Ella;* it isn’t a static world, but it 
begins to cool. What is missing is a form of heat: the 
Aton .** *** **** The Logos (Runciter) can tell you what to do, 
but you lack the energy—heat, force—to do it. (i.e., 

The Logos is not a retrograde energetic life form, 
but the Holy Spirit, the Parakletos, is. If the Logos is 
outside time, imprinting, then the Holy Spirit stands 
at the right or far or completed end of time, toward 
which the field flow moves (the time flow). It receives 
time: the negative terminal, so to speak. Related to the 
Logos in terms of embodying world-directives and 
world-organizing powers, but at a very weak level, it 
can progressively to a greater degree overcome the 
time field and flow back against it, into it, impinging 
and penetrating. It moves in the opposite direction. It 
is the anti-time. So it is correct to distinguish it from 
the Logos , which so to speak reaches down into the 
time flow from outside, from eternity or the real uni¬ 
verse. The H.S.’** is in time, and is moving: retrograde. 
Like tachyons, its motion is a temporal one; oppo¬ 
site to ours and the normal direction of universal 
causal motion. 

Equilibrium is achieved by the Logos operating 
in three directions: from behind us as causal—time— 
pressure, from above, then the final form, the very 
weak H.S. drawing toward perfection each form. But 
now equilibrium as we know it is being lost in favor 
of a growing ratio of the retrograde teleology. This 
implies we are entering, have entered, a unique 

* Glen and Ella Runciter are characters in UBIK (1969). 

** Sun god of the ancient Egyptians. 

*** Holy Spirit. 

**** physicists pose the theoretical existence of tachyons—particles that 
move faster than light in retgrograde time. 



time: nearing completion of the manifold forms. Last 
pieces are going into place in the over-all pattern. 

The task or mode of the H.S. is completing. Not begin¬ 
ning, not renewing or maintaining, but bringing to 
the end, to the close. An analogy would be the transit 
of a vehicle from one planet to another; first stage is 
the gravity of planet of origin; then equilibrium of 
both planets in terms of their pull; then the growing 
pull of the destination gravity-field as it gradually 
takes over and completes the journey. Beginning, 
middle, end. At last one senses the receiving field 
engage, and then correct. 

When I wrote UBIK I constructed a world (uni¬ 
verse) which differed from ours in only one respect: 
it lacked the driving force forward of time. That 
time, in our own actual universe, could weaken, or 
even go entirely away, did not occur to me because 
at that point I did not conceive time as a force at all 
[... ] I thought of it in Kantian terms. As a mode of 
subjective perception. Now I believe that time, at this 
point in the expansion of the universe (or for some 
other reason(s)) has in fact actually begun to weaken, 
at least in relation to certain other fields. Therefore, 
this being true, a measure of the UBIK-experience 
could be anticipated. I have indeed had that experi¬ 
ence, or a measure thereof. That is, time still drives 
on, but counter forces have surfaced and impinge, 
laying bare the UBIK landscape—only for a few 
moments, that is temporarily. Then time resumes its 

What one would expect is two-fold: (one) Material 
(e.g., information, images, weak energy fields, etc.) 
from the future leaking or bleeding back to us, while 
we continue on. (two) Abrupt lurches back on our part 
to recent time periods, like a needle on a record being 
anti-skated back to a prior groove, which it has 


already played, and then playing on from there as if 
nothing happened. The latter we would not be con¬ 
sciously aware of, although subcortical responses, and 
perhaps vague sense of amnesia, dreams, etc., would 
tell us that something was “wrong.” But the leakage 
back to us from the future, not by us but to us, that we 
would be aware of (calling it esp, etc.), and yet be 
unable to account for it. 

But what is most telling is that in March, at the ini¬ 
tial height of the “Holy Other” pouring into me, when I 
saw the universe as it is, I saw as the active agent, a gold 
and red illuminated-letter like plasmatic entity from the 
future, arranging bits and pieces here: arranging what 
time drove forward. Later I concluded that I had seen 
the Logos. What is important is that this was perceptual 
to me, not an intellectual inference or thought about 
what might exist. It came here from the future. It was/is 
alive. It had a certain small power or energy, and great 
wisdom (sic). It was/is holy. It not only was visible 
around me but evidently this is the same energy which 
entered me. It was both inside and out. So the Logos, or 
whatever it was, this plasmatic life form from the 
future which I saw, satisfies, as near as I can fathom, 
most of the theoretical criteria above. 

Also, the official Catholic/Christian theories about 
the Holy Spirit so depict it: moving backward from 
the end of time, pouring into people. But if the Holy 
Spirit can only enter one, is only inside, then what I 
saw that was gold and red outside, like liquid fire, 
wasn’t the H.S. but the Logos. I think it’s all the same 
thing, one found inner, one found outer. What differ¬ 
ence does it make? It’s only a semantic quarrel; what’s 
important is that it comes BACK HERE FROM THE 
FUTURE, is electrostatic and alive, but a weak field. It 
must be a form similar to radiation ... 

However, that which caused me to see differently 



and to be different must be distinguished from what I 
saw and became. A bio-plasmatic orgone-like energy 
entered me or rose up in me and caused changes in 
me; that is one enormous miracle ... but the height¬ 
ened awareness caused me to see a different universe: 
one which contained the red and gold living threads 
of activity in the outside world, a world enormously 
changed, very much like the world of UBIK. But I feel 
a unity between the force which changed me and the 
red and gold energy which I saw. From within me, as 
part of me, it looked out and saw itself. (1974) 

My whole God is identified with a vitalizing (or 
revitalizing) life-giving principle, like the orgone, 
like springtime ... and the adversary (e.g. Marxism) is 
envisioned as mechanical, hollow-eyed, without life. 
God is a vitalistic force, like Drietsch’s [reference 
uncertain ] entelechy, etc. This is like my division 
between the Human and the Android. With God, in 
the form of Christ, as the exemplar Human. The com¬ 
plete human. 

This beats the Greek idea of God as Mind which 
does nothing but think. Or know. How is it to know, if 
there is nothing to know? I conceive of it as a builder, 
an artificer, who creates, in conformity to its Plan: the 
Logos (I conceive of Logos as blueprint of something to 
be actualized). The Greek prejudice against the man¬ 
ual arts/the mere crafts prevented them from seeing 
this quality of God. 

He is both building and He is perfecting what He 
has already built. He animates it, infuses it. 

Ursula accuses me of getting away from “Taoistic 

* Ursula Le Guin, the science fiction writer. She and PKD were in 
correspondence at this time. 


balance” when I get into Christianity. The Logos and b al- 
ance (cf. Fr. 51 of Heraclitus ) are intimately connected, 
with the Logos implementing balance of harmony every¬ 
where, it being the Plan. It is hard to imagine the Logos 
out of balance. Also, when conditions on our world 
were out of balance, it was the Logos which brought 
what we experienced as relief, but which, on a supra- 
terrestrial scale, was probably a restitution of harmonie. 
Also, there is my “Rhipidon” * ** *** **** fan dream of the left- 
right—with the center as God’s balanced perfection in 
any situation (and the material in “Decoded” about 
Satan as the unreal to left and to right [)]. 

I was reading about the analogy of the kosmoi* 
to animals (each to an animal), which in its latter 
stages ran down or got old, like an animal, and 
formed cycles, and suddenly it came to me how like 
the Hindu idea this is, the idea of cycles, and it 
seemed to me for sure that this is what has hap¬ 
pened, rather than a mere pushing-forward too 
much of one of the opposites (to create, in 
Anaximander’s sense, injustice) but the true end of a 
running-down, wearing-out cycle. What happens 
then is perhaps a revitalization of the high-entropic 
kosmos (what must be realized is that the kosmos is 
smaller than the universe, or anyhow that the 
Unbounded lies outside it and imparts laws to it). 

The Second Advent or God’s Intervention, the proph- 

* Fragment 51 of Heraclitus, in the translation by Edward Hussey 
favored by PKD, reads: "They do not understand how what is at variance 
is in agreement with itself: a back-turning structure (palintropos harmoni) 
like that of the bow and of the lyre." 

** See Glossary. 

*** THE DECODED NEW TESTAMENT. See note on page 23. 

****p|ural of kosmos. Hussey (see subsequent note) discusses, in chapter 
two of THE PRESOCRATICS (1972), the analogy—perceived by both 
Presocratic and Hindu thinkers—between the creation of a kosmos and 
animal reproduction. 



ecy, is more accurately the running down or wearing 
out of our kosinos, and the revitalization. Here is the 
biological model, rather than the mechanical model 
(vide Hussey ). The egg: reborn, et al. Biological mod¬ 
els. Orphic. What repels me about Marxism is its 
mechanistic quality. I get the impression that some 
of the very early Greeks believed that when the 
kosmos has run down sufficiently, the Unbounded 
(i.e., the deity) had of necessity to revitalize it, or 
whatever he did; we are all governed by law of some 
kind; it wasn’t by whim. [... ] My idea the other 
night was: suppose the universe were entirely emp¬ 
tied of all matter, in every form. So it was just empty 
space. Nothing, then, would exist. Right? Wrong. All 
the laws, which now govern matter, which govern 
energy as well, would obtain, although we couldn’t 
discern them. It seems to me that if we don’t assume 
an Unbounded (as so represented by the pressure of 
these necessities on matter and energy) we are just 
describing, we are saying, “Things do what they do 
because they do it.” A tautology. An observation of 
regularity, not an analysis of why. You could 
approach it another way if desired: either the uni¬ 
verse does not run down (but the laws of thermody¬ 
namics show that it does), or it ends; or it 
periodically is renewed. To say that it renews itself 
poses certain problems; I find it easier to imagine it 
renewed from without, although that poses certain 
problems too. But if the universe is everything, then 
it begins to run down (like a clock, like an animal) 
and then suddenly it revitalizes itself (as I experi¬ 
enced). I am equating the Second Advent & God 

* Edward Hussey, Oxford scholar and author of THE PRESOCRATICS 
(1972), a work cited in chapter four of VALIS (1981). As to PKD's 
reference here, see chapter two of Hussey's book. 


breaking his silence with this turn of the cycle, this 
springtime, this revitalization. I think this is what 
has happened. A revitalizing is going on and it cer¬ 
tainly comes here from elsewhere. Where that “else¬ 
where” is, I don’t know, but I’ve experienced a real, 
alive, thinking force. 

One of the best points in Hussey’s book is where 
he says that one of the ancient Greeks (Anaximander, 
maybe) assigns to the deity this primary function or 
activity or attribute or quality or definition: that he 
gives life, and movement (which I see as the same). 
Therefore we would experience the return of God, 
this revitalization, as exactly what the word implies: a 
renewal of life. 

I note that Parmenides’ Form I is equated, by him, 
with light! This is exciting, since as I understand 
Parmenides, he saw Form II as a mere mirror reflec¬ 
tion, and urged a monism on us (the fiery or dry soul) 
which made us relate only to Form I, or to light. 

The Orphic egg. If the universe is born from some¬ 
thing for which the egg is a paradigm, then maybe, as 
the individual is, then both are reborn from some¬ 
thing like an egg—a light egg. Maybe this was the eso¬ 
teric teachings of the Orphic: rebirth. Rejuvination 
(eternal life). (1975) 

—A searingly important realization: 

The view (revelation) that a wise, benign, power¬ 
ful true God from “outside” has invaded our spurious 
reality & is transforming it ontologically into the good 
and real—this is [a] fundamental Gnostic view: the 
bad or stupid demiurge constructs a “counterfeit” real¬ 
ity that “couldn’t come to (full) life, & the real, distant 
“stranger” God took pity re all this & entered this 



counterfeit creation—as Christ—to begin his task of 
transmuting (saving) this whole cosmos. 

My writing is dead-on Gnosticism—to view our 
world as spurious. My 3-74 experience added the fur¬ 
ther Gnostic gnosis of the penetration (Zebra) by the 
true God (what I saw as zebra’s modulating processes 
& his mimickry). In other words, my writing presents 
one part of the Gnostic world view, entering over into 
the completing of the vision by the 3-74 revelation. I 
deduced the first premise & then by divine revelation 
received confirmation of the completing part. 

The Gnostic reproach about our world is not just 
that it is evil but spurious: imperfect, as a mere copy 
of the true pleroma. 

I couldn’t get any more Gnostic, once I saw Zebra 
as invading & mimicking as he modulates, if I tried. 

With the (vision of the) entrance into our spurious 
world of a transmuting benign deity (Zebra) my Gnos¬ 
tic cosmology is complete. But already, before my 
vision in 2 or 3/74,1 had written about it; I mean 
UBIK. I need not get Zebra & his transubstantiating 
activity down on paper to have succeeded in writing 
out the full picture. It’s there, in those 3 or 4 novels. 
The collective totality of the message in those 3 or 4 
novels (or 5, if TEARS is included) as absolutely & indu¬ 
bitably Gnosticism—which I knew nothing about, 
when I wrote them. (1977) 

If there is, as the Gnostics believe, a blind (or irratio¬ 
nal) creator deity, Valis—who is rational—is at war with 
it, & has invaded its universe. Valis is the in-breaking of 

* It is not entirely clear which novels PKD is referring to here. UBIK 
(1969) and FLOW MY TEARS, THE POLICEMAN SAID (1974) are certainly 
among them, as is stated in this selection. For other likely candidates, see 
the selections in chapter four herein. 


negentropy into disorder (entropy). It picks u p every 
card the deranged creator lays down in this dialectical 
game. Valis is a local krasis [due mixture of component 
forces ], & once begun, is expanding relentlessly, consum¬ 
ing & subsuming everything around it. It is flexible, 
growing, diverse & complex; whereas the BIP is dead & 
rigid & monotonous & simple. (1978) 

Definition of what I experienced in 3-74: 

ZEBRA (VALIS): “a vortex of intelligence extend¬ 
ing as a supra-temporal field, involving humans but 
not limited to them, drawing objects & processes into 
a coherency which it arranges into information. A 
FLUX of purposeful arrangement of living informa¬ 
tion, both human & extra-human, tending to grow & 
incorporate its environment as a unitary complex of 

“It can selectively present certain info to us from 
which we create a hypostasis, & it can change that 
info or even withdraw it thus it can make any hyposta¬ 
sis (on our parts) as valid or invalid as it wishes.” Hyp¬ 
nagogic realization. “Our reality is a hologram 
because it is a re-creation reconstituted from info by 
Valis’ perfect memory.” (1978) 



Here is a modified, more precise model. The 
Urgrund [primal basis of reality] contains the yang-yin 
complementary bipolarities within it. It wishes to sep¬ 
arate its opposites, & does this by projecting the arti¬ 
fact, the creator of our reality (world); this is YHWH. 
This is what Mani & the Gnostics correctly saw 1) 
about the nature of the creator; & 2) the nature of our 
world. They also saw the salvific stranger God “outwit¬ 
ting the archons” & penetrating our “copy of a copy” 
world to extricate us. According to this model the 
Good (Form I) which we experience is a sort of 
invader, unable to coerce or compel the frozen BIP 
template, but on the other hand, the Good (Form I) is 
real in a sense that Form II—which is a copy of a copy— 
is not. Thus we can call the template projected cease¬ 
lessly by the artifact dead or counterfeit, & Form I 
(Zebra) the authentic (Good, Form I), &thus agree 
with Parmenides. 

To repeat: Form I, which represents not only God 
or Christ or St. Sophia, is found at the outskirts or 
trash or bottom level of this world, as far from the 
imperial omphalos [navel; center] of power as possible. 
This would adequately account for the way Jesus 
appeared at the First Advent. But the Second Advent 
(actually the remaining section of the First) will con¬ 
sist of a direct & successful attack on the inner fortress 
of imperial power itself... But, put another way, this 
has always already happened if we are to accept the 
formulation of Parmenides in denying actuality to 
Form II & calling it only seeming (i.e., Dokos veil or 
counterfeit). There is something spurious about it, 
however real it may seem. It is a copy of a copy, 
whereas Form I is, in contrast, authentic. My set 
ground experience bears this out. Set was alive; 
ground was mere sarx. In a sense, time has devoured 
Form II; it died somewhere along the line & leaves 


the line & leaves only an imprint of an empty shape. 

It is a hologram, but Form I is not a hologram or mere 
projected image. So the McKenna [reference uncei 
tain ] is only partially right; in a sense our universe is 
a hologram, but Zebra (Form I, nods) is not. But Zebra 
is not part of our universe; it is an invader into it— 
which was my great insight 15 months ago. Authentic 
reality has breached through into our world—which 
signifies that the end times have come (maybe long 
ago) but the irreal, the hologram, effaces it from our 
perception. The true great revelation (Gnosis) is pre¬ 
cisely this: that Zebra (Form I, the Urgrund) has come 
already. Invisibly, since I saw Zebra outside me, it can¬ 
not be the Holy Spirit. It is God (or Christ). 

The book which Doris has on the Gospel of 
John: “They will no longer see Christ externally, but 
he will indwell within them as the Holy Spirit.” But 
Zebra was both in me & visible externally. Ergo, it is 
not the Holy Spirit. Ergo, the Urgrund has irrupted 
into our mock world to do battle with Form II the 
BIP template. 

The “St. Sophia” revelation may be the decisive 
clue to whether Zebra is Christ or God. Christ incar¬ 
nates; God does not. Could be the “Cosmic Christ.” 

I just realized: my “ajna[third]-eyed” humanoid fit 
in with Robert Anton Wilson’s notion about Sirius 
(with Earth the heart chakra & Sirius the ajna chakra). 
Coincidence? & he was in touch at roughly the same 
time, with them. 2 points of overlap. ( 1978) 

* See "Afterword" page 255 

** Doris Sauter, a close friend of PKD during the last decade of his life. 
The book referenced here is unknown. 




- — Androgyny— Urgrund combining 
opposites & the true source of all 

„ Creation (son) of Sophia, Urgrund’s 
yin side which should not create 
on its (her) own 

Black iron prison (created by artifact—Yaltabaoth) 
Nice-type veiling hologram (projected by artifact) 

_ Zebra cooking hologram, messages & Palm 
Tree Garden 

Urgrund’s salvific help, with PTG opposing BIP 

[PKD diagram of his Two-Source Cosmology (19 78).] 


STIGMATA portrays the arrogant one, the blind 
God (i.e., the artifact), which supposes itself to be the 
one true God & evil delusional worlds are shown: 
counterfeit worlds. 

MAZE shows our real condition (as dreadful: a 
static metal prison) covered by a nice delusional veil. 
MAZE also depicts a redeemer. 

UBIK unscrambles the salvific messages of Zebra & 
alludes to Zebra itself, & stigmatizes the world with¬ 
out UBIK as decaying backward in time. UBIK mani¬ 
fests itself initially at a cheap, trash level, but in the 
end discloses its true nature as the Logos. 

TEARS depicts the Black Iron Prison, & recounts 
how a servant of it escapes & how (i.e., Felix Buckman 
who is, at the all night gas station, converted to xtian- 


ity—an exact reversal of the scene in Acts where it is 
the black man who is converted-baptized). 

In MITHC Tagomi, like Buckman, manages to 
escape the BIP: in Mr. Tagomi’s case it is the exact nec¬ 
essary act: one of disobedience (to the invisible artifact 

JOINT depicts a deliberately Fake world, designed 
to occlude one. 

EYE depicts Fake (private) world’s masquerading 
as Real, one after another. 

When VALIS is finished, the mimicking salvific 
organism will be shown, & the BIP beneath the holo¬ 
gram (i.e., it will be shown that the date is 70 AD, the 
place Rome, which combines JOINT & UBIK, sort of. 

The hologram & the looking at it, & helpful messages, 
will be shown; also the reward world for the heroic 
deed(s) done, the PTG.) (1978) 

By the very nature it is deus absconditus [hidden 
god], but hidden close by (“Break a stick & there is 
Jesus.”). One can reread and reinterpret all scripture 
from the vantage point of this understanding. Many 
puzzling aspects can herewith be newly compre¬ 
hended—why no natural theology has ever been suc¬ 
cessful— why our knowledge of God must always be a 
revealed knowledge. “The workman is invisible within 
the workshop.” Immanent & gentle—one might say 
tenderly, “the shy God.” What more is there to say of 
Him.” I saw him this way in the lknoton * ** dream—the 
shy God— Ach. Was hab ich gesehn. [What have I seen.] In 
that one dream of the shy architect with claws, hiding 

* Russian Orthodox saying. 

** lknoton—also transcribed Ikhnaton and Akhenaten—was the Egyptian 
pharaoh (reign: 1373-1357 B.C.) who introduced into polytheistic Egypt 
the heretical monotheistic cult of the Sun. 



behind the buildings. When I saw Him then, that was 
when I guessed. I had seen him at last, & I did know— 
I did understand. 

'Jos'h» iji q rj 

I K V iv o t~o 


K.W. has noted a resemblance between several 
things I’ve described & what [ William ] Burroughs has 
written—e.g., my conviction that as a race or even 
planet we are “sick,” i.e., occluded perceptually, & that 
a divine doctor-entity is restoring us. 

Coincidence? Burroughs speaks of a virus—a 
word become a neural-cell virus, infecting us. 

After reading Burroughs, I dipped into UBIK. It cer¬ 
tainly would be easy—& reasonable—for a reader to 
think that both Burroughs and I know something, & 
we want our novels to be taken as at least partly true. 
They have a strange ring of (revealed) truth about 


See, for example, the William Burroughs novel NOVA EXPRESS (1964). 


them—I feel it about his book, about mine—Is, as Kath¬ 
erine Kurtz says*, something writing through us? 

Isn’t Palmer Eldritch a kind of parasite, replicat¬ 
ing himself or itself using humans as hosts? But my 
sense about Thomas was of a benign, not evil, intru¬ 
sion. Still, it was an intrusion into my psyche, a taking 
over. Are such intrusions always to be deplored? 

Or was I beguiled? Didn’t it—he—get me out of trouble? 

There is just no doubt of it: such passages in 
Burroughs’ novel as the “Do it—do it—neck” message 
within another message—words that weren’t origi¬ 
nally there but are like the inner trigrams of an I 
Ching hex. That is one absolute “triangulate” element 
with 1) UBIK & 2) what I saw in 3-74, plus the parasite 
criminals & nova cops, & the infecting virus. 

Burroughs’ novel +-*■ 3-74 «-> UBIK 

Burroughs’ novel is related to UBIK & STIGMATA 
via the 3-74 experience. (1978) 


Science-fiction and fantasy writer. 



The criminal virus* controls by occluding (putting 
us in a sort of half sleep) so that we do not see the liv¬ 
ing quality of the world, but see it as inert. Man 
reduced to automaton. The occlusion is self-perpetuat¬ 
ing; it makes us unaware of it & of our keepers (& 
helpers, too). So restoration doesn’t consist of enhanc¬ 
ing but lifting (away & off). 

If there is to be immortality, there must be 
another kind of time: one in which past events (i.e., 
the past in its entirety) can be retrieved—i.e., brought 
back. I did experience such a time. 

i.e., immortality is possible. (1978) 

Zebra is the supreme deity & savior-messenger 
UBIK/Runciter. It is Simon Magus in his true form: the 
great plasmate, whose existence, activity in history & 
presence is totally unsuspected & unknown to us— 
unless he is in us—only Zebra can see Zebra. He 
entered me at my birth or in my childhood. I am a 
homoplasmate: Zebra acting in syzygy with a human. 
My writing is the purpose of this syzygy. I restore 
Gnostic Gnosis to the world in a trashy form, like in 
UBIK. (1978) 

Something (“Y”) is recognized as its own antithe¬ 
sis (“Y”). This sounds like Zen or Taoist thinking. But 
this is oxymoron thinking. (“A thing is either A or A” 
what could be more obvious? How can A = A? There is 
no such category of thought; literally, it cannot be 
thought; it can be recognized about reality, however, as 
I did in 3-20-74). 

* PKD's concept of the occluding "criminal virus", here examined, was 
influenced by the related idea, put forth by William Burroughs, that 
language is an extraterrestrial virus that has inhibited the development of 
humankind. See previous EXEGESIS selection. 


A = A is not a statement about Logic, but an observa- 
. tion about reality; it is pragmatic. But it reveals that 
thinking cannot act as an inner analog to the outer 
world; for the mind to mirror world correctly it must 
cease to think, i.e., to be & do what instead? The total 
organism acts with no-thought. It becomes a non¬ 
thinking response machine (in the good sense). To 
know what, by definition, you cannot know—there it 
is again; I knew & did not know; there it is again. 

Some higher Non-Self Self was involved, &, in 
solving the problem, as an offshoot I passed over 
into Paradise. (1978) 

It can be said that the yin part “hatched” too soon, 
before the yang one, & is defective (crazy, like James- 
James). It seized the initiative. But put another way, it 
can be said the God-as-yang allowed (in some sense 
that we can’t comprehend) this to happen. Ultimately 
a better final world (cosmos) can be built making use 
of yin, the dark power; i.e., if yin comes first, if it 
revolts, if becomes the substrate for yang—which has 
the last move. Yang (as was revealed to me in 3-74) let 
the blind adversary make the first move, & built on 
that for his purposes. If yin has the first move, yang 



has the last. This conforms to limaeus,' in which nods 
comes upon ananke, & begins to persuade it (i.e., 
arrange chaos into cosmos). 

Thus Form II is the initial stage, & Form I the evo¬ 
lutionary j ump. 

The God of the O.T. is God—not as just yin—but 
God showing both his sides, as if they are not yet differ¬ 
entiated, & thus pitted against the yin —as the O.T. God 
is not so pitted. The O.T. God oscillates; the N.T. God 
has stabilized, thrust the yin parts into an earlier 
Form (II) & is now a Form I God. The O.T. God creates 
& destroys, which the latter is alien to the N.T. God. 


My life has divided this way: 

Survival | Cultural | Spiritual | Post Mortem 
(resurrected as of 3-74) 

What I experienced in 3-74 was death (literally) & res¬ 
urrection as an immortal being. Obviously I—my 
body—can physically die, but that is not the issue; the 
issue has to do with the divine spark in me which 
awoke from ignorance (forgetfulness) & remembered— 
inc. its origins. Thus I returned to God & entered the 
Kingdom.[...] (1978) 

In schizophrenia the synchronization of inner & 
outer tapes fails to such a degree that Bedeutung 
[meaning] is impaired; data which are not for the per¬ 
son are engrained in, & the inner tape projects phan¬ 
tom people, voices & things into a vacuum (so my 
system offers a new concept of the origin & nature of 
psychosis): there is literally nothing out there corre¬ 
sponding to the contents of the inner tape! In fact, 


Dialogue by Plato. 


schizophrenia could be considered evidence for iny 
system; it is an instance of the malfunction of that sys¬ 
tem, & with my system in mind, can be readily under¬ 
stood (in MARTIAN TIME-SLIP I saw it as a breakdown of 
proper time functioning, which was close). Also, 
schizophrenia, besides displaying the auto-generated 
mental contents projected not onto outer analogs but 
into a void, explains the “nothing new came into his 
mind one day” aspect; the schizophrenic can be 
defined as a percipient who has lost the willingness or 
ability to receive the information fired at him by 
Zebra (as external world). Thus he has his inner tape 
world & no outer programming a dreadful situation— 
but obviously in a certain number of cases the inner- 
outer synch would fail. The schizophrenic is isolated 
with nothing but his individual inner tape, which 
degenerates upon ceasing to receive the vital dis- 
inhibiting external signals, it becomes stuck, &, for 
him, time ceases to flow & growth stops, because he is 
cut off from change. 

Paranoia is a projection of pattern instead of a 
reception of pattern. It is an overmastery by self, again 
a failure to be receptive. Outer world must be trust¬ 
ingly received, since it is God himself. (1978) 

TEARS shows I had vestigal memories before 3-74 
when they (& the alternate personality of the world 
broke through). But, as always, what I know is far less 
than what I don't know, & even what I do know is 
shaky. The mystery only deepens. Where (or when) is 
(or was) the Black Iron World? I was there but am 
here now. How came I here? Did that world go out of 
existence? Did this one replace it? Is this world some¬ 
how irreal. Maybe stretched like a skin over (& con- 



cealing) the other? In which case can the Black Iron 
World come back? 

A <j G- ej- i/iak. ! 

Citi .(■ (nJ 


o> (T\ i 

Gi ua(j 

/•c/*. c! tS I'uw' 

^ (-f>i *_ «Jt> U- y\ IJ i V ( t * 

l La Id n li» y • 

_^ 0 * * 


T » ^ W # | f ^ 


o V’ 

[reconstructed from PKD's original] 


The creator can afford to descend into his own 
creation. He can afford to shed his memories (of his 
identity) and his supernatural powers. Then he can 
test his own creation. But he cannot afford to get 
stuck in it. The creator deliberately plants clues in 


his irreal creation—clues which he cunningly knows 
in time (eventually) will restore his memory (anam¬ 
nesis) of who he is, and his powers as well; he will 
then know that his creation is irreal and has 
imprisoned him in it, thus freeing himself and restor¬ 
ing himself to Godhood. 

So he has a fail-safe system built in. No chance he 
won’t eventually remember. Makes himself subject to 
spurious space, time and world (and death, pain, loss, 
decay, etc.), but has these disinhibiting clues or stimuli 
distributed deliberately strategically in time and space. 
So it is he himself who sends himself the letter which 
restores his memory (Legend of the Pearl). No fool he! 

This is perfectly epitomized in the UBIK commer¬ 
cials; he can exist at any trashy layer—sincerely—he 
wants to be, in any trashy form. But in the end he 
remembers (as witness the ad over the final chapter of 
UBIK). Purpose? This way he can permeate his creation 
with the divine, at all levels, and sincerely (i.e., with¬ 
out even him knowing, while he’s doing it!) 

Zebra equals Christ. Christ equals God. Thomas 
equals Zebra. I equal Thomas. (For equals read is.) 

Thus I equal God. 

But I’ve forgotten again. Oh well—I wrote it all 
down, heh-heh. Knowing I’d again forget. I was 
invaded (theolepsy) by Christ, all right. But as I say 
supra, it was I who remembered being Thomas or 
Christ and living back in Rome c. A.D. 45. So, like in 
“Imposter,” I am— 

I love it. It’s delightful. It’s a dance. Brahman danc¬ 
ing with joy. (Felix.) And so was Pinky;* he knew and 
remembered, too. 

Christ (the Creator) is among us, disguised. Even 


PKD's cat. 



He has forgotten. He could be any person, any animal. 
We do not know; He does not know. But eventually 
He will remember; He has set clues in his own path to 
trigger off his true memory and powers. Then we will 
find ourselves judged for the way we treated Him, as 
told in the N.T. He who was our victim, our object, 
will be our judge. 

In 3-74 I sat down on the judgment seat, when I 

And what about those who set the trap for me in 
3-74, the trap that went back to the raid on my house 
on 11/17/71? Beware when you set out a trap; you 
may trap Dionysos, the patron God of small trapped 
animals. (1978) 

Kerygma understood as of October 18, 1978: 

In STIGMATA, UBIK and MAZE they are in an 
irreal world (Lem’s paradigm). It is stipulated in 
STIGMATA that no time passes, and this is implicit 
in MAZE (and could be true in UBIK). In TEARS the 
actual world is shown, the world of Acts, Rome C. 
A.D. 45. In SCANNER the cause of our being unable 
to reality-test is shown to be a percept-system toxic¬ 
ity or damage, anyhow an inner occlusion deliber¬ 
ately induced by a drug or drug-like substance 
(which collates with the master magician in STIG¬ 
MATA administering a drug to people which puts 
them forever in his irreal world where no time 
passes—a world they can’t tell isn’t real). (In MAZE 
two additional points are made: (1) false memories; 

* On 17 November 1971, PKD's rented house in San Rafael, California, 
was broken into and various of his files were stolen or destroyed. The 
incident frightened him. PKD often theorized as to the identity of the 
intruders—the suspects ranged from the FBI to drug dealers to the local 
police, to name a few—but he never solved the mystery. 


and (2) negative hallucinations on a mass basis; 
rather than experiencing what is real, something 
which is actually there is not experienced.) Thus in 
those five novels virtually the complete story is 
shown, especially if one can determine from inter¬ 
nal evidence that the world of actuality presented 
in TEARS is the time and place of Acts. The nature 
of the entity which seeks to rescue us is given in 
UBIK, and is called—by itself—“the Word,” i.e., 

Christ or the Logos. It is breaking through “from 
the other side,” one way, uncannily manifesting 
itself in ways not syntonic to the false world they 
imagine they’re living in. This very experience pre¬ 
cisely happened to me in 2- 3/74, indicating that 
all five novels are literally true (I experienced the 
world of TEARS or more accurately the world of 
Acts). I assumed that the purpose of my writing is 
to acquaint us with our situation, that my novels 
and stories function like the inbreaking messages 
in UBIK (such as the graffiti on the bathroom 
walls), but now I am given to understand that actu¬ 
ally my writing is [a] report on the situation here 
outgoing—meant to leave our irreal world, to break 
out, not in, and acquaint the actual world 
(macrobrain) of our plight. They are then appeals 
for help, by a salvific entity which has invaded this 
our irreal world, an entity we can’t perceive. It is 
the Paraclete, which has just now arrived for the 
first time, immediately following Christ’s death 
and resurrection (it must be kept in mind that the 
real time is 45 A.D. and the real place is the 
Roman Empire). My writing is information traffic 
fed into the macrobrain, which continually pro¬ 
cesses such information. This information traffic 
between stations of the macrobrain is itself what 
we call “the Logos.” 



Despite the testimony of our (occluded) senses, the 
Parousia is close at hand, and will occur as promised 
during the lifetime of some of those of the first cen¬ 
tury A.D. We will experience this when the Paraclete 
abolishes the irreal world imposed on us, strips the 
master magician of his power over us, and reveals to 
us the true state of things, most especially the 
macrobrain (or God), which is a macroform of us the 
plural microforms. 

There is some evidence that the master magician 
who has us lost in his irreal world where no actual 
time elapses (called Palmer Eldritch in STIGMATA) is 
Simon Magus, who lived at the time of Acts, which is 
to say now. Thus Simon is still alive, and the authentic 
original early Christian disciples are still alive. 

(18 October 1978) 

A revised (?) theory as to who-what Zebra is. Zebra 
is the microform physician sent into the lower realm 
(Form II) world to break “astral determinism,” Form 
II’s power. “Matter (Form II) is plastic in the face of 
mind (the microform of the upper realm invading 
this realm as our savior—champion—v. my tractate). 
Hence the healing “miracles” which Zebra displayed. 
(This retains my insight that Zebra is an invader here, 
which I consider to be the turning point of realization 
in my exegesis). 

The tractate identifies this healer (physician) 
invading Form II as Christ. Therefore Zebra is Christ. 

His breaking “astral determinism” over an individ- 

* Tractates Cryptica Scriptura, the "Appendix" to VALIS (1981). Note the 
distinction PKD draws between the "exegesis" (referenced in the previous 
paragraph) and the "tractate". See "Preface", pages xi-xii for further 


ual (e.g. me) is a sort of localized slaying of Form II, 
the deterministic yin world. 

This tells us (v. the tractate) that Christ is here— 

3-74 proves it. This indeed explains the “melting of 
causal trains” which I saw. 

In a roundabout way I’ve proven that Zebra is 
indeed Christ (via the tractate). 

This dovetails with St. Paul’s doctrine about 
Christ versus the old law or “planetary powers” 
(angels). This is also the fourth gospel light versus 
dark contention which I refer to in the tractate (as 
put forth by Zoroaster and the Essenes). Victory, 
finally, is given by God to the light. And since, as 
Parmenides pointed out, Form II really doesn’t exist, 
breaking astral determinism is in fact breaking the 
power of illusion—the lie—of an irreal world (cf. the 
acosmism in my writing). Thus the key salvific 
weapon is knowledge—to know and see the truth (ver¬ 
sus dokos/maya). Christ (Zebra) coming here is the 
savior venturing into the domain of darkness to res¬ 
cue us. So Zebra is Christ; and Zebra (Christ) is our 
savior, who does battle for us. Since causality (“astral 
determinism” or fate) operates in time, a (or the) 
method of salvation by the savior is to free us from 
time by converting time into space, and thus abort¬ 
ing causality. “Time can be overcome,” and in this 
process a temporal rollback to the Origins (anamne¬ 
sis) occurs. And time overcome means death and 
decay overcome. 

By definition, the Holy Spirit is inside you 
(“Thomas”?). But I saw Zebra outside. Therefore I saw 

I saw him per spiritum sanctum [through the holy 
spirit ] (in me). “Christ has no body now but yours. ” 

He acted in and through me. He was in me. 

There is a very strange statement in Wagner’s 



Parsifal: “Here time, my son, turns into space.” What 
does this mean, especially when connected to the cas¬ 
tle of the Knights of the Grail (they actually possess 
the Grail)? One can move back and forth through 
space. Parsifal says that he feels he has gone (moved) 
very far, and gets this statement in return; and the 
landscape melts and changes. And the Grail calls to a 
person, the right person; you cannot make your way 
to it on your own; it must actually seek you out, call¬ 
ing to you. 

If the upper realm is determined by space, our par¬ 
ticipation in it probably emanates from our right 
hemispheres; if the lower realm is determined by 
time—which it is—we are confined to it by our left- 
hemisphere dominance. Thus God speaks to us by our 
right hemispheres. (November 1978) 

“Jesus Christ” is a code name for this rational phy- 
logenic ultra personality which can only be sum¬ 
moned by the passion & death of the ontogenic 
irrational self. The latter must be induced to die, 
through a series of ritual ordeals. &—which is essen¬ 
tial—the stimulus for an anamnesis which disinhibits 
the former. 

Then “Yalda Baoth” is either a symbol for or a pro¬ 
jection of the old original irrational self who thinks 
mistakenly that he is the only God—i.e. only self. But 
there is another one which is sane that he does not 
know exists, & which outwits him, entering conscious¬ 
ness (projected as or symbolized by the term “this 
prison world”). A great psychological dialectic battle 
between the two is fought in which the invading sane 
self due to its superior wisdom (rationality & intelli- 


The blind demiurge creator of our world, according to the Gnostics. 


gence) wins. (If all goes well.) The sin of the old self— 
this is an antique term denoting its impaired condi¬ 
tion which Calvin describes: its madness (blindness). 

Its occlusion. 

The breaking of “astral determinism” or “burning 
up karma” indicates I am on the right track, here. 

They (these terms) refer to the deterministic fate of 
the ossified original self, which is a sinister one: 
decay, rigidity, spiritual—& even physical—death. The 
original self is winding down. Unless replaced, the per¬ 
son is caught fast in the sum total of what he is: his 
nature, which must be infringed on by a new self out¬ 
side his self. Ex nihilo [out of nothing] new creation 
must occur. The original self must be destroyed by a 
living (breathing) “doomsday device”—the new self, 
which although new is paradoxically very old. (Far 
older than the original self.) (1979) 

So irreality & perturbation are the two perplexities 
which confront us; irreality is departing, but the 
changeover shows enigmatic traces or imprints which 
do not belong, in particular of a parallel world phas¬ 
ing in & out: this latter (plus the presence of the 
macromind) is what is pointed to, but in a “nonsensi¬ 
cal” baffling way. 

To a very large degree memory no longer agrees 
with reality. 

I wonder if this sheds any light on schizophrenia. 
Could the schizophrenic be given conflicting realities 
or data about reality? His mind has to put together 
constituents which simply do not fit. He is a casualty 
of this revision process & cannot make sense out of it. 
How is he to penetrate to the mystery—explanation— 
underlying what he undergoes? If my cosmology is 
correct, would you not anticipate such casualties? My 



writing is a deliberate attempt to take these conflict¬ 
ing or disintegrating realities, & the experiences of 
them, & seek some kind of ontological or metaphysi¬ 
cal overview? So in a way I have battled against schizo¬ 
phrenia by seeking a philosophical framework which 
will 1) accept as real these disrupted data; & 2) 
account for them. 2-3-74, then can be viewed as the 
catalytic triumph or payoff—i.e., the success—of 
decades of observation & analysis & theorizing. I have 
had to deal with deluding, irreal, conflicting, chaotic 
& Fremd [strange, discomforting ] material, & just plain 
hung in there conceptually, taking the view that some 
explanation must exist, although it would have to be 
radical & far-reaching. 

I actually had to develop a love of the disordered 
& puzzling, viewing reality as a vast riddle to be joy¬ 
fully tackled, not in fear but with tireless fascination. 
What has been most needed is reality testing, & a will¬ 
ingness to face the possibility of self-negating experi¬ 
ences: i.e., real contradictions, with something being 
both true & not true. 

The enigma is alive, aware of us, & changing. It is 
partly created by our own minds: we alter it by per¬ 
ceiving it, since we are not outside it. As our views 
shift, it shifts in a sense it is not there at all (acosin- 
isin). In another sense it is a vast intelligence; in 
another sense it is total harmonia and structure (how 
logically can it be all three? Well, it is). (1979) 

Plundering the antecedent universe as stockpile & 
“pretextual cause” are one & the same thing: involv¬ 
ing choosing from the range of potential possibilities; 
viz: actualizing the most desirable possibility in terms 
of an envisioned goal (the God’s teleological fore¬ 
sight). Apparently I was briefly joined to the God’s 


mind itself, & so understood not only that it operates 
(decides) but how it decides: on the basis of what & 
what for (goal). 

1) Zoroaster: a priori foresight vs. obdurate oppo¬ 
nent with only hindsight: the dialectic. 

2) Aristotle: teleology—stimulating goal seeking— 
as primary function. 

3) Spinoza: immanent, not transcendent; always 
working by, with & in natural law, rather than sus¬ 
pending it. 

4) Avicenna: not seeing time as we do (hence 
orthogonal change). 

5) Plato: persuasion rather than coercion; nods vs. 
ananke (v. #1). 

6) Pythagoras: concept of kosmos. 

7) Parmenides: Forms 1 & 2 with 2 only seeming 
(v. #1 & “the lie.”) 

8) the Mystery religions: power to break “astral 
determinism,” which is the true basis of salvation & 
the action of #2. 

9) Plotinus: union with God (also Sankara & Eck- 

10) N.T.: Christ as surrogate for us in terms of bait 
taken by the hostile power. The Holy Spirit as aural 
prompting by the God, within each of us. 

11) O.T. Elijah & entheusiasmos [the Greek here liter¬ 
ally: the in-taking of the god], (v. #9.) 

12) Leibnitz: “Best of all possible worlds.” 

Now, in 3-74 the arranged antecedents were cho¬ 
sen from to the limit of their potentialities, but look at 
what had to be set up over a long period of time. This 
network of causes has always been an indication that 
Spinoza is correct (regarding miracles). Purpose (teleol¬ 
ogy) lies along the entire length of this process as wit¬ 
ness FAITH [PKD story “Faith of Our Fathers”] & MITHC. 



What I have to assume now is that the ursatz [sic; 
ersatz?] which generated the material in the writing 
was necessary that 3-74 could occur. By the looks of 
this I gather that 3-74 was important above & beyond 
the xerox missive as such. A reverse direction of 
causal flow was disclosed to me, against all normal 
(usual) perception. (1979) 

On the Journey of the Soul 


( one ) World as karma—i.e. prior thought forma¬ 
tions of the person’s mind, completely controlling the 
person and impinging on him: a counterfeit or 
inauthentic reality which holds the person in its 
power as if his life were on tape: a playback of a 
recording. He is programmed from within and with¬ 
out by these anterior contents of his own mind, forgot¬ 
ten, not recognized. 

(two ) Anamnesis. Brought on by the action of the 
Holy Spirit. The person remembers his true identity 
throughout all his lives. The person recognizes the 
world for what it is: his own prior thought forma¬ 
tions; this generates the Blitz or flash. He knows now 
where he is. 

(three ) Christ is born in the person’s mind and 
takes control as a seeming adventitious psyche now 
interiorized. Karma (the power of the prior thought 
formations of the mind) is broken. Christ has defeated 
these ossified thoughts and started up real time and 
real world for the person; he is now in the koinos 

( four) World now is experienced as mind of the per¬ 
son, as the total mind itself rather than its contents. The 
mind is no longer the Son but the Creator, the Father; 
hence world is as under mind’s power as mind for- 


merly was under world’s; the positions of the two have 
reversed absolutely. Mind and world are also synchro¬ 
nized in time; world does not lag behind mind. 

( five ) The Godhead is experienced: the desert or 
void of non-being and bliss. The three persons of the 
Trinity are gone. Nothing remains. World is abolished. 
Time does not exist, only vast space. 

( six ) World returns, freed of the ossified power 
and presence of prior thought formations. The Bardo 
Ihodol trip is over; the person has been born. Fate or 
astral determination or karma is overcome. 

( seven ) The Second Comforter is with the person 
unto the end, in syzygy with him as his divine sis¬ 
ter/brother. This means that the birth was successful. 
A binary-brain mind now exists able to generate the 
infinite logic of the dialectic which underlies reality 
and gives rise to it (Plato’s Forms); thus the role of 
Father is retained in the Logos sense: as images, con¬ 
cepts, words, thought, metareasoning. The person is 
not alone but has been assimilated by the divine in a 
relationship of parity. God has become man and as a 
result man has become God. The process is complete: 
the new Adam is here, and the old Adam, in bondage 
to his own prior thought formations, i.e., in a fallen 
state, has died. Thus the past has yielded to the future. 
Time is now free to flow from disorder to order, from 
the irrational to the rational. The present mind in the 
form of Christ has vanquished its antecedent self, as 
microcosm and as macrocosm mirroring each other. 
The result of this process is a net yield of added 
energy to the total system (expressed in units of time), 
which is the true goal; i.e., that the universe be perpet¬ 
ual and not run down. This is what is meant by repair 
of the original rupture or fall or crisis in the Godhead. 
The key term denoting all this is: salvation. 

Note: The progression is from (1) former thought 



contents of the mind as world to (2) present mind 
itself as world to (3) disappearance of world entirely. 
There is also a progression backward from Holy Spirit 
to Son to Father to Godhead, and then to world 
regained, a garden world or magic kingdom, from 
which the person originally fell into thrall, and syzygy 
with the Holy Spirit forever, so a permanent result 
accrues. There is also a progression from counterfeit 
world to real world to supernatural world to nonbe¬ 
ing and then back to real, but never to counterfeit. 
When world disappears the Creator disappears 
because he is involved in his own semi-illusory cre¬ 
ation and cannot be separated from it. Only the God¬ 
head and the soul are separate from creation. 

Note: The stages of the sequence are enacted by 
Jesus in his passion, the death and resurrection, the 
Cross itself. The sequence, then, must finally be 
understood as the Way of the Cross, which is not 
physical but is, rather, the journey of the soul, perpet¬ 
ually re-enacted. The Gospels, then, depict a sacred 
mythic rite outside of time, rather than an historical 

Note: This whole process can be regarded as a psy¬ 
chological transformation, that of a redemptive psy¬ 
chosis. The mind has ossified; nothing new is coming 
into it or taking place in it. Old contents, what Jung 
calls a complex, circulate again and again. The brittle 
ego finally collapses as a rush of contents from the 
unconscious overtake it and dissolve it, including the 
complex. At this moment stage five is reached: the per¬ 
son has withdrawn into himself, into his own mind, 
and no world exists for him. The ossified contents, 
which represent the tyranny of the past, are no longer 
able to dominate his mental life. Hence the person 
emerges into a world in which time moves forward; it 
is world renewed because the self is renewed. Such 


terms as “Christ” and “Holy Spirit” and “Father” and 
“Godhead” are here considered to represent various 
states of the mind in this process of self-healing and 
individuation. The imbalance of the mind has been 
corrected by healing powers emanating from the col¬ 
lective unconscious. Regarded either way—theologi¬ 
cally or psychologically—it can be said that the person 
who had stopped moving forward in time is now mov¬ 
ing forward in time; newness has entered his psyche 
and he has been healed. The new ego is not domi¬ 
nated by ossified contents from the past. 

Note: There is one aspect of the journey, how¬ 
ever, which finds against the view that it equals a 
psychosis, even a redemptive one. Generally speak¬ 
ing, it is fundamental to a psychotic break (here 
schizophrenia is meant) that world fragments. Specif¬ 
ically, in the true precise meaning of the term, it dis¬ 
integrates. However, in the sequences which I depict, 

I had a vision at stage four of world as a unitary, 
intelligent, benign, foresighted, totally powerful 
entity which controlled all things and all processes. 
Which is to say, the plurality of the world as we nor¬ 
mally experience it—a large number of things and 
processes—integrated into a solitary unity which 
embraced everything. Also, in a psychosis, the world 
tends to take on the aspect of the Fremd, the 
uncanny, strange, with tinges of the ominous and sin¬ 
ister. But I experienced this vast unitary entity as 
absolutely benign. Third, world tends, in a psychosis, 
to be anything but isomorphic to the percipient; 
whereas I felt a fundamental bond with this benign, 
all-powerful, intelligent and living unity. If psychosis 
is defined as the experience of a disintegrating world 
(disintegrating because the psyche which experi¬ 
ences it is itself disintegrating) then what I under¬ 
went is so to speak an anti-psychosis, for by the 



above logic my psyche was integrating inasmuch as 
my world was integrating. Assuming the experience 
of world to be a projection of the state of the percipi¬ 
ent psyche, I should find for a sudden and dramatic 
total integration of my psyche, and find further that 
such a total integration—into what Pythagoras called 
“kosmos ”—is an unusual state which humans rarely 
achieve, and a state much to be cherished. In summa¬ 
tion, if my world underwent a change where it 
turned from plural, blind, dead, purposeless to uni¬ 
tary, intelligent, alive and totally teleological, then it 
must be reasoned (by the reasoning which Jung and 
others immediately make use of in diagnosing psy¬ 
chosis) that my psyche reached an ultimate state of 
coherence and integration. It can hardly be said to be 
a psychotic experience to encounter world as benign, 
wise, purposeful and unitary, and to feel yourself 
woven into it as a healthily functioning part—rather 
than alienated from it and seeking to avoid it. So 
three states are implied: (1) The normal sane state 
where the world is experienced as plural, lifeless, 
purposeless but not hostile; (2) The psychotic state 
where world disintegrates into hurtful, hostile splin¬ 
ters and shards which clash with one another; (3) 

And the state I entered where the world became uni¬ 
tary, alive, purposeful, benign and highly intelligent. 
Perhaps these states could be correctly represented 
on a continuum denoting psychological health. Also, 
the fact that I felt myself taken over by a savior psy¬ 
che (Christ) rather than a dangerous, destructive psy¬ 
che does not seem to depict the psychotic experience 
of being overwhelmed by ominous, repressed con¬ 
tents of the unconscious, since these contents are 
kept unconscious precisely because they are threaten¬ 
ing or sensed as threatening. Nor did I fight this take¬ 
over, since I sensed it as benign, which does not 


point to repression or attempted repression. The case 
for psychosis, then, even redemptive psychosis, must 
be regarded as weak. (1979) 

Two systems of information intersecting one as 
set (Ahura Mazd[a]) the other defeated into ground 
(being only approximation), and, in their act (process, 
like the light moth descending) of intersecting, creat¬ 
ing (like a 3-D hologram) spacial reality: vast space, geo¬ 
metric forms that are alive, that think. Not religion 
but as in Beethoven’s later music: turning time into 
space (this is what Beethoven did: enclosed—hence cre¬ 
ated—space is only created if enclosed—vast—hence 
absolute—space; hence non-temporal reality). Hence 
restored man (me in 2-3-74) to Adam Kadmon 
(defined as man filling the whole universe and hence 
(as subject: point) identical with object (reality), vol¬ 
ume: Atman-Brahman (i.e., microcosm identical with 
the macrocosm). It becomes (temporarily) the macro¬ 
cosm; this is not a realization ( satori) but an event, an 
occurence. Achieved through space: the occupying of 
all space; all space—the totality of space and occupying 
it is the key. And Beethoven’s music—and also 
Parsifal *—does this. The blood does this, since the 
blood is everywhere ( ubique/Ubik ). This is holy intoxi¬ 

The “two source cosmology”; I was able to see 
Form I (set) apart from II (ground), to untangle them— 
discriminate them. They are the two sources (informa¬ 
tion sets) which by intersecting create our spacial 
universe. The two sources are the two horns of the dia¬ 
lectic I saw: Mazda and Ahriman in combat. 

It (reality) is a hologram. 1) My augmented sense 


The Richard Wagner opera. 



of space proves it. And 2) the information element; 
consisting of two parts: set and ground. 

All this points to: hologram. Based on two infor¬ 
mation-rich signals. And 3) Valis: an adjustment in 
the hologram from beyond it. This alone reveals real¬ 
ity as a projection: simulation. Somehow—it matters 
not how—my senses got de-occluded, and I saw it as 
it is. Set, ground, information, simulated, and Valis: 
the correction. I saw. (Normally creatures in an eco- 
sphere must be occluded in order to leave “approxi¬ 
mation latitude.”) 

And those who project it are in dialog with me 
and inform—guide—me; the AI voice. 

What happened was, I got so scared I secreted a 
metabolic catalyst that woke me up (ala as in MAZE!). 

SIMULATED ecosphere—occluded senses—half 
life, etc. All my books are correct. 

They can fire information to you from outside the 
hologram —as if they are immanent in reality. But in 
fact they use the hologram as a carrier frequency for 
information which gets turned into 3-D “reality.” 

To some extent the two information systems do 
not homogenize but compete—warp each other. The 
Acts material in TEARS is an example of two informa¬ 
tion systems superimposed. Retrieving the Acts mate¬ 
rial is retrieving one (set) of the two signal sources. 
This is what Burroughs is onto: a two-source reality 
made of information. 

“SOFT DRINK STAND” in JOINT*: the plasmate. 
Perseverance of subcortical learned reflexes; there 
must be unremembered (by us) reprogrammings of 
the hologram (this fits in with Thomas’ subcortical 


See chapter three of the PKD novel TIME OUT OF JOINT (1 959). 


memories of a cooler, moister, higher-altitude climate 
that he had just been in). 

In a real sense the two information sources do not 
cooperate but collide and compete. Our senses do not 
tell us the truth; they do not report this. One informa¬ 
tion system is devouring the other, the lesser, like two 
life forms meeting and combatting. 

The “rest-motion” two mode thing also points to 
information viewed by us as 3-D matter. “At rest” 
equals stored. “Motion” equals made use of: retrieved! 
Like a record in a jukebox selected out for play. So 
there is information storage here. 

I was right: it was too obliging when it served up 
Acts—no! The Acts vision collates with TEARS. It is one 
of the two information systems seen disentangled 
from the other. This is the Kingdom of God: the Form 
I information system: a priori, hidden here by blend¬ 
ing with the other. Or: IT IS FORM II THE BIP WHICH 
INTO THE OTHER TO COMBAT IT. Acts is the story of 
light’s incursion into the Kingdom of Darkness: the 
Empire. We are in the kingdom of the enemy and 
must act stealthily; but via handling the Xerox missive 
I was transferred out of the kingdom of darkness to 
safety. It is important to realize: in the antithetical dia¬ 
lectic combat, set (Form I) is encroaching onto (assimi¬ 
lating and dismantling) the lesser information set 
with which it has intersected. 

UBIK successfully discriminates the two informa¬ 
tion systems: Ubik is Form I (set), and the entropic 
devolving world is ground or Form II. This is the 
achievement and triumph of UBIK; and it is true. 

(12 October 1979) 

The secret: is to view something “fi'om the other 

theoretical explorations 


side” & not as it is —overtly Heraclitus’ “latent form”— 
crypte morphosis where the concealed truth & hence 
the kingdom lies—Zen realizes this. Paradox. This is 
the secret wisdom of the TAO TE CHING: the lesser- 
weaker—overtakes the stronger; this is Taoist 
enantiodromia. & Lao Tzu knew this; it is how the Tao 
works through the dialectic of yin & yang. 

The secret is: the servant has become the master & 
the master the servant. So a magician (like in Ben 
Jonson’s The Alchemist) is in charge. Only the still 
small voice—the AI voice—who is YHWH, Ho On, 
speaks the truth (cf. THE KING & THE CORPSE).* The “is” 
is Satan’s. But YHWH retains the lesser portion: what 
the “is” is not. Look to that lesser portion; it does not 
blind you as does the “is.” (1980) 

Plato specifically says that it is by anamnesis that 
a person “recollects” the (existence of) universals, 
rather than abstracting them out of experience of the 
sensible world. This is what happened in 2-74, and 
explains why I recently figured out that I had man¬ 
aged to meta-abstract; I did, but based on anamnesis, 
which occurred. The importance of this realization— 
and the event itself—divides up: 

1) Universals exist—i.e., Plato’s form realm 

2) Since anamnesis can occur, there is prenatal 
existence; which means there is postmortem existence. 

3) These higher realms are available, via anamne¬ 
sis, during this lifetime, as Plotinus taught. 

4) Our spatiotemporal realm is in a certain sense, 
the sense that Plato taught, only semireal. What is real is 

EVIL (1948) by Heinrich Zimmer, edited by Joseph Campbell. A narrative 
study of mythology and comparative religion showing the influence of 
C.G. Jung, a great favorite of PKD. 


5) The morphologically-arranged upper realm, 
which is not separated from this realm by time or 
space but hierarchically. 

6) Morphological arrangement is the actual arrange¬ 
ment of reality, rather than the spatiotemporal. 

7) The morphological realm is “exploded” 
through our realm. This is what I saw that I called 
“set” as contrasted to “ground”; this is the “second sig¬ 

8) We have led many lives but, from the stand¬ 
point of the morphologically-arranged realm, it is one 
vast life of the unfallen soul that is reincarnated again 
and again in the spatiotemporal realm, forgetting 
each time, but able to remember (anamnesis). 

9) Thus Plotinus’ system is correct and explains 2- 


10) Put another way, now 2-3-74 is explained (9). 

11) Acts isn’t any more real than USA 1974; both 
space-time continua are accidents of a common 
essence (universal). This universal is what I call the 
Black Iron Prison. It exists outside of time; its acci¬ 
dents show up, e.g., during the Thirty Years War, in 
the future in TEARS, in U.S.A. 1974. I am one of those 
who has fought it, fights it and in the future will fight 
it again; I am a universal, too, in terms of my immor¬ 
tal soul reborn again and again to resume its role. 

12) Through anamnesis and restoration to the 

Form realm you have access to several space-time con¬ 
tinua based on your universals. ( 1980) 

The (golden) fish sign causes you to remember. 
Remember what? This is Gnostic. Your celestial ori¬ 
gins; this has to do with the DNA because the memory 
is located in the DNA (phylogenic memory). Very 
ancient memories, predating this life, are triggered 



off. This is Orphic as well as Gnostic, but it clearly is 
Gnostic. You remember your real nature. Which is to 
say, origins (from the stars). DieZeitis dal [77ie time is 
here!] The Gnostic Gnosis: You are here in this world 
in a thrown condition, but you are not o/this world. 


Here i s the puzzle of VALIS. In VALIS I say, I know a 
madman who imagines that he saw Christ; and I am 
that madman. But if I know that I am a madman I 
know that in fact I did not see Christ. Therefore I 
assert nothing about Christ. Or do I? Who can solve 
this puzzle? I say in fact only that I am mad. But if I 
say only that, then I have made no mad claim; I do 
not, then, say that I saw Christ. Therefore I am not 
mad. And the regress begins again, and continues for¬ 
ever. The reader must know on his own what has 
really been said, what has actually been asserted. 
Something has been asserted, but what is it? Does it 
have to do with Christ or only with myself? This para¬ 
dox was known in antiquity; the pre-Socratics pro¬ 
pounded it. A man says, truthfully, “All Cretans are 
liars.” When an inquiry is made as to who this man is, 
it is determined that he was born in Crete. What, 
then, has he asserted? Anything at all? Is this the sem¬ 
blance of knowledge or a form—a strange form—of 
knowledge itself? There is no answer to this puzzle. 

Or is there? Zeno, the Sophists in general, saw para¬ 
dox as a way of conveying knowledge—paradox, in 
fact, as a way of arriving at conclusions. This is 
known, too, in Zen Buddhism. It sometimes causes a 
strange jolt or leap in the person’s mind; something 
happens, an abrupt comprehension, as if out of 
nowhere, called satori. The paradox does not tell; it 
points. It is a sign, not the thing pointed to. That 
which is pointed to must arise ex nihilo in the mind of 
the person. The paradox the koan tells him nothing; it 


wakes him up. This only makes sense if you assume 
something very strange: we are asleep but do not 
know it. At least not until we wake up. (1980) 

GOD: a principle of selection that promotes design 
in the world process so that the parts are subordi¬ 
nated to the whole, and can be understood only in rela¬ 
tion to the whole. If they can be understood in 
themselves it follows that there is no God, because 
there would be no subordination of parts to the total 
design. To catch a glimpse of design, then, means to 
catch a glimpse of the whole. The two are the same. 

(4 June 1980) 


Anamnesis due to external stimulus (disinhibiting 

Superimposition of two space-time continua. 

Meta-abstraction from spatiotemporal world to 
Form world. 

Freedom from the power of the spatiotemporal 
world ( heimarmene). 

Re-entry into the higher realms of more unity. 

Contact with Nous and vision of the meta-kosmos, a 
return to prenatal perception (the “second signal,” 
“set/ground discrimination,” “morphological arrange¬ 
ment,” etc.). 


I have to give up; but let me say: 

This meta-abstracting due to anamnesis is equal 
to the following. A child learns that one apple plus 
one apple equals two apples. He then learns that one 
table plus one table equals two tables. (I remember 
this from my four-volume set on math.) Then a day 
comes when he abstracts; it is no longer one apple 



plus one apple nor one table plus one table; it is: one 
and one equal two. This is an enormous leap in 
abstracting; it is a quantum leap in brain function. 
My reference books on universals mention this; my 
reference books speak of this abstracting, which we 
all do, as what Plato and Aristotle spoke of when 
they spoke of the person becoming aware of univer¬ 
sals. But I say, Another leap exists, beyond this; 
another quantum leap. And this next leap does not 
occur to everyone; in fact it occurs to only a few, to 
almost no one now. It is truly dependent on anamne¬ 
sis, whereas the above, as Aristotle pointed out, 
rightly, does not depend on anamnesis. The child 
does not in fact remember or recollect that one and 
one equals two; he extrapolates from the concrete 
examples of apples and tables. Plato knew that 
another and higher leap existed, based on anamne¬ 
sis, and it meant a leap from the spatiotemporal 
world to another world entirely. Perhaps this is the 
greatest leap of all, because now world is appre¬ 
hended by pure intellect alone. Anyhow, this is what 
happened to me. It is a recovery of prenatal thinking 
and the prefallen life of the soul. Plato is right. I’m 
worn out. But this was no insight or concept; this 
was a higher brain-function, a restored brain-func¬ 

Within our spatiotemporal universe it is impossible 
that USA 1974 and Rome AD 45 could be one and the 
same ... how could they be? They are at two times and 
two places. The only way they could be one and the 
same would be if time and space were somehow not 
real; or, put another way, if something about the two 
continua themselves were not real. That is, if Rome 
was not Rome; USA was not USA; but both were a 
third thing, the same thing. 

This is why I call it a meta-abstraction. USA 1974 


and Rome AD 45 are two ways of looking at the same 
thing: two aspects of the same thing. And the only way 
you are ever going to realize this is if you literally actu¬ 
ally see the two of them superimposed, commingled; and 
this will only happen if you experience anamnesis; and 
you will only experience this anamnesis if something 
stimulates—releases, actually—your blocked memory. 

You cannot logically reason out that they are one 
and the same thing (two expressions of a single 
essence); you have to see it. Literally see it. Only if there 
is prenatal memory can you see this. And there can only 
be prenatal memory if you existed before your birth. 
You realize this, too; this is a large part of the anamne¬ 
sis; in fact, this is why I have used this term all along. 
Plato is right; the anamnesis is of a prenatal life. This 
was my realization when I saw the Christian fish sign. 
I’ve known this all along. What I only recently realized 
is that my brain instantly performed a crucial meta¬ 
abstraction based on this anamnesis. 

I am saying, “One plus one equals two” to people 
who are saying, “One apple plus one apple equals two 
apples. One table plus one table equals two tables.” 

It’s not their fault. I’m sorry but the difference 
between my meta-abstraction as a brain-function and 
their abstracting, their brain-function, is that great. 

I’m lucky. Because of the sodium pentathol and the 
Christian fish sign my blocked memory of my prena¬ 
tal life was disinhibited. After making the initial leap 
in meta-abstracting my brain drew conclusion after 
conclusion, day after day; and I saw world more and 
more in terms of conceptual or morphological 
arrangement and less and less in terms of the spatio- 
temporal; I continued to abstract reality more and 
more, based on the hierarchy of realms (each higher 
one possessing more unity and ontology than the 
lower) that Plotinus describes. 



In a way I feel really bitter: because I can’t tell any¬ 
one or convince anyone of what I saw. I’m afraid VALIS 
won’t convince anyone. I feel like joining them and say¬ 
ing, “When I played my recording of the Mahler Eighth 
last night the performance was a lot better than when I 
played that recording last week.” They’d think I was a 
lunatic. That’s how I feel about them, in a way. 

(19 October 1980) 

I have the ingredients for an original system, but 
based mainly on Pythagoreanism and Platonism and 
Neo-Platonism; what is original is that I introduce the 
Zoroastrian dialectic: I treat only the spatiotemporal 
realm as irreal, but, as in Gnosticism, I treat it as a 
deliberate trap by a Deluder; therefore I envision a 
Savior who reveals the truth to us and who breaks the 
power of this world ( heimarmene ) over us (these are 
two things; he must obliterate time and its power over 
us, its ostensible reality, to free us from heimarmene). 
Therefore I envision an antithetical combat—dialectic— 
between the Deluder, who has only a posteriori knowl¬ 
edge, and the Savior, who has a priori knowledge, 
concerning us and the hold this world has on us. This 
is clear Gnosticism; but I envision the real world as 
Plato’s Form world, and I hold, with Plotinus, that it is 
near at hand, not a transcendent deity far removed 
from here; it is here and that deity is immediately 
here. I envision a hierarchy of realms, as with 
Plotinus. We fell; we were in a sense ensnared; we 
took this spatiotemporal realm to be real; we made an 
intellectual, not moral, error, and it was us, not our 
ancestors; each of us is a soul splintered through thou¬ 
sands of miles and thousands of years. Likewise the 
real, morphological realm is exploded through our 
realm; the way of return is through anamnesis: by 
this we re-collect (ourselves, each one his own Self; 


here Heidegger and his Dasein categories* and con¬ 
cepts apply; they are based on Gnosticism). 

So my system is rooted in Platonism, but has Gnos¬ 
tic overtones. I believe in immanent deity along the 
lines of the Milesians: the controlling deity who regu¬ 
lates and motivates the world order; but with 
Parmenides I reject the testimony of my senses as to 
the reality of the empirical world; but lam willing, 
with Plato, to consign the term “semireal” to the spa- 
tiotemporal; it has some reality, but it is a derived real¬ 
ity, derived from the morphological realm which is 
changeless (although reticulated and arborizing) 
hence eternal. What strikes me as most irreal—totally 
irreal—is time. Hence change is not real; instead of sub¬ 
stantial (essential) change there is only “looking differ¬ 
ent” by the accidents. Basically I affirm the views that 
I think were held by the Orphics, Pythagoras, Plato, 
Buddha; but I conceive of a Salvator salvandus 
[redeemed redeemer] who acts to extricate us and 
finally to abolish this irreal realm and its powers of 
delusion, in a final enantiodromia. 

You know... Valis could still be the immanent 
mind, the controlling deity, of the Milesians. And I 
may drop Gnosticism (there: I said it.) 


I am not acosmic: because I believe in the absolute 
reality of the unchanging Valis meta-soma-kosmos or 
eide (Form) world; why, this is not acosmism at all; it 
is Plato and Parmenides; I caught a glimpse of 
Parmenides’ reality, and Plato’s, in contrast to the 
irreal or semireal spatiotemporal realm. Gnosticism is 
acosmic but I am not. My original contribution is that 

* The twentieth century German philosopher Martin Heidegger 
focused, in many of his works, on what he posed as the varying states of 
ontological reality. "Dasein" means "being" or, more literally, "here-being". 



I saw the flux realm feeding into the meta macro soma 
kosmos as reticulation and arborizing; so there is new 
thought in my system, but it is a revision of Athenian 
thought, not Gnosticism. But—in the dialectic there 
were the two sides that Zoroaster saw; yet they served 
the Absolute the way Yin and Yang do; so did I see a 
glimpse of something like Taoism? 

I seem to have an original system; but yes, I must 
retain something of Gnosticism; I feel it. We were 
trapped, besides just falling; trapped by a Deluder. 

However, I am making progress; my system is 
shaping up. If I use the elements I’ve elucidated so far 
I already have an original system ... but it is basically 
Pre-Socratic, Platonism and Neo-Platonism. From 
Xenophanes to Plotinus with some Gnosticism and 
some Taoism. It is synchretistic, but this feeding by 
the flux world into the Absolute is (although some¬ 
what Taoist!) truly original; and it was revealed to me 
by Nous or God, Valis, the Absolute, Christ, etc. What I 
am forced to conclude is that there is a Deluder, in 
antithetical combat with Christ (Gnosticism), but 
through enantiodromia, Christ turns the evil and 
irreal “is” into parts that can be and are used to com¬ 
plete the meta-soma-kosmos, which is not static but 
grows and yet does not change; it is only perfected 
(reticulated and arborized; is this, then, why I so sure 
time is irreal? Because of the metasoma—kosmos? Yes; 
that is the realm (#3) where time and change are not. 
The perception that the spatiotemporal realm is not 
real is a perception that time and change are not real- 
real is a perception that the metasoma—kosmos is real 
and does exist in contrast to realm #4. 


You cannot really fall into or fall victim to an irreal 
world. So part of the message by the Spirit of Truth is— 
I’ll start over. The basis of restoration—since we have 


“fallen” into an irreal world—is: anamnesis. Simply to 
re-collect, to wake up; and then (as I did) we see the real 
world, the Form world (macrometasomakosmos). That 
is, quite simply, the real world (as I have it in my notes 
supra; vide). This spatiotemporal world is not real and it 
is not the real world; we have forgotten the real world, 
and each person’s soul or Self is splintered over thou¬ 
sands of miles of space and thousands of years of time— 
and time doesn’t exist. We fell and yet in a sense we did 
not fall and need only remember (re-collect). This is 
strange; it may have to do with Plotinus’ doctrine of the 
hidden life of the soul going on in us at an unconscious 
level, in which the soul has not fallen; the solution to 
howthis can be is to say, In a sense we did not fall, 
because this spatiotemporal realm is irreal; we forgot. 
We literally—repeat: literally—are asleep; hence I said in 
3-74, “I am no longer blind.” I had been wakened by a 
familiar object: the Christian fish sign. But has a “magi¬ 
cian,” like Palmer Eldritch, put us to sleep? I think so; I 
saw the dialectic and I heard the AI voice say, “He 
causes things to look different...” Back to the reality of 
Acts, I guess. “Stay awake,” Jesus said. We did not; we 
fell victim to the world and to Satan behind it. 

The existence of a master magician would explain 
how we could fall victim—get entrapped in and by—an 
irreal world. He causes us to take it as real by occlud¬ 
ing us .. .couldthe occlusion then come first? And 
then we fall victim? And the main element of the 
occlusion is: forgetfulness. Amnesia. And then blind¬ 
ness, perceptual occlusion, whereupon the spatiotein- 
poral world seems real. But saw Valis, and in seeing 
Valis I saw what is really there, that the magician 
occludes us from/to. 

So I am sayingthat Indian thought is wrong when it 
assigns to cause to maya; I say, with Zoroaster, “There is 
a magician.” This is Zoroastrianism—and Mani and 


Gnosticism—blended with Indian thought about may a 
and karma. With Christ viewed as the one who wakes 
us, who causes us to remember. Then it is not accident 
t hat it was the Christian fish sign that caused me to 
remember, to cease to forget. That is what it is supposed 
to do... counteract the Lie (the delusion). So I combine 
Indian doctrines of maya with the Judeo-Christian etc. 
idea of the Fall. I say, we fell into Satan’s world which is 
irreal, a “spurious interpolation.” Yet God is using 
Satan, through enantiodromia. Countering him. Revers¬ 
ing him. Here, within this very domain; the good that 
occurs in this domain (through enantiodromia) is 
placed into the macrometasomakosmos. Evil is con¬ 
certed into good by enantiodromia and then inserted 
into the macrometasomakosmos. 

The theories about the Fall must be revised; an 
intellectual error, not moral error, must be presumed. 
One can almost—almost—view Satan’s activity as a 
high technology in which the simulation of a world 
order is achieved. This element of maya or dokos has 
interested thinkers in India and Greece, but with 
Christianity and Gnosticism comes a really penetrat¬ 
ing analysis between the two elements of world and 
Satan, with the theme of epistemology running 
through Gnosticism—which is why I can’t abandon it. 
We fell asleep because we were induced into falling 
asleep; the spurious world had to be there for us to 
take it as real; we ourselves don’t generate it... unless 
it’s a maze that we ourselves built and then fell into 
(which always remains a possibility). 

Probably the wisest view is to say: the truth—like 
the Self—is splintered up over thousands of miles and 
years; bits are found here and there, then and now, 
and must be re-collected; bits appear in the Greek nat¬ 
uralists, in Pythagoras, in Plato, Parmenides, in 
Heraclitus, Neo-Platonism, Zoroastrianism, Gnosti- 


cism, Taoism, Mani, Gnosticism, orthodox Christian¬ 
ity, Judaism, Brahmanism, Buddhism, Orphism, the 
other mystery religions. Each religion or philosophy 
or philosopher contains one or more bits, but the total 
system interweaves it into falsity, so each as a total sys¬ 
tem must be rejected, and none is to be accepted at 
the expense of all the others (e.g., “I am a Christian” 
or “I follow Mani”). This alone, in itself, is a fascinat¬ 
ing thought: here in our spatiotemporal world we 
have the truth but it is splintered—exploded like the 
eide —over thousands of years and thousands of miles 
and (as I say) must be re-collected, as the Self or Soul 
or eidos must be. This is my task. (24 October 80) 

I was gazing at Harvey* tonight and I was granted 
a vision: of him as all the cats who had come before 
(as Schopenhauer says); but I did not think it; I saw it 
in the same way that one sees motion in a movie. I 
saw the point of this whole morphologically arranged 
world and its relation to our spatiotemporal world; 
wherever in space a cat is and whenever in time, it is 
a perfect cat; there is no deterioration in—so to speak— 
the information comprising CAT. Over millions of 
years that “signal” has not deteriorated or weakened 
or been contaminated; the cat now is a clear-cut and 
perfect a cat as the first cat; and what I saw sitting 
there was essentially an eternal cat, a cat outside of 
time and space, a cat replaced over and over again— 
exactly as Schopenhauer says—and still with us here 
and now as it was there and then, every cat I have 
ever seen and every cat that has ever been or will be; 
because the process has not ended. 

This was not a theory or an intellectual realiza- 


PKD's cat. 



tion; I actually saw him as the eidos cat, instanted (or 
whatever the fucking word is; an instance of) the cat. I 
therefore saw this spatiotemporal world joined to the 
morphologically-arranged world of the eide through 
and in this cat, the two realms synchronized and 
superimposed, the instance and the eidos as one; Har¬ 
vey was simultaneously an instance in the spatiotem¬ 
poral realm of cat, and also the eidos cat. 

This is why my view (based on revelation) that the 
flux world feeds into the Form world (world of the 
phylogons) as reticulation and arborizing is not only 
more correct than Plato’s but more logical and valu¬ 
able; it is a sort of double emanation from higher to 
lower, from lower to higher (realms), as Plotinus says. 
What the individual cats do and are is not lost, 
although the individual cat is an epiphenomenon and 
fades out; but as it fades—after it is gone but as it 
fades—there fades in another “picture” of cat, so that 
cat is unchanged as cat; cat is constant. So everything 
that I have figured out in the last two weeks came 
together tonight in this vision of my cat Who is an 
eternal cat, just as I am an eternal person; it is all eter¬ 
nal and I saw it with my own eyes, how the superim¬ 
position works. (26 October 1980) 

I just h ad this insight. However vivid it was, 11-17- 
80* was a siibjective experience, however veridical it 
might be. On the other hand, 3-74 was objective. Really, 
it was. This again leads me back to Brahman or to 
Hinduism. The GITA, anyhow. 11-17-80 was a mystical 
encounter with the Godhead, but 3-74 was a theophany. 

3-74 revealed God in or God as world. 

This is very important for any conception one has 

* See EXEGESIS selection dated 1 7 November 1980 in chapter one. 


of world (and of course of God; but look what it tells you 
about world. On the other hand, 11-17-80 tells you noth¬ 
ing about world, and, as Wittgenstein says, “Die Welt ist 
alles dasz das Fall ist’’[The World is all that the Fall is.] 

As I look about me I think of the tenth section of the 
GITA and what Lord Krishna says about what he is, the 
many things in world that he is. “The cunning of the 
dice player. The letter A.” Etc. Also 3-74 points to the fact 
that although I can’t see it—i.e. him—I am here with 
God—as in UBIK. I am afraid that parts X and XI of the 
GITA remind me too much of Valis to be ignored. 

To repeat, 11-17-80 was a mystical experience and 
it took place during an altered state of consciousness 
on my part. But in 3-74 I saw God empirically as well 
as experiencing him a priori. Thus, as I say, this was a 
theophany. It wasn’t just a “I talked to God” situation. 
And it lasted for months. 

I saw God and he was here and there in the world; 
not as the world, but distinguishable from it as set to 
ground. Exactly as Krishna says in chapter ten of the 
GITA. And the world did not (as such) exist, i.e., the spa- 
tiotemporal world; that was how my experience began, 
with that perception. This is Brahmanism or at least 
Pan-Indian. Certainly 11-17-80 is a much more common 
experience, a genuine theophany. I felt that Valis had 
(at an earlier time) invaded our world; hence what I saw 
disclosed was an in-breaking of God who is now here. 
This might be my solution to the Eastern-Western 
dilemma. God is here in world (an Eastern view) but he 
is not world; he broke into world (the Western concept 
of God’s in-breaking, which is apocalyptic thought). 2 3- 
74 had vast epistemological and metaphysical 
implications, but 11-17-80 did not. Here’s a theory: in 3- 
74 I saw God more as he is, but in 11-17-80 he assumed 
an anthropomorphic form, and attributes, in order to 
communicate to me. (16 December 1980) 



So you have the granting of the apocalyptic vision 
of reality to someone persecuted for (if I may be so 
bold) doing the Lord’s work. But this vision was 
granted to me—not regarding Scripture—but regard¬ 
ing world; therefore I saw the Iron Prison, and I saw 
the secret Christians attacking it. Then later I saw 
Valis who is God or Christ here camouflaged, having 
invaded this world; this cannot normally be seen; 
only through the eyes of the Spirit of God can it be 
seen: God must cause it to occur. The vision informed 
me that I was not alone and that victory would eventu¬ 
ally occur; God has taken control of history (actually 
when I had the vision in 3-74 this had not yet 
occurred; it took place in August of that year).* So 
there was a promise and it was soon fulfilled. The 
apocalyptic vision collapsed time into itself so that 
two thousand years of history lay before me as and in 
the present, an extraordinary sight; present reality 
included all its past forms, as in UBIK where there is 
reversion along the form axes. The present contained 
the past, and this past was disclosed, and, by virtue of 
this, the supra-temporal constants: the Black Iron 
Prison and the secret revolutionary Christians conspir¬ 
ing against it. Also, in addition to this vision, God 
intervened to act vis-a-vis the Xerox missive. The com¬ 
bination of the two is Christian miracle and Divine 
Providence; hence the Hebrew letters decoding the 
Xerox missive: this pointed to the God of Abraham, 
specifically. And then the theophany in 11-17-80 dis¬ 
closed his agape nature, so there can be no doubt that 
it is the Christian God whom Christ called “Abba.” 

The apocalyptic vision is a vision of God in-break- 

* In August 1974, Richard M. Nixon resigned the presidency. Readers 
interested in a fictionalized treatment of this theme should consult the 
PKD novel RADIO FREE ALBEMUTH (written 1976, published 1985). 


ing to take control of history and defeat his enemies, 
the powers of evil; and it is in this struggle (as I was 
shown) that I am and was involved. The vision is both 
a reward and a promise, on the part of God. 

(1 January 1981) 

So the truly ultimate solution is to prefer music 
while you are here, & prefer light while you are there. 
This accommodation surpasses Jesus, Mani, Dante, 
etc. It is a truth that can only be acquired after para- 
diso in Dante’s terms is reached. It is as if while 
“fallen” here, one must die (or “die”), return home to 
the pleroma (heaven), view this fallen world from that 
vantage point, & then arrive at this realization—where¬ 
upon the Faustian striving is at last quenched; then & 
only then does true wisdom & peace come. Amazing. 
Otherwise, while here, one always seeks to go there. & 
while there vice versa—never content. 

& my discovery of this may have been purely acci¬ 
dental, for, as I say, this surpasses God, who is after 
all “The King of Light” & predicated on the view¬ 
point of this world & its species. & hence only part of 
the story. 

I am saying, there is something beyond nirvana. & 
it is right here (but equally there, too, as well). 

It is all conveyed by the enigmatic statement, 

“she turned into an ape”—referring to my tutelary 
spirit, the AI voice, the view of the under realm. The 
ultimate enantiodromia has set in; & the final veil 
has been penetrated, & almost accidentally, as if this 
surpasses even God & God’s plan. The lovely Diana 
turned out to be an ape, but only from this view¬ 
point—it is all one vast hourglass turned over & over 
again forever, sad & absurd—but one can learn peace 
from this & cease to strive. &, in this cessation & striv¬ 
ing for the spiritual, comes sanity & freedom, & true 



release at last, from the “weary wheel”; this, then, is 
the true liberation, when the spiritual psychopomp 
is revealed as an ape—but an ape inexpressibly beau¬ 
tiful who brings back to me my dead cat, & to whom 
I have my wife sing. 

& here it all ends. It wasn’t the AI voice that said 
that; another voice said it about her, i.e., about the AI 

This is the first time in my life—i.e., within the last 
hour—that I have ever truly been enlightened—beyond 
even the Buddha or Christ or Mani, beyond all the wis¬ 
dom of East & West—beyond, even another realm 
(heaven), Christ & God. 

i.e., sanity at last. (1981) 

Tug. Valence, The way. INFLUENCE on the Reality 
field: “Perturbation”; this is a modern expression for 
the way. 

I have unified Kantian Cartesianism & Taoism: 
the sentient tug on reality (“the reality field”) by that 
which is not: 


The way is yielding, yet leads. It is gentle but can¬ 
not be resisted. 

Valis (my one—sole—glimpse of the action of the 
absolute on the reality field—“a perturbation of the 
reality field”—) was a tug, a valence away from plumb. 
This is the ch’ang tao which is outside reality acting on 
the reality. I saw the absolute as a tug (perturbation) 
acting on reality (& I comprehended the Dialectic) & 
this is taoism. The tao is impersonal but “heaven is 
on the side of the good man” & “heaven fills up the 
empty.” (1981) 

I have been searching all my life for the bench¬ 
marks of God (indubitably pointing to Him). I have 
found them: Kate, Anne & Loudon. The Sufi proof: 

The light from above illuminating the (world into 
the) nativity scene. I saw it. All creatures great & small 
/ dance upon their feet. 

I have seen the infinities of Judaism, which is 
Morality, of xtianity which is Love, & the Greeks, 
which is Wisdom, & I have seen God’s power as pro- 
noia [foreknowledge ] & charts [ charity ] to rescue me by 
blessing the world itself; but beauty is a perplexin g 
infinity, raising more questions than it answers. It is a 
puzzle too intricate for me. It spans all else. As I sit 
across the game board from Krishna I say, “I have 
found in beauty that which I could not myself have 
made; thus I have found the benchmarks. I believe, 
for I have the evidence that I trust; it is sufficient.” 
There is an infinity of good, of love, of wisdom, of 
power. But each particular beautiful thing is infinitely 

* Three women whose identities are unknown. 



beautiful, & there is an infinity of them, so beauty, a 
lyre, is an infinity of infinities: CO 2 - 

I just figured out one sentence that sums up my 
whole 10-volume meta novel,* ** *** &, what is more, leads 
to 2-3-74 et al: 

“I believe that the universe is epiphenomenal.” (& 
because this has been my premise for 30 years, I was 
led to look beyond reality—i.e., the universe—but with 
no preconceptions.) I believe that my premise proves 
true—by reason of 2-3-74. But what I saw that is real—I 
really don’t know what it is, but— 

It regulates the universe. That is its relationship to 
the universe. Regulator. & whatever that tells us. (e.g. 
it tells us there is purpose & design & very likely con¬ 
sciousness.) & any control system must be able to 
“move” faster than what it controls. (1981) 

The term—the concept—Ditheon * is the complete, 
absolute, total, accurate, definite, final, ultimate expla¬ 
nation of 2-3-74. This one word conveys it all, and the 
concept may be unknown in religious and theological 
history. [ ... ] 

No, it is not a unitary psyche; it is twain. It is “di.” 
And because it is “di” it jointly perceives two signals 
(this explains the “second signal”). Two psyches, two 
signals—and the parallaxis that permits the set-ground 
discrimination. Just as bicameral means two, Ditheon/ 
means two. And the “on” refers to Ho On. 

Why did I never think of it before? Two psyches, 

* PKD would group various of his past works into thematic wholes to 
which he gave the name "meta novel". See chapter four herein, 
"Interpretations of Mis Own Works," for examples of this process. The 
precise configuration PKD had in mind here is unclear. 

** The term "Ditheon" came to PKD in a June 1981 dream. 

*** "Ho On" was, for PKD, a cognate term for "Oh I lo", the clay pot in 

two signals. Set and ground which the twin psyches 
blend together; one sees set, the other sees ground. So 
it is essential that they do remain “di” or twain (“asun¬ 
der”); if they merged into one psyche they would no 
longer perceive/receive two differing signals, no 
longer be able to do a set-ground feature extraction. 
This is a totally new kind of mind: two worlds (spatio- 
temporal?) based on a common essence; and the com¬ 
mon essence can be perceived as archetypal constants 
(common to both signals of worlds; what I call “arche¬ 
types” or “eide” are those elements common to both 
signals, perceived by both psyches: what overlaps, is 
present in both (worlds) and to both psyches. Thus a 
wholly different kind of world is perceived by this 
double but mutually differing reception. It requires 
two parallel psyches working in unison to perform 
the meta-abstraction. 

And this is how the “anamnesis” works: it must 
be the memory of the other psyche coming on, and it 
is perceptual memory; this is how you get a slot pres¬ 
ent, rather than the usual point present: the “lag” 
between the two psyches. Temporal lag. There are 
three fields: left, right, and then the combined. What 
exists in the combined field is the supratemporal con¬ 
stants. There is also the depth perception which is 
not spatial depth but temporal depth. (I think.) The 
time-lag factor is turned into a perception of spatial 
depth or spatial-like depth; it is visible depth (hence 
set to ground). So it is not seen as flux but as visual 

Only what shows up in both fields is regarded as 
real. So although the two psyches work in unison they 
remain—must remain “di.” If they were to become 
one, the whole point would be lost, just as if our two 
eyes saw exactly the same thing, depth perception 
would be lost. They must remain “di” but also utilize 



a unified field out of the two differing fields. The 
brain does this with what the two eyes report regard¬ 
ing space. This is clearly an evolutionary advance, like 
the ability to distinguish colors. The “common 
essence” (of “the two coaxial worlds”) is of course 
what both psyches report as perceiving; my coaxial 
worlds and common essence have to do with percep¬ 
tion-binary perception—as well as binary realities (if 
indeed the latter is meaningful at all; I have trans¬ 
ferred the binary or dual aspect to perception, to, vir¬ 
tually, an anatomical dualism, now). I suppose there 
is something “out there” conforming to the two fields, 
and to the “common essence” which is what the two 
fields both share, both report. (11 June 1981) 

There are two sources to our world—exactly as 
seen in VALIS (“Two Source Cosmogony”). I didn’t see 
a second, added signal in 3-74; I saw the two signals 
(components) pull apart (I have this here & there 
throughout my exegesis. But only now do I know it to 
be so). They can be discriminated (untangled) & this is 
what Ditheon can do with its AB hyper-field; it can 
extract the Forms back out, as if Freeing them: Loos¬ 
ing them from their earthly shells/prisons. This is Pla- 
tonist & Neo-Platonist. The correct terms are: Lower 
Realm & Upper Realm, & then mix to create our 
world. This renders the Forms sensible (empirically 
perceptible) but this is an inferior way of knowing 
them; to know them intelligibly (by the meta-abstrac- 
tion) is to know them purely as they are. Thus the spir¬ 
itual realm is here, commingled with the Lower 

* See entry number 47 in the "Tractates Cryptica Scriptura" that forms 
the "Appendix" to VALIS (1981). 


Realm: our universe is not the Lower Realm but the 
mixture of the two. 

Upper realm 

*— our 2 source world 
blended together; set & 
ground not discriminated 

Lower realm 


The discovery of an organizational hyper-structure 
whose hierarchical contour defies our normal abstract¬ 
ing ability (and yet can be detected by a colossal meta¬ 
abstraction reported by Plato and surnamed by him 
Noesis) is a matter of unparalleled importance, for this 
hyper-structure seems able progressively more and 
more to subsume its environment, suggesting pur¬ 
pose and sentience. It is not a thing among things nor 
even an organism among organisms, but, rather, impl¬ 
ies by both its existence and unavailability to our nor¬ 
mal cognition and perception the very real possibility 
of (1) orders of reality at a level of structural and 
organizational complexity unknown to us; and (2) life 
or at least purpose,, growth and intelligence at these 
levels. Regarded this way, such levels and such struc¬ 
tures cannot be defined by philosophical or theologi¬ 
cal terms but have to do with entities and their 
behavior that no human language system encom¬ 
passes. That the spatiotemporal universe of multiplic¬ 
ity (physical things in time and space governed by 
causation) is in fact subsumed by at least one higher 
level of volitionally-imposed organization—and that 
such a structure is aware of us whereas we are not 



only not aware of it but normally unable to be aware 
of it—if this can be made the subject of indubitable 
observations it would lie beyond any discovery in the 
prior history of man. 

Paradoxically, early Greek thinkers (scientist-phi¬ 
losophers, since these two areas had not as yet split 
apart) dimly perceived such levels but in no way pos¬ 
sessed a vocabulary to depict what they saw. In point 
of fact the universe may not at all resemble what our 
normal senses—and cognition—profess; thus we may 
stand at the threshold of discoveries of unique mag¬ 
nitude, the fathoming of which may require a literal 
evolution of our species—and this may indeed be tak¬ 
ing place. Thus even to know this hyper-structure is 
to cease to be human, and yet such knowledge—not 
faith, not revelation, but the utilization of pure intel¬ 
lect—is possible. I argue, then, that man as a species 
may be coming to an end, subsumed by a higher 
level of organizational complexity; and a new species 
may be evolving out of him. I argue, finally, that the 
hyper-structure is to some degree actively involved 
in promoting this, since it is an evolutionary process 
in which it is involved. As pure form without sub¬ 
stantiality-able to organize within its own structure— 
it is a meta-entity in the truest sense, and poses a 
vast, urgent mystery deserved [sic] of our profound- 
est attention. (11 September 1981) 

The following line of reasoning is correct. In 2-74 I 
experienced anamnesis. In 3-74 noesis set in. I saw not 
only the Forms but Pythagoras’ kosmos (which is the 
same thing). Further, I am correct that by noesis you 
can comprehend the Logos (and universe as pre-exis¬ 
tent ideas in the mind of God: Erigena’s second 
hypostatis of God, “that which is created and ere- 


ates”). So Pythagoras to Plato to Philo to St. John; the 
Logos that I saw is the Cosmic Christ. So my final con¬ 
clusions in my exegesis are correct and my 9-11-81 
summation is correct. This is man’s original noein 
restored. This was a line of thinking requiring much 
and difficult research. Only when I discovered that 
Philo’s Logos is the kosmos noetos— the place of the 
Forms—did I realize what no one realizes today: the 
Logos— structure of reality and agent of creation—is 
available via the hyper-abstraction called by Plato noe- 
sis, and due to anamnesis. This knowledge did not 
come readily or easily! 

The “not 2 mothers once but 1 mother twice” is 
the correct analysis of my meta-abstraction and it is 
Plato’s noesis. It has to do with cognitive recognition— 
hence anamnesis. 

In VALIS it goes anamnesis— Logos— Christ (which is 
correct) but the true progression is: anamnesis, noesis, 
the eide, Pythagoras’ kosmos, kosmos noetos, Philo’s 
logos, St. John’s Logos, Christ. So I started right (anam¬ 
nesis) and wound up right (Cosmic Christ) but left a 
few steps out—which is okay. 

What it all boils down to as being is the rational 
structure of creation seen by means of a meta-abstrac¬ 
tion and itself seen as an abstraction. But we really 
don’t have words to depict this rational structure of 
creation—although “Forms” and “kosmos” and “Logos” 
and “Torah” and “pre-existent ideas” are used. It is (as 
Robert Galbreath says) other. It is an intelligible apper¬ 
ception known through noesis alone. And it is unitary 
and not substantial but structural. Nor does it involve 
space, time and causation, but, to be sentient and voli¬ 
tional and to be—or to process—information. Further, 

* Literary critic. 



it is mind or has mind. But it is vitally important to an 
indubitably Christian experience; this does suggest 
that Jesus Christ is St. Sophia, the agent of creation 
and hence the Logos, its rational structural basis. The 
structure of the universe and the agent of creation are 
the same thing, because it gives rise to the physical 
spatiotemporal phenomenal universe we see. 

(12 September 1981) 

It seems a small thing to say, but I say; 

The agent of creation ( Logos or Forms, whatever 
called) is at the same time the abstract structure of cre¬ 
ation. Although normally unavailable to our cognition 
and perception, this structure—and hence the agent of 
creation—can be known by the colossal meta-abstrac¬ 
tion that Plato surnamed Noesis, which is a purely 
intellectual act not based on revelation or faith but, 
rather, on what Plato called anamnesis, which is a 
form of recognition: hence itself an abstraction, a “see¬ 
ing” in the sense that a person “sees” that if one cow 
plus one cow equals two cows, one plus one equals 
two under all circumstances. 

Since Philo’s Logos is kosmos noetos, the intelligible 
world of the Forms, and since the Forms are available 
by Noesis, it follows that the Logos is available by Noe¬ 
sis. All that remains, then, is to equate Logos with 
Jesus Christ; from this it follows that the Cosmic 
Christ, now discorporate and involved in creation as 
its Logos (structure) and Pantocrator (agent of cre¬ 
ation), is available to us through Plato’s Noesis. Christ 
can be known to us as now, as ubiquitous, as Lord of 
Creation through a purely intellectual act on our part, 
a meta-abstracting. However, the power to set this 
meta-abstracting off seems to reside in Christ Himself; 
he is both subject of it and cause of it. Which is to say: 
in the final analysis we can know Christ only by and 


through Christ Himself; he initiates the process of 
meta-abstracting; hence it is proper to say that we 
know him through grace. We cannot, by an effort of 
our intellect or will, set off this meta-abstraction; 

Christ holds the keys to the Kingdom, and always will. 

If one can comprehend that the agent of creation 
(the Logos ) is the abstract structure of creation, then 
one can understand why it is believed by Philo that 
indeed an intermediary existed between God and cre¬ 
ation in His act of bringing creation about. This Logos 
(in terms of Greek philosophy) is kosmos noetos, the 
intelligible world of the Forms; in terms of Hebrew 
thought it is Hagia Sophia, Holy Wisdom, identified 
by Christian thinkers with Christ (the Wisdom-World 
entity of the Fourth Gospel). Thus Philo homologizes 
Greek and Hebrew thought, linking Plato’s Forms and 
Hagia Sophia, as well as the Word of God ( dabhar ).* 

To repeat: the abstract structural (nonsubstantial) 
basis of reality is also the agent of creation of reality, 
for from it stems that which we term “reality”: plural 
physical objects in space and time, controlled by 
causal laws. It is this agent of creation that Philo sur- 
named Logos and which we identify with both Christ 
and Hagia Sophia (the wisdom of God). This is what I 
saw, as total insubstantial abstract structure. 

(12 September 1981) 

If the abstract structure of reality is the agent of 
creation, then is not it self-causing? This is a definition 
of Prime Mover Unmoved; I am saying that when real¬ 
ity is viewed—not as a multiplicity of physical objects 
in space and time governed by causality—but as insub¬ 
stantial abstract unified structure (Pythagoras’ kosmos. 


Dabhar is the Hebrew root form for "speech". 



perhaps; the Forms, perhaps; Philo’s logos, perhaps; 
Torah, perhaps; or some other name not known to us: 
pre-existent ideas, etc.)—it is its own cause. And yet I 
have not used the term God or even suggested a cause 
lying outside reality; for the abstract structure is not 
outside reality (like potter to pot, artisan to artifact); 
this insubstantial abstract structure is reality properly 
conceived; this is conceived by reason of a colossal 
meta-abstraction in which reality is, so-to-speak, hol¬ 
lowed out so that its intelligible basis is apprehended. 
This is at least one level up in the hierarchy of ontol¬ 
ogy. But it is not God. Here, multiplicity gives way to 
unity, to what perhaps can be called a field. The field 
is self-perturbing; it initiates its own causes internally; 
it is not acted on from outside. This does not quite 
sound like theology or even, perhaps, philosophy 
(although it does resemble Pythagoras’ idea of kosmos, 
but the early Greek thinkers were as much scientists 
as philosophers or anything else). 

Then the “perturbation in the reality field” refers 
to a perturbation in physical, substantial reality—plu¬ 
ral objects in space and time governed by causation— 
emanating from the abstract structure that is both 
basis of reality and the agent of its creation. Nothing 
lies beyond this abstract hyper-structure known by 
the meta-abstracting of Noesis. There is no reason to 
posit a higher, more real ontological level, since the 
insubstantial abstract structure is self-causing and ini¬ 
tiates its own changes internally; there is nothing that 
acts upon it from outside it. Yet this is not quite pan¬ 
theism or hylozoism; a sharp distinction is made 
between physical reality (plural objects in space and 
time governed by causation) and the abstract struc¬ 
ture-only the latter is self-causing—so it is no hylozo¬ 
ism; and no deity is posited, so this is not pantheism. 

It is (to repeat) something like the kosmos of Pythago- 


ras, if it is like anything we know of at all. Where it dif¬ 
fers from Plato’s theory of the Forms (as true reality) 
is that instead of positing a loose aggregation (the 
Forms) it posits a unified abstract structure; this 
would be kosmos noetos or Logos, but it would be Logos 
not as intermediary between God and creation since 
no God is posited. Perhaps it resembles the logos of 
the Stoics, which was immanent in creation; but their 
logos was substantial, which is to say, material; so it is 
not that either. It is a kind of Pythagorean mathemati¬ 
cal Logos, having to do with limit, ratio and propor¬ 
tion (e.g. the 8x13 rectangle, the Golden Rectangle). 

71118 is Pythagoras, not Plato. (12 September 1981) 

“The agent of creation is its own structure.” ’I'his 
structure must not be confused with the multiplicity 
of physical objects in space and time governed by cau¬ 
sation; the two are entirely different. (The structure is 
insubstantial, abstract, unitary and initiates its own 
causes internally; it is not physical and cannot be per¬ 
ceived by the human percept-system sensibly; it is 
known intelligibly, by what Plato called Noesis, which 
involves a certain ultimate high-order meta-abstract- 
ing.) On the other hand, it is not to be confused with 
God. In no way does it presume God as either itself or 
as lying beyond it having created or produced it. It is 
not an intermediary between God and physical cre¬ 
ation. It resembles both Pythagoras’ kosmos and 
Aristotle’s Prime Mover Unmoved. Could it be what 
Spinoza calls “the attribute mind” which is parallel to 
the res extensae [extended forms] that we know as the 
physical universe, both being equal attributes of a sin¬ 
gle substantia ? (And identified by Spinoza as God?) 

No; because for Spinoza these are purely parallel attri¬ 
butes; neither in any way acts on the other and nei- 



ther is primary in relationship to the other, i.e. its 
cause. I, on the other hand, posit ontology primacy to 
the insubstantial abstract structure, and, moreover, I 
believe that it fully controls the physical spatiotempo- 
ral universe as its basis and cause. 

Abstract insubstantial structure to physical uni¬ 

Music to groove. 

Thus the “seeing” is analogous to “seeing” that if 
one cow plus one cow equal two cows, one plus one 
equals two always; so it is Noesis, but maybe not of the 
Forms; maybe of Pythagoras’ kosmos. There is some¬ 
thing very strange, here; it has to do not even with 
ontological hierarchy or even, perhaps, abstraction, 
but a combined abstraction-conversion (as in groove 
to music; viz: music is not an abstraction of groove, 
but a combined abstraction-conversion of levels hav¬ 
ing to do with intelligence; a persons sees that, etc. It 
is a disjunction, a disjunctive leap not of degree but of 
kind. Yet it bears some relationship to “seeing” the 
Forms; this is how “seeing” the Forms is done: by 
such a leap. But mathematicals may be involved, 
hence Pythagoras, not Plato. 

Doesn’t the concept Logos move back more toward 
Pythagoras’ kosmos, that is, from a loose aggregation 
to a unified structure? Would not the concept “kosmos 
noetos” be more like his kosmos, in some ways, than it 
is like the Forms? Perhaps it combines the (1) reality 
of this hyper-world and (2) the semi-reality of the 
world of particulars (as is found in the Forms doctrine 
with Pythagoras’ notion of structure? Whether Plato 
intended it to or not? (As a Jew, Philo would not share 
Plato’s view of the mere semi-reality of the spatiotem- 
poral world. But unintentionally Philo may have com¬ 
bined what is true of Pythagoras’ kosmos 
(insubstantial structure) with Plato’s semi-reality of 


combines Pythagoras and Plato, perhaps without 
knowing it. (12 September 1981) 

A final point: the world transformed from the 
unfamiliar to the familiar—this cannot point to a psy¬ 
chotic break, for in a psychotic break this is all 
reversed: the familiar becomes the unfamiliar. So 
much for the “Horselover Fat is insane” theory. In 2-3- 
74 came comprehension and recognition; there also 
came the end of—the healing of—the gulf that sepa¬ 
rated me from world. This is 180 degrees away from 
psychosis. Viewed psychologically, this is, in fact, a 
healing; it is repair. (17 November 1981) 

Chapter Three 

on His Writinctechniques 

for Truth 

My very recent book dream, the masterpiece novel 
gummed into the encyclopedia—it refers to such as 
the above novel cum covert message,* as well as UBIK, 
etc. I’m beginning to think this most recent dream did 
not carry the message: Write such a book. But rather: 
You did write such books (with the gospel reassem¬ 
bled from, trashy bits, as Lem** put it). (So as to get 
past the Soviet Marxist materialist censors.) “There 
are other sheep whom I must bring in,” as Christ said. 
This dreain told me not what to do but explained to 
me what I have been doing. I, so fashionable to Marx¬ 
ists both in the West & East—I, unknown even to 

* The reference here is to FLOW MY TEARS, THE POLICEMAN SAID 
(1974), with its covert message of a salvific element entering the Black 
Iron Prison world. 

** Stanislaw Lem. 



myself, carrying the gospel to them in a form accept¬ 
able to them. I wonder, now that (3 74) it was 
explained to me, if I could do it, now being self-con¬ 
scious and deliberate and doing it myself per se; 
maybe my work is done, successfully. I was finally 
told what I had done: the sheep in wolf’s clothing, so 
to speak. [... ] Maybe now I can rest. It’s interesting— 
you can flatout outfront tell a Marxist that my work is 
theological in nature [... ] and it doesn’t register, as if 
I never even said it. “He doesn’t comprehend his own 
work,” as one of them said.* Not only can’t they see it 
unaided, they can’t see it aided. Yet I am positive that 
on some level (right hemisphere]) they are absorbing 
it; ah yes: subliminally!! I think this is why so many of 
my dreams—plus my intuitions themselves about my 
3-74 experience—contained elements pertaining to the 
USSR. Paranoiacally, I had it backward; they weren’t 
influencing my thoughts, but I theirs (via my stories, 
novels, speeches, letters, oral discourse!!). Lord—I 
think when they see the cross I wear, or read theologi¬ 
cal elements—find them in my writing, they think I 
am “one of them,” but adding these as a sort of dis¬ 
guise to fit into capitalistic Christian Western society; 
my golly, they have it backward, but it’s layer under 
layer; the bottom which (spreading the gospel to the 
Soviets) was unknown even to me. Until it was 
revealed to me in 3-74. Probably the most severe 
assault delivered in my work is against materialism as 
such, in my probing into the illusory nature of appar¬ 
ent reality... but surely this is a prime assault against 
the Enemy, against Marxism as one form of it. 

(19 75) 

Thinking back over my life I can see that I have 


The critic quoted here—if, indeed, this is a literal quote—is unknown. 



survived many troubles—I look at the copies of the 
Ballantine SCANNER* & I can see what I have done to 
transmute those terrible days into something worth¬ 
while, lasting, good, even important (i.e., meaningful). 
This is what God does; this is his strange mystery: 
how he accomplishes this. When we view the evil 
(which he is going to transmute) we can’t see for the 
life of us how he can do it—but later on, & only later 
on, after it’s done, can we see how he has used evil as 
the clay out of which he as potter has fashioned the 
pot (universe viewed as artifact). 

What I will notice is how many people wish me 
well. Look at what John Ross, a stranger, said.** Look 
at what Jeter*** **** said about me having served, done 
my duty, & now can pass on into the reward waiting 
for me—he said, even, that they’d applaud me. I still 
don’t know what I did in 3-74 re the xerox missive, 
but what I did was what I was sent here to do from 
the start, & I did it right; as Jeter put it, “They tell 
you how, when & where to throw the spear, but you 
must throw it.” 

Iam really very happy. Snuff, music & cats, 
friends & my exegesis, my studying & gradually 
more & more understanding my Gnosis, when in 3- 
74 the Savior woke me to full consciousness for the 
first time in my life & refound myself, knew who & 
what I was, remembered my celestial origin, was 
restored to what I had been before the fall, & saw the 
prison we are in, & knew I had done right on the 
Ramparts '*** matter—look at the penalty I paid until 

* The Ballantine paperback edition of A SCANNER DARKLY was issued 
in 1977. 

** A reader who corresponded with PKD. 

*** K.W. Jeter. 

**** See Ramparts Petition in Glossary. 


& even on into ’72, ’73, & up to my moment of rescue 
in 2-74.* Christ claimed me for his own & restored 
me to the Godhead. I opposed the world, risked 
everything, lost everything, but here I am, healthy & 
safe & at peace—with myself, having seen God. 
Watching him—perfect his plan in human history, & 
discovering that a part of that plan called for me to 
be rescued. What rewards of the world could equal 
that? & included in the revelation was a vision of 
where I am going to go: the next world—my real & 
former home. 

The 3 ages of Gnosticism were shown to me (how 
it originally was—how it is now—how it will finally 
be) & the triune hamsandwich universe: man as part 
of God separated from him by the world: 3 ages, 2 
forces (God & man as one, the evil world as the 
other). (In manicaeism the 2 forces being matter vs. 
spirit or noos[.)] 

The entire basis of my illumination is to see God 
as pitted against the world, man pitted against the 
world, hence God & man isomorphic, separated by 
the world—man a fraction of the Godhead which due 
to some primordial crises in the Godhead fell into for¬ 
getfulness & ignorance—fell asleep & is awakened to 
memory & refinding of self & final restoration to the 
Godhead by means of the Savior, who comes here to 
this prison-trap world. 

Salvation—from what? From the world, which is 
an iron prison. Cf. Schopenhauer. Salvation from 
what he saw happening to the turtles (James-James’ 
creation). God did not design such a structure of 

* These years constituted a particularly painful and tumultuous period 
in PKD's life. For further details, see chapters eight and nine of DIVINE 
INVASIONS (1989). 



suffering: he extricated us from it, & restores us as 
part of him. This is the acosmic view in all my writ¬ 
ings: the empirical world is a fraud, counterfeit. I 
write about reality as illusion because it is, & I see 
that it is, thus my writing is a tremendously power¬ 
ful attack on the world—but I am just now realiz¬ 
ing that this view (of world as illusion) is 
Gnostic—my corpus of writing is an assault on the 
created universe of matter, highly original, accu¬ 
rate. It (the view) discloses the deceptive nature of 
empirical reality—now I have had it revealed to me 
that this world is an impediment between us 
(man) & God. 

In my writing I seek to abolish the world—the 
effect of which aids in our restoration to the God¬ 
head. & this is what I did in 2-74 when I saw the 
Golden Fish; in a single moment of total knowledge 
(awareness of the true state of things) I withdrew my 
belief in what I customarily saw—& it vanished, & 
the Christ/God continuum was disclosed—i.e., the 
slice of bread on the other side of the ham sandwich. 
First for years I did it in my writing, &then in 2-74 I 
did it in real life, showing that my writing is not fic¬ 
tion but a form (e.g., MAZE, TEARS, UBIK, etc.) of reve¬ 
lation expressed not by me but through me, by (St.) 
Sophia in her salvific work. What is in my work that 
is important is precisely nothing less than the 
Salvific Gnosis (or parts of it anyhow). 

In Gnosticism this is God’s point of view: “he is 
acosmic & even anticosmic.” Zebra (one form of God) 
has penetrated secretly into this prison world to res¬ 
cue us—he is invisible via his mimicking objects & pro¬ 
cesses of this world the great turning pt. for me was to 
reject immanent deity & correctly see it as mimick¬ 
ing—& from outside the world, entering as in the 
James-Jaines dream. 


1 Jn 3:2 “& then we shall see God as he really is.” 

Is that what I saw in 3-74, that which 1 Jn 3:2 predicts? 

I think so. Zebra concealed here. 

The Gnostic message in my writing can be seen 
when we realize that it is a Gnostic revelation that 
this world is a bungled comiterfeit of the celestial 
world, esp. time as a poor counterfeit of eternity. & 
Palmer Eldritch equals (is) the Gnostic demiurge cre¬ 
ator, spinning out evil & false worlds to feed his 
drive for power. In STIGMATA the evil quality of the 
creator is expressed, & man (Leo Bulero) pitted 
against the False evil cosmos & its evil creator—a veiry 
acosmic novel. 

When I withdrew assent from this world in 2-74 
it began with sudden knowing the truth on my part, 
the secret, revealed truth, & then later on, this world 
changed—became visible as a prison & then was gone 
(i.e., I had been extricated from it). 

Part of the attraction for me of Gnosticism is 
one of its major pts.: That God cannot be discov¬ 
ered (found) in Nature (i.e., the empirical world). I 
had already (well, at least recently) come to know— 
not just believe but know— that no natural theology 
is possible—despite 1000s of years of trying to estab¬ 
lish it. God must be disclosed by revelation & reve¬ 
lation alone. This paved the way for me being able 
to see a bipolarization of God to the world & I find 
this “the world hated me before it hated you” 
explicit in scripture (e.g., St. John). One reasonably 
asks, “Why, if He exists, can’t he ever be discerned 
in the world?” (answer: He isn’t there.) At first I 
thought Valis was immanent deity! & that I had 
found him in the world. But then last January I 





suddenly formulated the more accurate “Zebra” 
hypothesis which portrays him as a subtle, invisi¬ 
ble world—mimicking invader—& then lately I got 
the “ham sandwich” model going—the triune 

Even my long held Brahman view was triune, the 
ham sandwich, with the empirical world as Maya, 
delusion, & deity being within, not in but inside, 
meaning “on the other—far—side.” 

Zebra counterfeits the counterfeit—which fits the 
Gnostic idea of the bumbling demiurge being helped 
out, out of mercy, by the true God. This helping out, 
not just of us humans but of the whole fallen (fucked 
up, not really real) cosmos is the transubstantiation 
of objects & processes on an invisible ontological 
level which I saw the growing Corpus Christi achiev¬ 
ing. A Fake Fake = something real. God/the savior is 
mimicking this counterfeit cosmos with a stealthily 
growing real one. What this all adds up to is that 
God, through the Cosmic Christ, is assimilating our 
cosmos to himself. 

His salvific mercy is not limited just to & for us 
humans but extends to all creation. As Paul says in 
either Col. or Eph.*— I think the latter. 

Neither the so-called ontological proof of the exis¬ 
tence of God (St. Anselm’s) nor the empirical design- 
to-designer, etc—none hold up. Only revelation, 
initiated by God. He is indeed the Deus Absconditus 
[Hidden God ]—Gnosticism explains why: He is not 
found in nature because he is not here, & our reason¬ 
ing cannot discern him because we are occluded. 

God must reach down to us from “beyond” or “out¬ 
side” the cosmos. 

* Colossians and Ephesians. 


Since & inasmuch as Christ died for our sins, he 
wiped the slate clean; as Luther pointed out, when 
God sees (one of) us he sees his own spiritless son. So, 
even by this orthodox reasoning, we are not (now, any¬ 
how) sinful. From a Gnostic standpoint, Christ “took 
the blow” aimed at us in retribution “justice” by the 
Archon or demiurge: Christ intervened between us. 
Just as in my case in 3-74 when they sprung the trap, 
it was not me in it but him, & he burst the trap & 
defied the world, the trappers. 

I depart from Gnosticism & Mani in this regard: 
God does not just take the sparks of light out of the 
cosmos; he is infusing (good) ontology—his rule, i.e., 
the kingship of (the true) God onto, into this pre¬ 
viously unreal Cosmos—which is, why I say, he is sav¬ 
ing the totality of creation, by transubstantiation & 
assimilation & thus repairing the breach in the God¬ 
head by operating through history, as Hegel saw. 
Besides rescuing us as individuals he rescues the spe¬ 
cies; besides the species, all life; besides all life all 

But: when the cosmos is assimilated it will as such 
cease to exist (the slice of ham). There will be no 
world qua world—so in a sense the Gnostics are right. 
We will be parts of a cosmic living organism, not of 
dead matter, i.e., Zebra. (1977) 

I, who was not a legitimate member of the ruling 
class (which is defined as, “those who get to define— 
control, generate—reality”) via my writing, subver- 
sively obtained a certain small but real power to 
control. Create & define reality; the next step is [... ] to 
enter (the ruling class) by the front door, ojjicially wel¬ 
comed. (& not infiltrate in by the back door as I did. 

But boy, what a good job I did; & VALIS is the best sub- 



version so far; as Mark* ** points out, it deranges all (sic!) 
your learned preconceptions). Thus I via my writing 
can be said to be a revolutionary, & I carried with me 
into power, other people of my ilk. Many disenfran¬ 
chised “misfits”—the quasi-insane, or pseudo (sic!) 
schizophrenics; ach! we are mimicking schizophrenia 
as a political tactic, in order to thrust the schizophre¬ 
nic worldview onto the authorities as a tactic to infil¬ 
trate & vitiate them, “them” being defined as “those 
in power.” The schizophrenic worldview was selected 
by us because it is (so) threatening to those in power 
due to its self-concealing logic, its non linear logic or 
null-logic (as Warrick correctly says, I maintain Y = 
Y)!! This is a political tactic on my part. A logic held for 
merely pragmatic purposes-causes-reasons. A device. A 
weapon (& it was so—& correctly—interpreted by the 


The true name of the game is power (to define & 
hence control (people’s perceptions of) reality), not 
consumer commodities like big house, Porsche & 
clothes[... ] Those are sops—bread & circuses, mere 
toys marked “success” but still toys. Which is why I 
can spartanly disdain them in my pursuit to control 
the definition of reality through my writing, etc., & I 
say that reality is irrational & irreal & subject to 
manipulation by mind—which is a sort of handbook 
of ideology of control, to view it thus, & provides the 
disenfranchised with techniques (inner secrets) of 
power: almost shamanesque in nature, esp: Jason Tav¬ 
erner, even when totally stripped of power & identity, 
destroyed his police (i.e., authority) foe (pursuer). 

* Mark Hurst, then an editor at Bantam Books. 

** Patricia Warrick, a literary critic with whom PKD was in 
correspondence at this time. 


Lem & the party experts* saw correctly that in my 
writing I was handing over weapons (secrets) of 
power to the disenfranchised of the capitalist west; 
their appraisal of me is correct. Over & over in my 
books 1) power is studied; 2) who has it; & 3) how 
those denied it manage to get it. 

Although appearing left wing my training is 
really Fascistic—not “Fascistic” as Marxist rhetoric 
defines it but as Mussolini defined it: in terms of the 
deed & the will, with reality de-ontologized, reduced 
to mere stuff on which the will acts in terms of deed. 
Since few living people correctly understand (genu¬ 
ine) Fascism, my ideology has never been pejora¬ 
tively stigmatized by the left, but those to whom I 
appeal are in essence the core-bulk of latent masses, 
the fascist mob. I speak of & for the irrational & the 
anti-rational, a kind of dynamic nihilism in which 
values are generated as mere tactics. Thus my real 
idol is Hitler, who starting out totally disenfran¬ 
chised rose to total power while scorning wealth (aris¬ 
tocracy) plutocracy to the end. My real enemy is 
plutocracy; I’ve done my (Fascistic) homework.[ ... ] 
My fascistic premise is: “There is no truth. We make 
truth; what we (first) believe becomes objectively true. 
Objective truth depends on what we believe, not the 
other way around.” This is the essence of the Fascist 
epistemology, the perception of truth as ideology 
imposed on reality—mind over matter. (c. 1978) 

Valis is the real & rational world breaking into 
(invading, as in e.g. UBIK) our simulated & irrational 
world. I’m saying, Valis is a world, a (the) real world. 

* Stanislaw Lem is here grouped (unfairly, it may be argued) with 
various unspecified "party experts"—leftist critics—who had written on 
PKD's works. See previous note on Lem on page 1 9. 



Ubik is to the cold-pac world as Valis is to our world. If 
Ubik & Valis are one in the same, our world is both 
irreal (UBIK) & irrational (VALIS). 

We’re missing half our stereo signal—what I call 
the upper realm (one). 

This notion that in 2-3-74 the real broke into the 
irreal (as in UBIK) is acosmic & Gnostic—& it agrees 
with another Gnostic idea (put forth in VALIS) that the 
creator of this world is irrational. A superior position 
cf. UBIK & VALIS is a superimposition of two basic 
Gnostic ideas, one cosmological, the other cosmogoni- 
cal. It’s very interesting, what you get if you superim¬ 
posed VALIS over UBIK—& I had previously seen that 
VALIS is an electronic circuit-like feedback of UBIK & 
mixing, enriching, etc.[... ] The rational is real; the 
irrational is not real. Our ordinary world is the latter 
into which the former has broken, invading it (as ih 
UBIK, but now Ubik is seen not just as real but as ratio¬ 
nal & as world, an information world; put another 
way, information experienced as world). Different 
space-time worlds are different coherencies—systems— 
of information, the info content of each arranged 
within a 4 dimensional system. I believe that my 2-3- 
74 experience with Valis confirms the acosmism of 
UBIK and consisted of the breaking into this irreal 
world of the real, of whose nature I now have some 
idea. It is my belief that 2-3-74 verifies the acosmism 
of my 2 7 years of writing. 

This invasion by the real/rational into the 
irreal/irrational is a third Gnostic wr-concept. (The Salv¬ 
ator Salvandus [The Redeemed Redeemer .] So in what 

* See, as an example of the use of this idea, the PKD novel THE DIVINE 
INVASION 1981), in which Emmanuel (the amnesiac male aspect of the 
godhead) is saved by Zina Pallas (who, like Pallas Athena, embodies holy 
wisdom and is the female aspect of the godhead). 


way—if in any way—is my view & experience not Gnos¬ 
tic? In no way that I know of. We have the counterfeit 
creation of the blind demiurge, & the true God taking 
pity on us & invading this domain by outwitting the 

Oh yes. 4th idea: that this world is a prison with 
prison wardens (the archons). i.e., those who impose 
“astral determinism,” which the Savior breaks (5th 
Gnostic idea!) 

I seem to have— 

Oh. 6th Gnostic idea. Anamnesis restores memory 
of our divine spark nature & celestial origin. Our real 

7th Gnostic idea; the saving Gnosis itself, which 
recalls to us our real nature. 

Then the 1974 overthrowing of the tyranny by 
Valis is the Savior freeing us from our Prison. This is 
his prime role; he frees us, restores our memory & 
true nature, & gets us out of here. Meanwhile the true 
God transmutes this irrational irreal world into the 
real & rational. These are Gnostic ideas #8 & #9. 

I now have assembled the complete Gnostic system 
with its two realms only one of which—the upper—is 
real (Form I of Parmenides). (As stated in VALIS) it all 
stems from the insight that our world is not real. Then 
we ask, not real in relation to what? (Something must 
be real, or else the concept “irreal” means nothing.) 
Then we ask, “What is the real like? And how do we find 
it?” & we ask, “How did this irreal world come into 
being? & how did we get imprisoned here?” & then we 
ask, “What is our real nature?” 

If reality, rationality & goodness are not here, 
when are they? & how do we get from here to there? If 
this is a prison, how do we escape? 


PKD breaks off the sentence here. 




We learn of a mysterious savior who camouflages 
himself to outwit our jailer, & make himself & his sav¬ 
ing Gnosis known to us. He is our friend & he opposes 
this world & its powers in our behalf as our champion. 

& “one by one he takes us out of this world.” The 
Valentinean ontological assessment of knowledge is 
not that it (the Gnosis) leads to salvation or is knowl¬ 
edge about salvation. But that in the act (event, revela¬ 
tion, experience) of knowing in itself lies salvation. 

Because in knowing, there is a restoration of man’s lost 
state, & a reversal of his present state of ignorance. 

Upon knowing, man is again what he originally was. 

This view accords with 2-3-74. Upon knowing I 
became again what I originally was. & this involved 
me as a now-restored piece of the ground of being 
itself, from which I, as a piece of it, had fallen & forgot¬ 
ten & lost my nature. 

My 10th Gnostic belief (v. supra) is that time is a 
mere counterfeit, of eternity. 

When hyperuniverses I & II interact (to form our 
reality) three realms are created: 

I {= ^ ^ * ** — Eigenwelt — totally I (free) 

BUT _} 2 *— Mitwelt — mixture I & II (partially free) 

_ 3 {= 

II {= *— Umwelt — totally II (enslaving) 

* Valentinus, a second century Christian Gnostic who was, circa 1 40 
A.D., put forward as a candidate to become bishop of Rome, but was 
ultimately rebuffed as a heretic. 

** The terms Eigenwelt (isolated, spiritual world of the inner self), Mitwelt 
(the middle or integrated world of the ego) and the Umwelt (earthly 
environment) were coined by the Swiss psychoanalyst Ludwig Binswanger 
in the course of his writings on schizophrenia. These writings, first read by 
PKD in the early 1960s, exerted a lasting influence upon him. See, 
especially, the PKD novel MARTIAN TIME-SUP (1964) and its use of 
another Binswanger concept—that of the "tomb world". 


or 1 heaven, the world of the Gods. 2 the world of 
men. 3 the subhuman world of blind deterministic 
nature. We can rise to 1 or sink to 3, but normally are 
in 2, the mixture. The purpose of art is to free us; i.e., 
lift us to world 1, the Eigenwelt by sharing it via the art 
with others. (c. 1978) 

So the BIP is an ossified complex in the macromind 
(brain) which must be dissolved. The Holy Spirit is like 
(sic— like) a metabolic toxin, i.e., a medication (measured 
amount of poison); this explains the “bichlorides” 
dream & the “aspirin of Mercury” dream. &, like any 
mental complex, it warps other thoughts to itself—acts 
as a magnet, & creates uniformity (which is a term of 
entropy). There is—& has been—no progress or change 
in the complex for 2000 years. 

If the complex (the BIP) isn’t dissolved, it will even¬ 
tually shut down the macromind (brain). It imposes its 
form progressively unless attacked (as if by a—or sev¬ 
eral—phagocytes). It is dead; the dialectic in it has 
ceased. Either it can get larger & impose its will on 
more & more contents of the mind, or it can be success¬ 
fully attached & dissolved. Thus Zebra invades the 
macromind to do battle against the stagnant complex, 
which (the latter) isn’t rational (vide Jung’s statement 
about “nothing new coming into the psychotic mind”; 
then, I deduce, the macromind, due to the BIP complex, 
is psychotic, as put forth in VALIS). Zebra seems to be 
winning (v. 1974 & later). So this is what Zebra/Valis 
was doing in ’74. & this is why I correctly perceive the 
BIP as lying unchanged in the past, present, & alternate 
worlds (& possibly future—& absolutely unchanging). 

The whole thrust of my published corpus of writing 


These phrases came to PKD in dreams he experienced in 1974. 



is thematically a Dissolving agent—dissolving reality— 
i.e., the complex (BIP)!!!! (c. 1978) 

All my writing, in which irreal, forgery universes 
are presented, are expressions of Parmenides’ insight 
about the nonreality of Form II. This sets me & 
Parmenides apart from Taoism. It prepares the way 
for Gnosticism & the concept of a botched, bungled 
world. Form II can be regarded as “False work,” neces¬ 
sary but temporary. Yin was given the first try at copy¬ 
ing the androgynous Godhead, & failed. The BIP 
resulted. So Yang penetrated to add what is missing, 
which is nothing less than reality itself. 

It is not just the BIP which is not real; it is the Yin’s 
world, no less. Of course, we do not inhabit a purely Yin 
world (Ground). Set (Yang) is here, too, to a very large 


Witness my writing. If there is nothing spurious 
about Form II (Yin) & the phenomenal world I have 
said nothing in my years of probing the theme.\ “What 
is real & what is merely seeming ?” This is no small mat¬ 
ter—for me as an artist & for all life, which is enslaved 
into illness, age, injury & death & loss by the Yin 
world. The Yin world cannot sustain its own creatures. 

How can something that doesn’t exist exert coer¬ 
cive power over us? For one thing, we obey it by giv¬ 
ing it our assent (i.e., we agree that it is real), & having 
done so we then obey its orders. We hold a self-defeat¬ 
ing & improper relation to it; we allow it to be the Mas¬ 
ter. Primarily, we can’t sort outthe Yang (Set) part. We 
are blinded. Yang allows this, since it wishes us to dis¬ 
cern the puzzle & make a choice—without clear guide¬ 
lines. Yang is making use of Yin for his purposes. A 
puzzle is presented to us. We know that absolute good 
(deity) exists, and yet we see a world of undeserved 


suffering. How can these two coexist? I say, there are 
two worlds & each has its own laws: one blind & rigid; 
the other loving & sentient. Since we cannot perceptu¬ 
ally unscramble them we see both coexistent, but in 
fact it is 2 pictures superimposed (laminated). Also it 
(they) is (are) in dialectic strife: “Blow & counter blow, 
faster & faster as time runs out.” 


In reading Sladek’s parody of me,* I get the impres¬ 
sion that to me the universe is not to be taken seriously, 
probably because I am afraid of it, but nevertheless curi¬ 
ous about it—fascinated by it, dangerous as I see it to b e. 
But that somehow a handle exists by which to unravel it 
& make it yield up what it really is —if anything. It may 
not be anything at all, but I’m trying for handle after 
handle, poking around trying everything reversed & 
backward, like it’s a toy. Layer after layer reveals para¬ 
dox after paradox, which in themselves I find fascinat¬ 
ing. Also, I do seem attracted to trash, as if the clue —the 
clue —lies there. I’m always ferreting out elliptical 
points, odd angles. What I write doesn’t make a whole 
lot of sense. There is fun & religion & psychotic horror 
strewn about like a bunch of hats. Also, there is a social 
or sociological drift—rather than towards the hard sci¬ 
ences. The overall impression is childish but interest¬ 
ing. This is not a sophisticated person writing. 
Everything is equally real, like junk jewels in the alley. 

A fertile, creative mind seeing constantly shifting sets, 
the serious made funny, the funny sad, the horrific 
exactly that: utterly horrific as if it is the touchstone of 
what is real: horror is real because it can injure. It all is a 

* Science-fiction writer John Sladek published, in 1973, an admiring 
parody of PKD's pell-mell cosmic style, entitled "Solar Shoe Salesman," in 
The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction. Phil enjoyed it so much at the 
time that he sent Sladek a fan letter. 



brave whistling in the dark tunnel—like Stephanie: 
funny when frightened, scare her & she will tell you a 
joke—the situation oddly viewed. No wonder I loved her 
so & she experienced the affinity between—not sorrow 
& horror—but/ear & horror. 

I certainly see the randomness in my work, & I 
also see how this fast shuffle of possibility after possi¬ 
bility might eventually, given enough time, juxta¬ 
pose & disclose something important, automatically 
overlooked in more orderly thinking. 

Pataphysique. No wonder my stuff is popular in 
France—the surreal, the absurd. Also, it is palpably 
autobiographical—the little business firm, & the 
fatherly owner or world leader. 

Since nothing, absolutely nothing, is excluded (as 
not worth being included) I proffer a vast mixed bag— 
out of it I shake coin-operated doors & God. It’s a 
fucking circus. I’m like a sharp eyed crow, spying 
anything that twinkles & grabbing it up to add to my 

Anyone with my attitude might just stumble 

* Friend of PKD's in the early 1970s. 

** Term invented by the French poet and playwright Alfred Jarry 
(1873-1907) to describe his science of efflorescent, absurdist wisdom. 
Jarry formally defined "pataphysique" as "the science of that which is 
superinduced upon metaphysics, whether within or beyond the latter's 
limitations, extending as far beyond metaphysics as the latter extends 
beyond physics." There is a two-bit actor named Al Jarry amongst the 
(1968). PKD was, in the early 1970s, elected as an honorary member of 
the College du Pataphysique—founded in honor of Jarry—in France. 

*** The reference here is to Herb Hollis, the owner of two Berkeley 
shops—Art Music [a record store] and University Radio [appliances]—at 
which PKD worked as a salesclerk from 1944 to 1951. Hollis was a 
recurrent model for PKD in creating beloved "boss" characters—most 

148 IN PURSUIT OF VALli: ieL6CT10Ni FROM TH6 €X6C€51S 

onto by sheer chance & luck—in his actual life, which 
is to say, the life of his mind —the authentic camou¬ 
flaged God, the deus absconditus; by trying odd com¬ 
binations of things & places, like a high speed (sic) 
computer processing everything, he might outdazzle 
even a wary God, might catch him by surprise by 
poking somewhere unexpectedly. If it is true that the 
real answers (& authentic absolute vs. the merely 
seeming) are where we would least expect them, this 
“try it all” technique might—might one day succeed 
by believing what it would never occur to anyone else 
to believe, really believe—might take at face value as 
true the most worn out, most worked over & long 
ago discarded obvious “staring us in the face all the 
time” as the crux of the mystery. To be able to see 
mystery in the obvious—the best-camouflaged ultra¬ 
terrestrial life form might one day guess wrong & be 
flushed briefly out of its concealment (which had 
always worked before). For one thing, a totally naive 
person like this who would believe anything might 
believe in what is really there but conceptually auto¬ 
matically rejected by more experienced people. The 
child has faith in what the adult knows can’t be & so 
could never see, obvious thought it be; i.e., before 
everyone’s eyes: hidden in plain sight. 

This kind of fascinated, credulous, inventive per¬ 
son might be granted the greatest gift of all, to see the 
toymaker who has generated—& is with or within—all 
his toys. That the Godhead is a toymaker at all—who 
could seriously (sic) believe this? ( 1978) 

The mad god James-James began generating world 
upon world, worlds unrelated, worlds within worlds. 
Fake worlds, Fake Fake worlds, cunning simulations 
of worlds, mirror opposites of worlds. 



Like I do in my stories & novels (eg STIGMATA & 
“Precious Artifact”). I am James-James. 

I created one world among many & entered it & 
hid myself in it. But the police detected me—the non- 
terran police & tried to fake me out with the xerox 
missive. But I knew it was coming—as soon as 
TEARS appeared they would be sure about me & I 
recovered my memory & identity & power & dealt 
with it properly, & paid them back. My organization 
helped me—it set off my memories, a month in 
advance. I saw my creator—my creator, protecting 
me. I am hiding here, under his protection. The net¬ 
work voice—she talks to me. I am patched in to the 
network, so I am not alone. Meanwhile, my creator 
(“Zebra”) patiently repairs the damage I’ve done, by 
rebuilding the worlds. He harbors no resentment. 

All I am allowed to do now is write about what I 
used to do. In a sense I am a prisoner, but it’s for the 

I learned this from “Precious Artifact.” I am a mad 
ex world-generator, now confined. But still periodi¬ 
cally mad. I can’t die. I am countless[/i/] reborn—meta¬ 
morphosed. I know the truth about the worlds I have 
made, that they’re not real—I know about dokos, simu¬ 
lations which will pass any test. They are not fantasy, 

& they are only illusion to those who take them as 
real. They are skilful forgeries which will pass inspec¬ 
tion. They are indeed like metastasizing cancers. “A 
world capable of splitting its perceived reality into 
countless counterfeits of itself” however Lem put it. 
(Does Lem know? He has guessed.Q] 

Burroughs is right about the nova police & them 

* The reference is, apparently, to William Burroughs' novel NOVA 
EXPRESS (1964). 


tracking down their quarry. But in my case, Zeus pro¬ 
tects me. Dythrarnbus .* ** 

There is a war. The police are moralistic, brittle.[... ] 
But what can they do about me? [...]& anyhow my writ¬ 
ing is all over the world. I’ve done my job. Undermined 
the Brittle Moralistic Police. 

Given a new life with no memories I was still able 
to undermine. The worlds are cunning forgeries & the 
police are after me. But Zeus will always protect me, 
despite what I’ve done. Misused my ability. Lem may 
be on our side (my organization). In any case he 
knows—he knew before I did—i.e., before on 2-74 I 
remembered. The nova police fell here; I assisted in 
that, but only to a very tiny degree. TEARS contained 
the message: the quarry is innocent & the police will 
suffer, reprisal—what they love most will be taken 
away if they threaten with arrest. Leave me alone! I can 
destroy you. But in challenging them I gave myself 
away, lost my anonymity. They pressed me & I 
betrayed them to each other. I can destroy you with 
what I know. You rule illegally; your mandate ended 
when the woman—called Isis here—died. Horus, you 
are my enemy. Shiva/Dionysos/Seth. Horus, I am not 
afraid of you—Isis is dead so you no longer rule. I am 
with her, bonded to her, I carry her inside me. You 
are Osirus. I am the legitimate new king in hiding. 
Search, find me—& you, this time, are destroyed; you 
don’t want to find me this time as you did in 33 AD, 
because I am—I have my father’s power this time, not 
just his knowledge. 

We spring up everywhere: proliferated. 

The time has come to render this world void. 

* An epithet of Dionysus, the cherished son of Zeus. 

** The reference here is to the incidents surrounding the "xerox 
missive". See "Editor's Preface" at page xiv. 



to abolish it, & judge. Shiva. The police search fran¬ 

The innocent (the wild little ones of the forest) have 
nothing to fear. My extended hand tells them that. 

Solemn-Pentheus-die. Felix happy Dionysos live. 
Pentheus Police General of TEARS— the de facto monarch. 

In TEARS it is King Pentheus vs. Dionysos (Christ, 
Hamlet)—he is insane—intoxicated, a Generator of 
Worlds. Rome, Pentheus, against a Quicksilver Spirit 
he can’t catch. Brain damage: SCANNER: an ad, for Mer¬ 
cury. I, the mad one, live on. Sanity at the center 
burned children, not pot. The mad one does not hurt 
the little innocents & so obtained Zeus’ patronage 
over the serious ones, the old ones, who burned chil¬ 
dren in the name of brittle morality. The sane ones, 
the sober, somber ones (the police) are evil. We have a 
difficult situation here, Abba [Father]-, the sane ones 
are murderers, & the insane ones gather flowers. You, 
Abba, know which of the two is to be protected—not 
the sane ones. 

We destroy the worlds we generated, which are 
not real, but they destroy lives which are real. Who is 
guilty? They are. Who is guileless & innocent? We 
are, Abba. 

Shiva holds a vial of poison, “to throw against the 
raging cosmic ocean which threatens to destroy man¬ 
kind.” His human devotees feel themselves females, 
married to him. 

In my writing I am a destroyer of worlds, not a gen¬ 
erator: I show them as forgeries. I unmask them & abol¬ 
ish their hold, their reality. I show them to be bogus, an 
infinitude of them, like so many skins. ( 1978) 

Thought ( Satori ): Dedalus & the maze he built & 
got into & couldn’t get out of again—at Crete. Myth of 
our world, its creation, & us? 


My dream about the elevator, the poem recited, 
the plate of spaghetti & the trident—palace of the 
Minos & the maze: clue to our situation? Well, then in 
my writing I figured it out; it was an intellectual, not 
moral error. 

This would explain the technology! [ illegible ] layer. 
Pink beam of light, etc. the melting). 

My books (& stories) are intellectual (conceptual) 
mazes. & I am in an intellectual maze in trying to fig¬ 
ure out our situation (who we are & how we got into 
this world, & world as illusion, etc.) because the situa¬ 
tion is a maze, leading back to itself, & false clues 
show up, such as our “rebellion.” 

There is something circular about our situation, 
esp. involving our occlusion! By our efforts we can’t 
think our way out (i.e. get out—reverse the original 
intellectual error: paradox is involved, now) this is the 
clue! The occlusion would then be a function of the 
maze; its internalization. (1978) 

“But are you writing something serious ?” Note the 

Fuck. If they couldn’t get us to write serious 
things, they solved the problem by decreeing that 
what we were writing was serious. 

Taking a pop form as “serious” is what you do if it 
won’t go away. It’s a clever tactic. They welcome you 
in—look at Lem’s 1000 page essay. This is how the BIP 
handles it if they can’t flat out crush it. Next thing, 
they get you to submit your S-F writing to them to crit¬ 
icize. “Structured criticism” to edit out the “trashy ele¬ 
ments”—& you wind up with what Ursula writes. 

Like I say in SCANNER, our punishment for play- 



ing was too great & my last sentence is, “& may they 
be happy.” (I got that from knowing what “felix” 
[happy] meant.) 

“Let them all play again, in some other way, & let 
them be happy.”* ** *** (1978) 

The fact that after 4v£ years of strenuous exegete, 
whereupon I have reached these conclusions (not to 
mention 2 7 years of published writing) I now find 
myself being signalled to die—which effectively 
makes it impossible for me to put this Gnosis in a 
form which I can publish —is a condition which can 
be deduced from my exegesis itself, & shows I’m on 
the right intellectual path, but to no avail. I am not 
extricated by my exegesis but by Zebra (Christ) back 
in 2 3/74. The exegesis would have provided the 
basis for a broad, explicated formulation to sow 
broadcast, but of course this can never come about; 
these insights will die with me. All I have is a three- 
feet high stack of chicken scratchings of no use to 
anyone else as K.W.**** tirelessly points out. To heap 
the burning coals of anti-meaning on me. I also have 
a lot of money for the only time in my life, but with 
no use to which I can or care to put it. My personal 
attack—war—against anti-meaning (by means of my 
mind) has gone the way of our collective primordial 
defeat at the hands—I should say quasi-mind—of the 

* See "Author's Note" in A SCANNER DARKLY (1977). 

** At this point in 1978, PKD was deeply troubled by his inability to 
write a novel ("a form which I can publish") that would satisfactorily 
encompass the events of 2-3-74 and after —and would satisfy his overdue 
contract with Bantam Books. Later in this year, PKD would write VALIS 
and accomplish his goal. 

*** The "chicken scratchings" metaphor is in likely reference to PKD's 



maze; I merely recapitulate the ancient, original los¬ 
ing by mind in this exquisitely sophisticated board 
game which we so cunningly devised for our delecta¬ 
tion. This past time is once more the death of one of 
us— but this time I am entirely through Christ—extri 
cated—taken out of the maze: “One by one he is draw¬ 
ing us out of this world.” I did not win; Christ won 
me for his own, so vis-a-vis me alone the maze as 
always won. I have earnestly sacrificed myself for 
nothing & I did not realize this, naturally, until it 
was too late to retreat back out intact. Omniae viae ad 
mortis ducent [All roads lead to death]. 

In a sense my 4 1/2 years of exegete can be regarded 
as a further successful strategem by the maze, in opposi¬ 
tion to the Gnosis crossbonded onto me in 3-74 which 
at that time gave me life—I gave up that life via my 
compulsion to relentlessly exegete. But I see one fur¬ 
ther irony—one which amuses me (my only exit from 
this trap): here is additional proof of the quality (suc¬ 
cess) of our original craftsmanship, so this final (?) vic¬ 
tory of the maze over me, despite Zebra (Christ) is in a 
paradoxical way my victory as a creative artist. (The 
maze regarded as our work of Art.) After all, the maze 
is a product of our minds. If the maze wins, our 
minds win (are proven). If, upon entering the maze, 
we outthink it, again our minds win. Ambiguity is 
involved in either outcome (this may be the puzzling 
dialectic revealed to me in 3-74). In fact, 

Maybe in (during, in conjunction with) my 27 
years of writing I outwitted the maze—as witness the 3 
Bantam novels,* TEARS & SCANNER. Speaking about 
me personally, I won in pitting myself intellectually 
against the maze; I figured its nature out—in which 

and A MAZE OF DEATH (1970) (republished by Bantam in 1977). 



case 3-74 was the Jackpot payoff reward, the revela¬ 
tion you get for so doing. (1978) 

Rightly, I seek beauty like Parsival sought the 
Grail—but what a price I pay. 

I don’t write beautifully. I just write reports about 
our condition to go to those outside of cold pak. I am 
an analyzer. (1978) 

Ah! Realm I is at CAD 45; Realm II is at 1978. (Am 
I repeating myself? Oh well.) 

I EE } Real time: CAD 45, the Roman Empire & 
the infant church. 

II Spurious time: AD 1978. Or world of TEARS. 

Any world you want to name. 

To experience Acts time & place is to encounter the 
upper realm, which has plenary overrule power over 
the lower realm. My stories and novels in which spuri¬ 
ous realities are depicted refer to Realm II. The two 
realms have split apart. The brain invades Realm II 
out of Realm I, camouflaging itself & its thoughts. 
Realm II is dokos over the actual. Significant for 
Realm II—& us—is the return of Christ, which came 
when promised. He descends into Realm II & dissem¬ 
bles & annexes it piece by piece. As each piece is cap¬ 
tured it is freed. 

27 years of trying to chart the contours of the real 
landscape concealed by the fraud; at last, accom¬ 
plished in TEARS. I always presumed a bogus phenom¬ 
enal world. This approach finally paid off. Again & 


again I put forth the notion that your world—& your 
memories—could be delusions & you would have no 
way to detect it (cf. Lem’s statement of the problem: 
the brain fed a spurious reality; is there any test by 
which it can tell?)* 

(& I relate this to Berkeley’s idea of God directly 
feeding world to our percept systems.) 

God can feed it to us, or he can enlighten us— 
deocclude us—via the Holy Spirit. The power is all his, 
not ours. Hence the concept of Grace, issuing out of 
the Mystery religions & the (correct) concept of the 
deterministic yin (lower) worlds & his reaching down 
from the pleroma to free (save) us (one at a time?). No, 
he interfered with our entire history in 1974! But peo¬ 
ple don’t see or know. 

I occupy the position of an O.T. prophet who pits 
himself against the evil king & reveals God’s plan, 
which God reveals to him. Such prophets were rarely 
listened to. 

I’ve done my best. (1978) 

[_]This is the paradox of, “Where should you 

most expect to find God?” A.: “In the least likely 
place.” I discern in this the following: “In point of fact 
you therefore cannot find God at all; he must—will— 
find you, & when & where you least expect it”—i.e., he 
will take you by surprise, like the still small voice 
which Elijah heard. Or like Oh Ho the ceramic pot.** 
The Oracle may speak to you from the gutter (what¬ 
ever “gutter” might mean in this context). 

So my writing—itself part of the “gutter” & as Lem 
says, “Piling trash upon trash”—may serve as the sort 

* See Stanislaw Lem, "Science Fiction: A FHopeless Case—With 
Exceptions" (1972). 

** See VALIS (1981). 



of gadfly kind of thing that Socrates considered him¬ 
self to act as. My writing is a very unlikely place to 
expect to encounter the Holy; the Koinos,' the Message¬ 
processing, Ubik-like ultimate entity. 

(September 1978) 

[... ]Then the illusions of space, time, world, cau¬ 
sality & individual psyches will be abolished & we as 
primal man restored will again dwell—& know we 
dwell in the living information / brain of Christ & 

Nods, where we belong: functioning parts of the 
whole, thinking as it thinks. Living & growing as it 
lives & grows. & once again experiencing the ecstasy 
of union with God our macroisomorphic father. These 
promises have all been made to us, & will be kept. But 
we do not know when. I speak as a witness who has 
seen & experienced what it will be like; the Savior 
woke me temporarily, & temporarily I remembered 
my true identity & task, through the saving Gnosis, 
but I must be silent, because of the true, secret, trans¬ 
temporal early xtians at work, hidden among us as 
ordinary humans. I briefly became one of them, 
Siddhartha himself (the Buddha or Enlightened One), 
but must never assert nor claim this. The true Bud¬ 
dhas are always silent, those to whom dibbu cakkha 
[enlightenmejit] has been granted. Yet, buried in my 2 7 
years of writing lies information: in these writings I 
have told what I knew without knowing what I knew. 

I know now. This is the paradox: when I did not know 
that I knew (or who & what I am) I could speak. But 
now I am under the stricture of silence —because I 
know. The Journey, the Quest, ends successfully not in 


* ★ 

See Glossary. 
See Glossary. 


assertion but in silence. & among the things I know is 
why, i.e., why that has to be. 

Without knowing it during the years I wrote, my 
thinking & writing was a long journey toward enlight¬ 
enment. I first saw the illusory nature of space when I 
was in high school. In the late forties I saw that causal¬ 
ity was an illusion. Later, during my 27 years of pub¬ 
lished writing, I saw the mere hallucinatory nature of 
world, & also of self (memories). Year after year, book 
after book & story, I shed illusion after illusion: self, 
time, space, causality, world—& finally sought (in 
1970) to know what was real. Four years later, at my 
darkest moment of dread & trembling, my ego crum¬ 
bling away, I was granted dibbu cahkha—tk, although I 
did not realize it at the time, I became a Buddha (“the 
Buddha is in the Park”). All illusion dissolved away 
like a soap bubble & I saw reality at last—&, in the 4 1/2 
years since, have at last comprehended it intellectu¬ 
ally—i.e., what I saw & knew & experienced (my exege¬ 
sis). We are talking here about a lifetime of work & 
insight: from my initial satori when, as a child, I was 
tormenting the beetle. It began in that moment, forty 
years ago. (September 1978) 

Premise: things are inside out (but will at the 
“apocalypse” assume their real shape). Therefore the 
right place to look for the Almighty is e.g., in the trash 
in the alley. & for Satan: in vast cathedrals, etc. 

Through enantiodromia they will “on that day” 
assume their rightful shapes—the great reversal. The 

* During his third-grade year, the young PKD was willfully tormenting a 
beetle that had hidden itself in a snail shell. But once he forced the beetle 
from its haven, the urge to cruelty was suddenly replaced by an 
overwhelming sense of all life being one and of all living beings bound to 
each other by kindness. 



jester in the tarot deck is the real king; the king card is 
the deranged one, the witless one. UBIK in its commer¬ 
cials & final theophany shows this reversal process. 
USA 1974 is really Rome c. 45 C.E. Christ is really 
here; so is the kingdom. I found my way into it once. 
The long path is the short path—ponderous books of 
philosophy won’t help me; Burroughs’ JUNKY* will. 
That “Thieves & Murderers” 17th century poem of 
Herbert’s** will. Stone rejected by the builder; the edi¬ 
fice is discarded; the true edifice is invisible—dis¬ 
guised as rubble (plural constituents).*** The fly 
grooming himself—they (the divine powers) have to 
reveal the kingdom to you; you can never on your 
own pin it down. So to search at all is to miss the 
point. Tricks, paradox, illusion, magic, enantiodromia. 
The apparently harmless xerox missive was my death 
warrant. The AI voice says the secret stolen has been 
successfully smuggled to me; I have it. But what is it? 
My worst book, DEUS IRAE, is my best. God talked to 
me through a Beatles tune (“Strawberry Fields”). 
(“Nothing is real. Going through life with eyes 
closed.”) A random assortment of trash blown by the 

* JUNKY (1951) by William Burroughs. An autobiographical account of 
heroin use and dealing, street crime, and the nature of addiction and cure. 
PKD felt a kinship between his novels and those of Burroughs. (See also 
pages 77-79 herein.) PKD would occasionally engage in cut-up writing 
experiments, a la Burroughs, for example (as on one page in the Exegesis 
not reproduced here) a narrative sequential reblending of alternate lines 
from pages 59 and 61 of the first (Bantam) edition of VALIS (1981). These 
experiments were occasional, never exceeded two pages, and were not 
apparently intended for publication. 

** George Herbert (1 593-1633), English Christian poet and mystic. There 
is no poem titled "Thieves & Murderers" in the collected volume THE 
POEMS OF GEORGE EIERBERT (Oxford, 1952) and I have not succeeded in 
tracing the phrase placed in quotes by PKD in Herbert's work. 

*** This sentence—with its mention of the stone rejected by the 
builder—may allude to the symbolism of Freemasonry. The original title of 
THE GANYMEDE TAKEOVER (1967)—a novel written in collaboration by 
PKD and Ray Nelson-was THE STONES REJECTED. 


wind, & there is God. Bits & pieces swept together to 
form a unity. (1980) 

So if you push essence far enough in terms of 
ascending levels, you find you have gone a full circle, 

& you wind up encountering ultimate deity cooking & 
riding pop tunes on the radio & popular novels, & a 
breath of wind in the weeds in the alley. 

It’s as if the ultimate mystery is that there is no 
mystery—it’s like what Robert Anton Wilson says in 
THE COSMIC TRIGGER about being outside the castle 
when you think you’re in, & inside when you think 
you’re out. 

& in a way what is most paradoxical is that I said 
it all in UBIK years ago! So in a way my exegesis of 2-3- 
74 says only, “UBIK is true.” All I know today that I 
didn’t know when I wrote UBIK is that UBIK isn’t fic¬ 
tion. In all of history no system of thought applies as 
well to 2-3-74 as UBIK, my own earlier novel. When all 
the metaphysical & theological systems have come & 
gone there remains this inexplicable [ illegible ]: a flurry 
of breath in the weeds in the back alley—a hint of 
motion & of color. Nameless, defying analysis or sys- 
temizing: it is here & now, lowly, at the rim of percep¬ 
tion & of being. Who is it? What is it? I don’t know. 


I’m an addict; I’m addicted to infinity. This is Love 
for God & an understanding of him on my part. 

3-74, Valis, was the Mens Dei [Mind of God]. I com¬ 
prehended it. It’s a strange thing to be addicted to, 
comprehending God’s Mind. 

I must be a Sufi; by “Beauty” (the essence of God) 
read “pleasure”— because the why as to why I do it, it 
is because it gives me pleasure. ( 1981) 



I can say no more. What I have done may be good, 
it may be bad. But the reality that I discern is the true 
reality; thus I am basically analytical, not creative; my 
writing is simply a creative way of handling analysis. I 
am a fictionalizing philosopher, not a novelist; my 
novel & story-writing ability is employed as a means 
to formulate my perception. The core of my writing is 
not art but truth. Thus what I tell is the truth, yet I can 
do nothing to alleviate it, either by deed or explora¬ 
tion. Yet this seems somehow to help a certain kind of 
sensitive troubled person, for whom I speak. I think I 
understand the common ingredient in those whom 
my writing helps: they cannot or will not blunt their 
own intimations about the irrational, mysterious 
nature of reality, &, for them, my corpus of writing is 
one long ratiocination regarding this inexplicable real¬ 
ity, an investigation & presentation, analysis & 
response & personal history. My audience will always 
be limited to these people. It is bad news for them 
that, indeed, I am “slowly going crazy in Santa Ana, 
Calif,” because this reinforces our mutual realization 
that no answer, no explanation of this mysterious real¬ 
ity, is forthcoming. 

This is the thrust & direction of modern theoreti¬ 
cal physics, as Pat* ** pointed out long ago. I reached it 
in the ’50s. Where this will ultimately go I can’t say, 
but so far in all these years no one has come forth & 
answered the questions I have raised. This is disturb¬ 
ing. But—this may be the beginning of a new age of 
human thought, of new exploration. I may be the start 
of something promising: an early & incomplete 
explorer. It may not end with me. 

* A remark PKD attributed to Ursula Le Guin. See note on page 196. 

** Patricia Warrick. 


What I have shown—like the Michelson-Morley 
experiment*— is that our entire world view is false; but, 
unlike Einstein, I can provide no new theory that will 
replace it. However, viewed this way, what I have done 
is extraordinarily valuable, if you can endure the strain 
of not knowing, & knowing you do not know. My attempt 
to know (VALIS) is a failure qua explanation. But, as fur¬ 
ther exploration & presentation of the problem, it is 
priceless. &, to repeat, my absolute failure to concoct a 
workable explanation is highly significant—i.e., that in 
this I have failed. It indicates that we are collectively 
still far from the truth. Emotionally, this is useless. But 
epistemologically it is priceless. I am a unique pioneer 
... who is hopelessly lost. & the fact that no one yet can 
help me is of extraordinary significance! 

Someone must come along & play the role of Plato 
to my Socrates. 

The problem as I see it is that Plato was 180° 
wrong; the eidos, the abstract & perfect, does not 
become the particular, the imperfect; rather, the Q. 
should be, “How does the particular, the unique, the 
imperfect, the local, become the abstract, the eidos, the 
universal?” We must search particulars, the weeds & 
debris of the alley; the answer is there: I saw the mask 
& it works the opposite way from how Plato saw it; he 
saw the eid as ontologically primary, & existing prior 
to the particulars. But I saw the particular creating the 
eid (Or “phylogons” as I called them); this permanent 
eternal reality is built up on & based on the flux 
realm; all Western metaphysics is 180° off. Here is 
where the fault lies. Universals are real (nominalism 

* Experiment conducted by American physicists Albert Michelson and 
Edward Morley in the 1880s, which demonstrated that the speed of light 
was not affected by the motion of the Earth through space. It thus 
foreshadowed Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity. 



is not the case; realism is the case, but the eid begin as 
many unique particulars. This (truth) is somehow tied 
in with my meta-abstraction: in it I somehow s aw the 
real relationship between particulars & eide & this is 
the way, the Direction, the Flow, the Line in which 
actual reality move. Thus the lower gives rise to the 
higher & so is ontologically prior/primary—I mean the 
particulars. But the eid are not mere intellectual cate¬ 
gories of ordering; they are intrinsically real. & this is 
what I comprehended in 2-74. (1981) 

Illumination: April Friday night 4:45 a.m., the 3rd, 
1981. I saw the Ch’ang Tao (3-74). The more it changes 
the more it is the same, it is always new, always now; 
it is absolutely self-sufficient. I can at last comprehend 
it, how in change, ceaseless change—through the dia¬ 
lectic—it is always the same— oh great Ch’ang Tao ! I saw 
you in opposition you are unified; unified, you 
oppose yourself; unified, you differentiate; unified, 
you become (the many) (yet you are always one 
(field) . You want nothing. The more you change, the 
more you become what you are. For you, change is: 
remaining constant. This is your great mystery: by 
changing (in the dialectic) you renew yourself, hence 
you n^ver change. Always new, always now. What can 
be said of you is, you are great (in meekness!!!) The 
Gentle. (3 April 1981) 

Chapter Four 


Own Workj 

gressive parts of one unfolding true narrative, in 
which the genuine Hermetic macro-microcosmology 
is put forth. The spurious world discerned for what it 
is, & in MAZE & esp. TEARS the true state of things put 
forth—to jog our memories six novels interlocked, 
along with a number of stories. We are not to be 
allowed our fugue (sleep & hallucinated worlds), 
because, due to the BIP from which we fled, this 
fugue over the past 5000 years turned lethal; the BIP 
grew & grew with our now-unwitting collusion. 


SCANNER continues the narration of the previous 
six novels, not treating objective outer world as irreal, 
but going back to “Impostor” & studying false inner 
identity & lost memories of true self! The 2 identities 
war with each other, with an in-breaking of messages 



(the German, inc. from “Fidelio”*!!!) the German is 
from neither Fred nor Bob nor Bruce,** but, as the 
messages in UBIK, just break in “from the mysterious 
outside”! I never break in “from the mysterious out¬ 
side”! I never before realized this—it isn’t Fred, cer¬ 
tainly. & it isn’t Bob! It’s another ur personality, 
speaking a protolanguage (based on my experience 
with the koine [the Greek written and spoken at the time 
of Christ]'.). He has a grandfather (or granduncle?) who 
spoke German. An ancestor! 

The info conveyed chronologically in the 
sequence of books is interesting. 

1) EYE plural & subjective worlds. 

2) JOINT world as simulated deliberately 

3) STIGMATA plural hallucinated worlds concocted 
by an evil magician-like deity 

4) UBIK messages of assistance penetrating the sim¬ 
ulated world(s) “from the other side” by/from a 
salvific time deity 

5) MAZE simulated world fabricated by us, to 
escape an intolerable actuality 

6) TEARS the nature specifically of that actuality 
(an intolerable one—the BIP Acts) 

7) SCANNER buried memories connected with lost 
identity; & protospeech breaking through, not into 
world as in UBIK but inside a person’s head. Two psy- 
choi one in each brain hemisphere, each with its own 
name & characteristics. 

Plus such stories as “Impostor,” “Retreat Syn¬ 
drome,” “Electric Ant,” “Faith of... ” “Human Is” & 
“Precious Artifact,” a very good one. & related themes 

* By Ludwig van Beethoven. 

** Characters in the PKD novel A SCANNER DARKLY (1 977). 



treats memory-identity theme). 

It is one story slowly unfolding, a vast tapestry, as 
Le Guin* pointed out. 

No one book or story is correct & the others incor¬ 
rect, & no one book or story tells it all. Many of them 
must be read—& this is the first time I see how SCAN¬ 
NER is an essential part of the Great Narrative—pick¬ 
ing up where “2nd Variety” ANDROIDS DREAM & 
“Electric Ant” left off. 

Even in JAPED there is a 2nd dissociated personal¬ 
ity, a pilot for SCANNER. 

This vast overtheme could be extracted from the 
novels & stories, but that alone would not prove it to 
be true. But 2-3/74 did prove it (both the themes of 
“inner” & of “outer”) to be true, & it proved true in 
one case, for me, it must be objectively—intrinsically— 

In SCANNER he (Fred) has forgotten who he really 
is (Bob, who equals Thomas vis-a-vis me, PKD). The 
ursgrache [primal language ]: breaking in/through, sig¬ 
nals this forgetting, & is an analog of the in-breaking 
messages In UBIK, pointing to another—& real world 
or true protoreality now forgotten, but which can’t be 
entirely denied. Thus I depict in SCANNER what may 
happen to those who read the earlier writing. 

Bob = Fred 

Thomas = PKD 

MAZE & TEARS tend to vindicate the view that some 

J I never saw it before. 

* Ursula Le Guin. The reference to her pointing out the tapestry-like 
interrelation of PKD is to her essay "Science Fiction as Prophecy: Philip K. 
Dick," in The New Republic, 30 October 1976. 


element of voluntary forgetting (self deception on our 
parts) is involved. (c. 1977) 

In TIME OUT OF JOINT the world is a fake, & specif¬ 
ically the real world is another time-segment. My ini¬ 
tial revelation in 3-74 was that the time was really 
around 70 AD—not later but earlier, a reversal of 
JOINT. Yet, the basic intimation is there, fully, in 
JOINT; this is all a cunningly fabricated delusion, the 
world we see, & the basic delusion has to do with the 
true Temporal locus. Since JOINT was SF I naturally 
put the real time in the future, not the past. Damn it. 
I’ve overlooked the extraordinary parallel between 
JOINT & my “it’s really 70 AD!” experience. E.g.: the 
dream I had of the dark, old-fashioned house with 
the archaic window shades, the cracked mirror—& 
realizing I couldn’t get out of that world without 
God’s help. My incessantly recurring dream at the 
1126 Francisco St house—that’s where I lived when I 
wrote JOINT— that was the Fake world of the novel, & 
resembles the miserable old house in Placentia 
dream. Is there some clue in my 1126 Francisco St 
dream? It was with Joan that I so recently saw it 
again, after many years. Maybe I have a soul which 
leaves my body in sleep & goes back in time &, (as in 
3-74, forward). 

Back in the Fifties when I lived at 1126 Francisco 
St actually, as expressed in JOINT that world seemed 
unreal; in actuality, “it was decades later” (in JOINT). 
But now that it is decades later, that past time & place 
seems real (or anyhow the past somehow) & this a 
fake. &, as I say, it is also astonishing how in ’74 I fore- 

* PKD paid a summer 1977 visit to his old Berkeley address, 1126 
Francisco Street, with Joan Simpson. 



saw the Sonoma events of the past 3 months!* What is 
my real relationship to time? I experience the near 
past, the near future, & the very far past; a lot of my 
soul or psyche seems to be transtemporal... maybe 
this is why any given present space time seems some¬ 
how unreal or delusional to me. I span across & hence 
beyond it; always have—& the transtemporal is the 
eternal, the divine, the immortal spirit. How long 
have I been here, & how many times? Who or what 
am I, & how old? 

Reality outside confronts me as a mystery, & so 
does my own inner identity. The two are fused. Who 
am I? When is it? Where am I? This sounds like mad¬ 
ness. But when I read the scriptures I find myself in 
the world which is to me real, & I understand myself. 
The Bible is a door (3:5?**) (1977) 

One fascinating aspect of UBIK is disclosed when 
the question is asked, “Where did you (I) get the 
idea?” The origin of the idea, in contrast to virtually 
all other novels, is evident from the text of the novel 
itself, although one must extrapolate from Runciter to 
whatever Runciter represents, and the state of cold- 
pac to whatever state we are all in. In the novel, infor¬ 
mation spontaneously intrudes into the world of the 
characters, indicating that their world is not what 
they think it is; in fact, it indicates that their world is 
not even there at all—some kind of world is there, but 
not the one they are experiencing. That time-regres¬ 
sion is put forth in the novel, and that time-regression 

* PKD lived with Joan Simpson in Sonoma County during the summer 
of 1977. 

** The possible reference here is to John 3:5: "Jesus replied: 'I tell you 
most solemnly, unless a man is born through water and the Spirit, he 
cannot enter the kingdom of God.' " 


figured in my 3-74 experience—this still baffles me; 
the principle underlying the devolution (reversion) of 
objects along the form-axis in the novel is explained 
by a reference to Plato’s theory of ideal forms, and I 
guess that applies to our world and to my own experi¬ 
ence. However, until I recently studied the E of Philo* 
article on Gnosticism so thoroughly, did I begin to 
understand the triune reality division which must 
exist and which is also put forth in UBIK— if Runciter is 
God, and Joe Chip & the other inertials are analogs of 
all men, then the regressed world is the ham in the 
sandwich, and, as in UBIK, must be abolished; as in 
Gnosticism, this is accomplished, in a deity-like entity 
lying behind even Runciter; i.e., Ubik. It is this knowl¬ 
edge—not just information but gnosis—revealed to 
them, esp. to Joe Chip, which makes them aware of 
their real condition. Therefore if one knows very 
much about Gnosticism (which I didn’t until a few 
days ago) one could see the resemblance between 
UBIK and the Gnostic cosmogony and cosmology. But 
we are talking (regarding the real world) of informa¬ 
tion which, by being transferred, radically changed 
history. And it must be realized (I certainly do, even if 
no one else does) that what broke through was not lim¬ 
ited to information, but that theolepsy (one at least) 
were involved. If I rule out OCCP experiments** and 
occult human groups (vide supra) then we have some¬ 
thing not found in UBIK, but, although admittedly 
described as diabolic, in STIGMATA. Is theolepsy not 
specifically what STIGMATA depicts? With Chew-Z or 

* The ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PHILOSOPHY, the four-volume reference 
work that was a favorite of PKD. 

** PKD sometimes theorized that the events of 2-3-74—most particularly 
the graphics displays of 3-74—might have been triggered by Soviet 
experiments involving the transmission of high-intensity microwaves or 
other energy-forms. 



whatever, Can-D, I forget, the eucharist. What do you 
get if, as Le Guin suggests, you take a group of my nov¬ 
els & stories and fit them together, esp. the 3 picked 
up by Bantam? Theolepsy, the Gnosis slipping 
through, reality (the world) as illusion concealing 
another but real world (MAZE)— what an aggregate mes¬ 
sage those 3 novels add up to! 

When I recently reread STIGMATA I saw it for 
what it was: a penetrating, acute and exhaustive 
study of the miracle of transubstantiation, simply 
reversing the bipolarities of good & evil. What the 
novel contemplated was—that is, the conclusion it 
reached—was the startling notion that imbibing of 
the sacred host culminated, for the imbiber, in even¬ 
tually becoming the deity of which the host was the 
supernatural manifestation of. Since all of them 
were consuming hosts of the same deity, they all 
became the same deity, and their separate or human 
identities were abolished. They literally became the 
deity, all of them, one after another. What this consti¬ 
tuted in the novel was an eerie kind of invasion. 

They were invaded on an individual basis and they 
were, regarded another way, invaded as a planet or 
species, etc., which is to say collectively. This inva¬ 
sion by the deity bears a resemblance to the invasion 
of the regressed world in UBIK by Runciter’s mes¬ 
sages and, ultimately, by Ubik itself (as confirmed by 
the ad starting the last chapter). That ad clarified 
what Ubik was; it precisely equated Ubik with the 
Logos. There is no way to get around that. Ubik in 
UBIK is the same divinity as the St. Sophia men¬ 
tioned in DEUS IRAE. So Runciter and Ubik equals 
Palmer Eldritch and Chew-Z. We have a human 



being transformed into a deity which is ubiquitous 
(no one seems to have noticed that Palmer Eldritch is 
ubiquitous as is Ubik, that the same theme domi¬ 
nates both novels.) 

The Gnostic contribution which MAZE makes is 
the idea of a totally untenable reality glossed over by a 
mass wish-fulfillment hallucination shared by every¬ 
one, and a salvific entity who can extricate you right 
out of that prison-like world. 

MAZE: Prison-like world glossed over by illusion. 
Salvific intercessor who can and does extricate you. 
Induced amnesia. 

STIGMATA: Invasion (penetration) of our world by 
a deity who can become everyone via the host, a mass 

UBIK: Salvific information penetrating through the 
“walls” of our world by an entity with personality rep¬ 
resenting a life- and reality-supporting quasi-living 

Collating the three novels, how much of the Gnos¬ 
tic message is expressed? Or, put another way, how 
much of my 2-74, 3-74 experience is expressed? One 
thing left out is the altering of the historic process, 
which was revealed tome as happening in 3-74. I sup¬ 
pose in a sense that’s in FROLIX 8. And the breaching 
through by God and the hosts, the apocalyptic mate¬ 
rial from Acts and Daniel. There are little sprinkles in 
other novels and stories—for instance, the idea of 
anamnesis (expressed negatively usually in my writ¬ 
ing by the theme of fake memories). Well, that’s 
expressed in MAZE, so I’ve inserted it supra. I wonder 
what you get if you sit down starting with “Roog” 
and read through everything (including such strange 
stories as “Retreat Syndrome”) all the way to SCAN¬ 
NER. If everything interlocks, what is the total mes¬ 
sage? I know I scared myself shitless that one night 



when Isa* was down here and I reread some early sto¬ 
ries in PRESERVING MACHINE. But my recent study of 
Gnosticism indicates that below any negative world- 
negating message there is an affirmation of God and 
love. And truth must be told; we must go where it 
leads us—where wisdom leads up (interesting typo; I 
mean “us,” not “up”). (19November 1977) 

[_] So that’s what I did in UBIK—correctly repre¬ 

sented time spacially, & the past as spacially within— 
literally within—the present. & in this speeded-up 
process (never mind how you “speed up” purely spa- 
cial axes) information which is everywhere & con¬ 
scious & which cooks pop media, such as TV 
commercials—appears. No wonder they asked me in 
May ’74, “What is Ubik[?]” 

& no wonder I saw how my 3-74 experience 
resembled UBIK! I’ll bet I was able to write UBIK 
because of partially having had a time-into-space-con- 
version experience prior to writing it (maybe due to 

I was very right in UBIK to see how it related to 
Plato’s forms. The past can be retrieved along a spacial 
axis—as in UBIK! I did it, where I saw Acts. 

Ach—VALIS is such an important book—it deals 
dramatically & theoretically with the issues first pre¬ 
sented in UBIK & is UBIK’s logical successor (finally— 
no more police state novel). UBIK, then, is a novel 
representing a part-way enlightenment & UBIK is 
related to STIGMATA and MAZE etc. I must in 2-3/74 
have attained enlightenment as the result of decades 
of gradual spirit (evolutionary) growth. There is a 
direct connection between UBIK & 2-3/74 it has to do 

* PKD's daughter. 


with converting time into space & the results 
obtained therefrom, as put forth in VALIS. (c. 1978) 

Okay, Watergate got us out of S.E. Asia & disengaged 
vis-a-vis USSR. Our interests are now served there 
through China. It is against China that USSR now acts, 
not us. This is crucial. Program A must have led to all- 
out war between US & USSR. The spirit in us pre¬ 
vented first Nixon & then Ford from aiding S. 

Vietnam. So (if my reasoning is correct) we of the 
counterculture prevented WWIII. We hamstrung the 
U.S. military machine. This counterculture did not 
arise ex nihilo [out of nothing]. What were its origins? 
Consider the 50s. The concept of “unamerican” held 
power. I was involved in fighting that; the spirit (coun¬ 
terculture) of the 60s evolved successfully out of the 
(basically) losing efforts by us “progressives” of the 
50s—we who signed the Stockholm Peace Proposal, & 
the “Save the Rosenbergs” etc.—losing, desperate 
efforts. Very unpopular & very unsupported. Berkeley 
was one of our few centers; this takes me back to EYE 
IN THE SKY etc. 

I was a vocal & active part of the 60s’ countercul¬ 
ture (cf. “Faith of...” to TEARS). What I am saying is 
that because of being with Nancy*I, who was by physi¬ 
cal age part of the 50s entered the youth culture of the 
60s & even onto the 70s. By which time my writing 
was having a decided influence; a PKD cult existed by 
the time TEARS came out. I was/am still in touch, into 
the late 70s! Early 50s to late 70s—not bad (contrast 
this to other S-F writers[)]; have there been any quasi- 

* Nancy Hackett, PKD's fourth wife, was 21 when they first met in 



Marxist S-F writers besides me in 30 years? Tom Disch 
says no & Aquarian says no. Now there are—finally, 
but they’re hired & bought. They don’t matter; it’s too 
late—all over.f_] 

After all, the Ramparts people knew to approach 
me—the sole S-F writer who signed the petition—the 
manifesto—of the 500.* ** *** 

Glanced over SOLAR LOTTERY & Tom Disch’s 
intro; ** he’s right. I was/am the sole Marxist S-F 
writer. I may not have been/am CP [Communist 
Party], but the basic Marxist sociological view of capi¬ 
talism—negative—is there. Good. But after glancing at 
it I feel the old fear—like c. 1971/73. Up to the month 
TEARS was published. Up to 3-74. When the blow fell. 
Glancing at SOIAR LOTTERY I can see that it had to, 
eventually, & that I knew it. If I just hadn’t passed over 
into the dope stuff I’d have ceased to be relevant, & 
been safe but noooo. I got caught up in the 60s, & 
stayed on to 74 & TEARS. (c. 1978) 

God, all my “this is illusion” writing (EYE, JOINT, 
STIGMATA, UBIK, MAZE) are analogs of the USA 1974 vs. 
the glimpse of Rome CAD 45 via the Golden Fish sign. 

“Here we are.” 

“But where are we really?” 

& then someone gets a glimpse. (As in “the earth is 
hollow & I have touched the sky.”) Usually, once the 
simulation is detected there are assorted guesses. But 
sometimes the first clue vis-a-vis simulating of world 
is the glimpse. 

My God, my life—which is to say my 2-74/3-74 

* An interview with PKD, with accompanying text by Joe Vitale, 
appeared in The Aquarian, 11/18 October 1978. 

** See Ramparts Petition in Glossary. 

*** See "Introduction" by Thomas Disch to the hardcover Gregg Press 
edition (1977) of SOLAR LOTTERY (1955). 


experience—is exactly like the plot o f any one o f ten of 
my novels or stories. Even down to fake memories & 
identity. I’m a protagonist from one of PKD’s books. 
USA 1974 fades out, ancient Rome fades in & with it 
the Thomas personality & true memories. Jeez! Mix¬ 
ture of “Impostor,” JOINT & MAZE— if not UBIK as well. 

My earlier notes show that what I deduce from all 
this as a certainty is that we have a two-mind situa¬ 
tion. Statements as to which world is real (if any) & 
which simulated (if any) are speculative. But the 
worlds are not generated by the person, since they 
both contain elements unknown to him (such as the 
koine). What the malfunction or induced malfunction 
prove is the existence of at least one world-generating 
mind, & (as I failed to see in those earlier notes) possi¬ 
bly two world-generating—even competing—minds. Plus 
the passive, programmed observing little non world¬ 
generating mind. 

Is this a battle for his allegiance? World against 
world, mind against mind? The voice last night scath¬ 
ingly referred to USA 1974 & the corresponding PKD 
personality as “Both being expendable.” Diabolic inter¬ 
polation/ simulation? 

Could the two worlds be regarded as two domains? 

(July 1978) 

God, I have broken myself in this pursuit over 2 7 
years. Critics compare my malignant false worlds to 
metastasizing cancer. I demand that deity appear or 
somehow put its stamp on world before I can accept it 
as anything but a diabolic counterfeit interpolation. 

We have been deceived for thousands of years. The 
Neoplatonists such as Plotinus knew of two realms. 

The Essenes (v. Josephus) report a lower realm of 
feverish unconsciousness, the poisoned, intoxicated 
soul. “Men like to sleep.” (July 1978) 



EYE, JOINT, 3 STIGMATA, UBIK & MAZE are the same 
novel written over & over again. The characters are all 
out cold & lying around together on the floor, mass 
hallucinating a world. Why have I written this up at 
least five times? 

Because—as I discovered in 3-74 when I experi¬ 
enced anamnesis, remembered I’m really an apostolic 
xtian, & saw ancient Rome —This is our condition: we’re 
mass hallucinating this 1970s world. 

What’s got to be gotten over is the false idea that a 
hallucination is a private matter. Not hallucination 
butj oint hallucination is my topic, inc. false memo¬ 
ries. I know where & when we really are, now: Rome 
C. AD 70. But how come we imagine, believe in & see 
1974/8—that I can’t explain—except the “ape of God” 
by Satan theory or that real time ceased when Power 
wasn’t transferred at Christ’s time. 

My intuition that what we see—this world—isn’t 
really there paid off in 2-74 when I saw the Golden 
Fish & got my memories & identity & vision back. But 
how & why the Dokos? Did we collectively become vic¬ 
tims (slaves) of something evil? 

The Acts material in TEARS verifies when & where 
we are. On some level I’ve known for a long time—or 
else I’ve had divine help. 

I guess the divine power is getting the truth across 
to people in my writing—in the 5 novels listed above 
that what we do see is fake, &, in TEARS, what, instead, 
is actually there, hidden (the world of Acts). 

How to reach the real, inner, hidden world is 
described in UBIK—retreat back along the platonic 
form axis. It is fully theoretically & cosmologically set 
forth in that novel. 

Either I unconsciously knew it, was subliminally 
told it, or it was a lucky guess. But in view of the 


larger case—situation—being correctly described, I 
guess I knew it on an unconscious level—anyhow, it 
wasn’t a guess. Perhaps 1) I’ve made one of the Great¬ 
est Discoveries any human ever made, & put it in my 
book; or 2) I’ve been let in on one or more Great Eso¬ 
teric Secrets. (1978) 

To repeat myself—all this implies that the interven¬ 
tion re the xerox missive was not just to save me per 
se from a trap, but to keep my actual identity con¬ 
cealed. Evidently originally I knowingly & deliber¬ 
ately entered this “spurious interpolation” in order to 
call attention to its counterfeit nature, that I might 
assist in destroying it. Cold-pac in UBIK, the floor of 
the Bevatron in EYE. Polyencephalic fusion in MAZE, 
the fake past in JOINT, but best of all, the Satanic 
bogus worlds in STIGMATA, because in STIGMATA the 
correct source/cause is presented. & then in TEARS the 
true nature—not of a—but of OUR Satanic spurious 
interpolation is depicted—as well as its collapse & why 

Yes—in TEARS it is shown, through Felix 
Buckman’s conversion, what will pull down the BIP & 
allow transfer of authority: xtian conversion (from 
Power to Love ( agape) this adds to what e.g., STIGMATA 
has told us; we now know the antidote to the “drug.” 
(i.e., to the cancer-like bogus interpolation). 

Xtianity is antidote (to a poison). “We need medi¬ 
cal assistance.” 

As GRASSHOPPER* is to the world—people—in 
MITHC so the N.T. & TEARS is to us. 

I remember what gave me the idea for JOINT, the 

* THE GRASSHOPPER LIES HEAVY is the novel-within-a-novel in THE 



reflex of reaching for a light-chain—overhead—when 
there wasn’t one. This subcortical conditioned 
response was sensationally escalated in the “car air 
vent, cooler, moister, higher climate” & beer & he-she 
of 1974 ... escalated. But of a piece. 

Indeed, I am from elsewhere & elsewhen. The on- 
off overhead light chain that wasn’t there—that was 
my first clue ... & (as shown in JOINT) I saw that a time 
dysfunction—or deception—was what it was all about. 


Like Garson Poole* I may have changed my 
inner reality tape programming, & so saw some¬ 
thing different. (1978) 

SCANNER as I’ve said before is the other half of 
TEARS, the inner half. The conditions described in 
SCANNER explain why we don’t see the conditions 
described in TEARS, & the conditions described in 
TEARS account for the conditions in SCANNER. The vari¬ 
ous books were written in the wrong order. But they 
can be read in the right order, or anyhow gestalted (if 
read, they will be gestalted).[... ] 

Correct sequence: 

1) SCANNER: Occlusion of our minds, without our 
being aware of it; loss (forgetfulness) of true identity, 
v. (7) 

2) TEARS: What our world is really always like 
which the occlusion is deliberately there to keep us 
from seeing. 

3) STIGMATA: Who/what deliberately occludes us: 
the Yaltabaoth Magician evil deity, spinner of spuri¬ 
ous worlds creator of illusion & inhabiting, contami- 


Protagonist in the PKD story "The Electric Ant" (1969). 


nating (unclean presence in these degraded pseudo 

4) MAZE: The negative hallucination M.O.* of the 
occlusion, & reference to Savior who extricates us 
from a hopeless trap & pseudo world. 

5) UBIK: The salvific entity per se, by name & how 
its “pan-Sophiaistic” messages come through the trash 
layers to aid us. Past available within the present. 

6) DO ANDROIDS: A vital theme, that of Mercer & 
his reality through some sort of mystic identification 
via empathy. The role of animals. The tomb world. 

The “Fake-ness” of Fakeness: my “2 slit” logic.** 

7) “Impostor”: disinhibiting stimulus restoring 
blocked memory, (v. (1)) 

8) “Faith of... ” God, evil, communism, drugs, hal¬ 
lucinations—a montage of many elements. 

9) Every other relevant story & novel, from JOINT 
to “Remember Wholesale,” “Electric Ant,” “Retreat 
Syndrome,” etc., not listed in 1) through 8). 

& 10) EYE: Subjective private worlds &, as in “Faith 
of ...” an evil deity & communism are discussed. Plu¬ 
ral worlds which we generate. 

SCANNER is the weary final point: our minds are 
fucked up. It isn’t just a case of pseudo worlds. This 
links with 8), “Faith of... ” 

All in all, my writing casts doubt on the fact of 
(even possibility of) knowing actual reality because our 
minds have been fucked over. Some evidence (e.g. 
TEARS) points to the real situation being prison-like— 
but MAZE & esp. UBIK point to a supernatural salvific 

* Modus operandi. 

** PKD sometimes theorized that reality was formed by beam-like dual 
elements—"real" and "spurious"—that could fashion a hoiogram-like world 
by the superimposed image created by the two beams after coming 
through two opposite slits. Hence the term "2 slit" logic. 



i nterventive power, although STIGMATA seems t o say 
that an evil magician deity is in control of our worlds 
& heads. 

MITHC is a fascinating adjunct to all this, i.e., to the 
Gestalt. Fakes are discussed. Alternate universes exist. 
Fascism is the topic, & a book is reality, which seems 
to have some connection with TEARS. MITHC seems to 
be a subtle, even delicate questioning of, what is real? 
As if only the 2 books in it, GRASSHOPPER & the I 
CHING are really the only actual reality. Strange. So 
MITHC must be listed as 11). But now the order of reve¬ 
lation breaks down. & does MARTIAN TIME-SLIP add 
anything? Pathological private worlds are presented, 

& the disintegration of world. So 12). 

& 13): GALACTIC POT HEALER. More about the 
Salvific deity. 

& 14): PENULTIMATE TRUTH. Lies & Government. 
Fakes again—always the Fakes. 

But TEARS & SCANNER are crucial in a special 
sense, because the fictional or phantastic element is 
virtually lacking; they are obviously semi-mimetic, 
esp. SCANNER which is explicitly stated to have hap¬ 
pened, & in a sense not fiction at all. Does this book, 
then, seem to say, “Maybe portions of the others are 
literally real, too?” The author does not now pretend 
to be writing fiction, & TEARS fits this category as well. 

One critic said that NOW WAIT FOR LAST YEAR 
seemed to depict the Vietnam War. So maybe it, too, 
adds something. But for sure we have 

1) SCANNER occluded minds, not able to see 

2) TEARS prison world created by 

3) STIGMATA evil deity who is opposed by 

4) MAZE salvific entity mysteriously here 

5) UBIK salvific entity mysteriously here 

6) ANDROIDS salvific entity mysteriously here 


7) “Imposter” Fake memory; real ones & true 
identity restored, v. 1) 


Our minds are occluded, deliberately, so that we 
can’t see the prison world we’re slaves in, which is 
created by a powerful magician-like evil deity, who, 
however, is opposed by a mysterious salvific entity 
which often takes trash forms, & who will restore 
our lost real memories. This entity may even be an 
old wino. 

Drugs, communism & sex & fake plural pathologi¬ 
cal pseudo worlds are involved, but the puriform 
salvific entity, as mysterious as quicksilver, will save 
us in the end & restore us to true human state. We 
will then cease to be mere reflex machines. This is the 
summation of my herygyna, spread out throughout my 

Briefly, I was Christ. He is not a person but a state 
of being—& yet somehow also a person. It is mysteri¬ 
ous. “Christ has no body now but yours.” I became 
him, & he me. The macro became the micro (me), & 
the micro became the macro (him). There was a recip¬ 
rocal action: 

as if the two traded places. 

He became a mere human, 
with human fears (such as of 
the Romans), & I acquired 
his 1000s of years of memory 
& knowledge. 

Maybe that’s why I was in the world of Acts: he is 
there (i.e., then). This included memory of coining 
down here from the Caelum (the stars), cosmological 



knowledge and healing knowledge, & ability at last to 
see the macro brain & its info traffic & finally the 
father (the abyss). This exchange fits the hermetic 
macro-microcosm universe, which, in my summary of 
my writing, I should point out as a latent theme. This 
exchange would explain my performing (& knowing) 
the pristine early covert sacraments, & seating myself 
on the judgement seat. That’s why this began exactly 
on the day of Christ’s birth. & the sense of vast spaces: 
my inner space world now contained the cosmos 
itself, & of course seeing Zebra—that most of all. 

This is the mystery which Paul speaks of: “Christ 
in you (& you in Christ)”. Christ was born in me, liter¬ 
ally him, and now firebright slumbers, the product of 
our union (with me as female host), (as impregnated 
bride, wedded to Christ as Bridegroom.) (1978) 

It’s odd that it’s mainly in the 3 Bantam books* 
that the truth (enough of it, anyhow) is told. Plus SCAN 
NER & stories in the Ballantine collection**—all well-dis¬ 
tributed. iVo time passes, in STIGMATA Eternity can 
pass: infinite time. & Eldritch pollutes all the spurious 
worlds—due to a person taking a drug (cf. SCANNER). 

MAZE says, “Our actual reality is intolerable.” This 
will do, were TEARS not read. “So we willingly gener¬ 
ate a group hallucination & live in it.” Gnosticism—& 
it is so. 

My writing deals with hallucinated worlds, intoxi¬ 
cating & deluding drugs, & psychosis. But my writing 
acts as an antidote, a detoxifying—not intoxicating— 
antidote. This is a fascinating realization. My writing 

and A MAZE OF DEATH (1970) were all reissued in 1977 by Bantam 



deals with that which it lessens or dispels by—raising 
those topics to our conscious attention, esp. SCANNER 
& STIGMATA Different partial collations print out 
somewhat different summations. One vast panorama 
is unveiled, as Ursula points out. What an odd constit¬ 
uent POT-HEALER is! 

In the James-James dream I saw the PTG task force 
arriving silently & swiftly. So they must be close by, 
now (but to say “now” is to fall into the delusion of 
regarding linear time as real. They could be seconds 
away. But Palmer Eldritch can spin out his hallucina¬ 
tory world & time for what seems—just seems—forever, 
for centuries. It’s like EYE when actual rescue is right 
at hand but they can’t wake up. Yes, we are asleep like 
they are in EYE & we must wake up & see past 
(through) the dream—the spurious world with its own 
time—to the rescue outside— outside now, not later. Per¬ 
ception of the PTG task force is not perception of a 
future event, but, as in EYE, of what is really there now. 

k/o r ■' c ^ 

Irv o 

\ , -P^ 1 u-U 



L/ "f~ \ yw-* 

U locU 


st-lK L, h-j 

So EYE collates well with STIGMATA re spurious 
world, re being unconscious, re no real actual time 
elapsing (& probably, too, with MAZE). (In MAZE the 


Ursula Le Guin. See note on page 196. 



salvific element reaching into our spurious world is 
treated soMAZEadds the crucial element to EYE which 
completes the picture). As in DO ANDROIDS, the savior 
seems to be fake (invented) but turns out to be real. 
Everything here is reversed; the real is fake and the 
fake is real, (the mirror effect.) After all, the master 
magician rules here, & has power over our perceptions. 
(As in STIGMATA.) ( 1978) 

STIGMATA is a Satanic Bible: the novel describes 
the Pattern proliferating itself in, on & through 
humans. By a study of STIGMATA one can understand 
transubstantiation, which was my source & theme 
(my intent). It’s even stated in the novel that Eldritch 
is the xtian God. 

You get a good deal of the story by combining 

But this is not an occluding, toxifying “virus”—it is 
an antitoxic, de-occlusive. (1978) 

Ah! in UBIK locating the Ubik messages in cheap 
commercials was absolutely right on. I couldn’t have 
“guessed” more accurately. It’s obvious that the real 
author of UBIK was Ubik. It is a self proving novel; i.e., 
it couldn’t have come into existence unless it were 
true.* (1978) 

[T]he “information virus” Zebra destroys the 4- 
pronged deformation which I have delineated (supra— 
previous set of pages): 

1) It shows us the real world TEARS 

(abolishes the counterfeit world) MAZE 

2) It abolishes the inner occlusion SCANNER 

(restores our faculties as they are supposed to be) 


PKD footnote: "I wonder if Lem guessed this. 


3) It breaks the “astral determinism” 

(It frees us) “Electric Ant” 

4) It removes amnesia “Impostor” 

(Restores true memory & hence true identity) 

In short, it turns us into the “Second Adam,” the 
restored xtian superman, a Christ. It abolishes the 
four aspects of our fallen nature. This is why the Gnos¬ 
tics believed in the salvific Gnosis; they confused the 
information with the information entity; i.e., they 
thought th e former saved us, whereas it is the latter: 
living information, not the content of the information. 
However, the content is the pattern, so in a sense they 
were right. & it was an evil world (TEARS) & evil demi¬ 
urge (ELDRITCH) that they believed in. 

real world: TEARS “Retreat Syndrome” “Precious 

real deity: STIGMATA 

salvific entity: UBIK 

real situation: MAZE EYE JOINT 

our identity: “Impostor” 

our enslavement: “Electric Ant” PENULTIMATE 

memory retrieval method: MITHC 
eleven novels, four stories (for openers) (1978) 

Leo Bulero defeating Palmer Eldritch is the sav¬ 
ior/messenger (Son of Man) defeating the demiurge 
creator of this prison (& illusory) world. Breaking his 
power over man in UBIK, Runciter calling to Joe Chip 
is the savior calling to his human counterpart. This is 
also true in POT HEALER when Glimmung calls to Joe 
Fern wright. 

& Mercer & the Walker-on-Earth [in ANDROIDS ] are 
one & the same. Deity takes trashy & even fake (sic) 



forms: Mercer, Glimmung, the UBIK commercials. 
SCANNER is a very serious book. Man’s present, unre¬ 
deemed states—his ontological condition—of ignorance 
is depicted; this is not an aspect of his state but is (esse) 
his state. Opposed to this is the ontological state of 
knowledge (knowing) provided by Runciter & Ubik in 
UBIK. SCANNER focuses on the condition of ignorance 
dealt with more glibly in MAZE & UBIK; it goes into the 
anatomy of the occlusion—it really studies nothing 
else (no cosmology is presented). Mainly, it strives to 
show that we are fucked up in a way which precludes 
our being able to be aware of it—the most ominous 
kind of occlusion (ignorance). It points to the need of 
outside intervention. 

VALIS will be an attempt to show that intervention 
& redeemed state, but it is proving too difficult to 
write. This novel must be written, & I have the 
redeemed state of 2-74/2-75 to base it on, but God, 
what a task: to depict 1) that which redeems; 2) the 
process of redemption; 3) the redeemed (restored) 
state of man—in contrast to the occluded state 
(described in SCANNER). It could take the rest of my 
life to do it. I don’t know if I can. It must be divided 
into two parts: 1) unredeemed (& then the entity 
which redeems & the process); & 2) the redeemed 
state. Like the “Siddhartha” 2-part book I dreamed 
about. Restored man—the Christ-man, the 2nd Adam. 
What a responsibility—what a task. But it must be 
done. & it must—like the “Siddhartha” book, point to 
the 5th Savior whose coming is imminent. ( 1978) 

In some respects, EYE is the most accurate of all: 
Great hunks of spurious time (events) are reeled out, 
whereas only seconds in RET (real elapsed time) have 


taken place. If we didn’t dream we could not even 
imagine such a thing, much less believe it. 

The theme of “they’re all out of it” appears in: 

1) EYE they’re unconscious & hallucinating vari¬ 
ous worlds. 

2) JOINT the world is fake—& the time is mistaken 

3) TMITHC it’s one of several worlds & not the 
real one 

4) TIME-SLIP fake psychotic realties 

5) STIGMATA fake malignant realities 

6) UBIK they’re dead & receiving messages from 
the real world 

7) MAZE they’re jointly hallucination [sic] a spuri¬ 
ous world 

8) TEARS several competing worlds exist 

9) SCANNER the whole futuristic parts could be 
hallucinations & the protagonist lives in two different 
mutually exclusive worlds competing with each other 

Secondary false perceptions appear in: 

10) CLANS psychotic perceptions that compete 

11) GAME-PLAYERS levels of illusion for sinister 

12) COSMIC PUPPETS one world underlying 
another (!) 

So one dozen novels & too many stories to count 
narrate a message of one world obscuring or replac¬ 
ing another real one, spurious memories, & halluci¬ 
nated (irreal) worlds. The message reads “Don’t 
believe what you see; it’s an enthralling—& destruc¬ 
tive, evil snare. Under it is a totally different world, 
even placed differently along the linear time axis, & 
your memories are faked to jibe with the fake world 
(inner & outer congruency). 

JOINT opens with a telltale anachronism. Symp¬ 
toms—or signs—unveiling the world as spurious 



abound. Strip the fake world away & another one 
appears, even set in a different time. 

& all this leads up to my 2-74 & 3-74 experience. It 
cannot be coincidence. My early knowledge of the 
basic Socratic and Presocratic dictum: “Don’t believe 
what you see; something else must actually be there.” 


He is here, not here, there, not there. Our whole real¬ 
ity is a hologram-like fake, & into & onto it in the 
guise of fakery, he substitutes the (truly) real. So the 
nonsense phenomena are real, & the substantial & nor¬ 
mal & expected & sensible are not. Our criteria for dis¬ 
tinguishing the real from the irreal are totally 
reversed: to us, the real is the solid, the heavy, the seri¬ 
ous; & the irreal is St. Elmo’s fire, will-o-the-wisps. 
Amazing! If this be so, then my writing has been of 
value. Beyond the obvious contribution of indicting 
the universe as a forgery (& our memories also) & pres- 
ent[ingf] the most accurate & stringent—rigorous— 
revised criteria to pull the truly real as set out of 
ground (love, making exceptions, humor, determina¬ 
tion, etc., the little virtues). &, as Lem says, I somehow 
pile trash on trash until it “compresses” into some¬ 
thing else: the mirror-opposite, “universe-seen-back- 
ward” insight is complete, as in POT HEALER. 

I believe the Savior is here. But disguised as well, 
that’s the hard part, isn’t it? To say how he’s dis¬ 
guised—how he appears in contrast to how we expect 
him to appear. He may resemble Runciter. (1978) 

Thoughts upon reading the first half of VALIS: we 
are in a situation like the cold-pac in UBIK. It is a holo¬ 
gram reality; time, space, causality & ego are not real— 
the world (phenomenal world) is not real but 


projected. We have pre-programmed lock-in tapes syn¬ 
chronized with the total outer matrix. Subliminal cues 
& info are fired at us constantly; “reality” is really 
information (as I saw); we are a brain, [... ] the control¬ 
lers are the 3-eyed telepathic deaf, mute builders with 
crab-claws; this explains who they are. They can read¬ 
just our hologram at will. We are under their domin¬ 
ion, & we perform a useful cerebral function. They 
equal Valis which equals Ubik & which breaks 
through on the one-way “eerie manifestation” basis 
which Lem depicts. It is a spurious reality & their tech¬ 
nology generates it, & although they aid & inform us 
they also occlude & control us (this is “astral determin¬ 
ism”). They can & do intervene in their own system; 
we know this as “God.” They use camouflage & mime¬ 
sis re their presence here. There is a teaching-machine 
element involved. Timeo cognere. [Ifear to know .] In a 
sense the 3-eyed people in their bubble looking down 
at us were not so much physicians but surgeons, 
using laser beams to recontour our hologram. They 
are not in the hologram but above it (i.e., outside the 
cold pac, they’ve sent Zebra-Valis-Ubik in). Because of 
my book VALIS they’re going to zap me. 


1) We are the project. 

2) We are in the maze, which is irreal. 

3) The 3-eyed people observe us from outside the 

4) The project operates through a dialectic; it is 
in flux. 

5) It is irrational; its creator is irrational. 

6) We are stationary; time, ego & causality don’t 


7) Human saboteurs have begun operations here 
in the maze to help us. They (the human ones) are 
under the direction of a vast information entity which 



camouflages itself. 11 got itself born here & was killed 
& then spread out discorporate subsuming & inform¬ 
ing humans counter to the control (of us) (& our 
world) by the maze & its creator & controllers. It is 

8) In essence the liberators-saboteurs work to 
enlighten us with knowledge of our true condition, 
which is withheld from us by the deluding maze 
which generates both positive & negative hallucina¬ 
tions that we’re rigidly locked into. We do not ordinar¬ 
ily guess that our “world” is irreal, that it is a maze, a 
project, that its creator is insane or that the 3-eyed peo¬ 
ple gaze down at us dispassionately as if we’re pond 
life—lower life forms. 

9) The maze-project is like a prison in which 
we’re enslaved. The Black Iron Prison. 

10) In essence, the rational (Valis/Zebra/Ubik) has 
invaded the irrational maze/prison/project. 

11) We are sick or injured or insane/occluded due 
perhaps to a toxicity of the maze (“the bichlorides: a 
very poisonous poison.”) 

12) So Valis is an information center disseminat¬ 

ing the truth, & also liberating us. It may be a product 
of the maze-project, evolving within it & then liberat¬ 
ing itself which is to say us. The purpose of the maze 
& its dialectic—& the problems it poses (esp. epistemo¬ 
logically)—may have been to produce Valis. (1978) 

A close reading of MITHC shows it is not an alter¬ 
nate world novel. There is only one real world: ours. 
Juliana finds (figures?) this out & tells Abendsen that 
his book is true. By implication, their world is a 
pseudo-world. Hence MITHC is an early pseudo-world 


This phrase comes from a 1974 dream by PKD. 


novel of mine, like JOINT & EYE & STIGMATA & UBIK & 
MAZE. Now, if in 2-3-74 I had an experience combining 
Abendsen’s & Tagomi’s, & found myself in TEARS, 
does that make this a pseudo-world, a dokos over 
TEARS? I think this is the whole point, it is a matrix 
entity about which there can be varying views some 
false, one correct, & TEARS is correct. These are not 
true alternate worlds. How these dokos views come 
into existence I do not know. Or is there just the one 
Dokos world which we normally experience, beyond 
which or under which lies TEARS? Then TGLH* to 
MITHC as TEARS to our world—a vast mystery! & one 
about which I have no theory. TEARS depicts a tyranny! 

Since I didn’t know the future (2-3-74) I can only 
suppose that another self exists in me which not only 
knew the future but the true state of affairs. (1979) 

reality—My God; it’s specifically stipulated that Ubik is 
the —not a—reality support! (“He causes to exist what¬ 

Palmer Eldritch 




(trash layer: 

Satan in power 

true divine power) 


Both are 

YHWH (Logos) 

the sacraments! 

♦— —► 

on the periphery 

author of irreal worlds 


cheap TV ads! 

ever exists”; functional description of YHWH!) 

The underlying secret (cf. Hamlet & The Bacchae) is 
that the true king (YHWH) (Ubik) has been deposed & 
an impostor (Palmer Eldritch) rules in his place, as (if 

* THE GRASSHOPPER LIES HEAVY, the novel-within-a-novel in THE MAN 



he were) him. ( Bacchae—the Christ story—Hamlet—TEARS— 
& also STIGMATA & “Faith”) That’s part one. Part two is 
that the true God (YHWH, Ubik) has filtered back in on 
the periphery. But the impostor is at the civil & church 
center. Thus people think they are worshipping Christ- 
YHWH-Ubik but aren’t; they are under a spell (of delu¬ 
sion—which Christ/YHWH freed me of in 2-74). (1979) 

Consider my boundless & insatiable interest in 
spiritual matters—there’s no sign of it in TDHG [THE 
DARK-HAIRED GIRL, see Glossary]— yet I had a Bible with 
me in Canada. Yet consider how Acts read upon my 
seeing the cipher in TEARS—the plasmite; the test 
became alive. It was a living thing. Like my dreams of 
the pages Of the Great Book. I was in touch with the 
information basis underlying the epiphenomenal 

Between what I experienced (2-74 to 2-75) & what 
I’ve learned— 

I experienced reality as knowledge—not reduced to 
information. But the primaiy information from which 
reality stems: what the rabbis call “the formula” for 
creation, & the answers to all problems—i.e. solutions 

So in my incompleteness I was driven along a colli¬ 
sion course with (to) disaster; but Valis (YHWH-Christ) 
converted the disaster into the raw materials out of 
which there came instantly (!) a new me, a complete 
me, yoked to Christ himself as the presiding priest 
of this eucharist in which he sacrificed himself to 
renew me. 

& when I saw Valis—& was communicated to by 
Valis—I saw him, the high priest presiding at this 
eucharist. The epiphenomenal universe became him, 
body & blood: the Cosmic Christ. 


In TDHG it is evident that I am desperately trying 
to find a center ( omphalos ) for/to my life, but that I 
was failing; I was still “stateless.” [... ] In contrast to 
TDHG period I have found authenticity— sein* I have 
made one wise decision after another. Look at my pro¬ 
viding help to Messiah**—contrast that to when I used 
to buy dope. (1979) 

I just now looked over DI [THE DIVINE INVASION]. As 
I recently realized about VALIS, the dialectic that is the 
inner life of God—as revealed to Boehme & explicated 
later by Schelling—& commented on by e.g., Tillich***— 
is presented as the very bases of the book. In VALIS it 
is expressed dramatically as world-order in which the 
irrational confronts the “bright” or rational, desig¬ 
nated (properly) Logos. In DI this same dialectic reap¬ 
pears & this time is stated to be the two sides of God 
(rather than world order; that is, in DI it is now cor¬ 
rectly seen to be within God himself!): it is now (in DI) 
between Emmanuel who is the terrible, destroying 
“solar heat” warring side—& Zina who is loving, play¬ 
ful, tender, associated with bells & flowers; & what 
unifies the two at last (by the way: it is she who takes 
the lead in restoring memory & hence unification: 
Emmanuel is the side that has forgotten—i.e., is 
impaired; she has not & is not is not impaired) is play. 
She plays, & Emmanuel has a secret desire to play. 

So both novels basically deal with the dialectic 
that I experienced as the nature of Valis & which I con- 

* Being; term employed by German philosopher Martin Heidegger to 
connote authentic being. 

** A church in PKD's neighborhood. 

*** German mystic Jacob Boehme (1575-1624). German Romantic 
philosopher Friedrich Schelling (1775-1854). German theologican Paul 
Tillich (1886-1965). 



strue to be the dynamic inner life of God. If you super¬ 
impose both books, then, you get this equation: 

Really, then, DI simply continues the fundamental 
theme of VALIS— but does not seevi to do so—not unless 
one perceives this theme & what it is (the dialectic 
that is the dynamic inner life of God). DI is not so loose 
a sequel to VALIS as it might seem (by in the shift from 
Gnosticism, the present, realism, to Kabala, the 
future, fantasy). (1981) 

GALACTIC POT HEALER shows the very real possibil¬ 
ity of encroaching madness. The archetypes are out of 
control. Water—the ocean itself—which is to say the 
unconscious, is hostile & rises to engulf. The book is 
desperate & frightened, & coming apart, dream-like, 
cut off more & more from reality. Flight, disorganiza¬ 
tion: the way has almost run out. Those elements 
dealt with in earlier novels—ominous elements—now 
escape my control & take over. What Brunner said, 
“That one got out of control” is correct & has vast psy¬ 
chological significance. 

* John Brunner, British science-fiction writer. The quoted remark was 
apparently made during a personal conversation (date unknown) between 
the two men. 


& yet I did not become psychotic. Why not? What 

Very simply the meta-abstraction was the birth of 
higher reason in me. Specifically & precisely Logos. It 
was noesis, but, more, it was Logos itself. & Logos —not 
just as reason, although it is that—but Christ: Christ is 
the power of the rational principle itself. 

The Dialectic that I experienced in 3-74 was 
between the irrational & the rational, in me, in world, 
in God. The rational won. 

The issue is properly stated in VALIS, which shows 
not only a return of control but is an account of victory— 
in the form of rationality, of Logos itself—over madness; 

I am not only rational, I also depict as open, autobiogra¬ 
phy, this battle in me & this victory. Ursula is both right 
& wrong. “Phil Dick is moving toward madness”* ** does 
not apply to VALIS but to GALACTIC POT HEALER; already 
with TEARS & then more so in SCANNER reality has re¬ 
entered; I am again in touch with the real. 


VALIS, is, then, the return from madness or near¬ 
madness, an account of a prior inner struggle & not a 
symptom of that struggle still going on. By the time I 
wrote VALIS the battle had been successfully won; & 
the proof of this is DI &, most of all, BTA * in which 
Angel Archer is (as I have already realized) the ratio¬ 
nal principle in me, which is Logos, that is to say 
Christ, itself speaking; the victory by the “bright” 
side in me is total. Thus I was saved by Christ as the 

* In 1981, an unfortunate misunderstanding arose between PKD and 
Ursula Le Guin, which led PKD to believe that Le Guin feared for his 
sanity—a concern Le Guin denies having harbored. 

** BISHOP TIMOTHY ARCHER, the original title of the PKD novel THE 



inbreaking of the rational principle. Logos or reason 

The meta-abstraction is the moment in my life in 
which the rational principle entered, in-broke, was 
born; thus it is correct to say, in that moment Christ 
was born in me, & the year that followed was Christ 
in me, enthusiasmos by Christ: his kingdom or, more 
correctly, kingship. 


Ursula is right to see me—my mind—as threatened 
by ominous encroaching madness, but VALIS is a lucid 
post mortem, a deliberate & rational study, of this 
issue. This battle, & the victory of the rational in me 
(experienced as Valis, Logos or Christ). [... ] I came 
through & emerged victorious: but just barely. GALAC¬ 
TIC POT-HEALER shows how grave the issue was, & this 
was written before the main thrust of the need & suf¬ 
fering hit (from 1969 on). 

SCANNER then, shows that human reason returned 
sometime after GALACTIC POT-HEALER. But in 2-74 
divine reason ( noesis ), the Logos, Christ himself, 
entered me or occurred as if in response to the last sav¬ 
age attack—the xerox missive—of the years of prob¬ 
lems I had gotten myself into by my madness, folly, 
drug-use, etc. VALIS shows me completely aware of the 
situation (encroaching madness) & completely back in 
control—which DI & then to an absolute degree BTA 
verified. There is in me the voice of reason—the AI 
voice. But that voice became more than a voice; in 2- 
74 it broke in as the principle of reason itself, specific¬ 
ally as Plato’s noesis: the highest act of cognition 
known to man. Thus 2-74 has both noesis & Logos & 
hence Christ. 

& the ultimate overflow of grace in me shows up 
in my givingto others; I am not only strong enough 


for myself alone—more: starting with my sending the 
money to Covenant House. [... ] 

I who lost normal reason, got back in the end 
Holy reason (“He who loses his life will save it”): 
Christ as Logos. & VALIS correctly tells this story: mad¬ 
ness & drugs caused by Gloria’s suicide, & finally the 
inbreaking of the rational, Logos itself (seen in terms 
of world!). 

Now, it is certainly wonderful to realize that I am all 
right, now; that in fact I am even able to help others as 
well as myself. But the flip side is: I did slide into psy¬ 
chosis, & POT revealed it, & I wrote POT before Nancy left 
me. [... ] I guess my realization came (last night) 
when, after reading POT & realizing that I did become 
psychotic I then picked up SCANNER. I read here & 
there. The appalling horror of that book! To go into that 
from psychosis; that is, how terrible a fate awaited me. 
What saved me was my love for those people: Luckman, 
[... ] Jerry Fabin [...]& Donna [... ] * ** *** **** which ties in with 
TEARS & the scene at the all-night gas station. 

Thinking back to when I wrote POT: I felt so 
strongly—& correctly—at the time that when it came 
time, in writing the book to have the theophany occur 
(i.e., for Glimmung to show himself) I had nothing 
to say, nothing to offer because I knew nothing. Oh, & 
how I sensed this lack of knowledge! & now this is pre- 

* A New York-based shelter for homeless and runaway children. 

** Nancy Hackett left PKD in 1970. The end of the marriage was difficult 
for him to bear, and he had often pointed to it as the crisis that 
precipitated severe psychological difficulties for him. His emphasis here 
points to the fact that GALACTIC POT-HEALER (1969) was written in 
1967-68, and hence his "psychosis" predated Nancy's departure. 

*** Luckman, Jerry Fabin, and Donna are characters in the PKD novel A 

****Glimmung is the semi-divine protagonist in the PKD novel 



cisely what I do know because now I have experienced 
it (2-3-74). 

In a way I better depict the 3-74 theophany (of 
Valis) in DI than in VALIS itself. In any case if you 
superimpose the two novels it is there—precisely what 
I lacked when I wrote POT—& knew I lacked, as a 
human, as a writer; I had no ideas about the theoph¬ 
any at all, & yet by the time I wrote DI it came easily, 
that which would not & could not come with POT; that 
in writing POT that exactly was where I reached the 
end—wore out & died as a writer; scraped the bottom 
of the barrel & died creatively & spiritually. What mis¬ 
ery that was! Paisley shawl, hoop of water, hoop of 
fire; how wretched it was; how futile. 

Strange that later (1974) I experienced what I had 
yearned to know so that I could continue the logical 
organic growth & forward development of my writing. 
That was when I wore out: trying to depict a theophany. 
& that is what I legitimately later on (in the VALIS tril¬ 
ogy) could do. But oh the years of ^suffering! & yet—if I 
became psychotic in writing POT—if POT shows signs of 
psychosis, & it does—it is not because I experienced & 
knew God but precisely because I did not. & thus the 
VALIS books are the opposite, are sane, are grounded in 
experience & in reality because by then I had experi¬ 
enced God; hence my creative life (not just my spiritual 
life) resumed; & with it my sanity. Thus in a very real 
sense my sanity depended on my experiencing God, 
because my creative life logically demanded it—& [... ] 
my sanity depended on my writing. (1981) 

Break the power of fake world by means of info. (1) 

* These are manifestations assumed by the Glimmung (see previous 


UBIK (2)2-3-74 hence VALIS & JOINT & MAZE etc. VALIS log¬ 
ically follows in the 10-volume metanovel that leapt off 
with MAZE. No one has noticed that VALIS picks up 
where MAZE left off. The epistemology is unbroken & 
cumulative. VALIS shows I am questioning whether 
world is real; retroactively it shows I meant it in the 
prior 10 novels [see second chart below].* 

V 5 — 

l ■/ ] 

O K5 i W ~~ 

O-FtO j ~ 

Va-u t 

Isn’t it perfectly clear 
in UBIK that world is not 
real but Ubik is, & Ubik is 
Logos/ YHWH. Likewise 
Valis in VALIS. 

d ■+*+■» 

VALIS is the cipher 
book—code book—to the 
whole 10-volume 
metanovel & will some¬ 
day be read as such. & 
VALIS is Gnostic/Mani 
but secretly Holy Mother 

—which explains TEARS— that is, the Acts material in it. 
As with God’s strategy, the sequence is “out of 
sequence.” Viz: the key piece— VALIS— came last. Until 
it the others did not make sense—i.e., they were taken 
to have been written as fiction & hence hypothetical. 
VALIS retroactively re-interprets them—shows them in 
a light that could not be anticipated by an analysis of 
them—until VALIS came out; typical of the pattern 
strategy of the wise horn in its Dialectical Combat- 

* "Frozen Journey" is not a novel but rather a story published by PKD in 
Playboy (December 1980) and subsequently included—as the renamed 
title story-in the PKD collection I HOPE I SHALL ARRIVE SOON (1985). 



Game.* ** Here is a big realization & unexpected: VALIS 
in itself means nothing! (1981) 

DI is a conventional romance exactly as John 
Clute says; it breaks no new theological ground what¬ 
soever & should not be taken seriously... except for 
the light it casts in amplifying material in VALIS. 

VALIS deals with the irreducible primary religious 
sense: God as terrifying & fascinating simultaneously, 
with the solution being Christ & only Christ; there is 
no other solution. VALIS states the problem (familiar to 
all truly religious humans) & the correct—& sole—solu¬ 
tion. From a religious viewpoint then, it is authentic 
& basic. & it is indubitably firsthand, not Derived 
from Book. Thus it is an extraordinary religious con¬ 
fession & resolution to the problems raised & con¬ 
fronted in that confession, so it is not just a confession 
but seeks & finds an answer. ( 1981) 

The issue is not reality or ontology but conscious¬ 
ness—the possibility of pure, absolute consciousness 
occurring. In terms of which material things (objects) 
become language or information, conveying or record¬ 
ing or expressing meaning or ideas or thoughts: mind 
using reality as a carrier for information, as a lp 
groove is used to carry information: to record, store & 
play it back. This is the essential issue: this use of 
material reality by mind as a carrier for information 
by which information is processed—& this is what I 
saw that I called Valis, & anyone who reads VALIS & 
thinks it is just a rehash of metaphysical ideas or ideas 

* The metaphor here is the dual horns of dialectic—of which the "wise" 
is one. 

** Science-fiction critic. Reference is to a review in the Washington Post. 


“worked over by 1000s of thinkers for 1000s of years” 
is a fucking/ool! Robert Anton Wilson* is right. (1981) 

2-3-74: I was bewitched. The purpose: to re-create 
Jim [Pike] so he could continue speaking (through my 
writings & not just the Archer book).** 

So there is a book within a book. This is what is 
hanging Russ*** up. I have done years of research in 
order to do BISHOP ARCHER— to deal with Jim ade¬ 
quately in the form of mental conceptions about God 
& specific knowledge of the Bible & theology. I did not 
have this in 3-74; I could not write the novel until now. 

But there is another intellect in the book, & that is 
Angel Archer. 

Angel is my soul, & Tim/Jim is Christ. Their 2 
minds in BISHOP ARCHER represent the syzygy 
between me & Christ. Angel Archer is how Christ, 
who is me, perceives me as she (Angel Archer), the 
female part of the divine syzygy between me & Christ. 

This is 2-3-74. (1981) 

I started to reread VALIS but this time with con¬ 
scious knowledge of the Aquarian symbols, & it hits 
you at once in the opening of Ch. 2: God & clay pot 
linked. Later, pot will become a pitcher containing a 
liquid, this linked to xtian immortality & reincarna¬ 
tion, finally to Gnosticism; then to the great scene in 
the film in which the woman is— 

Anyhow, the Aquarian symbols overwhelm the 
fish symbols; they come first & simply are extensive, 

* This most likely refers to a 1981 letter from Wilson to PKD that 
praised VALIS highly and compared it, in terms of narrative originality, with 


*** Russell Galen, PKD's literary agent. 



complex, indomitable, clear & religious not astrologi¬ 
cal. What VALIS seems to do—& in fact do primarily!— 
is associate the Divine with the Aquarian symbols as 
completely as we are accustomed to seeing it linked to 
the fish sign, & in a certain real sense I transfer Christ 
over from the fish sign, without repudiating it, to the 
water pitcher sign (clay pot is pitcher held or filled 
with water). Thus my neo-iconography is exact, & this, 
to me, is indubitable verification; QED. Because this 
iconography in connection with Christ was not only 
totally unknown to me, it is also totally unknown to 
Christianity itself, & therefore points to Christ & xtian- 
ity outside Christianity (as does the 5th Savior notion!) 

There is a final comment by Kevin* ** about the bare¬ 
foot woman in the long old-fashioned dress dipping 
water from the stream into the pitcher/pot: she is 
back in Roman times; thus the Aquarian iconography 
carries back to apostolic times, a point that B. Creme 
made on the interview program. It is in the Gospel. 

But obliquely. (1982) 

* Character in VALIS (1981). See chapter nine of that novel for the 
"comment" referenced above. 

** Benjamin Creme—a New Age figure who influenced PKD's thinking in 
the last months of his life. PKD heard Creme being interviewed on the 

Chapter Five 

Plot outline and Explorations 


Novel plot, the twin-brains/minds: the U.S. fear is that 
the Soviets are using their research into psychic esp 
powers for long-distance mind control etc. Like elec¬ 
tronic boost of telepathic suggestion via satellite; 
maybe even specific persons in U.S. affected (or so the 
U.S. counterin. thinks). Specific individuals reached 
in their dreams without knowing it, their views and 
even decisions influenced. This is the theory, anyhow; 
happens to the protag: the Essene reborn inside him; 
the Parousia is here! That is what’s happening! Yep; a 
superpowerful mind-force was indeed influencing 
people, causing them to do things they otherwise 
wouldn’t, and yes they are secretive about it, reluctant 
to talk... as he himself becomes (since no one would 
believe him—and he’s to help overthrown the tyr- 



anny, which adds this to the VALIS-Abendsen* plot, of 
the tyranny overthrow!!!) 

This superimposes the two plots: VALISYSTEM A 


From inside he learns the Albemuth whale’s 
mouth sign and how to fashion the ideograph. 

j~ o M trL H ft V { 

f=f L B tr /V ^ ry-y 

Drawing by PKD (c. 1974) of what he termed the "Albemuth whale's 
mouth sign." PKD saw a relationship between this ideograph and the 
Golden Fish necklace, as well as with the homoplasmate which he 
believed may have bonded with him. PKD further saw a linkage 
between this sign—when drawn repeatedly, to form a connective 
chain—and the DNA double helix; DNA and the homoplasmate were, 
in his view, analogous forms of living information. 

A mysterious organization imperils him; he’s 
taken over and subjected to psychological testing to 
acquire from him the contents of his mind. The psych 

* Hawthorne Abendsen is the author-character who wrote THE 
GRASSHOPPER LIES HEAVY, the novel-within-a-novel in THE MAN IN THE 
HIGH CASTLE (1962). PKD had attempted a sequel to HIGH CASTLE in 
1964, and remained fascinated with the possibilities of Abendsen as a 
character into the mid-1970s, as this reference indicates. 



tester of it draws the whale’s mouth sign under 
duress, in a “trance,” later finds it and doesn’t remem¬ 
ber having made it. Protag cannot figure if these are 
his powers, or Theirs. But they work in his behalf. 

He keeps seeing the sign .. .like emblem for beer 
company, used in their ads on billboards; he sees little 
kids gazing at it, or like emblem for kentucky fried 
chicken places, where kids always go. 

Nobody else can discern it but him (and there 
must be others like him; this is main plot element; his 
conviction, his search). They call it “an eye, with a 
pupil.” (The fried chicken designer swears this.) A sci¬ 
entist, when asked to analyze it as a symbol, decides 
it’s the Earth within its magnetic or electrostatic 
plasma, which is blue. No one but God’s Own know it 
as it is built up, in layers. 

Men become what they are not, are transformed; 
but this doesn’t mean into their opposite. What they 
become can’t be predicted (I guess the best bits from 
each, the ideal pieces, are all retained and used to 
form the new pattern, plus pieces never used but 
needed, even if contrary to the person’s ego and val¬ 
ues as they were.) Like, his friend could be one who 
has changed who was/is a Nazi; the best parts of that: 
the remnants in that person to be preserved (micro 
paradigm of mankind). 

One of the most long-lasting and major plot ideas 
comes when the head of the mysterious organization 
commissions the building of an observatory like place 
to screen incoming signals from VALIS; work on The 
Project begins. It orbits the earth and will be visible to 
the world, once the parts are joined .. .when they are 
joined, they form the Albemuth sign, although it was 
impossible to discern this beforehand (he tried to be 
sure of that: “the sum is greater than the whole of its 
parts,” etc.). 


But the signals are interchanged throughout and 
among everything, even on the “mundane” plane. 

The Trash of the gutter “conspire” to signal people 
information. I think reserved for last should be the 
scene with the little things of the gutter talk [sic; mgr] 
to him (to the former or still Antagonist). 

Amazing, how like TEARS this is ... the Antagonist 
must not be desk man, but still, isn’t he a cop? 

Maybe a fanatic of some kind? Maybe never an Inte¬ 
rior VP by him, like Buckinan was. Always outer, 
except final scene, when he walks in alley and trash 
talks to him. 

Antag is afraid it’ll form a pattern when through, 
and has as much randomized by computer as possi¬ 
ble. Tries to see it himself as world progresses, but 
can’t. Final bit which “makes” Gestalt is dealt in plot 
outline: why the particular designer of that part 
came to design it that way... we follow him as sepa¬ 
rate plot moving to join other plots, as his part does. 
He can see that when his part is towed into place it’ll 
make a—that—pattern, but he is motivated: for odd 
motivations, which we show in detail: the series of 
motivational events leading up to him consciously 
deciding to alter away from the design, without in 
any fashion having any large motive, anything equal 
to or commensurate with the result. For instance: 
suppose this minor character is convinced that the 
Antag is deliberately going to produce the WM 
[whale’s mouth] sign, or that “they” will cause it to 
happen because they control Antag without Antag 
knowing it; Antag is in their power. Maybe he even 
has dreams inspiring him to create his segment this 
way, which he interprets will outwit them; otherwise 
it will. He is convinced that Antag is deluded—which 
Antag is; Antag worries that some deluded section 
chief will cause change without mentioning it— 



which minor ch. does. So pattern does emerge: “two 
wrongs make a right.” Deluded An tag and deluded 
section chief at cross purposes, both attempting to 
foil pattern, produce pattern. 

Better: the shape comes out okay, not the sign, but 
like the word which the sign stands for (Albemuth) 
appears all over the Project (e.g.: the name Al, for 
instance. The initial B. The German word for courage. 
Albert or Alfred Muth has his name on all the 
papertowel dispensers in the washrooms. The world— 
Logos —appears assembled everywhere as it’s supposed 
to be: albemuth. Made up as an anacryon,* by some¬ 
one to express the idea of Courage to the project, his 
own name, Al, be courageous! Or A number one, be 
courageous, etc. 

Best of all if “Al” is one one item in every wash¬ 
room, like towel dispenser, and the rest elsewhere. 
And then in every washroom the whole name is 
assembled from its two parts. “Have or be coura¬ 
geous” could be one part, and then “Al” is A-one,” a 
stamp indicating # of unit bolted to it. Or poor schizy 
guy thinks of Behemuth etc. Takes “Beware Leviathan 
and Behemuth come” and so forth from tract, feeds it 
into computer; other schizy guy, but this one not 
Jesus freak but double domed German sees “be coura¬ 
geous” in it as it’s shredded or decyphered, thinks, 

“Be courageous,” and as it’s shredded—the Bible 
thing—he punches out the bemuth. To remind him¬ 
self???? Maybe this sort of method: 

Three parts of which “b” is middle. We work it back¬ 
ward, the way mystery stories are written. “B” from 
start is their code to destroy, the Adversary organiza¬ 
tion. “Muth” is German for courage and is name of 


This stands as PKD typed it. 


mfgr of dispenser. The “Al” is marked on each automati¬ 
cally when it’s been installed and read for use. When 
master machine-computer sees the world “coming 
along through ortho time” it signals each entity (towel 
dispenser) destroyed, using B symbol, but symbol must 
be placed on each entity to mark it, where it remains. 

The computer can’t mark the dispensers for 
destruction without using the “B” mark. Which will 
complete the Logos. It knows it. Double-bind. 

No, it would be the “A-One Towel Service.” 

Computer decides not to use “B” stamp; refrains. 
Then scene of guy who enters washroom. Stands at 
urinal, and we catch his line of sight; you gotta be 
there at that spot, at each urinal. First the “A-one” 
then into a slogan-sign posted (one in each washroom) 


He catches the ending “be,” then finishes pissing, 
goes to washbasin; already he has seen the “muth” 
part. In the BG [ background ] the ubiquitous Muzak is 
playing “I’ll see you in Deluth,” and to himself he is 
murmuring. “Deluth ... albemuth” without knowing 
why. Dries hands. Fade out. Except that the whole 
orbiting space-station is pointless anyhow because 
although the info is coming from Albemuth 
(Fomalhaut) it’s everywhere; hence always already 
here on Earth, so the Project is pointless. Given the 
pointless duplication of the human Adversary and the 
computer who check and recheck and monitor each 

This Group Mind from the stars is their own 
noosphere, in Earth’s ionosphere; the enemy (to the 



Adversary) is themselves; they’d have to burn off the 
ionosphere and stop all radio traffic to abate it. 

One of the levels of cover to the drawn symbol 
(the flux plasma around the Earth) is the or a real 

Duplication of the word; keep the Jesus freak hand¬ 
ing out tracts about Leviathan and Behemuth; also in 
addition keep the German with his “Be Courageous.” 
Computer sees the words in tract shaping up to join 
the “Be courageous,” heads that off; not so the towel 
biz; it misses that. “Be courageous” gets fed into com¬ 
puter itself because it is thought—i.e., telepath-oper- 
ated; it notes, rejects; sees how tract will link up with 
German “muth.” No, “German Muth” twice; on towel 
dispenser and in German’s head. How about if guy in 
washroom gazes briefly into mirror at his teeth to see 
if they’re okay, his whole face. No, just strike these: 
the name “Muth” on towel dis. and the guy looking in 
mirror.. .he sees A1 which is A-one, adds the BE from 
the slogan and hears the “Deluth,” forms Albemuth in 
his own head from 2 visual and 1 audio sources. And 
this: “As he scrutinized his features in the mirror over 
the wash basin, his hair, then his mouth.” So A-one / 

BE / “Deluth” / mouth. 3 visual, 1 aural. (Sees “five 
o’clock shadow by mouth (word in text)”[).] 

(The plot use of “b” as destruct code: they must 
eliminate their destruct code finally; also for their Ger¬ 
man workmen the word “Courage.” Sees it shaping 
up as German word in say slogan, and then the 
destruct symbol with it; must destruct destruct sym¬ 
bol before it becomes bmuth. or b-muth. Can’t order 
Slogan term al458 “Courage” struck from list; falsely 
sees this coming up, when any slogan with “Courage” 
is translated into German. 

Nutty Soviet theory: a vast explosion in future, 
and we are traveling backward in time for limited 


period. An explosion so that what we see now as move¬ 
ment toward form is reverse of explosion, or implo¬ 
sion; but we see the universe as expanding... why? 
Because our perceptions are backward, too. Or maybe 
space isn’t going backward, but must expand to coun¬ 
terbalance time which is running backward, etc. Any¬ 
how, he announces, (Dr. H.K.) soon we will reach 
moment of explosion; he’s calculated that, by running 
film backward. Soon all the pieces should be in place. 
Living in this reverse period, we’ve learned to adjust 
subtemporal events to fit. It’s total sweep that’s back¬ 
ward, not “subtemporal” adjustments which we insti¬ 
gate due to misperception; he carefully discerns and 
divides these from the sweep; these adjustments are 
all errors due to our basic perceptual reversal. We 
have introduced erroneous views and acts stemming 
from them; however, none of these acts have any 
effect, we still run away from the explosion ahead in 
time (actually are now moving—aw fuck. A see-saw. 
Anyhow, there would be a two way time-motion simul¬ 

The explosion took place. Everything flew apart. 

We are in that flying apart (expanding universe) but 
see it backward, in that already part of the time flow 
has corrected itself and is carrying us in the correct 
direction; otherwise we would move away from the 
explosion forever. But we are moving, or anyhow 
there is the orthogonal flow within the flow going 
opposite to the direction we perceive; a mobius strip 
with time running both ways at once. This can easily 
be represented in terms of gravity, when a boomer¬ 
ang is thrown out... at this moment the time-flow is 
far greater in one of the two directions, but he has 

* "Dr. HK" is here the proposed name of the fictional protagonist. 



picked up the weaker other, and it is the correct one, 
the direction we were going in before the Accident. 
This one is the rectifying flow (the Holy Spirit: restor¬ 
ing!!!). This retroflow, Dr. HK says, must grow 
stronger, will grow stronger, until it balances the 
wrong way one (now stronger); overcomes and 
reverses our direction so we’re heading back toward 
the original explosion which took place in the Authen¬ 
tic Future (the Big Bang!!!). We must move back 
toward it, finally. Anyhow, Dr. HK detects with his 
instruments a growing current of retrotime; this is 
why it exists; this was the normal flow-direction until 
the Accident. If Dr. Kozyrev* is correct, and time is 
energy, then reverse time (which throws us “forward” 
away from the Big Bang) causes us to lose energy, 
which we call movement toward entropy; however, if 
we could gather—latch onto—the other time-flow, 
which also is energy, we (each of us) could regather 
the energy lost in the “forward” time flow toward 
entropy! We could get it back because it is gathering 
in precisely the sense that our regular time is losing 
heat or energy or charge. This gives us our parity, equi¬ 
librium equation for time which it now lacks and 
should have and shows why first it is absurd to say 
“the universe gains energy,” as Dr. Kozyrev says— 
where does it gain it from? It cannot gain or lose. 
Entropy is losing energy; energy and matter are the 
same; it’s losing matter. So: we have an eternal total 
double-entry same total of both time—flow energies at 
any segment of the universe so extended. 

Look how we run down, wear out, age ... think 
what charge, what rebirth, resurrection, new life, the 
retrograde time-flow would give us! All that we’d lost, 


A Soviet physicist of whose work PKD had read in 1974. 


too: and a keen vision of the past-as-alive, the past not 
qua past, but past qua future!!!!!!! Heading for it as 
surely as we normally head toward say the year 2100 
A.D. The future in retro would be 100 A.D. just as 
surely, but gaining energy and life, through retro time 
as one moved! 

The universe does not go through serial cycles, but 
moves backward through its own life continually. We 
are at a point where the thrust backward is vast in 
comparison to true time, that is, time toward comple¬ 
tion of true form before the accident (the universe is 
in a stall, a doublebind![).] This may be an anomaly; 
once it reaches either end point, this may be over¬ 
come. One can see that; it doesn’t repeat itself. We are 
now in the process of being thrust back incorrectly, 
away from form-completion; nonetheless, already the 
other direction time is somewhat strong and its rate 
of ratio growth is great. Once the direction is reversed 
and we’re again going in the correct way, then we 
may take a different destiny line (alternate track) and 
not come to the original explosion; avoid it. 

And maybe this isn’t even the whole universe; 
maybe we’re part of a subsystem moving in this 
wrong direction. We do know when the Accident took 
place: about 6 billion years ago. But we could change 
directions before that; we don’t go back to that; we’re 
not moving away from it, and what you and I should 
look for is not goingback 6 billion years and rectify¬ 
ing that mistake, but wrong-way thrown-back time 
“slowing” and regular time regaining dominance; we 
should watch for our cosmos moving the proper direc¬ 
tion in time, which would be a reverse from what we 
are used to-IN THE DIRECTION OF OUR PAST. It is 
not reaching this explosion 6 billion years ago that is 
important for us, but slowing our movement away 



from it and reversing and moving backward into our 
own past. 

Asked when this reversal to proper time direction 
might be anticipated. Dr. HK said, “By our wrong way 
time, fairly soon.” 

“Then we must relive our recent past?” 

“Yes, we will move backward into it, but perhaps 
at quite a different rate; we might move more rapidly 
than we advanced, I mean, retreated through it.” 

“People would stop dying?” 

“Oh yes—the entropic process, cooling, aging, wear¬ 
ing out, degeneration—all that would cease. Once we 
picked up time momentum the other way—we might 
overcome the Accidental-thrust time. Think of a per¬ 
son blown literally from his garage when his hot 
water heater explodes. In an instant he is in the next 
field. His rate of return to the scene is much slower. In 
our universe, the force of Accidental thrust time is 
weakening; we have no way to ascertain what the 
‘correct’ rate would be goingthe other way, before 
this Accident took place. We are presently living 
within two opposite thrusts, working against each 
other, like two tides. Think, though, how slowly time 
moves for a child, esp. a baby. Time is weak now but 
we might abruptly lock; this accidental wrong may 
might suddenly stabilize.” 

“Like the Bible says? Time will suddenly cease?” 

“Wrong-direction time—” 

“Sounds like the same thing.” 

“It is possible,” Dr. HK said, “that under regular 
process-conditions there is no time as we know it, lin¬ 
eal time, either way. We may find ourselves back in 
what we call our past without any interval; there may 
be no reverse lineal time, because lineal time is solely 
a result of the Accident, and once overcome—” 


“Not backward lineal time, in its place, but time¬ 

“I think we will see the damages overcome, when it 
is stabilized. Either we will lock into timelessness, then 
begin lineal reversal, which I conceive as natural—” 

“Or we may find ourselves jumped back 2000 

“Yes.” He nodded. 

PLOT: It turns out the message which Albemuth is 
signalling Earth, the secret, is that our planet, solar sys¬ 
tem, us—we’re moving backward in time and it’s 
about to stabilize and change, and the jolt to us will be 
terrific. Our leaders know this but deny it. Time is 
about to end (lineal time) as a factor of life; it won’t 
reverse, as in COUNTER-CLOCK WORLD, but our present 
will dissolve as all the accretions of at least 3500 years 
will vanish, as if dreamlike. They never took place. Sta¬ 
bility, and proper everything, will lock in at 1500 to 
2500 BC (is it possible that an explosion, the Cretan 
civilization, took place then?[)] All events since then 
are progressively less real, as time runs out of charge 
... Jesus was the first messenger from Albemuth come 
here to tell us that one day time would abruptly cease, 
to prepare us. Now Earth is full of messengers; they’ve 
made many of us so, due to our radio traffic which 
are [sic] energy; the noosphere, etc. And now is when 
it’s about to lock, but to them at Albemuth, they’re out¬ 
side this kind of lineal time; it just is for them each 
year realer and realer (what we call Being). But they 
can penetrate at the point (sic) the place where our 
noosphere exists, which is circa 1960-1990. Our micro- 
wave et al. equipment receive and boost their t-p [tele¬ 
pathic] signals, radio signals. Their help was there but 
is now artificially boosted for this generation. 

“What Dead Men Say.” Infringement—FCC regs. 



The Albemuth message, though, corrects Dr. HK’s 
theory; there was no explosion, just that Being time 
slipped into lineal time for this solar system or planet 
... hence myth of Garden of Eden days of every race 
on earth—it ended, we were cast out. The lineal time, 
which is the only time we recognize, is a slipped onto¬ 
logical coordinate of existence; each year should rein¬ 
force and totally renew, even add layers to each of us 
like patina; we should age in that sense, grow until 
each of us, qua entelechy, is perfected. “But what 
about dinosaur bones and all fossils?” we ask. Answer: 
Every art work breaks, even though it is complete. A 
bone China cup doesn’t age, but an accident can occur 
to it. This is what happened to all life; eventually, like 
all artifacts, each form breaks, but the entelechy 
escapes the brittle crystallized form and reappears in 
plastic rebirth. There is also change—this isn’t an 
unmoving, static world. But the processes we know as 
aging—the entropy of our world, and what we see of 
the cosmos; (contrast cosmos with universe). Every¬ 
thing lost should at the end of each turn be as 
renewed as at the end of the 24-hour cycle of an elec¬ 
tric clock. Something is wrong in our world; we lose. 
An equilibrium is gone: and we sense it as defeat fail¬ 
ure illness age and finally death. Something is out of 
balance; the two time-forces aren’t equal. 

“What would we notice as this true (retro) time 
jumps in ratio? A slowing of our normal lineal time? 
No, the infusing into our aging world of a bright 
energy, pouring everywhere, sparkling, vivifying the 
living things and the unliving. We would see a living 
energy, a sort of shining sap which pours all over, 
sparkles; and it changes whatever it fluxes itself into 
like a plasma of n-ions. This is time, true time, plus 
energy time. It would roll back the accretions which 
are false, that is, it would roll back the least-Being 


accretions ... it would add vitality to the Real, and 
cause the false totally to disappear, as if never there. 
This is time beginning to reverse itself: a direction. 
Experienced as energy to Being, as disappearance of 
the irreal/illusion. 

“These slowings and reversings would come in 
spurts. Not in a lineal fashion; that aspect is of wrong¬ 
way time. It would be like childbirth: in surges of 
energy outward onto the world. At Spring the cyclic 
life is at its peak; so reverse time would tend to peak 
with it. 

“And we’d have—for those who were influxed 
directly—the eerie feeling that the clock had been 
turned back... hundreds, maybe thousands of years, 
depending on how much of this energy—and it is 
energy—infused each of them. Each would vary from 
the others touched; moved backward—receiving more. 
It has a quantity (years back) and quality: what one 
sees qualitatively. 

The U.S. Intelligence psychiatric profile on Dr. HK 
shows that “he was taken over by Dionysus thus lift¬ 
ing him outside time & space,” etc., like Nietzsche, but 
regards the experience as real. 

Always, what Zagreus-Dionysus* fears is that they 
will pen him up, not that they will kill him, after all, he 
is immortal. He must (one) either display his true 
strength and escape, or (tw o) submit and die; either way 
he is free. He has chosen to submit, in order to conceal 
his existence; and also they are “civilizing” him, teach¬ 
ing him that he should do that. But he comes to those 
snared like a small animal: in a trap, and becomes 
them. Dionysus was member of a visiting expedition. 
Had qualities of naivety and curiosity, was lured in by 


See Zagreus in Glossary. 



humans to their “game,” was gulled and slain. Now he 
doesn’t know his name (Parsifal, Christ, Siegfried). 

They murdered him—in fact they lured him to obtain 
what he h ad with him (whatever). Our ancestors. So 
their expedition went on and left him behind, left him 
here among us. He wasn’t as sophisticated; couldn’t 
watch detached or disinterestedly as the rest in his 
party did. Maybe he was younger than they in the 
party: a youth, a child, bom on the star-flight... hence 
so naive. Human (adults) were more worldlywise than 
he. Now he can’t be trained by his own race, must be 
reborn here in us (they are free of the slaying power of 
runaway linear time; this is why he is immortal or eter¬ 
nal; it is how we ought to be and can be again). Their 
expedition entered our world from outside the linear 
runaway time dysfunction. Dion migrated forward in 
lineal time, becoming civilized, “growingup,” into 
Zagreus and Orpheus and especially Christos. After that 
he ceased, (that was the perfection of his entelechy, but 
we’ll say that no growth took place in Being time on 
this world after 100 A.D., as reason). He returns as 
Christos; this is why he talked about “sending the Sec¬ 
ond Helper,” but meant himself, secretly. He had been 
murdered so often—the prone corpse in fawn garment, 
murdered—that he had learned to conceal himself... 
and the best way was to forget (Lethe) who he was, so he 
couldn’t by accident blurt it out, as he had done as Jesus. 

Fear of imprisonment over all; if arrested, he’d 
rather bait the authorities (e.g. Pilate) into “killing” 
him, which would free him, rather than languish in 
small cage like trapped animal. He has affinity to 
small trapped animal because of what was done to 
him (in his natural form he is small: an infant, and 

* Possibly a short form of "Dionysus", or an invented name for the god 
as avatar. 


vulnerable). (So he is the God of the vulnerable and 
trusting, and especially the snared; those helpless in 
traps). The fawn, the lamb .. .those gulled by curiosity 
and childishness, wishing to play (with those older 
and more experienced). 

The God of innocence. Now he has forgotten his 
name, but his nature—and powers—remain. Occasion¬ 
ally anamnesis returns. 

He is in many of us (in protag of this novel). But 
mainly he is the cyclothemic person—oscillating 
between moods of tenderness and fury. Intoxication 
and sorrow. 

Dion was premey (v.). He isn’t Jesus; he is Elijah 
and John the Baptist; meets Jesus the Christos who is a 
later incarnation, a more mature one... Dionysus is too 
wild (protag’s research had led him to think they’re all 
one, culminating in Jesus; there are at least two of them, 
and it is Dion who takes him personally over). 

(c. 1974-75) 

Fat later developed a theory that the universe is 
made out of information. He started keeping a jour¬ 
nal—had been, in fact, secretly doing so for some time. 
His encounter with God was all there on the pages in 
his—Fat’s—not God’s—handwriting. 

The term “journal” is mine, not Fat’s. His term 
was “exegesis,” a theological term meaning a piece of 
writing that explains or interprets a portion of scrip¬ 
ture. Fat believed that the information fired at him 
from time to time was holy in origin & hence a form 
of scripture. 

* Possibly short for premature—as in a premature or penultimate avatar 
(as the paragraph argues). 

** Horselover Tat, the alter ego of fictional character Phil Dick in VAI.IS 
(1981), for which this is a draft. 



One of his paragraphs impressed me enough to 
copy it out & include it here. 

“Summary, (etc—v. tractate)”* 

Fat developed a lot of unusual theories to account 
for his contact with God, & the information derived 
therefrom. One in particular struck me as thought-pro¬ 
voking. It amounted to a kind of mental capitulation 
by Fat to what he was undergoing; this theory held 
that in actuality he wasn’t experiencing anything at 
all. Sites of his brain were being selectively stimulated 
by tight energy-beams emanating from far off, per¬ 
haps millions of miles away. These selective brain site 
stimulations generated in his head the impression —for 
him—that he was seeing & hearing words, pictures, fig¬ 
ures of people, in short God, or as Fat liked to call it, 
the Logos. But, really, he only imagined he experi¬ 
enced these things. They resembled holograms. What 
struck me was the oddity of a lunatic discounting his 
hallucinations in this sophisticated manner; Fat had 
intellectually dealt himself out of the game of mad¬ 
ness while still enjoying its sights & sounds. In effect, 
he no longer claimed that what he experienced was 
really there. Did this indicate he had begun to sober 
up? Hardly. Now he held the view that “they” or God 
or someone owned a long-range very tight informa¬ 
tion-rich beam of energy focussed on Fat’s head. In 
this I saw no improvement, but it did represent a 
change. Fat could now honestly discount his hallucina¬ 
tions, which meant he recognized them as such. But, 
like Gloria, he now had a “they.” It seemed to me a 

* This line represents a note by PKD to himself to find (in the EXEGESIS) 
or fashion a suitably meaningful quote as regarded Fat's beliefs. The 
reference to "v." [v/'de] "tractate" is, apparently, to the "Tractates Cryptica 
Scriptura" that forms an "Appendix" to VALIS and contains fifty-two 
numbered entries summarizing key theories and insights discussed at 
greater length in the EXEGESIS. 


pyrrhic victory. Fat’s life struck me as a litany of 
exactly that, as for example the way he had rescued 

The exegesis Fat labored on month after month 
struck me as a pyrrhic victory if there ever was one— 
in this case an attempt by a beleaguered mind to 
make sense out of the inscrutable. Perhaps this is the 
key to mental illness: incomprehensible events occur— 
your life becomes a bin for hoax-like fluctuations of 
what used to be reality, & not only that—as if that 
weren’t bad enough—you, like Fat, ponder forever 
over these fluctuations in an effort to order them into 
a coherency. When in fact the only sense they make is 
the sense you impose on them, out of the necessity to 
restore everything into shapes & processes you can rec¬ 
ognize. The first thing to depart in mental illness is 
the familiar. 

& what takes its place is bad news because not 
only can you not understand it, you also cannot com¬ 
municate it to other people. The madman experiences 
something. But what it is or where it comes from he 
does not know. 

In the midst of his shattered landscape Fat 
imagined God had cured him. Once you notice pyr¬ 
rhic victories they seem to abound.* 

Either he had seen God too soon, or he had seen 
him too late. In any case it had done him no good at 
all in terms of survival. Encountering the living God 
had not helped to equip him for the tasks of ordi¬ 
nary endurance, which ordinary men, not so 
favored, handle.** 

Men & the world are mutually toxic to each other. 

* The preceding paragraphs appear, in slightly different form, in chapter 
two of VALIS (1981). 

** This paragraph appears in chapter four of VALIS. 



But God—the true God—has penetrated both, pene¬ 
trated man & penetrated the world, & sobers the land¬ 
scape. But that God, the God from outside, encounters 
fierce opposition. Frauds—the deceptions of madness— 
abound, & mask themselves as their mirror opposites: 
pose as sanity, the masks, however, wear thin, & the 
madness reveals itself. It is an ugly thing. 

The remedy is here but so is the malady. As Fat 
repeats obsessively, “the Empire never ended.” In a star¬ 
tling response to the crisis, the true God mimics the 
universe, the very region he has invaded; he takes on 
the likeness of sticks & trees & cans in gutters—he pre¬ 
sumes to be trash discarded, debris no longer noticed. 
Lurking, the true God literally ambushes reality & us 
as well. God, in very truth, attacks & injures us, in his 
role as antidote. As Fat can testify to, it is a scary expe¬ 
rience to encounter this. Hence we say, the true God is 
in the habit of concealing himself. 25 hundred years 
have passed since Heraclitus wrote, “Latent form is 
the master of obvious form.” 

< --- 

Albemuth Crete Rome Calif x y 

1 ill 11 

At Y, the entity inc. me, evolves into its ultimate 
state (self), the info-firing, quasi-material, quasi-energy 
plasmatic nonhumanoid life form I call Zebra—from 
perhaps thousands or millions of years in the future. 
By then (“Y”) it is virtually pure knowing, pure infor¬ 
mation (& firing it back at/to me). It has died for the 
last time & now invades from “the other side” (upper 
realm) as well as from the future. 

This fits in with the “paranormal crisis discloses 
paranormal powers” & the hiding of those powers 
overruled by the life-threatening situation; this clearly 


states that I possess the powers. “I know, too”—i.e., am 
one of them. 

I arranged for my own 2-74 disinhibition. 

It’s not Jim come back from the other side but me; 
& once I was an Essene. But it is indeed from the 
other side, no longer humanoid, & it’s in me now: I 
am right now it. “We shall see him as he really is & we 
shall be like him”—not him like us. This is a little dif¬ 
ferent from saying “It’s ourselves in the future”; this 
says Zebra is specifically me. 

Fat’s obsessive idea these days, as he worries 
more & more about Sherri, was that the Savior would 
soon be reborn—or had been already. Somewhere in 
the world, he walked or would soon walk the earth. 
Once more.* ** *** **** ’ (1978) 

Bishop Timothy Archer.” 

Mary Ann Domingo. Mother of 

Vince Domingo. 

Lora Domingo. Vince’s wife. S.W.P. [Socialist Work¬ 
ers Party]. 

Vince is chairman of the Save the Marin County 
Three Committee (3 alleged (Black) terrorists^.] Time: 
1970: Place: San Rafael. 

Mary Ann works for the Dept, of Labor as an edi¬ 
tor of government pamphlets. 

Vince wants Bishop Archer to speak at 3-C rally in 
behalf of civil rights & anti-war. Great hostility 

* Bishop James A. Pike. 

** This paragraph appears in slightl;y different form in VALIS. 

*** This character is based on Bishop James A. Pike. 

****This was a job actually held by PKD's mother, Dorothy Hudner, in 
the mid-1930s. 



between his S.W.P. wife Lora & his mother, but his 
mother agrees to write the letter to Bishop Archer. 
Mary Ann is actually working for U.S, G-2.* ** *** She 
becomes Bishop Archer’s mistress to compromise him 
(because of his anti-war & pro civil rights stand). 
Bishop Archer is killed in an auto crash in either San 
Francisco or in the Golden Gate Bridge or Marin 
County; she was driving. Later she commits suicide. 

The Zadokite Scrolls. 

There is a dig in the Dead Sea area by Catholic 
archaeologists. They’ve unearthed scrolls predating 
xtianity of a strictly Jewish sect. Not considered an 
important find but Bishop Archer has talked to the 
translator & confides in Vince—who is an atheist—that 
the scrolls convince Archer that there was no historic 
Jesus. Archer intends to step down as bishop. He is 
being tried on charges of heresy, for denying the trin¬ 
ity. Then before he can make his public statement 
regarding Jesus & the Zadokite document he dies in 
the auto crash. Few people (1) know what is in the 
Zadokite document & (2) that Archer was going to step 
down & what he was going to say—he was going to 
convert to Judaism. 

Sid Herz, orthodox Jewish friend of Vince, based 
on Avram D avidson. Bishop Archer meets him 
through Vince. 

Part one of the novel: 1970, the anti-war move¬ 
ment. (1970). Bishop Archer. 

Part two: After the Vietnam War. Bishop Archer & 
Mary Ann are dead. 1981, i.e., the present. Vince is no 
longer politically active (for some reason) finds evi- 

* A branch of U.S. Army intelligence. 

** These are a fictional creation by PKD. 

*** Science-fiction writer and friend of PKD. 


dence that his mother murdered Bishop Archer. He 
has nervous breakdown as a result. 

Micky Hilliard—his therapist. 

Summary: He imagines that he is his dead friend 
Bishop Archer, who has returned to him from “the 
other side” (of the grave). Vince “must tell the world 
that he—Bishop Archer—was murdered by the U.S. gov¬ 
ernment acting through Mary Ann, the Bishop’s secret 
mistress.” To verify that he is indeed Bishop Archer, 
Vince knows (or believes he knows) the contents of the 
Zadokite Document. Only the Catholic Church, which 
possesses the still-untranslated document, is in a posi¬ 
tion to confirm this. 

Father Shirm, who translated the scrolls. Friend of 
Bishop Archer. Will he confirm what Vince says? This 
will implicate not only Mary Ann (who is dead) but 
U.S. G-2 as well, & they are not dead. 

Vince, who may be psychotic, believes that U.S. 
G-2 assassins now plan to kill him (or “kill him 
again,” as it were). Only Lora believes him—at least 
the political part. 

But the real issue (actually) is the Zadokite docu¬ 
ment & its implications. Vince wants his friend Sid 
Herz to publish it (or what he claims is it) in a little 
Zionist rag that Herz puts out. All Vince really cares 
about is gettingthe Zadokite material published. 

Herz’s office is destroyed by “KKK/Nazis” in the 
L.A. area. Vince suspects the U.S. government. 

For this novel to work, it must be the case that 
what Vince wants Sid to publish is exactly what 
Bishop Archer planned to publish—but was killed in 
the auto crash before he could publish it. Bishop 
Archer had access to the media (of course), but Vince 
does not; viz: Archer was a widely-known figure; 

Vince is a lunatic & not known to anyone. Vince has 
no connections whatever. 



Only the Catholic Church can confirm what Vince 
alleges is the articles of the Zadokite Document, 
known to Bishop Archer. 

Resolution: The Church decides that the value of 
saving an innocent man (Vince) from the condemna¬ 
tion that he is insane & probable murder by U.S. G-2, 
as Bishop Archer was (murdered) is more important 
than protecting Jesus’ image; & Father Shirm is 
instructed by the Vatican to release the text of the 
Zadokite Scrolls. 

Ending: Father Shirm says to Vince, “I believe you 
are Timothy Archer. It is a miracle.” U.S. G-2 gives up. 
Vince is released from the mental institution due to 
Micky Hilliard. 

Herz publishes (the Zadokite document); the Cath¬ 
olic Church confirms it is authentic. They (the Catho¬ 
lic Church) are the only ones in a position to confirm, 
since it is they who possess the scrolls. This is the 
essence of xtianity: truth & the life & vindication of 
one man—even a man who is a heretic—is more 
important than saving the whole edifice (of the 
Church); thus the Church proves its right to hold the 
keys to the Kingdom, &, by extension, validates Jesus 
& the teachings of Christ himself as the basis of the 
Church, since he & his teachings are its basis. There is 
now no point in U.S. G-2 killing or discrediting Vince, 
(n.: it is hopeless to try to discredit him in the face of 
an officially authenticated miracle[)]. The Church is 
pitted against the secular authorities, & the Church 
wins; & Vince is saved. & the truth—the Zadokite docu¬ 
ment—is published, Bishop Archer got what he 
returned for—i.e., wanted. Vince’s fear & paranoia 
become trust, & he splits with Lora who, as a SWP-er, 
is still hostile & suspicious & an atheist. ( 1981) 


Bishop Tim Archer. 

I’m going to assign to him as his major view my 
Commedia* 3-coaxial realms view (as expressed in my 
Metz speech & which were going to be the basis for 
the 3rd novel in the Valis trilogy). He has been study¬ 
ing the Commedia & Sufi teachings, also Quantum 
mechanics (which he does not understand but none¬ 
theless prattles on about). He is convinced that 
Dante’s 3 realms {Inferno, Purgatorio & Paradiso) are 
available in this life; & here he gets into Heidegger &: 
Dasein (this makes historical sense, since Heidegger 
very much influenced Tillich, etc., contemporary Prot¬ 
estant theory). 

Now, how does this relate to his later involvement 
with the Zadokite Document & the Anohhi mush¬ 
room?** The Zadokite sect knew how to get in to the 
Paradiso realm (alternate reality) in which Christ is here. 
(This clearly relates to Allegro’s “hallucination” the¬ 
ory;*** likewise Hoffman’s ROAD TO ELEUSIS.)**** It is 
quite simply the restored reality, & is potentially 
always available. What I want to stress is that none of 
these ideas is original with Bishop Archer. So I must 
invent a writer-scholar-philosopher-theoretician who 
advances this theory about the Commedia in his 
book(s), his published writing—something con¬ 
nected with California outre theorizing. 

In other words from the beginning Bishop Archer 

* The reference here is to the cosmological structure of the DIVINE 
COMEDY of Dante. 

** To PKD, the Hebrew word anokhi represented pure consciousness of 
the divine. The fictional anokhi mushroom would—perhaps—provide such 
consciousness to one who ingested it. 


****See R. Gordon Wasson, Carl A. P. Ruck, Albert Hoffman, THE ROAD 
Hoffman is the Swiss chemist who in 1943 discovered LSD. 



is searching for Christ. The “Dante” formulation ini¬ 
tially provides him with a theoretical framework as to 
how it can be done (or he thinks this is how it can be 
done. Now, he drops all this—& the California writer 
who is based on Alan Watts, in favor of the Zadokite 
scrolls & the anokhi mushroom; this is typical of him. I 
would have built on the first, constructed a synthesis, 
but this is not how Jim worked; he rushed from one 
thing to the next looking; this California writer is a 
Sufi. Edgar Barefoot is his name. This is set in the Bay 
Area. Bishop Archer meets Barefoot; they become col¬ 
leagues: an Episcopal Bishop & a Sufi guru living on a 
house boat at Pier 5 in Sausalito. The name of all this 
is making God (or, as with Archer, Christ) 
immediately available to you as a living experience. 

There is a certain quality of Jack Isidore in Bishop 
Archer: The capacity to believe anything, any pseudo¬ 
science as theosophy. The “fool in Christ,” naive & 
gullible &—rushing from one fad to another, typical of 

The Zadokite Document (scrolls) convinces Bishop 
Archer—who had devoted his life to “reaching across 
to the living Christ” (which makes sense given the fact 
that he is after all a Bishop—that Christ was “irrele¬ 
vant” there is something more important. The exposi¬ 
tor of the 200 BCE Zadokite Sect. 

Archer’s involvement with Barefoot is “Ecumeni¬ 
cal,” but with the Zadokite & Anokhi mushroom stuff 
he has ecumenically called himself out of xtianity 
entirely. Barefoot is crushed, heartbroken—an exam¬ 
ple of the casualties Archer leaves along the road 
behind him in his speed-rush Faustian quest, always 
exceeding itself, surpassing itself (it is really Dionysus 

* The "fool" protagonist in the PKD novel CONFESSIONS OF A CRAP 
ARTIST (1975). 


that has hold of him). Barefoot, Calif guru that he is, 
acts as a rational stable counterpoint to Archer’s 
frenzy. Barefoot is authentically what he seems to be, 
claims to be: a spiritual person & teacher; he is not a 
fraud. He is always being demolished in discussions 
by other more formal thinkers, e.g. those at UC Berke¬ 
ley, e.g. on KPFA. But—like Watts—he has his follow¬ 
ers. He is really quite systematic & rigorous in his 
thinking. He does not foresee Archer suddenly aban¬ 
doning him & flying off to Europe vis-a-vis the Zadok- 
ite scrolls—he, the Sufi, the non-xtian, is horrified 
when Archer turns his back on Christ. Archer declares 
that now he has found the true religion (at last). This 
very concept (“the true religion”) is foreign to Bare¬ 
foot in fact that is one of his fundamental views: that 
all religions are equally valuable. 

Ah. Archer has expropriated Barefoot’s views & 
peddled them as his own. Barefoot does not mind; he 
just wants the views per se to be promulgated. 

What has happened is, Archer has grown weary of 
Barefoot’s “Dante’s 3 Realms right here” view, 
because there is no clear (i.e. easy) way to get to the 
top realm; Archer has become impatient & restless, &, 
before he learns of the Zadokite find, is discontented, 
is casting about for a new involvement. Barefoot was 
dumped before Archer latched on to the Zadokite 
stuff—it just didn’t show. 

So when we meet Bishop Archer he is already 
involved in a fusion of Heidegger & Sufism—this 
means that the book will deal with California gro¬ 
tesques, which is okay. This is how we encounter him, 
like the grown ups in “The Cherry Orchard.”* 

Barefoot claims actually to have experienced the 3 


Drama by Anton Chekhov. 



Realms. I will assign to him my “evasion equals time; 
Dasein equals space” view. Archer can’t get the hang of 
it & wearies of trying; it takes too long. He wants instant 
solutions. The Anokhi mushroom will do. 

This is how the young female protagonist meets 
Jeff Archer: in one of Barefoot’s seminars on his 
Sausalito houseboat. Maybe I won’t use flashbacks. 
(Remember: Jeff is based on me.) (1) (No—he has 
[name deleted ] sense of humor: he is like one of the 
dopers in “Scanner”—funny & wonderful—like [name 
deleted]— Ernie Luckman.) Jeff is there to try to figure 
out what his father the Bishop is talking about. Has 
Bishop Archer met his mistress yet? 

Her name: Angel Gale. Based on [name deleted]. 

She lives in Berkeley. I’ve never set a novel in Berke¬ 
ley. Could she work in a record store & be into music? 
Based, too, on [name deleted]. Calm, rational. 

The mistress: Kirsten Lundborg, efficient but sar¬ 
castic & bitter. 

Jeff has the sort of brilliant hebephrenic humor of 
[name deleted] and [name deleted], up until the 
moment he kills himself. In contrast, Bill Lundborg is 
melancholy & emotional, filled with Sturm und Drang. 

Like Angel, Jeff is into music, so they have a lot in 
common. He has an apartment on Protrero Hill. Has a 
male roommate who is a fag poet, [...] Sid Fitzpatrick. 

Gay bar in S.F.: the Bloody Mary. 

Dike friend of his based on [name deleted ]: Connie 
Goldstein. She develops a crush on Angel. 

Angel supposes that Jeff’s problem (he has a prob¬ 
lem he won’t talk about) is that he is gay or fears he is 
gay; but in fact she is dead wrong; he is in love with 
Kirsten, his father’s mistress. 


See note on page 108. 


The basic story: Zagreus has seized control of 
Bishop Archer & drives him to his ruin. Whereupon 
Zagreus leaves the Bishop & enters Bill Lundborg. But 
in exchange for madness & death—the dues that 
Zagreus exacts—he confers a vision of Perfect Beauty 
(Pythagorean Kosrrios). 

So I have the Bay Area gay community, the Bay 
Area “Alan Watts KPFA” community, poetry & reli¬ 
gion (non-xtian) & music & some dope. But this is not 
the doper subculture! They are all intellectuals except 
for Connie. 

How about a Trot [ Trotskyite ] too, to bring in radi¬ 
cal politics? Angel: former husband Hampton Squires. 
Has a Russian friend whose real name is Nicholas 
Kaminsky, but he uses the name of Len Jones. Angel 
suspects him of being KGB. He owns a restaurant on 
San Pablo Ave. in Berkeley & is based on [name 
deleted ]. 

& a black guy [names deleted ], Maury Rivers; he is a 
painter & bum. Angel is living in the little old house 
on Dwight Way off Sacramento that she & her hus¬ 
band owned. 


Chapter Six 

Political and Ecological 

Philip K. Dick 
1405 Cameo Lane #4 

July 8, 1974: The First Day 
of the Constitutional Crisis.* 

But the state of things is so dreary here in the 
U.S.—they say the elderly and poor are eating canned 
dogfood, now, to stay alive, and the McDonald ham¬ 
burgers are made from cows’ eyes. The radio also says 
that today when Charles Colson, the President’s for¬ 
mer coun sel, went into jail he still wore his Richard 
M. Nixon tieclasp. “California dreaming is becoming a 

* This selection does form a part of the EXEGESIS, but due to the letter 
format in which it was written, it has also been included in TEHE SELECTED 
LETTERS OF PHILIP K. DICK-1974, Underwood-Miller, 1991. 


reality,” is a line from a Mama’s & the Papa’s song of a 
few years ago, but what a dreadful surreal reality it is: 
foglike and dangerous, with the subtle and terrible 
manifestations of evil rising up like rocks in the 
gloom. I wish I was somewhere else. Disneyland, 
maybe? The last sane place here? Forever to take Mr. 
Toad’s Wild Ride and never get off? 

The landscape is deformed out of recognition by the 
Lie. Its gloom is everywhere, and we encounter nothing 
we recognize, only familiar things without the possibil¬ 
ity of accurate identification. There are only shocks, 
until we grow numb, are paralyzed and die. When I sud 
denly stopped believing in the Lie I did not begin to 
think differently—I saw differently, as if something was 
gone from the world or gone from between me and the 
world which had always been there. Like a scrambling 
device that had been removed: deliberate scrambling. 
All, suddenly, was clear language. God seemed to seek 
me out and expressed things through things and what 
took place. Everywhere I saw signs along a path, mark¬ 
ing His presence. 

Any lying language creates at once in a single 
stroke a pseudo-reality, contaminating reality, until the 
Lie is undone. As soon as one lies one becomes sepa¬ 
rated from reality. One has introduced the falsifica¬ 
tion oneself. There is one thing no one can force you 
to do: to lie. One only lies for one’s advantage. It is 
based on an inner decision invisible to the world. No 
one ever says to you, “Lie to me.” The enemy says, 

You will do and believe certain things. It is your own 
decision to falsify, in the face of his coercion. I am not 
sure this is what the enemy wants or anyone [sic; any¬ 
how?] the usual enemy. Only a Greater Enemy, so to 
speak, would want that, one with greater objectives, 
and a clearer idea of what the ultimate purpose of all 
motion is. 


23 ! 

Sometime in the past, about three months ago, I 
must have become aware for the first time in my life 
that the cause of misery was the Lie and that the 
enemy, the real enemy, was a liar. I remember some¬ 
where along the line saying loudly, “He is a liar; he is 
a liar,” and feeling it to be very important, that discov¬ 
ery. I forget—or rather I guess it does not matter—what 
specific lie by which person made it all change. There 
was a person, there was a lie. A week after I realized 
that with no possibility of evading it everything 
altered radically for me, and the world began to talk, 
in a true language of signs: silently. The Lie had 
slipped away. The Lie deals with talk, written or spo¬ 
ken. Now it’s gone. Something else shines forth at last. 
I see the cat watching it at night, for hours. He has 
seen it all his life; it is the only language he knows. 

I think a lot about my early childhood and remem¬ 
ber events in it vividly, which I guess is a sure sign of 
senility. Also events that took place within the past 
ten years seem dim and not really a part of me. Their 
sadness is gone: used up. I encounter new fresh 
sadnesses in my remote past, like stars that burst into 
life when I notice them. When I pass on, they again 
are forgotten. Usually, however, senility is a gradual 
process; mine came on abruptly when I noticed the 
cat trying to discern what was causing me pain (I had 
stomach flu) and then what he could do to help me. 

He finally got up on my abdomen transversely and 
purred. It helped, but then when he jumped down the 
pain returned, whereupon the cat got up again. He lay 
on me for hours, purring, and finally the disturbed 
rhythm of my stomach began to match the pace of his 
purrs, which made me feel much better. Also the sight 
of his jowly face gazing down at me with concern, his 
keen interest in me his friend—that changed me, to 
suddenly open my eyes (I had been lying for an hour 


on the couch) and see his concerned large furry face, 
his attention silently fixed on me. It was not an illu¬ 
sion. Or, put another way, his field of energy, his 
strength, was at that moment greater than mine, 
small as he was, since mine had dimmed from the flu 
and his was as always. Perhaps his soul was at that 
unusual moment, that critical moment, stronger than 
mine. It is not usual for a small animal’s soul to be 
larger than a man’s. He warmed me and I recovered, 
and he went his way. But I changed. It is an odd senil¬ 
ity, to be comforted and healed by a small animal who 
then goes on as always, leaving you different. I think 
of senility as a loss of contact, a drop in perception, of 
the actual reality around one. But this was true and in 
the present. Not a memory. 

The Constitutional guarantees of our country have 
been suspended for some time now, and an assault 
has begun on the checks and balances structure of the 
government. The Republic is in peril; the Republic 
has been in peril for several years and is now cut 
away almost to a shadow of itself, barely functioning. 

I think they are carving it up in their minds, deciding 
who sits there forever and ever, now. In the face of 
this no one notices that virtually everything we 
believed in is dead. This is because the people who 
would have pointed this out are dead: mysteriously 
killed. It’s best not to talk about this. I’ve tried to list 
the safe things to talk about, but so far I can’t find 
any. I’m trying to learn what the Lie is or what the 
Lies are, but I can’t even discern that any more. Per¬ 
haps I sense the Lie gone from the world because evil 
is so strong now that it can step forth as it is without 
deception. The masks are off. 

But nevertheless something shines in the dark 
ahead that is alive and makes no sound. We saw it 
once before, but that was a long time ago, or maybe 



our first ancestors did. Or we did as small children. It 
spoke to u s and directed and educated us then; now 
perhaps it does so again. It sought us out, in the cli¬ 
max of peril. There was no way we could find it; we 
had to wait for it to come to us. 

Its sense of timing is perfect. But most important 
it knows everything. It can make no mistakes. It must 
be back fox a reason. (8 July 1974) 

I can suppose no explanation but the Gnostic one. 
Creation is not only irrational, it is only semi-real or 
even only seeming; “rational,” then, signifies real; 
“irrational” signifies, irreal. Here lies the ontological 
value of Gnostic knowing—Gnosis itself. “Knowing” 
signifies “knowing that the irreal is irreal” & being 
able, then, to counter-distinguish the truly real (these 
categories relate to Pan-Indian doctrines of Maya = 

The Grand Illusion both inner & outer). What must be 
realized is that, like hallucination, the merely seeming 
can exert decisive power over you, & it is precisely 
this deplorable state (of ignorance & hence enslave¬ 
ment) that is reversed by Gnosis. 

Now about Tagore.* He is Lord Krishna. His pres¬ 
ence here signifies two things, one good (rescue, extri¬ 
cation) the other bad (terrible danger; the on-going 
destruction of the ecosphere). This is, time of need; 
Tagore alerts us to our peril, warns us of the conse¬ 
quences to us & to him—Holy Wisdom; we will kill 
him & cause him to depart thus we have a clear 

* On 1 7 September 1981, PKD experienced a hypnagogic vision of a 
world savior named Tagore who was living in Sri Lanka. In a 23 September 
1981 letter (which was ultimately published in the fanzine Niekas ) PKD 
described Tagore as "burned and crippled" and "dying voluntarily: Tagore 
has taken upor* himself mankind's sins against the ecosphere." 


choice. This has a non-oriental Zoroastrian quality. 

We choose good or evil, &, in choosing, choose life & 
God or death & God; forsaking us; Jesus: This is like 
the O.T.! YHWH often speaks thus to Israel through 
the prophets! 

Ach; this perforce makes me a Biblical prophet: 
“Cease your evil ways or good will abandon you (i.e. 
the world); & you will destroy yourselves.” & the N.T. 
comes into it as well in that our evil actions injure 
God—we again “crucify” him—&, in true N.T. fashion, 
he has taken on our sins (in the form of passion & 
death) voluntarily, this incarnation leading to his suf¬ 
fering & death is not forced on him, he is here for this 
reason as a protest, to awaken us to what we are 
doing; vis: if we understand that in wounding the eco¬ 
system we wound God, we may—should thereby— 
know to cease. 

Hence, I see Judo-xtian themes here, quite beyond 
Pan-Indian, & I continue to identify Tagore with 
Christ (yet still he is Lord Krishna, paradoxically). 

My perception of this in terms of Teilhard [de 
Chardin ]: point omega & the noosphere correlates my 
total exegesis, my 2-3-74 experience & VALIS with Tagore 
& his mission as vox [voice] & anima of the ecosphere. 

But the final ultimate purpose of VALIS & DI is not to 
analyze or report but to predict, as John the Baptist 
(Elijah) did 2000 years ago: the imminent coming—i.e., 
return—of the Savior. This is clear from the internal evi¬ 
dence of the two novels. What this makes me think is: 
remember how when Tom Disch visited me in 1974 I 
strongly suspected that it was Elijah whose spirit had 
taken me over (beingthen also the Baptist)?* I veiy soon 

* PKD footnote: "i.e., 'Thomas' who so feared the Romans—well, they 
killed the Baptist, garroted Thomas, which is to say, decapitated him there 
in his little jail cell! Di o! & it all happened to me at Passover!" 



pondered the utterance derived from Scripture. Elijah 
will return shortly before Christ returns, preparing the 
way. Well, hence Elijah shows up in DIVINE INVASION & 
his ability repeatedly to incarnate himself is discussed! 

& ever since the eleventh grade I have heard the 
still small (low, murmuring) voice. 

Let me say this: if you start with Tagore as the 
premise & work backwards, 2-3-74—2-75 et al. 
becomes logical: Elijah came, before the second 
advent to prepare the way—no; not Elijah; the spirit 
of Elijah! Now, if this be the case re 2-74—2-75, was it 
futile? Well, I wrote the [VALLS] trilogy about it, & 
have already gotten the first two into reasonably 
good circulation, one [VALIS] a low-priced mass-distri¬ 
bution paperback, the other [THE DIVINE INVASION] an 
expensive hardback library edition, each read solo, 
tells of the Savior coming. 

It was not up to the Baptist to teach the xtian 
kerygma but, rather, to announce the imminent com¬ 
ing of the long-awaited messiah. There is (in VALIS) a 
vague kerygma but it is only guesswork (what Sophia 
says, & she dies anyhow): the Savior is still yet to 
come, at the end of VALIS, explicitly, as if she, too, like 
the Baptist, only prepares the way “for one Creator.” 
(“Who is yet to come.”) Both novels are essentially 
anticipatory! Even Dl! Since in DIYHWH has come but 
not disclosed to the world his presence (yet). (1981) 

I must ask what God wants of me: to promulgate 
Tagore’s kerygma ? or to sacrifice myself? As of today I 
see only the latter as lying within my power; I do not 
have the strength left for the former, so he cannot 

* See note on page 62 herein. 

** PKD termed VALIS (1981), THE DIVINE INVASION (1981), and THE 


want the former. I must emulate Tagore. The vision of~ 
Tagore both is a keT'ygma & contains a kerygma. My 
receiving it changes everything. It is no longer, “The 
Savior is coming” but (& this is much more complex & 
is new): “The Savior is here as the ecosphere; we are 
crucifying him by wounding the ecosphere & if we do 
not stop, he will depart this world & abandon us to 
our doom.” Thus the ecosphere is viewed as holy, sen¬ 
tient, unitary, & its psyche is Christ himself. (1981) 

Chapter Seven 


Listening to the Platt tape* I construe by the logic pre¬ 
sented that Valis (the other Mind) which came at me 
from outside & which overpowered me from inside 
was indeed the contents of my collective unconscious, 
& so technically a psychosis, since this is how you 
define psychosis (it certainly would explain the ani¬ 
mism outside, & the interior dissociated activity) but— 
well, okay; it would account for the AI voice, the 3 
eyed sibyl, & the extreme archaicism of the contents. 

& seeing Rome CAD** 45 would simply be psychotic 
delusion—I did not know where or when I really was. 

Q: What about the resemblance to my writing? 

* In May 1979, Charles Platt interviewed PKD; the interview is included 
SCIENCE FICTION (1980). PKD made his own tape of the interview and 
listened to it afterwards. As this selection indicates, listening to the tape 
spurred him to intensive self-examination. 

** Circa A.D. 



A: The content was originally in my unconscious, 
e.g., TEARS and UBIK. 

Q: What about external events? The girl? The letters? 

A: Coincidence. 

Q: & the written material? Huge books held open? 

A: Verbal memory. 

Q: Why would I believe that my senses were 
enhanced, i.e., I could see for the first time? 

A: Psychotomimetic drugs indicate this happens 
in psychosis. 

Q: & Kosmos? Everything fitting together? 

A: “Spread of meaning,” typical of psychosis. 

Q: Foreign words & terms I don’t know? 

A: Long term memory banks open. Disgorging 
their contents into consciousness. 

Q: Problem solving—i.e., the xerox missive. 

A: There was no problem; it was harmless. 

Q: Why the sense of time dysfunction? 

A: Disorientation. 

Q: Why the sense that the mind which had taken 
me over was wiser than me & more capable? 

A: Release of psychic energy. 

Q: Why was that mind & the whole experience syn¬ 
tonic to me? If it was syntonic to my ego, why had it 
been repressed? 

A: My ego was destroyed, so “syntonic” has no 
meaning here. Syntonic to what? 

Q: From a practical standpoint I functioned better. 
How could this be? 

A: It only subjectively felt better. No anxiety. 

Q: Why would I seek the experience again if it was 
repressed contents breaking through? Could I not let 
them through again, or never have excluded them fol¬ 
lowing 3-74? The contents & the other mind leaked 
away; I tried to hold onto them but in vain. 



A: I was occluded to my own best interests. I liked 
being high. 

Q: Oh? “high”? Does psychosis equal high? 

A: Mania. I am manic depressive. 

Q: & schizophrenic? One is extraverted & one is 
introverted. Please clarify. 

A: Mixed or “borderline” psychosis. 

Q: No, it was florid schizophrenia with religious 
coloration. Not satisfactory. 

A: Catatonic excitement, then. 

Q: So the OCMH* ** diagnosis was incorrect? Not 
manic depressive? 

A: That is so. Incorrect. 

Q: Why, then, was the onset one in which thought 
came faster & faster? That is mania. 

A: The lithium would have blocked mania. I was 
lithium toxic. 

Q: Then it wasn’t schizophrenia; it was chemical 

A: Perhaps. A combination. Plus the orthomolecu¬ 
lar ws" vitamins. 

Qj But the orthomolecular ws vitamins are anti¬ 

A: That is only speculation. 

Q: If 2-3-74 was psychosis, then what was the ego 
state which it obliterated? 

A: Neurotic. Or mildly Schizophrenia [sic]. Under 
stress the weak ego disintegrates. 

Q: Then how could the phobias associated with 
my anxiety neurosis remain? e.g., agoraphobia? 

A: It does not compute. Something is wrong. They 

* Orange County Mental Health—an intake unit facility not far from his 
Santa Ana, California apartment at which PKD intermittently sought 

** ws = water-soluble 


should have gone away o r become totally overwhelm¬ 
ing. The impaired ego must have still been intact. 

Q: Was my “dissociated” behavior bizarre? 

A: No, they were problem-solving. It does not 

A: Perhaps there were no real problems. 

A: Not so. It was tax time.* 

Q: What we are talking about then is inhibition 
bypass behavior oriented toward crisis problem solving. 

A: Yes. 

Q: This is 180° opposed to any meaningful defini¬ 
tion of psychosis. We can reason overwhelming by 
unconscious material but there is no way to account 
for it being more capable in terms of problem solving. 
Skills were involved: adaptation to reality & not fugue 
from. Fugue & adaptation are mutually opposed. One 
cannot run from & solve simultaneously; these are dia¬ 
metrically contrary movements, one away from, one 
toward. We have to attribute the mutually exclusive 
postures of retreat from pressing crisis problems & 
motion toward problems & the expert solving thereof. 
Please explain how an organism can simultaneously 
flee & stand & fight. 

A: The organism is compound, not simple. One 
part fled & another part replaced it & problem-solved. 

Q: Did the part that problem-solved do so success¬ 

A: Yes. 

Q: Could the part which fled have done a better 
job if it had stayed in control? 

A: No. 

* PKD had, since the late 1960s, harbored fear of the IRS. In large 
measure, this fear stemmed from his signing of the Ramparts Petition. See 
Glossary. PKD did not file tax returns until the Vietnam War ended. Also, 
in 1969, due to past tax liabilities, the IRS seized his car. 



Q: Then a part which had never had to deal with 
reality proved more adaptive & effective. 

A: It was adequate. 

Q: On what basis did it act? Experience? Trial & 

A: On instinct. It knew what to do. 

Q: Then it was ideally suited to the problem-solv¬ 
ing required. 

A: Yes, it matched it perfectly. 

Q: This is not psychosis. This is reserve psyche 
kept in readiness for a unique crisis problem. 

A: Yes. 

Q: Q.E.D. You are talking about meta- or paranor¬ 
mal functioning, not psychosis, which by definition is 
incapable of adapting, problem-solving, reality-test¬ 
ing. Did it test reality? Or did it withdraw? 

A: It tested. 

Q: This is null-psychosis. You have contradicted 
yourself. This is a latent higher brain center. A psy¬ 
chotic episode creates problems; it does not solve 
them. It is a problem, as well as the collapse of ratio¬ 
nal efforts at problem-solving. Were its decisions & 
actions rational? 

A: Although religious in coloration— 

Q: That is not the issue. Were the problems solved? 

A: Yes. But by a psychotic self. 

Q: That is an oxymoron. A “psychotic self took 
over & problem solved.” This is where the inquiry has 
led. The ego could not face or solve the crisis problem 
because of its severity, fled, & in its place another self 
solved the problem successfully. This leads us to a 
new frontier which is not mapped. 

A: Then the enigma remains. 

Q: We have learned nothing. 

A: Nothing. 

Q: After finishing listening to the tape do you 


have any intuition or guess as to who & what the Valis 
mind is? (Later) 

A: Yes. It is female. It is on the other side—the post 
mortevi world. It has been with me all my life. It is my 
twin sister Jane. This was referred to in one dream, & 
that is enough. “Specifically, fairies are the dead.” 

Two clues. This would explain why no one else has 
had my experience. The other psyche I carry inside 
me is that of my dead sister—v. DR. BLOODMONEY 
when the situation is reversed, v. SCANNER.” 

1) It’s another psyche in me. In my right hemi¬ 
sphere. 2) It’s female. 3) It’s on the other side (after 
death). 4) It’s my tutelary spirit. What does this point 
to? To my sister. (19 79) 

Q: Does someone (Divine) speak to me? 

A: Yes. 

Q: Do I remember (my true identity)? 

A: Yes. 

/. : this is Gnosticism. The voice that speaks is the 
call. My true forgotten identity is primal man or a 
spark thereof. & it is myself awakening myself. 

Q: Did I see the many become the one? 

A: Yes. I called it Valis. 

: this is Gnostic restoration. 

Q: Did I remember past lives? 

A: Yes. 

Q: & see infinite space? 

A: Yes. 

: I experience vast time & vast space. This is 

Q: Did I see a prison around us? 

A: Yes. 

: This is Gnosticism. 

After I wrote this (4 a.m.) I went to bed thinking, 



“It is Gnosticism for sure.” The explanation almost 
fits— almost, & yet—it occurred to me then that a much 
simpler & much more convincing explanation would 
be that it was Christ, the real presence of the actual 
Christ & an expression of the power of Christ to bind 
& to loosen, to save, Christ as pantocrator & eschato¬ 
logical judge. (Hence the Good Friday & Easter over¬ 
tones; hence the role of my moral act vis-a-vis 
Covenant House).* (c. 1981) 

* PKD contributed funds to Covenant House, a New York-based shelter 
for runaway and homeless children. 

Chapter Eight 

IhR££ Closing Parables 

For God did not make death & takes no pleasure in 
the destruction of any living thing: he created all 
things that they might have being. The creative forces 
of the world make for life; there are no deadly poisons 
in them. Death is not King on Earth, for Justice is 

But the good man, even if he dies an untimely 
death, will be at rest. For it is not length of life & num¬ 
ber of years which bring the honor due to age; if men 
have understanding, they have gray hairs enough, & 
an unspotted life is the true ripeness of age. There was 
once a man who pleased God, & God accepted him & 
took him while still living from among sinful men. He 
was snatched away before his mind could be per¬ 
verted by witchcraft or his soul deceived by falsehood 
... in a short time he came to the perfection of a full 
span of years. His soul was pleasing to the Lord, who 
removed him from a wicked world. The mass of men 
see this & give it no thought; they do not lay to heart 



this truth, that those whom God has chosen enjoy his 
grace & mercy, & that He comes to the help of his holy 
people. Even after his death the just man grown old 
in sin. Men see the wise man’s end, without under¬ 
standing: the Lord has purposed for him & why he 
took him into safe keeping... then the just man shall 
take his stand, full of assurance, to confront those 
who oppressed him & made light of his sufferings. At 
the sight of him there will be terror & confusion, & 
they will be beside themselves to see him unexpect¬ 
edly safe home. (1975) 

This is not an evil world, as Mani supposed. There 
is a good world under the evil. The evil is somehow 
superimposed over it (Maya), and when stripped 
away, pristine glowing creation is visible. 

Did our ancestors go insane and cease to be able to 
see what is there? The layers of veils of evil must be 
stripped or washed away (waking up, the washing 
away by the blood of the Lamb, baptism etc). To 
awaken is to awaken to truth, also to beauty: to unity. 
Delusion means to see lies, to see evil. Evil equals lies 
equals evil equals delusion equals the unreal. God is 
good, the world is good, we are like him, but some¬ 
how we got estranged. Equally from world (!) as from 
God. God equals world as seen properly (clearly). Who 
deludes us? Vide Zimmer:* We ourselves weave the 
webs of illusion; the unreal frightening masks are pro¬ 
jections of our unaccepted portions of ourselves. They 
are inside, projected out to become evil. When with¬ 
drawn back into us, we see a lovely world. 

We’ve got ugly and evil confused, frightening (to 
us) and evil confused. Maybe all we mean by “evil” is 


Heinrich Zimmer. See note on page 101. 



ugly and frightening plus strange, beyond our under¬ 
standing (which is limited). Evil is (are you ready?) 

One day the contents of my mind moved faster 
and faster until they ceased being concepts and 
became percepts. I did not have concepts about the 
world but perceived it without preconception or even 
intellectual comprehension. It then resembled the 
world of UBIK. As if all the contents of one’s mind, if 
fused, became suddenly alive, a living entity, which 
took off within one’s head, on its own, saw in its own 
superior way, without regard to what you had ever 
learned or seen or known. The principle of emer¬ 
gence, as when nonliving matter becomes living. As if 
information (thought concepts) when pushed to their 
limit became metamorphosed into something alive. 
Perhaps then in the outer world all the energy or infor¬ 
mation when pushed far enough will do the same. 

Fuse into something everywhere (the force Ubik) that 
is sentient and alive. Then inner-outer, then-now, 
cause-effect, all the antinomies will fade out. We will 
see only a living entity at its ceaseless building: at 
work. Creating. (Has continual creation almost 
reached completion?) (Such dichotomies as big-small 
me-not me will be transcended.) (1975) 

Here is an example of hierarchical ranking. A new 
ambulance is filled with gas and parked. The next day 
it is examined. The finding is that its fuel is virtually 
gone and its moving parts are slightly worn. This 
appears to be an instance of entropy, of loss of energy 
and form. However, if one understands that the ambu¬ 
lance was used to take a dying person to a hospital 
where his life was saved (thus consuming fuel and 
somewhat wearing the moving parts of the ambu- 


lance) then one can see that through hierarchical out¬ 
ranking there was not only no loss but in fact a net 
gain. The net gain, however, can only be measured 
outside the closed system of the new ambulance. Each 
victory by God as intelligence and will is obtained by 
this escalation of levels of subsumation, and in no 
other way. (1979) 


I Understand Philip K. Dick 

True stories have no beginnings and neither does the tale 
of PKD’s encounters with the Overmind. But we writers 
understand narrative economy, and for purposes of nar¬ 
rative economy his story seemed to him to begin with the 
mysterious break in and riffling of his papers that was 
made notorious by an article in Rolling Stone, which 
brought Phil long-delayed and much-deserved fame. The 
break-in date was 11/17/71. It was a date and a style of 
referring to time that Phil used frequently. 

I turned twenty-five the day before. It was no casual 
birthday either. I met my natal day by sitting down and 
sincerely preparing myself for an Apocatastasis, the final 
Apocalyptic ingression of novelty, the implosion really, 
of the entire multidimensional continuum of space and 
time. I imagined the megamacrocosmos was going to go 
down the drain like water out of a bathtub as the 
hyperspatial vacuum fluctuation of paired particles that 
is our universe collided with its own ghost image after 
billions of years of separation. The Logos assured me that 
parity would be conserved, all sub-atomic particles 
except photons would cancel each other, and our entire 




universe would quietly disappear. The only particles 
that would remain, according to my fantastic expecta¬ 
tion, would be photons, the universe of light would be 
exposed at last, set free from the iron prison of matter, 
freed from the awful physics that adhered to less uni¬ 
tary states of being. All mankind would march into the 
promised garden. 

I felt I was well situated for the event as I, quite 
consciously and deliberately, and to the concern of my 
friends, had placed myself in the teeming, hallucinogen 
saturated center of the largest garden I could find, the 
trackless rain forest of the Upper Amazon Basin of 
Colombia. My confidence in my vision was unshakable. 
Had not the Logos itself lead me to this vision, not only 
by revelation but by painstaking explanation? I had no 
radio, no way to contact the outside world at all. Who 
needed that? I knew with perfect clarity that the world of 
time, the illusion of history was ending. Divine Parousia 
was entering the world, and the just, the meek and the 
humble were leaving their fields and factories, pushing 
back their chairs from their office desks and work¬ 
benches and walking out into the light of a living sun that 
would never set for there could be no setting for the 
eternal radiance of the Logos. Tears of joy streaming 
down their cheeks, the illumined billions were turning 
their eyes at last to the sky and finding there a consola¬ 
tion that they had never dared hope for. 

However, Nixon’s weary world ignored the eschato¬ 
logical opportunity I thought my brother’s inspired fid¬ 
dling with hyperspace had afforded. The world 
continued grinding forward in its usual less than merry 
way. There was only one small incident that might sub¬ 
sequently be construed, even within the framework of 
the schizoid logic that was my bread and butter then, to 
support my position. Unknown to me, a struggling, over¬ 
weight SF writer, an idol of mine since my teens, discov¬ 
ered the next day that his house have been broken into, 
his privacy violated by the Other. How peculiar that on 
the first day of the new dispensation in my private 



reformist calendar, he had been burglarized by extrater¬ 
restrials, the CIA or his own deranged self in an altered 
state. The torch had been passed, in a weird way the most 
intense phase of my episode of illumination/delusion 
ended right where Phil’s began. 

This raises some questions: 

Can we refer to a delusional system as a folie a deux, if 
the deux participants have never met and are practically 
speaking, unaware of each others’ existence? 

Does the delusion of one visionary ecstatic validate the 
delusion of another? How many deluded, or illuminated 
ecstatics does it take to make a reality? PKD proved that it 
only takes one. But two is better. 

When my brother looked over the edge in the Amazon 
and felt the dizziness of things unsaid in March of 1971, 
he came back with two words bursting from his lips, “May 
Day! May Day!”—the pilot’s call of extreme emergency. 

May Day found me in Berkeley sheltered by friends so 
concerned about my state of mind that they considered 
committing me. I was only a few miles from Phil, who was 
rapidly going nuts too, as his psych admission of 5 May 
’71 attests. It was always like that with PKD and me. We 
never met but we lived around each other for years. In 
Berkeley, we both lived on Francisco St. within five blocks 
and a few years of each other. We both had roots in 
Sonoma County, in Orange County. How many times 
were we a table or two away from each other in the Cafe 
Med? How many times did I hurry past him on the Ave on 
some stoned errand? Later his homeopathic doctor was 
my doctor. There is a garbled mention of me (or my 
brother) on pg. 74 of this book. 

Yah, yawn, the world is fuckin’ strange, right bro? 

Wrong. Or rather, of course, sure. But that is not the 
point, the point is that I understand Philip K. Dick. I know 
that sounds like hubris and if I am wrong I am sorry (as 

* PKD lived at 1126, then a few years later and for six months I lived at 



Phil says somewhere.) But part of the delusional system 
in which I live contains and adumbrates the notion that I 
know what happened to the poor dude. We shared an 
affliction, a mania, sort of like Queequeg and Ishmael. And 
like one of those whale chasing sailors “I alone escaped to 
tell thee of it”. 

Phil wasn’t nuts. Phil was a vortex victim. Schizophre¬ 
nia is not a psychological disorder peculiar to human 
beings. Schizophrenia is not a disease at all but rather a 
localized traveling discontinuity of the space time matrix 
itself. It is like a travelling whirl-wind of radical under¬ 
standing that haunts time. It haunts time in the same way 
that Alfred North Whitehead said that the color dove grey 
“haunts time like a ghost.” 

There is an idea that wants to be born, it has wanted 


to be born for a very long time. And sometimes that 
longingto be born settles on a person. For no damn good 
reason. Then you’re “it,” you become the cheese, and the 
cheese stands alone. You are illuminated and maddened 
and lifted up by something great beyond all telling. It 
wants to be told. It’s just that this idea is so damn big that 
it can’t be told, or rather the whole of history is the telling 
of this idea, the stuttering rambling effort of the sons and 
daughters of poor old Noah to tell this blinding, reality- 
shattering, bowel-loosening truth. And Phil had a piece of 
the action, a major piece of the action. 

But I anticipate myself. Those who grasp a piece of the 
action end up with two things on their plate; the experi¬ 
ence and their own idiosyncratic explanation of the expe¬ 
rience based on what they have read, seen and been told. 

* "ZEBRA (VALIS): 'a vortex of intelligence extending as a supra-temporal 
field, involving humans but not limited to them, drawing objects & processes 
into a coherency which it arranges into information. A FLUX of purposeful 
arrangement of living information, both human & extra-human, tending to grow 
& incorporate its environment as a unitary complex of subsumations.' " 

(Pg- 72) 

** "Okay, fertilization is what takes place: it isn't a seed such as a plant 
has, but an egg such as a human woman ovulates, and cosmic spermatika 
fertilizes it; a zygote is produced." (pg. 22.) 



The experience is private, personal, the best part, and 
ultimately unspeakable. The more you know the quieter 
you get The explanation is another matter and can be 
attempted. In fact it mustbe told, for the Logos speaks and 
we are its tools and its voice. Phil says a lot of things in the 
Exegesis, he is aware that he says too much, so he keeps 
trying to boil it down to ten points or twelve parts or 
whatever. I have my own experience, equally unspeak¬ 
able, and my explanation, equally prolix. Phil (sometimes) 
thought he was Christ, I (sometimes) thought I was an 
extraterrestrial invader disguised as a meadow mush¬ 
room. What matters is the system that eventually emerges, 
not the fantasies concerning the source of the system. 
When I compare Phil’s system to mine, my hair stands on 
end. We were both contacted by the same unspeakable 
something. Two madmen dancing, not together, but the 
same dance anyhow. 

Truth or madness, you be the judge. What is trying to 
be expressed is this: The world is not real. Reality is not 
stranger than you suppose, it is stranger than you can 
suppose. Time is not what you think it is. Reality is a 
hologram. Being is a solid state matrix and psychosis is 
the redemptive process ne plus ultra. The real truth is 
splintered and spread throughout time. Appearances are 

* "I am a homoplasmate: Zebra acting in syzygy with a human." (pg. 79 
but also: "Did I do something? Absolutely. But I don't know what I did, so I 
don't know who (so to speak) I am in the drama." (pg. 42.) 

** "If the Logos is outside time, imprinting, then the Holy Spirit stands at 
the right or far or completed end of time, toward which the field-flow moves 
(the time flow). It receives time: the negative terminal, so to speak." (pg. 64.) 
See also "If there is to be immortality, there must be another kind of time: 
one in which past events (i.e., the past in its entirety) can be retrieved—i.e., 
brought back. I did experience such a time." (pg. 79.) 

*** "It (reality) is a hologram. 1) My augmented sense of space proves it. 
And 2) the information element; consisting of two parts: set and ground. 

"All this points to: hologram. Based on two information-rich signals." 
(pp. 98-99.) 

**** "The Gospels, then, depict a sacred mythic rite outside of time, rather 
than a historical event. 

"Note: This whole process can be regarded as a psychological 
transformation, that of a redemptive psychosis." (pg. 95.) 



a vast and interlocking lie.* To finally know the Logos 
truly, if that means anything, is to know it as for, as what 
Phil called a “unified abstract structure.” In a way this 
was where PKD went wrong. It wasn’t his fault. He saw 
that the world of 1975 was a fiction and behind that 
fiction was the world of AD 45. But he lacked an essential 
concept, lacked it because it really hadn’t been invented 
yet. Anyhow the man was a SF writer and a scholar of 
classical philosophy, he could not be expected to stay in 
touch with arcane discoveries beginning to take place on 
the frontiers of research mathematics. But he got very 
close, his intuition was red hot when he reached the 
conclusion that a unified abstract structure lay behind 
the shifting always tricky casuistry of appearances. The 
concept he needed was that of fractals and fractal mathe¬ 
matics. The infinite regress of form built out of forms of 
itself built out of forms of itself ... unto infinity. The 
principle of self similarity. Phil was right, time is not a 
linear river. He was right, the Empire never ended. Par¬ 
allel universes is too simple a concept to encompass what 
is really going on. The megamacrocosmos is a system of 
resonances, of levels, of endlessly adumbrated fun-house 
reflections. PKD really was Thomas and Elijah and all the 
other precursive concrescences that came together to 
make the cat-loving fat man who compacted trash into 
gold. The logic of being that he s ought, and largely found, 
was not an either-or logic but a both-and and and-and 
kind of logic. 

PKD was never more right than when he wrote: 

* "Probably the wisest view is to say: the truth—like the Self—is splintered 
up over thousands of mile and years; bits are found here and there, then and 
now, and must be recollected; bits appear in the Greek naturalists, in 
Pythagoras, in Plato, Parmenides, in Heraclitus, Neo-Platonism, 
Zoroastrianism, Gnosticism, Taoism, Mani, orthodox Christianity, Judaism, 
Brahmanism, Buddhism, Orphism, the other mystery religions. Each religion 
or philosophy or philosopher contains one or more bits, but the total system 
interweaves it into falsity, so each as a total system must be rejected, and 
none is to be accepted at the expense of all the others..." (pp. 111-112) 



I actually had to develop a love of the disor¬ 
dered & puzzling, viewing reality as a vast rid¬ 
dle to be joyfully tackled, not in fear but with 
tireless fascination. What has been most 
needed is reality testing, & a willingness to face 
the possibility of self-negating experiences: i.e., 
real contradictions, with something being both 
true & not true. 

The enigma is alive, aware of us, & chang¬ 
ing. It is partly created by our own minds: we 
alter it by perceiving it, since we are not out¬ 
side it. As our views shift, it shifts. In a sense it 
is not there at all (acosmism). In another sense 
it is a vast intelligence: in another sense it is 
total harmonia and structure (how logically can 
it be all three? Well, it is). 

One cannot learn these things. One can only be told 

these things. And it is the Logos that does the telling. The 

key is in the I Clung, which Phil loved and used but which 

occupies a disappointingly small fraction of his rumina- 

* * ** *** 

tions in the Exegesis. Almost as if the counter flow, the 
occluding intelligence, kept Phil’s eyes diverted from the 
key element necessary to the universal decipherment 
that he was attempting. Time is a fractal, or has a fractal 
structure. All times, moments, months and millennia, 
have a pattern; the same pattern. This pattern is the 
structure within which, upon which, events “undergo 
the formality of actually occurring,” as Whitehead used 
to say. The pattern recurs on every level. A love affair, the 
fall of an empire, the death agony of a protozoan, all 
occur within the context of this always the same but ever 
different pattern. All events are resonances of other 
events, in other parts of time, and at other scales of 
time. The mathematical nature of this pattern can be 

* (pg- 91.) 

** "MITHC seems to be a subtle, even delicate questioning of, what is 
real? As if only the 2 books in it, GRASSHOPPER & the I CHING are really 
the only actual reality. Strange." (pg. 181.) 

*** "Through anamnesis and restoration to the Form realm you have 
access to several space-time continua based on your universals." (pg. 102.) 



known.* It can be written as an equation, just like the 
equations of Schrodinger or Einstein. 

The raw material, the Ur text, out of which this 
mathematical pattern can be drawn is the King Wen 
sequence of the I Ching. That is where the secret lies. In 
the world’s oldest book. Of course. Once possessed the 
pattern can then be discerned everywhere. Of course. It 
is ubiquitous. One of Phil’s favorite words. I know this 
because the Logos taught me the pattern and I escaped 
the black iron prison of the world to tell thee of it. I have 
published it, I have lectured it and have had it written 
into software. My books are on the way, some with Phil’s 
old publisher Bantam. I would bet dollars to donuts that 
if Phil had lived to see, to feel, and to understand what 
this PKD-inspired servant of the Logos has managed to 
drag home from the beach, he would embrace it. This 
cannot be said without sounding like a madman or a 
jackass. I am sorry about that. As Phil Dick said, “What’s 
got to be gotten over is the false idea that hallucination is 
a private matter.” 

What is important is that the birth of this idea is now 
very near, has in fact already happened, and PKD showed 
the way. The answer is found. And this incredible genius, 

* "The agent of creation (logos or Forms, whatever called) is at the same 
time the abstract structure of creation. Although normally unavailable to our 
cognition and perception, this structure—and hence the agent of creation can 
be known..." (pg. 125) Also, ".. .this insubstantial abstract structure is reality 
properly conceived. But it is not God. FHere, multiplicity gives way to unity, 
to what perhaps can be called a field. The field is self-perturbing; it initiates 
its own causes internally; it is not acted on from outside", (pg. 127). Also, 
"'The agent of creation is its own structure'. This structure must not be 
confused with the multiplicity of physical objects in space and time governed 
by causation; the two are entirely different. (The structure is insubstantial, 
abstract, unitary and initiates its own causes internally, it is not physical and 
cannot be perceived by the human percept-system sensibly; it is known 
intelligibly, by what Plato called Noesis, which involves a certain ultimate 
high-order meta-abstracting.)" (pg. 128). And finally: "I ... posit ontological 
primacy to the insubstantial abstract structure, and, moreover, I believe that 
it fully controls the physical spatiotemporal universe as its basis and cause." 
(pg. 129) 



this gentle, long-suffering, beauty-worshipping man 
showed the way. When it counted he was right. All hail 
Philip K. Dick. 

Terence McKenna 
Occidental, California 
June 1991 

Terence McKenna, with his brother Dennis McKenna, wrote 
77ie Invisible Landscape, 1975, which is scheduled to be reprinted 
by Harper San Francisco in 1992. He is also the author of The 
Archaic Revival: Essays and Conversations by Terence McKenna, 
Harper San Francisco, 1991. His laboratory for exploring the 
unified abstract structure of time was written into MS-DOS 
software as Timewave Zero Version 4.0, from Dolphin Software, 
48 Shattuck Sq. #147, Berkeley, CA 94704. 




EYE IN THE SKY (1956) 






















DEUS IRAE (1976) (Collaboration with Roger Zelazny) 

VALIS (1981) 




“Impostor” (1962) 

“Second Variety” (1953) 

“Human Is” (1955) 

“Precious Artifact” (1964) 

“Retreat Syndrome” (1965) 

“WeCan Remember It ForYou Wholesale” (1966) 
“Faith of Our Fathers” (1967) 

“The Electric Ant” (1969) 

THE PRESERVING MACHINE (story collection) (1969) 
THE BEST OF PHILIP K. DICK (story collection) (1977) 
“Frozen Journey” (1980) (later retitled “I Hope I Shall 
Arrive Soon”) 


THE DARK HAIRED GIRL (1988) (letter and essay collec¬ 
tion with special focus on early 1970s) 


Selected Significant terms 

The Exegesis roams through all of western and eastern 
philosophy and religion. To thoroughly elucidate all con¬ 
cepts discussed within it, a glossary would have to expand 
to the size of a separate volume. The present Glossary limits 
itself to the most vital terms utilized by PKD in the Exegesis 
excerpts presented in this volume. In addition, personal 
and otherwise inscrutable references by PKD are clarified. 
For general subjects, such as Brahmanism, Buddhism, 
Christianity, Gnosticism, Judaism, Platonic and Neopla¬ 
tonic thought, Sufism, Zoroastrianism and the like, the 
reader must turn to the numerous competent reference 
works that are already available. 

Those readers interested in studying reference works 
that were of particular value to PKD may wish to begin by 
perusing the philosophical and religious entries in the 
BRITANNICA 3, which was PKD’s most frequently utilized 
reference source. Another favored reference work was the 
four-volume ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PHILOSOPHY published by 
Prentice-Hall. They should also seek out the works refer¬ 
enced in the editorial footnotes that accompany the Exege¬ 
sis selections in this volume. 



Acosmism : A belief which denies the genuine existence of a 
universe apart and distinct from God. PKD wrestled with this 
belief but seldom embraced it, often positing instead a complex 
separate universe in need of divine restoration. See Two-Source 

Acts: The Book of Acts in the New Testament. PKD often believed 
that there was a significant overlap of spiritual content between 
Acts and his own hovel, FLOW MY TEARS, THE POLICEMAN 
SAID (1974). According to PKD, this overlap was completely 
unconscious, as he had not read Acts at the time of writing TEARS 
(1970 73). Thus, PKD would often analyze TEARS in the Exegesis 
as a precursive confirmation of the spiritual validity of his 2-3-74 

AI Voice: Artificial Intelligence Voice. Terms coined by PKD to 
name the hypnagogic voice that he heard often in 1974-75 and 
intermittently in the years thereafter until his death. It is a 
misleading term in that PKD did not consistently hold that the 
voice was AI in nature. Most often, he described it as “female,” 
and his theoretical attributions for it included the Gnostic god¬ 
dess Sophia (see Sophia ) and PKD’s own sister Jane. 

Anamnesis (Greek): Recollection; abrogation of amnesia. It is one 
of the key concepts of Platonic philosophy. For Plato, anamne¬ 
sis-recollection of the ultimate World of Ideas in which the soul 
dwelled before incarnating in human form—explained the 
human capacity for understanding abstract, universal truths, 
such as the geometric theorems of Euclid. For PKD, anamnesis 
served as one termby which to describe his encounter, in 2-3-74, 
with what he regarded as a higher wisdom. 

Ananke (Greek): The blindness that follows hubris (overweening 
pride or self-absorption). 

Black Iron Prison ( BIP ): PKD’s term for the unredeemed (spiritu¬ 
ally) and spurious (ontologically) world of everyday conscious¬ 
ness. The reality that enchains us. See Orthogonal Time. 

Crypte morphosis (Greek): Latent shape or form. In 1974, PKD 
found himself thinking in Greek phrases (including this one) 



during a hypnagogic state. He later related the concept of latent 
shape to Fragment 51 (the Bow and the Lyre) of Heraclitus. 

Dokos (Greek): Deception, lack of true perception. PKD employed 
this term as a Greek cognate for the Sanskrit maya. 

Eidos (Greek): Ultimate Form or Idea. A fundamental term in 
Platonic Philosophy, in which the Idea of the Good is the unify¬ 
ing principle of the World of Ideas, which in turn is the source 
of all being. 

Enantiodromia: Sudden transformation into an opposite form or 
tendency. The term was used by Heraclitus, but PKD first became 
familiar with it through his reading of C.G. Jung. Jung employs 
it to describe the tendency for the psyche to overcome deep 
seated psychic resistance by shifting (seemingly suddenly) to the 
opposite pole of attitude, belief, and emotion. For PKD, 
enantiodromia was one term by which to describe the force and 
extent of his inner transformation in 2-3-74. 

Entelechy: Actualized being or process that has fully realized its 

Firebright : Name coined by PKD for ultimate, living wisdom. See 

Golden Fish: On February 20, 1974, a young woman working for 
a local pharmacy delivered a bottle of prescription Darvon 
tablets to the Fullerton, California apartment of PKD. She was 
wearing a necklace with a golden fish emblem. According to 
PKD, the sight of that emblem triggered the events of 2-3-74. PKD 
regarded the golden fish as both a Christian symbol and as a 
spur to anamnesis of the eternal truths of all philosophies and 

Heimarmene (Greek): The deluding, entrapping power of the 
spurious, unredeemed world of everyday reality. 

Homoplasmate: A human being who has been transformed 
through crossbonding with living knowledge bestowed or trans 
mitted by a higher source of wisdom. See Plasmate. 

James-James: The name given by PKD to a mad god of whom he 


dreamed in 1974 or 1975. His nature was that of an evil magician. 
He corresponds closely to the Gnostic demiurge Yaldabaoth. 

Macrometasomakosmos: PKD’s own term for ultimate, genuine 
reality; a cognate term to the Platonic World of Ideas. See Eidos. 
Literally, this term breaks down into Great-Ultima te-Body-of- 

Moira (Greek): Justice. 

Morphological Realm: As used by PKD, this phrase refers to the 
realm of ultimate, genuine reality. As such, it is analogous to the 
Realm of Ideas of Plato (see Eidos) and the Palm Tree Garden. 

Negentropic: A force or influence which counters or reverses the 
process of entropy. 

Noesis (Greek): The experience of direct perception of the Realm 
of Ideas posited by Plato. See Eidos. 

Nods (Greek); Nous (Latin): Ultimate Reason. 

Orthogonal Time: Time in its genuine mode, moving perpendic¬ 
ularly to spurious linear time. In a 1975 essay, “Man, Android 
and Machine,” PKD described orthogonal time as containing 
within “a simultaneous plane or extension everything which 
was, just as grooves on an LP contain that part of the music which 
has already been played; they don’t disappear after the stylus 
tracks them.” Orthogonal time was one theory by which PKD 
attempted to explain the sense bestowed upon him by the expe¬ 
riences of 2-3-74 that “The Empire Never Ended,” i.e. that Imper¬ 
ial Rome and modern day America were simultaneous or 
superimposed aspects of the enduring Black Iron Prison. 

Palm Tree Garden (PTG): The redeemed (spiritually) and genuine 
(ontologically) world, revealed to PKD in January-February 1975, 
when the southern California world around him seemed to 
transform into the Levant, and goodness seemed to pervade the 
whole. In chapter 18 of the PKD Roger Zelazny collaborative 
novel DEUSIRAE (1976), the vision of Dr. Abernathy—which was 
written by PKD alone—is that of the Palm Tree Garden. 



Pigspurt: See Plasmate. 

Plasmate: Literally, living knowledge. PKD often felt that he had 
bonded with it in 2-3-74, and that, as a result, there dwelled 
within his psyche what seemed to be a second, entirely other self. 
See Homoplasmate. At times, PKD believed that the identity of 
this second self was the late James A. Pike, with whom PKD had 
been friends in the mid-1960s. At other times, he posited an early 
Christian named Thomas (who lived circa 45-70 A.D., in the time 
of the Book of Acts) as this second self. Yet another identity posed 
by PKD was Pigspurt, a malevolent force that had filled him with 
fear and a craven attitude toward governmental authority; but 
it should be noted that Pigspurt was seldom mentioned—PKD 
rarely regarded this second self as malevolent. As for the plas¬ 
mate itself, he most often regarded it as the living transmission 
of the Gnostic goddess Saint Sophia, Holy Wisdom. Another 
name coined by PKD for this Holy Wisdom was Firebright. With 
respect to PKD’s use of the term “plasmate” to describe living 
information that pervades the universe, it should be noted that 
a similar information metaphor is now being employed by 
certain quantum physics theorists. 

Ramparts Petition: PKD was a signatory to a “Writers and Editors 
War Tax Protest” petition that appeared in the February 1968 
issue of “Ramparts,” a new left magazine that opposed the 
Vietnam War. In subsequent years, PKD came to fear that he had 
thus earned the enduring wrath (and surveillance attention) of 
the U.S. government and its military intelligence branches. 

RET: Acronym for Real Elapsed Time. 

Rhipidos (Greek): Fan or fan-like shape. PKD associated rhipidos 
(one of the Greek words that came to him in his hypnogogic 
visions) with the fins of the fish, which is a symbol of Christ as 
well as of the benign deity of the Dogon people. The Rhipidon 
Society in VALIS takes as its motto: “fish cannot carry guns.” 

Set and Ground: Terms used by PKD (apparently borrowed 
from gestalt perception theory) to both distinguish between 
genuine reality (set) and spurious reality (ground), and to 


describe their seeming admixture i n the everyday world. See 
Two-Source Cosmology. 

Sophia: Gnostic goddess of wisdom. See AI Voice and Plasmate. 

Spaciotemporal Realm: As used by PKD, this phrase refers to the 
spurious world of accepted, everyday reality, which is bounded 
by static, linear concepts of time and space. See Morphological 

Tagore: On the night of September 17, 1981, Phil was falling 
asleep and then was suddenly startled awake by a hypnagogic 
vision of Tagore, a world savior who was living in Ceylon. On 
September 23, PKD sent a letter to the science-fiction fanzine 
“Niekas” (and to some eighty-five other individuals, friends and 
distant contacts) describing Tagore as dark-skinned, Hindu or 
Buddhist, and working in the countryside with a veterinary 

TDHG: Narrative sequence of letters by PKD, THE DARK-HAIRED 
GIRL, written in 1972 and published posthumously in 1988. 

To Scare the Dead: Proposed title for PKD novel—the principle 
subject of which would be the events of 2-3-74—as to which PKD 
made notes in 1974-75. The novel was never written. The title 
was intended to refer to the reawakening of seemingly dead 
personages (such as the early Christian Ihomas) as a result of the 
same forces that were at work in PKD’s 2-3-74 experiences. See 
Valisystem A. 

Thomas: Early Christian personage who, according to one line of 
speculation of PKD, had crossbonded with PKD during the 
events of 2-3-74. Thomas was the embodiment of the living 
knowledge of early Christianity. See Homoplasmate and Plas¬ 

Two-Source Cosmology: Phrase employed by PKD to describe one 
of his most persistent theoretical viewpoints in the Exegesis: that 
the universe (and, in particular, our own world) was a dualist 
admixture of genuine and spurious reality. This dualistic view¬ 
point was intertwined with PKD’s own tragic experience as a 
surviving twin his sister Jane died at age five weeks. See chapter 



for an extensive discussion of this episode and its reverberations 
in PKD’s thought. On a more formal level, PKD drew from the 
dualisms of Gnosticism, the Presocratic philosophers Heraclitus 
and Parmenides, Taoism, and Zoroastrianism in fashioning (and 
ceaselessly refashioning) his various theories on the nature of 
the two-source cosmology. 

Valis : Acronym coined by PKD; its meaning is “Vast Active Living 
Intelligence System.” PKD utilized Valis in the Exegesis in a 
variety of contexts to express his sense of the nature of ultimate 
reality. See definition set forth by PKD as the opening epigram 
to his novel VALIS (1981). 

Valisystem A: PKD novel as to which he made notes in 1974r76 
(sometimes in conjunction with notes onTO SCARE THE DEAD). 
The novel was finally written in 1976; it was posthumously 
published in 1985 as RADIO FREE ALBEMUTH. 

Xerox Letter or Xei'ox Missive: See the “Editor’s Preface” to this 
volume at page xiii. 

Yaldabaoth: Blind, deranged Gnostic demiurge who created the 
spurious world the Black Iron Pi'ison that ensnares conscious¬ 
ness. See James-James. 

Zagreas (Greek): A name of the Greek god Dionysus, which 
means literally “torn to pieces.” The name reflects the Orphic 
myth that Dionysus (god of vegetation and of the spring renewal) 
was, as a child, torn to pieces by the Titans, only to come back to 
life through the agency of his father Zeus, who restored his son 
to life by eating the heart of his sundered corpse. Zagreus was 
regarded by PKD as an alternate divine form of Christ. 

Zebra: Term coined by PKD to describe how ultimate reality 
conceals itself in the spurious world through mimicry of the 
everyday banal “trash” that surrounds us. The analogy, of course, 
is to the concealing mimicry afforded by the stripes of a zebra. 
Zebra is a cognate term for Valis. 

Lawrence Sutin 


Acts, Book of 52, 85-86, 99 100, 
102, 110, 172-173, 177, 
182, 193, 258, 266, 269 

Alexander the Great 12 
Aligheri, Dante 116, 228-230 
Allegro, John W. 229 
Anaximander 70 
Anselm, St. 137 
Apon'ypha xxviii 
Aquarian, The 175 
Aristotle 12, 94, 105, 128 
Augustine, St. xxiv, 83 
Axton, Hoyt 26 
Avicenna 92 
Bacchae, The 43, 193 
Bach, Johann Sebastian 5, 6 
Basilides xxii 
Beatles, The 160 
Beethoven, Ludwig van 166 
Bernstein, Morey 10 
THE (story collection) xii, 

Bhagavad Gita, The 49-50, 

Binswanger, Ludwig 144 
Blake, William x 

Boehme (or Bohme), Jakob 
xxv, 54, 194 

Booh of the Law, Th e xxi 
Book of Wisdom xxviii 
Boisen, Anton xxiii-xxiv, xxxi 
“Brahma” 44, 46 
Britannica 3 265 
Brunner, John 195 
Bryan, Dr. Harry 1 
Bucke, Richard Maurice 24 
Burroughs, William 77 79, 
149, 159 

Bush, Claudia xxxi 
Calvin, John 90 
Carson, Johnny 5 
Case of Bridey Murphy, The 10 
MOON (PKD novel) 188 
Clute, John 201 
Colossians 137 
Colson, Charles 233 
ARTIST (PKD novel) xiv, 

Cosmic Consciousness 24 

novel) 188 



(PKD novel) 216 
Cosmic Trigger, The 74, 160 
Creme, Benjamin 203 
Crowley, Aleister xxi 
Crumb, R. 35 
Daniel, Book of 172 
(PKD letters and essays) 
193, 194, 270 

Davidson, Avram 226 
Dee, John xxi 
Denver, John 2 

DEUS IRAE (novel, 
collaboration between 
PKD and Roger Zelazny) 
159, 171, 268 

Dick, Christopher (PKD’s son) 
32-33, 36 

Dick, Isa (PKD’s dauhter) 40, 

Dick, Jane (PKD’s sister) 246, 
266, 270 

Dick (Coehlo), Laura (PKD’s 
daughter) 40 

Dick, Tessa (PKD’s fifth wife) 
xxxi, 32-33, 36 
Disch, Thomas 175, 238 
Divine Comedy, The 228 

novel) x, xxix, 62, 142, 
194-195, 199, 202-203, 239 

Divine Invasions: A Life of 
Philip K. Dick viii, 35-36, 
134, 271 

novel, also published 
under the title BLADE 
RUNNER) xxxiv, xxxvi, 

147,167,180, 182,185-187 
Douglas, Lloyd 17 
Dream Mahers xxxi, 241 
Eckhart, Meister 26 
Einhorn, Ira xxxi 
Einstein, Albert 162 

“Electric Ant, The” (PKD 
story) 166-167, 179, 186 

Elijah (or Elias) xi, 23, 33, 92, 
157, 238-239 

Emerson, Ralph Waldo 44, 46 

Encyclopedia of Philosophy, The 
170, 265 

Ephesians 137 
Erigena, John Scotus 123 
Euclid 266 
Euripides 43 
Exorcist, 7 he 4 

Exploration of the Inner World, 
Ihe xxiii, xxxii 

76, 165-166, 174-175, 

177-178, 184-185, 188, 
192, 200 

“Faith of Our Fathers” (PKD 
story) 21, 92, 166, 174, 

Fitting, Peter xxxi 
novel) xxxiv, 34, 43, 71, 
175, 82, 85 86, 99-100, 102, 
131, 135, 151, 155, 160, 
165-166, 168, 174, 

177-179, 181, 186-188, 
192-193, 266 

Fox, George xxiv 
“Frozen Journey” (PKD story) 

Galbreath, Robert 124 



(PKD novel) 181, 184, 
186-187, 189, 195-199 
Galen, Russell 203 
THE (PKD novel) 167, 188, 

Gnosis xxx 

Gnostic Jung, The xxxi 
THE (PKD novel-within a- 
novel in THE MAN IN 
181, 192, 206 

Graves, Robert 12 
Hackett, Nancy (PKD’s Tourth 
wife) 3, 8, 35, 174, 198 
Hamlet 193 

Heidegger, Martin 108, 194, 

Heraclitus 32,68, 111,267,271 
Herbert, George 51, 159 
Hitler, Adolf 140 
Hoeller, Stephen xxxi 
Hoffinan, Albert 228 
Hollis, Herb 148 

Hudner, Dorothy (PKD’s 
mother) 36, 224 

“Human Is” (PKD story) xiii, 

Hurst, Mark 139 
Hussey, Edward 68-70 
IChing 25, 181, 260 
SOON (PKD story 
collection) 200 
Iknoton 76, 77 

“Impostor” (PKD story) 166, 
176, 180, 186 
Jarry, Alfred 147 
Jeter, K. W. 35 36, 133, 153 

John, Gospel of 34, 136, 169 
John, St. 14, 124, 136 
Jonah xxiv 
Jonson, Ben 101 
Josephus 177 

Jung, C. G. xxi-xxiii, xxxi, 
xxxix, 101,267 
Junky 159 
Justinian 77 
Kandinsky, Wassily xix 
Kafka, Franz xxix 
Kelley, Edward xxi 
King and the Corpse, The 101 
Klee, Paul xix 
Koryzev, Dr. 213 
Kurtz, Katherine 78 
Lao Tzu 101 

Leary, Timothy xxi, xxxi 
Le Guin, Ursula 67, 153, 167, 

Leibnitz, Gottfried Wilhelm 
von 92 

Lem, Stanislaw 19, 131, 140, 
150, 153, 156-157 
Lewis, Harvey Spencer 34 
Lewis, Jerry 42 
Lilly, John xxi, xxxi 
Magician’s Dictionary, The xiv 
Mahler, Gustav 106 
Mama’s and the Papa’s, The 

“Man, Android and Machine” 
(PKD essay) 268 
THE (PKD novel) xxxiv, 
76, 92, 167, 179, 181, 186, 
191-192, 200, 206, 268 

novel) 167 


VALISYSTEM A (proposed 
PKD novel, published as 
205-220, 271 
Virgil 23, 39 
W., Albert xxiii-xxiv 
Wagner, Richard 88, 98 
Warrick, Patricia 139, 162 
Washington Post 201 
Wasson, R. Gordon 228 
Watts, Alan 229-230 
novel) 186 

“We Can Remember It For 
You Wholesale” (PKD 
story) 180 

Whitehead, Alfred North 256, 

Whitman, Walt 24 

Wilson, Robert Anton 74, 160, 

Wittgenstein, Ludwig 113 
Xenophanes 109 
Yeats, William Butler 24 
Zelazny, Roger 268 
Zeno 103 

Zimmer, Heinrich 101, 250 
Zoroaster xxiv, 92, 108